Flirting: Party Etiquette

[PrinceMS]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@larki

the story was really cute and it reminded me of my own experiences. i used to be like that, couldn’t even smile but i guess i did end up playing the “ankh-macholi” game because i would look over every now and then to see if they were still looking but for me it was out of curiosity than interest because i don’t like being stared at although it can be flattering at times. i’m old fashioned in the sense i think the guy should always make the first move and staring doesn’t count. if they had come up to me and said something i would have responded politely but i wouldn’t be one to go up to them and strike a conversation.

so if ugly guy starin its perverted
if cute guy starin its flatterin

[PrinceMS]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@Sadiyah

I don’t know what kind of shadis the rest of you attend, but the ones I attend are usually either segregated or you have ladies closely keeping an eye on you.

Imagine making a move, getting a drink and trying to make a small talk, and by the time you’re back you’d probably have aunties talking about you amongst each other.

Personally, I haven’t played the ankh-macholi game at any shadis that I’ve been to. I’d feel so awkward doing it at shadis even if I had an opportunity to do so.

so u take it in the lobby or outside the hall for lil while

pshhhh ammatures

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Fraudz - exactly. First thing is to figure out what you want. I don't really know what I want anymore at this point, so I decided not to bother overcoming my shyness. I just sat there and gazed away.

LB: False. I was talking about you. It was a reaction to something you had written in another thread, I think.

[sara_zzz]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@PrinceMS

so if ugly guy starin its perverted
if cute guy starin its flatterin

yes. haha.
but if its a guy on the street in pakistan its perverted
at a party, its flattering. kinda.

[Sadiyah]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Fraudia, I get what you're saying. I still find it weird trying to establish a connection with people at shadis.

PrinceMS, I don't take it anywhere. I only go for food. :)

[TheNewWannaBe]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

late 20s

light flirting is good for health :Pretty:

[Haris]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Fraudia,
thanks for the insight, very good analysis. :k:

But there’s one thing that always is the hardest, like Sarah said above, the small talk part where one has to be on the lookout for opportunities to strike in the most effective way and play it as cool as possible.. this area is full of confusions and ppl stumble here more than anywhere else. some hold on to the urges till the 11th hr like you said and end up frustrated and get nthng done, some are too nervous to get anhting done at all, some may be jumpy and spoil the stuff and end up being labelled perverts…
So wehn one is interested and more or less follows the rules of operation you listed but only to discover that the person of interest keeps their self surrounded by bunches or atleast 1 or 2 ‘cousins’ or ‘friends’ ALL the freaking time, at dinner, getting drinks, while socializing, taking part in rituals etc if its a shadi, and leaves no loops to be found alone by the longing eyes…so under such a situation what course of action should be taken to draw the maximum out of the least and still extract opportunities of solo interaction and some small talk and perhaps a few hints or if things are such, get the person out of the crowd and express interest or the need to discuss imp stuff without being under scrutinizing gazes, in some less crowded slightly less noisy corner…?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

^ A plausible anwer might be to save your mack for some other party where there are no parents around.

:o

How you’d arrange to land at a young adults party where that person happens to be there, I do not know.

Back when I liked that kid at my university, it was easier. I had told 2 guys about it, and they would arrange parties at their apartments and invite everyone at the uni over. And they’d especially make sure to tell me if he was going to be there.

Its harder for me in this case. Except that my sister and his cousin are best friends. Even so, they’re in high school

Un ko mein kya boloon?

[Sadiyah]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

I just realized trying to get hooked up at shadis is solely based on looks, as one cannot judge the personality or personal traits of another individual in just a few hours.

Pretty sad!

[Starsky]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

^ very true Sadiyah. People at shaadis are superficial, dressed and acting for the occasion. It isn't the real day to day person or their personal traits you would see at home, work or with friends.

If people wanna have fun and pull someone at a shaadi and play the dating game, fine, let them enjoy themselves. It's all part of the fun, if one is into that. But looking for prospective partners at a wedding is just plain sad.

