Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
whose “Brown” dad isn’t?
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
PCG: what exactly about what I said that put me in the catagory of "these kinds of women"? And what exactly did you mean by "these kinds of women"? People who actually talk to others of the opposite sex without first thinking of marriage? or...what?
That aside:
A smile and wait and see are not exactly stripping on the bar and leaning out for money. Simply talking to someone and finding out about them is neither (a) flirting or (b) making a bad impression of yourself. And if you don't like them, you be polite and keep the conversation light, afterall, it's just a party, not an auction where the top person gets married. Also, being friendly is a sign of tolerance and also, in my Bible, a directive from God. It tells us to reach out to people, not women reach out to women, men to men, to all people.
I was a bit insulted, but now I'm sort of over it, but if it creeps in here please forgive me, I'm trying to be friendly and straightforward. I really do like the person you portray here even with the quirks.
I want to say this nicely, like I was trying to before. You may wish to stop looking at meeting men as a way to marriage and just meet people (not just men) and focus on being friendly. You were hurt by that other guy and now it seems you have a couple of issues with being outgoing to the point where you push others (especially men) away. 50% of the population is male and one of them is a mate for you. You need to mingle and be friendly in order to find that person, not wall yourself up and blame men for it. Your feeling cheap and degraded is because of the way people treated you or lectured you when you opened up, not because you did anything wrong.
People are not always going to live to your standards or your ideals, that doesn't mean you don't be friendly.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
yaar pcg, why dont u go observe what your kind of women in the situation do…shud be quite simple nahin?..
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
oh ho a waawelaa and hooglaa wooglaa on so-called PIGS :D
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
This thread has become an anti-PCG thread I guess. Though I am still learning on this forum, but I would like to suggest every one to dedicate one day to PCG.
Pigs :)
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
This thread has become an anti-PCG thread I guess. Though I am still learning on this forum, but I would like to suggest every one to dedicate one day to PCG.
Pigs
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
No, I'm not anti-PCG. I respect her a lot. People just need to really stop picking everything she says apart.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
the way i see it, this thread and the discussion and differences in my opinion r a case of the classic "east meets west" and vice versa kinda thing.
having relatives in the western society as well as the east, i can say with some surety tht wat mite b considered normal day2day interactions in maybe a NYC cud be misinterpreted as being "improper" or "bold" in a place like karachi...as i was to find out myself.
havin been born n raised in the states, i only started visiting Pak(more often) once i was about 16 or so. At one of the parties in karachi back at the time i'd gotten chattin n clicking pics and stuff with some of my cousins friends frm college(gals of course).it was later on after the party did i get a real earful frm one of the gals elder siblings for being "over-friendly"...as he put it.
...and after a few more visits to karachi did i realise tht there quite a difference in wats considered "normal" n wats seen as "improper" over there.
for a gal to chat freely with a "stranger" at a party is "off-limits" in pak. is one of the unwritten rules most gals follow over there.
so all in all, i can see reasons(rather than merits) to most of the posts in the thread including tht of PCG....
but as i said, the POV is different for different ppl....or lets say "east meets west" wudnt b tht off target, now would it?
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
well, that is why I made the point earlier that she is in the US, in FL. It is perfectly acceptable to be polite to other people there. And I agree it's a culture clash that may be tearing her apart, but you can't please everyone all the time, you really have to do what is right for you sometimes regardless of what others say. Being polite and mingling with people is not something that will hurt others and it doesn't say anywhere in any holy book that the accepted way to treat others is to snub them nor does it say that you shouldn't be polite and friendly.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
East vs. West. Yes that can be a factor too. East and West have a lot of differences, but every person must be free to express his/her views and spend life as he/she wishes to spend it. This is the thing we are having here, whether someone is from East or from the West, he/she must have the right to live and express as upon wish.
It is hard for people living in West to settle down in East and vice versa. Cause no one is ever ready to surrender the beliefs that are developed in early age. POV has nothing to do with it. In every region, people have their beliefs, and they spend their lives accordingly. No belief can be said to offer a better POV.
Well minah_pa, at least I discovered some of my posts that might have been hurt PCG. There was no intention; I just put these posts as for discussion.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
To be quite honest, I don’t even bother to look at who is eyeing me or staring etc. I simply enjoy being there with my family and friends. If somebody is staring, I don’t look at them, or look away - I simply don’t give the person any attention at all. Most of the times my friends have to poke me in the ribs to get me to notice that somebody is looking at me. 
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
PCG's frm sunshine state??....now am a lil surprised....did she just move in there or somethin??
