or do you see it as a girl married into your family so she needs to make more of an effort…
or would you see it as a girl and guy marry into each others families so both need to make the effort…
or would you stay far away from both sets of inlaws and try to meet up with them oh say every 10 yrs or so…
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
both should do an effort. the reality however is guys don't need to make any efforts. they get respect n love easily by their in-laws, unless the guys r jerks. the girls on the other hand no matter how good always hav to be really careful.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
both should do an effort. the reality however is guys don't need to make any efforts. they get respect n love easily by their in-laws, unless the guys r jerks. the girls on the other hand no matter how good always hav to be really careful.
you said it so well, that would be the perfect ideal scenario,
unfortunately that's not always how it is in desi society, and there are the jerks too like you mentioned, some really paindoo thinkers.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Both should make an effort, but the girl has come into my family, taken on my last name (and that of my father, grandfather etc..) thus she is carrying on their lineage and "nasl". Therefore shes gotta make more of the effort.
Guy should be respectful with his in laws, esp if you are their only or eldest son in law, they will ask you for advise your opinion etc..
However I mean I don't like to get too involved with them, nor want them over at my place all the time either. Thankfully their in another city.
I would also not like to sleep over at their house. I'd rather stay at a hotel. Just something icky about sleeping with your wife knowing her father is sleeping down the hall.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Both should make an effort, but the girl has come into my family, taken on my last name (and that of my father, grandfather etc..) thus she is carrying on their lineage and "nasl". Therefore shes gotta make more of the effort.
Guy should be respectful with his in laws, esp if you are their only or eldest son in law, they will ask you for advise your opinion etc..
**However I mean I don't like to get too involved with them, nor want them over at my place all the time either. **Thankfully their in another city.
I would also not like to sleep over at their house. I'd rather stay at a hotel. Just something icky about sleeping with your wife knowing her father is sleeping down the hall.
hmmmm
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Both should make an effort, but the girl has come into my family, taken on my last name (and that of my father, grandfather etc..) thus she is carrying on their lineage and "nasl". Therefore shes gotta make more of the effort.
Guy should be respectful with his in laws, esp if you are their only or eldest son in law, they will ask you for advise your opinion etc..
However I mean I don't like to get too involved with them, nor want them over at my place all the time either. Thankfully their in another city.
I would also not like to sleep over at their house. I'd rather stay at a hotel. Just something icky about sleeping with your wife knowing her father is sleeping down the hall.
u r a perfect damad, full of air, arrogance and sense of ehsan u did on their daughter and gav her ur name. otherwise lawaris larki ko kon poochta?
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Both should make an effort, but the girl has come into my family, taken on my last name (and that of my father, grandfather etc..) thus she is carrying on their lineage and "nasl". Therefore shes gotta make more of the effort.
Time to brush up on your religious knowledge AGAIN kiddo! Islamically the girl does not and should not take the last name of her husband or her husband's father or her husband's grandfather or her husband's grandfather's dog.
Hypocrisy is the worst of all evils. You expect your wife to serve your mom yet you want to keep a distance from her family? The way you harp about your parents' rights, her parents have the SAME rights over her!
Man, no wonder you got dumped by your ex....it all makes sense.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Both should make an effort, but the girl has come into my family, taken on my last name (and that of my father, grandfather etc..) thus she is carrying on their lineage and "nasl". Therefore shes gotta make more of the effort.
Dear brother in Islam, I say you go chastise her for doing something Unislamic like that. Let's not follow the Kuffar.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
^^
I don't see what is the big deal with the whole name thing? There is nothing haram in Islam about a girl taking her husbands name, it just wasn't a traditional Arab custom.
Even in Pakistan women do it, but they usually take their husbands first name as their last.
However I would say most Muslim couples in the United States or Canada have the same last name, it just makes things easier for tax purposes, travel purposes, insurance forms, hospital visits, mail collection, bank accounts, etc...if you are traveling with one parent and the kids have a diff last name U.S border protection and immigration officers in other countries will make a big deal out of it. They will think you are not the parent and will hold you until they verify things.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Yeah it’s good for all of the above reasons but to say that because she took your last name now she is your slave and you her master, umm, :no:. Build a marriage with mutual respect for both husband and wife and their respective parents.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Dear brother in Islam, I say you go chastise her for doing something Unislamic like that. Let's not follow the Kuffar.
Where does it say its haram to have the same last name as your husband? Is there some fatwa I missed out on this, in the United States most U.S couples have the same last name?
Some people just like to make everything haram, they have turned this beautiful simple humble religion into nothing but rules and regulations, haram this and haram that.
Follow the kufar? Well why do we live in the West then? We can't totally isolate ourselves, i mean why use email, computers, facebook, pay US taxes, celebrate mothers day, that's all stuff kufars started to no?
Sorry I don't take that isolationist form of view when it comes to being a Muslim, we live in the West and we have to integrate to some degree, this all of topic though, sorry to the orig poster.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Where did I use the word slave, and master? A wife is different from a “right hand possession, aka slave girl”.
There is mutual respect, but she is a ___________(my last name) , now, she’s come into my family, my kids will have my father and grandpas name, not her dads or grandpas name.
I respect her parents, but I’m not one of those son in laws who is going to go sit at their house every weekend and eat their food, and then swim in their pool. It’s not my thing.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
These days no one makes an effort neither the boys nor the girls.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
These days no one makes an effort neither the boys nor the girls.
No man there are some really good girls who know about respecting their in laws, good girls know all about that.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
And there defiantly are good SonIL's who are not strangers in their own wife's home, good men know all about that.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
All I know is that a MAN cannot succeed if he does not respect in-laws. He has to detach with his mother and sisters. It is necessary. Those who keep ears toward sisters and mother, eventually make life hell.
Hur aek ko set rakhain, lekin biwi aur saas/susar ko priority dain. You will face less problems in married life.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
and I have excellent relationship with my In-laws be it MIL, FIL, BIL or SIL
here is simple yet effective litmus test.
If you walk to the refrigerator in your in-laws kitchen and take out and eat whatever you want to and whenever you want to (and not ask wife to get something to eat), it normally shows that you have good relationship with in-laws :)
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
if my other half makes an effort then y cant i with my inlaws, i speak to them once a week - have to admit mrs has to get more involved has she is living with me and my folks r here, my inalws being abroad prob c them once r twice in ayear -
So basically it works both ways
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
They got married with the consent of each other and their parents why does anyone of them have to make an effort.
Why marriage has to be tight rope to walk on and juggle instead of a walk in the park ?
Relax and enjoy the ride only very small percentage of marriages need any effort most are smooth ride.
Re: (for men)are you or would you be close to your in-laws?
Girls are not supposed to change their last name. Oh and another thing, what if she doesn't change her last name? Then? You won't give her the time of the day? Another thing, even if they DO change their last name, it doesn't change who they are. Jeez.
*Both should make an effort, but the girl has come into my family, taken on my last name (and that of my father, grandfather etc..) thus she is carrying on their lineage and "nasl". Therefore shes gotta make more of the effort. *
Guy should be respectful with his in laws, esp if you are their only or eldest son in law, they will ask you for advise your opinion etc..
However I mean I don't like to get too involved with them, nor want them over at my place all the time either. Thankfully their in another city.
I would also not like to sleep over at their house. I'd rather stay at a hotel. Just something icky about sleeping with your wife knowing her father is sleeping down the hall.