[coz_i_fly]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

well i read all the coomeents wat i think to give one luk isnt prohibted in islam if it is not intentional n if u find her staring at u relax nothing special take it in a pleasent way may any of ur foolish act make her stop lukin at u i will first check if sum thing is not wrong in my dress if not give another luk to her n thats all it will be our which make us freinds not our will n wish ask ur self this is ata ll if i m single n if i m married i will aviod her ..............simple

[coz_i_fly]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

well i read all the poin of views wat i think to give one luk isnt prohibted in islam if it is not intentional n if u find her staring at u relax nothing special take it in a pleasent way may any of ur foolish act make her stop lukin at u i will first check if sum thing is not wrong in my dress if not give another luk to her n thats all it will be our which make us freinds not our will n wish ask ur self this is ata ll if i m single n if i m married i will aviod her ..............simple

[Code_Red]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

You sound cute, during the whole narration of wedding Ankh Macholi

Post a pic, pcg, in your Qayamat khaiz outfit :k: will you ? We may analyze your fashion snese, as well.

tum ne konsa roz roz cute lagna hai :halo:

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@SarahSplendor

Mr F, you make it sound so effortless but I guess the small talk part is where a lot of people stumble and are too nervous or shy to do it. The only time I have been in a situation like this, I had a friend give my number to him, I was too nervous to actually go and talk to him and thought I would make a total idiot of myself and stutter as is my habit.

Is this how you met your wife?

1- Making small talk is tough, but is a skill you need to have even in business situations. It is uncomfortable for many people all the time, and for many people some of the time.

Very few people are just able to breeze in a room and strike up a conversation with anyone they want to. Even then it is not effort less, you have to react, gauge reactions, adjust approach, adjust topic, and decide whether to continue the discussion or disengage without making the other person lose face ro for you to seem like walking away with your tail between your legs.

Its not a question of it being effortless, but one’s ability, and the ability can be learnt, but needs experience, most people that know who are good at this are people who were very socially active in high school or college, very often fraternity members or people involved in extra curriculars on campus.

#2- No- her dad had promised my dad that his daughter will marry me before she was even born. This is how we used to do things back in early part of last century.

I am kidding,s he is actually a Russian mail order bride, whom I am thinking of returning, but need to find the retrurn policy of the company. do u know where I can find human sized perforated cardboard boxes ?

[hiccup]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@Fraudz

#2- No- her dad had promised my dad that his daughter will marry me before she was even born. This is how we used to do things back in early part of last century.

I am kidding,s he is actually a Russian mail order bride, whom I am thinking of returning, but need to find the retrurn policy of the company. do u know where I can find human sized perforated cardboard boxes ?

Funny you should mention that. Big brother ala UK have some. Let me find some pics.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@Haris Zuberi

Fraudia,
So wehn one is interested and more or less follows the rules of operation you listed but only to discover that the person of interest keeps their self surrounded by bunches or atleast 1 or 2 ‘cousins’ or ‘friends’ ALL the freaking time, at dinner, getting drinks, while socializing, taking part in rituals etc if its a shadi, and leaves no loops to be found alone by the longing eyes…so under such a situation what course of action should be taken to draw the maximum out of the least and still extract opportunities of solo interaction and some small talk and perhaps a few hints or if things are such, get the person out of the crowd and express interest or the need to discuss imp stuff without being under scrutinizing gazes, in some less crowded slightly less noisy corner…?

Dude..if someone is interested and know you are interested, they will make a way for teh contact to happen. The example above was optimal. Now I think all of us have been in a situation where you are at some event and some girl from a group of girls starts talking to you about something lame, and later you find out it was actually her friend who was interested. Now..point here being..the girl who was interested did not initiate the conversation because she was shy or felt awkward, but since her pal had no such issues she could talk easily and not stumble al over her own words.

People will gaze and people may say stuff, whether u are talkign to someone alone, or you are talking to a group, or groups are talking to groups.

