Flirting: Party Etiquette

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

:bash: I also just figured out that one of my problems is that I overanalyze things and think too much on it.

:bash:

Enough for tonite. I’m off to bed.

[LegallyBrown]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

PCG, unless you went and edited your post you did refer to minah as 'those kinds of women'.
That remark wasnt meant for me. I wasnt there.

as for your approach, like whatever rings your bell. Stick to it. You are just a little girl who needs a lot of growing up to do.
Hope you do it soon as there arent enough tolerant people around to put up with your frustrations and mood swings.

You can say whatever mean things you have to say lil girl, not even a novel of your mean things will manage to reflect the jargon of your mind's insecurities on my character. As for your nobility of not saying mean things just cause im a mum, we all know you've corssed that boundry several times displaying your immaturity, so its alrite if you do it again, i'll just enjoy the bitching bout your behaviour via PMs.

You just like to believe you are right just because you think so. Suit yourself but donot go around labelling people with names limited to your tiny mind.

You lack confidence to approach such situations and try to hide behind the facade of calling people names. Who knows you might be even envious of those around you that have the guts to live in the world and know how to control situations.

[sara_zzz]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

oooh.. thats a cute story.

and i know what you mean..

i dont have the guts to go up to a desi guy (thats kinda interesting) and start up a convo...
i dont usually smile at guys. but if a guy smilies i smile back. just out of courtesy ( unless there the creppy wierd paki fobs on busses types than i give them an evil glare an flip them off) it doesnt happen alot w/ desi guys. and i dont think much about it (even if there could be potential) sadly i find the flaw in every guy, before i get to know them.

i have smiled at some guys. and turned my head away at other guys (all desi, all almost alike) and i have no idea why..

[Starsky]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@PyariCgudia

Oh and you know what? I tried really hard, but I couldn’t conjure up any daydreams in which I dreamt of sleeping with this guy. I know it sounds horrid, but I try to at least imagine the face or so during the act to figure out if I’d be attracted to him, but this guy’s face just really didn’t work out for some reason.

He’s really pretty, but I just dont find myself feeling attracted enough to him to want to bang him. Does that make any sense? Crude, but its the way I see it.

Makes perfect sense. When you’re either ‘linked’ to someone or attracted to them, everyone at some point (usually at the start) will picture themselves in the ‘act’ with that person. Some of it is down to our animal instinct and some looking further to see if its even worth getting involved by picturising intimacy with him/her.

People are just too afraid to admit they think like that. Everyone does it.

[Aish]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

i usually stare back, it confuses them

[Rukhsarbibi]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

^ haha!!

PCG - the event last night so doesn’t sound like you. Atleast make eye contact and say hello to the person standing in front of you - that is just common courtesy

[Mehnaz]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@Aishaaa2.1

i usually stare back, it confuses them

[ek_Ajnabee]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Everyone, while posting your replies please indicate which age group you fall in. It will provide some more detailed info about how people react to this situation according to their age... we may also find out if age plays any roll. You don’t have to be specific, just indicate if you are in your:

1- Teens
2- Early 20s
3- Mid. 20s
4- Late 20s
5- Early 30s
6- Mid 30s
7- Late 30s
... and so on.

Also, please mention if you have any significant other. It will add more interest to this topic. Thanks. :)

[Haris]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

ek ajnabee welcome to GS and good point about mentioning age groups etc :k:
helps with the study of human behaviour in such situations

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@PyariCgudia

Okay, I admit this is a bit inspired by some personal issues.

What is your typical reaction when you are at some event, or dawat, or gathering of sorts when you see someone of the opposite sex staring back at you?

Do you flirt?

Do you lower your eyes?

Do you play a wait and see game - i.e. look away, then casually look back to see if they still look, then look away, then look back, and repeat the process until someone breaks into a smile?

Or other technique?

:halo:

well I suppose the first decision point is one of the most critical, are you even looking for something.

what is this something,..looking to get married, serious relationship, dating, freindship, a one nighter (hey..just listing an inventory, not saying anyone her eis looking for one or the other or whether its okay or not okay)

then the critical question is, are you interested in the person staring at you.

then your approach may depend on where you are, college mixer, shaadi, mela, movie..

then we go back to point #1 and what this “something” that you are looking for is going to impact your approach.

I am in my mid 30’s and married but the part below is based on my experiences as a single guy in my late teens to late 20’s

I must say that I am surprised because reading this thread you woudl think that desi women would never go and strike up a conversation with someone they find interesting. Aside from a handful of cases, most desi women have made the first move and I have just responded whatever has been the intent of the interaction.

