salam…
wish to hear from any non pakistanian who married or going to marry with a pakistani guy…
or if there is whom adopt in another culture & now will marry or married a guy whom adopt in pakistan
so lets share our experinces regard how we should learn more abt our husband’s culture & customs…also share how u handle things between urs while u r from diffrent cultures…
wats easy or hard for u in pakistan’s culture???so wat do u like in it wat dont u like???
so lets learn from each other…lets check here more to learn more.cuz more than anyone we can help eachother as we may have same feelings…
i find that in the begining its so hard to explain urself...becoz u grow up in 2 different societies there a big impact on the way u think and all....for paki guys its so hard to get used to that...for me i face with problems like he doesnt get what im sayin..if i will be sayin sometihng he will take it a complete wrong meaning...which kind of gets annoying...
Well I think what was difficult at the beginning was that he did not understand why a girl would have so many guy friends hehehe...I guess that it was not normal for him, but I understood that coz I know that it is not looked favourably upon girls to have so many male friends, so I have reduced.
I am glad that he trusts me completely, I think it is so important coz if you dnt trust each other it is difficult to have a good relationship.
I ask him a lot of questions abt Islam, and if I dnt understand something or dnt agree with something then he will explain things to me, and I love to hear him talk abt Islam coz he is so passionate abt it (not in a extremist way).
I think it is important that we should read the Quran and try to understand the Islamic culture coz otherwise the relationship will not be successful without this.
And you should always be able to talk to each other abt anything and everything, coz like this it is easier to clear any misunderstandings you will have before it gets out of control. :)
aliyakhan for me i dont have diffrent in islamic values rather i keep hijab they dont(this is opposit in me & him) but i feel pakistanies r so traditional than us...i never saw any girl cook in laws home here...we never live with in laws...(im not going live there but still its a part of there culture)....
wat do u guys think abt how we should relate with in laws family or in wedding time....my husband says in wedding cermony i should SHY....how???as when nikah cermony held here my mom in law was with us first she was shocked that how this bride come from moon (hahahaha) as i was moving alot also it was my close family gathering like anuts & uncle so i was so relax also bride here dance talk moves walk!!! but later she was happy with me...but there dont know how to shy!!! also how to shy front Elder!!!O my God...
komlas but sometimes i feel same as u that he is thinking according his culture im thinking according mine...i try to put my own instead him & ask him to do same may then we fell better abt our logic....so thats my suggestion...u guy have any suggestion for me???
plz come here to meet our views more to help eachother more by suggestion ...wats ur idea????
hmmm.. for me most of these things are just petty ones... I would say communication is the key.
So paliz654654 you are going to have a marriage ceremony in Pakistan too? I will have one and I do not have a problem with the "shy thing". I told him upfront that it will not be possible for me to look shy or unhappy at my marriage day, since it was so hard for us to get to this point and it will be a truly happy day for us. He is ok with that, although I am sure some people might complain that the bride has no "sharam" or something like that.
On the other hand I will wear a wedding outfit they picked for me and the heavy jewelery as well. I guess it is all about compromising, tolerance and most importantly communication...
I wish you guys all the best for your (future) married life!!! :-)
hmmm.. for me most of these things are just petty ones... I would say communication is the key.
Sopaliz654654 you are going to have a marriage ceremony in Pakistan too? I will have one and I do not have a problem with the "shy thing". I told him upfront that it will not be possible for me to look shy or unhappy at my marriage day, since it was so hard for us to get to this point and it will be a truly happy day for us. He is ok with that, although I am sure some people might complain that the bride has no "sharam" or something like that.
On the other hand I will wear a wedding outfit they picked for me and the heavy jewelery as well. I guess it is all about compromising, tolerance and most importantly communication...
I wish you guys all the best for your (future) married life!!! :-)
hey dear...
he is not asking me to shy these much :P but i wish i do something near their culture im sure i cant shy but maybe i may shy as all will be new for me but its a case of joke between us but i dont like anyone say she is not shy in neg sence but somehow that they feel not rude its ok...
yes one wedding ill held here in my own country & relatives one will be in pakistan with his culture & relatives....
same ill do dresses & jewls they will buy...thoes heavy onesssssssss but yet i wish i give my idea so im searching many pics maybe hundereds but yet i didnt find something simple as i say to hubby not busy work on it & he laughs...
hey pesh jan tell me u r also forigner or pakistani orgin????
I will also get a heavy set... we will borrow it from somebody for the wedding and my honey is making a smaller set for me which i can wear to special occasions, cause I do not like the idea of spending so much money just on jewelery which will then sit in a bank locker....
oooooooo pesh then tell me where r u from... east ?west?? where???
im courage to know...if u can say public u may do a favour sending me private msg...wish to hear more....as i feel our worries in facing new culture will be same...like u mentioned u dont mind they may say bride isnt shy(hahaha)....
u did nikah yet or not???
u also will do 2 wedding here & there or once only???
wats ur idea in general abt an international marriage & adoption with him???