There is no one right answer, but there are general principles here.

How u interact will dpeend heavily on how conservative you are, or she is, or the event where you meet is.

But what is the end goal? not to like fall in love in the middle of a valima dinner and sing songs while hanging from a tree, but to take it to the next step..and hopefulyl next step means a meeting away from prying eyes, maybe not alone..maybe with a friend with her, who will monitor the situation when u meet and if all is goign well, either leave for 30 minutes in the middle of dinner because she just got an important phone call, so u can have time to talk withour her around.

Guys, I am telling you..nothing is “difficult” you have to know how people think and act and you have to be confident, and go with the flow.

I have landed in hot water many times. Once at some series of events in Pakistan I had met this girl and during an outdoors show, I gave her my suit jacket to wear since it was a little cold. U will not believe how much my cousins and even mom made fun of me for it. Her and I had been on everyone’s radar since day one, we thought we were friggin brilliant and no one knew jack..but later it turned out that the whole damn khandaan, and especially the elders noticed everything. Now they did not have an issue with it, that is one thing, but hey not everyone has that kind of elders, heck my mom’s side of the family is so conservative that I would have probablt been beaten in the middle of a street for mackign so brazenly during shaadis and all.

The point is this no matter what the situation is, shaadi, college events, whatever..some people are able to connect with others and some are not. what is it that allows the people in the same situation to get different results. approach, confidence, ability and yes..luck

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@Sadiyah

I just realized trying to get hooked up at shadis is solely based on looks, as one cannot judge the personality or personal traits of another individual in just a few hours.

Pretty sad!

Sadiyah.. by getting hooked up, if you mean that the qazi, rabbi, priest and pundit show up and get you married that is a diff thing, but if that is step 1, what is wrong with that.

Whether you meet someone at shaadi, at some mixer, at work..whatever. you are not like getting married and making babies on the spot… its step 1…rsulting in future meetings or escalation in the family…depending on how the family operates..and then as time passes u get a chance for judging the personality traits.

Let me be politically incorrect but factually correct here…physical attraction is important. yes in some cases people get to know another person because they are in the same school, or community group and their traits overshadow everything and looks are a minimal factor. But in majority of the cases that is the first criteria…looks u can see, unless the lady is in a burqaa, traits you have to spend time on.

From a filtering criteria..looks serve as the first filter. Yes people do go back sometimes and as they learn abotu someone they were nto really attracted to in the beginning, they start likign them, but that is not very common from what I have seen.

and its not just looks, its looks, demeanor, how the person is acting, how he/she is dressed, they all start developing a partial sketch of who you think this person is, as you know more the sketch gets fuller..maybe u like what the picture is lookign like and u bail, maybe u like it and continue to develop it as u leanr more about the person.

[larki]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@PrinceMS

so if ugly guy starin its perverted
if cute guy starin its flatterin

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@Starsky

^ very true Sadiyah. People at shaadis are superficial, dressed and acting for the occasion. It isn’t the real day to day person or their personal traits you would see at home, work or with friends.

If people wanna have fun and pull someone at a shaadi and play the dating game, fine, let them enjoy themselves. It’s all part of the fun, if one is into that. But looking for prospective partners at a wedding is just plain sad.

1- while people may be dressed for the occassion, not all are superficial and “acting” for the occassion.

#2- if by acting you mean showing only one side of their personna or not the full personna, then the same applies at work, and with friends, and that personna can vary by the type of event and the company one is with. its not ebing fake, its adapting to the situation. We are not one dimensional beings, but multi faceted complex characters.

#3- By your logic looking for partners anywhere is plain sad, except when someone is on their own with no one around..but that may get you labelled as a peeping tom

for the rest read my response above

[Sadiyah]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Fraudia, by hooked up I did not mean getting married the very next day.

Yes, looks do matter a lot and you do get to learn about the personality of the individual, but all of a sudden it struck me that it is basically the looks that usually result in initial interest and perhaps small talk.

To each his/her own.