Timeframe is also important, will you be seeingf this person often, its a diff challenge if the person is at your school and u see her often, versus seeing someone at a shaadi where you are at all events, or meeting someone at just one event.

and please move sooner than later, if ther eis someone t a shaadi that u find interesting, initiate contact first day and build upon it on each successive day rather than, try to execute whatever approach u have in mind at the 11th hour on the last day.

here are some general rules of thumb that have alway worked for me..solo missions are always best.. no wingmen, people think that if she is with pals or you are with pals when u talk it will make it less awkward.. it will not..the more people that are involved initially the more complicated it is..

1- making yourself approachable..i.e. not surrounded by people at all times

#2- dont crowd out the person, no reason to follow anyone or be too close to them, alone or in a group, maintain enough of a distance that you dont make the other person uncomfortable

#3- make the contact or her ability to initiate contact as effortless as possible and decrease awkwardness out. Go get a drink when she is getting a drink and make some small talk, see what the chemistry is and adjust accordingly.

[ahmadjee]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Fraudia Bhai, you are such a pro.

[ek_Ajnabee]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Fraudia, I like your style yaar, but I like your signature more. :)
I assume RA stands for Rehamatulah... right?

[Sadiyah]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

I don't know what kind of shadis the rest of you attend, but the ones I attend are usually either segregated or you have ladies closely keeping an eye on you.

Imagine making a move, getting a drink and trying to make a small talk, and by the time you're back you'd probably have aunties talking about you amongst each other.

Personally, I haven't played the ankh-macholi game at any shadis that I've been to. I'd feel so awkward doing it at shadis even if I had an opportunity to do so.

[larki]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

the story was really cute and it reminded me of my own experiences. i used to be like that, couldn't even smile but i guess i did end up playing the "ankh-macholi" game because i would look over every now and then to see if they were still looking but for me it was out of curiosity than interest because i don't like being stared at although it can be flattering at times. i'm old fashioned in the sense i think the guy should always make the first move and staring doesn't count. if they had come up to me and said something i would have responded politely but i wouldn't be one to go up to them and strike a conversation.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@ahmadjee

Fraudia Bhai, you are such a pro.

bas ji…maula da karam hai.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@ek Ajnabee

Fraudia, I like your style yaar, but I like your signature more.
I assume RA stands for Rehamatulah… right?

thank you ajnabee. yes RA stands for Rehmat Allah, I mean why should Allah’s Rehmat only be on famous people, I think we should always pray that Allahs Rehmat be on everyone.

Here is the background of my signature, myself and 2 guppies, Faisal and hmcq were at Devon and saw a poster by some dude visiting chicago and speaking ta some event, he literally had two lines of titles, one before and one after his name. I found it peculiar and amusing, and decided to bring such titles into the new millenium.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@Sadiyah

I don’t know what kind of shadis the rest of you attend, but the ones I attend are usually either segregated or you have ladies closely keeping an eye on you.

Imagine making a move, getting a drink and trying to make a small talk, and by the time you’re back you’d probably have aunties talking about you amongst each other.

Personally, I haven’t played the ankh-macholi game at any shadis that I’ve been to. I’d feel so awkward doing it at shadis even if I had an opportunity to do so.

Saadiyah, the example did not cover all types of events and all types of shaadis, but was illustrative to give people an idea. Use the same concept, the application of it will depend heavily on circumstances, but there has to be interaction, the interaction has to be simple, not cheesy, not overbearing, not in a large group, not make the other person uncomfortable, and provide both parties a very easy way to disengage from it, or to build upon it.

I have been to a handful of segregated shaadis, and while the seating area is all segregated, one can see young folks hanging out and talking in the hallways and parking lots.

[system]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

Mr F, you make it sound so effortless but I guess the small talk part is where a lot of people stumble and are too nervous or shy to do it. The only time I have been in a situation like this, I had a friend give my number to him, I was too nervous to actually go and talk to him and thought I would make a total idiot of myself and stutter as is my habit.

Is this how you met your wife?

[Praetextatus]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

I use the following line.

Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!!!

works all the time

[Devil_s_Advocate]

Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette

@SarahSplendor

Mr F, you make it sound so effortless but I guess the small talk part is where a lot of people stumble and are too nervous or shy to do it. The only time I have been in a situation like this, I had a friend give my number to him, I was too nervous to actually go and talk to him and thought I would make a total idiot of myself and stutter as is my habit.

Is this how you met your wife?

Incredible! ur so brave..