Hi! I wanted to send you a private message, but it was not possible. I guess I have to few posts. Anyways, what do you mean by adoption and international marriage? Please explain.
ahan...i meant abt how much u r stacified with such international marriage...im so happy even thought there is manyt diffrences...but just wish to know more abt other couples to see in general that all international marriage is successful or not even im thinking all depend on knowing eachother & understanding more than other factors...
adoption i meant how u adopt with him while there is something stick in his mind that u r sure its bcuz his cultural background....i dont mean that he is strict on something so how u adopt...but if there is something he thinks & u dont like as its not logic or anything but anyway u cant change so how u try to adopt while respecting him & dont disturbing urself...
im also new here cant do pm...but ill try post more to contact with u indetailssssss....
I think "international marriages" are probably more successful on the whole, because intercultural couples tend to talk more about important topics like values, morals, bringing up of children... before marriage. I experienced that many "normal" couples in Europe do not talk about such important things beforehand, because they assume that their stance on things will be the same and they only find out later that their views are not compatible.
You mean how do I adapt? hmmm... We both are comprising I would say and if we have differences we talk about them in a reasonable way.
anyone ask me its not hard to adopt...im saying we all r diffrent even with our family relatives or neigbor but between us from first we have eyes on diffrenties & try to work on them but when u marry someone in ur own city both side wants their own culture on small issues that they r diffrent...so good point & nice to hear u gave reason same as i think....actully i have some freinds who married same they also have same words regard it...
but abt adoption i meant in cases that he made his mind & its not seem to change in normal talk(i mean need more time to change) so how u behave in mean while ....
i know its complicated Qs....
hmmm... actually, I never faced such an issue... We usually talk it out. He brings his point across and I mine. Usually, we meet in the middle. I mean I know about his culture, so I have an idea about what could be a potential issue for him. If there is such a potential issue like clothing or something then we talk it out. But to be honest, we have pretty much the same outlook on these things, otherwise we would not get married. I find it rather useless to marry somebody, if the basic values, morals and ideas about life are not the same.
What kind of issue do you have? Could you be more specific?
actully we dont have big issue but from first we were diffrent in hijab & he accpet also & he doesnt have pro now...but may it will be issue for me in my laws for wedding as im strict on hijab & they r not...
maybe im expecting too much but he cares alot...but im agree with u if we were diffrent we never get married sure we think same.....
but i wish he would feel me more than accpeting abt my hijab & he will also have same wish as my own (maybe its expect )as he growned with another defination of hijab than me...
but wish to find a way for my wedding that my in laws family wont be disturbe also dont know how...
but we also do same if there is diffrence on small things...to come on middle way....
o pesh tell me when is ur wedding inshallah & will u have wedding in ur country also ....
hmmm... if he loves you, he will accept and support your decision on hijaab, no? Honestly, I do not see a problem here... What do you say, other gupshup members?
I am going to be controversial, and say these marriages never work. Especially if they involve FOBs (First off the boat), and I suspect that all the partners here are FOBs. Amejee wants some girl from the family, so they rebel and get a Gori meim.
First off the boat means a recent immigrant. Its Brit Pakistani term from someone who has recently immigrated, as opposed those born and raised in the U.K. In the North American context, it makes little sense since all local Pakistanis are FOBs.
salam....
wish to hear from any non pakistanian who married or going to marry with a pakistani guy...
I thought this thread related to mixed marriages. Most responses seem to be from Pakistani girls raised overseas marrying Pakistani men from pakistan.
In my own personal experience, mixed marriages never work. Either the partner becomes an overzealous fundo muslim, who critizises everything or anything about Pakistani culture, or else imposes her culture on the spouse. Either way, the Pakistani culture has to go.
My advice, plenty of decent Pakistani girls who are struggling to get married, they deserve a first go.
im not agree with u that mixed marriages isnt work...even though i think cuz from be4 we come to know we r diffrent we r ready for facing issues so we always have this in mind to solve instead fight...also we never burn once between as we always go for middle
im new married still didnt make wedding so im not saying my own example...but i have 3 good freinds who had mixed marriage ...they r lovely living...one for 20years....one for 8 years ...one for 4 years,....its apart from whom i even hear from other freinds i mean thse 3 r my own freinds who i relate always with them...but non r not my country girl...all these girls meet some guy(again not my country man) in my country & married happily...
so its not as u said all marriages like that isnt work...cuz all i saw worker just one case in my husband family he married non muslim she convert for him so later made issue & took divorce...rather than him...all stories r nice
anyone has any other experince or idea to share??/