Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Nope, actually I work full-time and not financially dependent on him at all… I opted to take his name cuz it was put that way in my nikahnaama and our nikkah took place in Pakistan, jahaan maulvi sahib nai naam daal diya, buss and nobody even noticed I saw when signing it but couldn’t make a fuss then so I kept quiet… it was no big deal to me anyways.
The educated ones know they do not have to take on the husband’s name, as its not required in Islam and is only a cultural thing.
Plus educational documents ka bhi chakkar hota hai, PLUS** most working women** have rational husbands who do not demand their wives take their name.
Hilary Clinton and Michele Obama are not muslims… track par tau raho bhai you keep getting off-track. We were talking about Muslim couples, I believe.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
^^ Yeah I just mentioned that, point is she gave up and added Clinton to her name, and is now known has Hillary Clinton or Mrs Clinton. Even though she was a nutjob feminist.
Same thing with Michelle Obama, lol you can't win.
Bilawal Bhutto took on his mother's name to capitalize on the name recogniztion his mother had. It's a political move.
^BTW women who keep their maiden name are stupid, don't you want to have the same name as your husband and kids, it fosters a sense of family.
I don't know that I'd call a woman choosing to keep her maiden name stupid. I thik that epithet is better reserved for people who make ignorant generalizations.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
or do you see it as a girl married into your family so she needs to make more of an effort.......
or would you see it as a girl and guy marry into each others families so both need to make the effort...
or would you stay far away from both sets of inlaws and try to meet up with them oh say every 10 yrs or so......
It should be both ways. Spend time with both sets of parents. For instance, holiday lunch at one's house, and dinner at the others? If they all get along fine, just do it together, the more the merrier; of course logistics permitting all that.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Hey hey, slow down, I never asked for your life history. I was just trying to make a point.
Also I find it funny how you are acting as if only dumb jahil village girls take on their husbands name. Uhmm that is not the case at all, lot of women are proud and honored to do so.
My sister is a doctor, she immediately called her self DR.husbands last name, after marriage, and changed her signature too.
Men love it when their wives take their name, i’d hate to be married to a girl who regretted having my name, poor husband.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
My grand mothers (nani & dadi) both had last name as "bi bi" like aisha bi bi. It was common back then to give girls last name as bibi , bano , begum , nisa etc. These women did not carry father's name or husband's name at all. So were our grand parents, great grand parents and so on were stupid ?
Like someone already has mentioned that islam does not require woman to take up her husband's name.
Women who don't change their name after marriage are not stupid but people who twist islam to their own liking and see the other gender as inferior are stupid and a complete disgrace to male gender. After reading some posts I can believe how Jahil some people can be.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Bilawal Bhutto took on his mother's name to capitalize on the name recogniztion his mother had. It's a political move.
.
What about Michelle Obama, she was known as Michelle Obama long before he ran for president. She was working as a lawyer. Most women who take on their husbands last name do it due to tradition, not for "political moves".
Bilwal would be from Pakistan where the whole last name thing isn't common like here in the West, we are talking about the States here.
Hilary added Clinton to her name when Bill was running for governor of Arkansas, she did that to help him win, as no one wanted a nazi feminist in the governors house.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
[quote="EDAL, post:38, topic:230005"]
^^
I don't see what is the big deal with the whole name thing? There is nothing haram in Islam about a girl taking her husbands name, it just wasn't a traditional Arab custom.
Even in Pakistan women do it, but they usually take their husbands first name as their last.
However I would say most Muslim couples in the United States or Canada have the same last name, it just makes things easier for tax purposes, travel purposes, insurance forms, hospital visits, mail collection, bank accounts, etc...if you are traveling with one parent and the kids have a diff last name U.S border protection and immigration officers in other countries will make a big deal out of it. They will think you are not the parent and will hold you until they verify things./QUOTE]
really? never happened to us. i never changed my last name. nobody ever asked me if my kids weren't mine as they hav dad's last name.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Yet another generalization on your part, you’re really good at that you know. Changing her last name DOES NOT guarantee that a woman would make a good wife or mother. And it takes A LOT more than just a last name to foster a “sense of family.” I’ve seen dysfunctional families where everyone has the same last name.
If “sense of family” is your argument…then one can use “sense of family” as a reason to argue in this way as well: My last name is my father’s first name. The name (to me) represents “roots”…where I come from…all the hard work and sacrifice spent in raising me and my siblings, etc. It holds sentimental value to me…it’s part of who I am…it reprsenents family for me. While there are exceptions, I feel that nobody comes close to loving you as unconditionally as your parents or will sacrifice as much as your parent do for you. And that last name holds more value to me than a husband’s family name…(people who didn’t raise me, that I might not even feel much of a connection to, etc). My children can have his name…but I choose to keep my maiden name.
So, those that choose to keep their maiden name…also have a “sense of family”. And again, when one has children of their own…it takes a hell of a lot more than just a name…to establish that family atmoshpere.
The kind of views you have…it’s like you grew up in the the 1500s with the Puritans,
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
MV,
He claims he isn’t a troll. I think he even swore that he wasn’t. And the thing is…that makes it even sadder. At least a troll is playing and might “know better.”
Women are owned by men? See, his views go against the spirit of Islam. And if that was humor…it was far from funny. Dr. Seuss should just stick to making rhymes about his ex wife as opposed to attempting jokes.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
They are :)
Where does it say its haram to have the same last name as your husband? Is there some fatwa I missed out on this, in the United States most U.S couples have the same last name?
Some people just like to make everything haram, they have turned this beautiful simple humble religion into nothing but rules and regulations, haram this and haram that.
Follow the kufar? Well why do we live in the West then? We can't totally isolate ourselves, i mean why use email, computers, facebook, pay US taxes, celebrate mothers day, that's all stuff kufars started to no?
Sorry I don't take that isolationist form of view when it comes to being a Muslim, we live in the West and we have to integrate to some degree, this all of topic though, sorry to the orig poster.
Yes EDAL. I know you do not have an isolationist form of pov. Certainly not with the slick hair and fun you had and keep reminiscing. :)
You integrate where it suits your purpose. Must be a manifestation of some insecurity somewhere.
You do not integrate into the West when you want to continue feeling like women are owned by men.
You integrate with the West when you want your wife to take on your last name.
You do not integrate when you want your wife to work harder than you to fit in with in-laws.
If you think Islam is a humble religion, then turn into a humble human and follower. And you say women are owned by men. Lol.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Why is it wrong? Says who, that Quranic verse is speaking about orphan males buddy, read the verse before and after, don't quote out of context
nor has He made those whom you assert to be your** sons your real sons*; these are the words of your mouths; and Allah speaks the truth and He guides to the way.
**Call them by (the names of) their fathers: that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if ye know not their father's (names, call them) your Brothers in faith, or your maulas*. But there is no blame on you if ye make a mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.
This verse is clearly talking about male adopted sons, nothing to do with a wife changing her last name to that of her husband for legal purposes.
Why are you arguing over an off topic subject, which has nothing to do with the topic?
There are some muslims who claim taking pictures is haram, using camera is haram, all music is haram, using mouthwash is haram, doesn't mean i am going to start following them too.
Oh so you only follow Islam where it suits YOU not when its required.
I saw when signing it but couldn’t make a fuss then so I kept quiet… it was no big deal to me anyways.