PCG dear...IMHO...a lotta ya reasonings made good sense if you were livin in pak...but here in the west...it just seems a lil stiff
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
I have spent over 7 years in the West too and I have always enjoyed every aspect of the life style. I have known many people spending their lives over their as to their beliefs. Even I was too much for them. At times it seems funny to find some one who is trying to live as of beliefs. Like coming across to a Sardar wearing turban, or some women with scarf in June. Since these things are not much common there, so it makes a person look weird at times, but it does not mean that it is very hard to find such people living happily in the West.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
If i find a girl cute and interesting and try to establish an eye contact, those stupid yellow bulbs (at weddings usually) cobined with my specs ruin eye contact for me and it takes a while for me to realize how she reacted. (sometimes I have to ask others) :-(
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
I automatically get this really stern look on my face as if bacha kuch haram kaam kar raha hai. :( Doesnt really work out on my side maybe cause I never end up looking back to see if he got the mssg or not.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
I give a smile in friendly manner and slowly itch my forehead with my left hand and give a chance to the person to see my wedding ring. But if she still comes and makes conversation, I still keep my politeness and keep the conversation friendly but brief. Also, I make sure that I mention my wife indirectly by saying, for example: "oh, my wife loves that" or "Yes! my wife and I watched that movie last week". I make sure not to put her on the spot or react in a manner that could make her feel embarrassed at any time during our conversation. Just treat them with respect. Thats what they all deserve. :)
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
^ 
thats a very good approach
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
haha..thats exactly what i have been doing lately. its not rude, u r being nice n friendly and making ur point all at the same time.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
Some of these responses are funny. Thanks for the laughs guys.
First - Minah Pa: Where did I say you were one of “those girls” er whatever? I was talking to LB and her advice. My responses were meant for her.
You were telling me to smile at him, maybe make some conversation. That’s very different than what LB was talking about. Smiling and making conversation can be straightforward. :k: And I totally love that approach, and I would do it, if I didn’t have this sudden instinctive reaction to pretend like I didn’t notice the guy. You’ll see from my description of the events tonite.
LB: You were indeed infantalizing. So lets accept it the way it is - you think I’m a kid, whereas I prefer to be cautious. I have way too many things going on in my life that mean a lot to me, and the LAST thing I want to do is get tied up with some guy and then realize he’s just having fun with me. I HATE IT when someone wastes my time, and I’d rather save my flirting with someone who actually is serious. So yes, I do not intend to play mind games with guys. I prefer the straightforward approach. The minute I see the guy is also not straightforward, or he’s too uptight, or he’s too loose, then I don’t bother after that no matter how cute he is. There’s just no point. So infantalize me all you want. I’m thinking hard about the matter, and I’ve just found a different approach that suits me. And that approach is drastically different from yours. I would say much meaner things, but you know what? You’re a mom, and just for that fact, you don’t deserve to hear those things.
Tonite’s Series of Unfortunate Events:
Okay, so I walk in. I think I’m looking pretty hot, except for the fact that over the past 6 months I’ve developed a bit of a sagging tummy, which I was trying to desperately hide with my dupatta. I don’t know if it helped much, since the dupatta is see-thru.
As I walk in with my family, their whole family had also arrived, and this guy was hanging around the entrance. We all greeted each other, and of course, I had looked at the guy, and then turned my face away without saying hi or smiling. I swear it was instinct - i SWEAR. 
So we walk into the actual sitting area, and the groom’s sister was showing her newborn baby to us. I ended up holding it and playing with it as I was waiting for everyone to find seats. Needless to say, the baby was more fun than looking at that guy. shrugs
Then we all found seatings where all the families could be seated together. You see, our families are related in some distant fashion. Something about our grandparents or greatgrandparents, waghera. So it was my family, his family, and a few other families sitting together. The ladies had one table - the guys another.
And then came the food. Again, despite my sagging tummy and a heavy Father’s Day lunch - I found the food more interesting than the guy.
At some point, some girl shouted out his name a few times. She was near our table, and he was saying something to his mom. So he actually gave her an irritated look and ignored her. I didn’t even need to tell my sister. She went ahead and followed the girl. Turns out she wanted an LSAT review book which he fetched for her from his car. whew
Then, came the time to leave and say good-byes. My mom was walking to the bride-groom to say good bye and dammit we bump into this guy and his mom who were also leaving. So my mother just HAS TO strike up a conversation with the lady although she sat next to her the whole evening. 
The guy was right in front of me, and I looked away. My sister was behind me, and we both waited a bit for my mom. Then I tugged on her to hurry, and I said good-bye to his mom, and just walked away.
So then later, my sister told me that he had been looking at me quite a bit during the evening, and he had asked his cousin (my sister’s best friend), if our family was going to be there again at the walima (after the shaadi), and also that he had waved bye to both my sister and I when we were leaving and while I was ignoring him, and that he seemed to have “gotten the message” that I wasn’t interested.
Conclusion
I know I know. I should have smiled. And to tell you the truth, I decked up myself especially for the occasion so that I could have the confidence to say hi AT LEAST. That was my goal, and I dismally failed at that tonite. If anything, he probably thinks - okay, so she’s not interested. If that’s even what he was thinking.
So basically, I’m not going to worry about it too much. He didn’t give me any definite sign that he was interested. Just some vague signs that I dont want to really rely on. He is leaving the state to go to law school in the fall anyway, so its not like I’ll probably see him again. And I don’t want the stress of the situation. And that doesn’t mean I’m necessarily afraid of rejection. Even with acceptance and the start of a new relationship comes A LOT of stress, especially when it comes to two muslims “courting”.
So yep. I chickened out :k:
But I had my reasons behind my fears.
Re: Flirting: Party Etiquette
Oh and you know what? I tried really hard, but I couldn't conjure up any daydreams in which I dreamt of sleeping with this guy. I know it sounds horrid, but I try to at least imagine the face or so during the act to figure out if I'd be attracted to him, but this guy's face just really didn't work out for some reason.
He's really pretty, but I just dont find myself feeling attracted enough to him to want to bang him. Does that make any sense? Crude, but its the way I see it.