I’m going through a bit of a moral dilemma. My fiancé and I mostly communicate through Facebook message or texting. But lately, our conversations have become a little racy. He’s been wanting to plan out our wedding night and honeymoon and what I’ll be wearing (and no, I don’t mean the “public-friendly” outfits). It started off with declarations of undying love but I think I might have accidentally encouraged him by not telling him to stop when things got a bit racy. For those who warned me of this on my previous thread, I’ll admit “you told me so”. But I still don’t know what to do.
I know I’m partially at blame here since I got a bit of guilty pleasure out of our “flirtation”. Now things have gotten to the point that our every conversation is laced with innuendo and the guilt is starting to outweigh the pleasure. I’ve tried to cut down our conversations but that just results in him thinking I’m pissed off at him for something. I even tried the mature route of telling him about my feelings and he said he understood. It was okay for a while but then we both kinda “slipped” and went back to the inappropriate conversations. Plus I hate sounding like a nag, so sometimes I just let things slide or change the topic instead of being upfront about it.
How do I break this cycle without hurting his feelings?
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
admit it, you are addicted to such talks! :)
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Siren - You wrote in your last thread back in October that you're getting married in December. So how many days until the nikah?
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Siren - You wrote in your last thread back in October that you're getting married in December. So how many days until the nikah?
u r very watchful, indeed! good job, Paheli! :)
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Paheli: Less than a month now! Which is probably why the talk is getting a bit hot and heavy.
KKF, you may be onto something there buddy. I feel like I'm betraying my faith and my parents, but for some reason this doesn't occur to me till after we've finished our "conversation" ... I want to blame him because he started it but I know that would be unfair.
I'm not a prude or anything, but sometimes I just get so frustrated that I kinda ignore him for a few hours. This can't be good for our future relationship right?
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Paheli: Less than a month now! Which is probably why the talk is getting a bit hot and heavy.
KKF, you may be onto something there buddy. I feel like I'm betraying my faith and my parents, but for some reason this doesn't occur to me till after we've finished our "conversation" ... I want to blame him because he started it but I know that would be unfair.
I'm not a prude or anything, but sometimes I just get so frustrated that I kinda ignore him for a few hours. This can't be good for our future relationship right?
i was just kidding. :)
i understand. it happens...you get swayed by the fast flowing current and before you realize it you are quite far off into the stream.
to be honest, what you should do is ask for Allah's forgiveness and you will find Allah ALL Forgiving and Merciful. iA
take good care of yourself and enjoy planning for your big day! i wish you all the best and a happy married life...aameen :)
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Don't break the cycle.
But if you really want to, your only way would be to talk to him very nicely and ask him if we can wait till after wedding. Different guys react differently. He may feel a little hurt from the shut down so do prepare for that.
All the best.
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Flirting with your fiancé!
tobah tobah, kya zamana aa gayaa hai
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Paheli: Less than a month now! Which is probably why the talk is getting a bit hot and heavy.
KKF, you may be onto something there buddy. I feel like I'm betraying my faith and my parents, but for some reason this doesn't occur to me till after we've finished our "conversation" ...** I want to blame him because he started it **but I know that would be unfair. I'm not a prude or anything, but sometimes I just get so frustrated that I kinda ignore him for a few hours. This can't be good for our future relationship right?
No. You are equally to be blamed for this sin.
And yes, you are a prude.
Flirtation and Innuendos ...
If you haven't figured it out by now, will a couple of days left till your wedding really matter? Just tell him your going hiatus till the wedding because you feel bad about the conversations and want to make it more special for the wedding. If you word it maturely it won't come off as rude (or shouldn't if he's understanding), just tell him honestly how you feel. Hopefully he'll respect that, if not then maybe you should just be more stern but still nice. You will after all be marrying him in a matter of days. You can only control your actions but if your saying the right things I don't see why he would be offended.
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
I think you're both just hot for each other.
I would subtly avoid it but not start a fight so to say.
Especially since you're getting married so soon.
He's just rev'ing hin engine.
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
I dont know what is wrong in it..... you guys are getting married in less than a month .... obviously he will talk about such stuff ..... waise tu you ladies want to talk about everything like where we will live with in laws or without in laws etc etc etc ..... couples do plan about their honeymoon & things ..... he will discuss such things with you only obviously I mean you are his fiancee ...... this way you will be more comfortable .....
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Siren - With the wedding being in less than 4 weeks, I think its useless for you to worry about this at this point. You've put up with it for months already.....so at this point, just let it go. Both of you are equally to blame for this. Its childish for you to ignore him for a few hours. I don't know details of your wedding planning but most desi brides I know are SUPER busy in the weeks leading up to the wedding with last minute preparations. If possible, use that as an excuse to avoid having long conversations. Simply tell him you're busy with family or friends doing things for the wedding.
Or here's another idea....instead of having everything "planned" together....tell HIM to plan the wedding night and honeymoon and to surprise you with his creativity. As for lingerie....again, simply tell him that you won't have time go shopping for it before the wedding (which is in a few WEEKS) which makes talking about it useless, give him your size and tell him he can buy whatever he wants to see you in & surprise you with it.
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Just tell him... "Let's cut back on the flirting and save it for the wedding night/marriage. Lets focus on planning the wedding so everything goes smoothly and we can relax and have fun afterwards."
flirty enough but still getting the point across.
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Why don't you involve topics like pregnancy, labor, child birth, changing diapers, getting up at midnights to a crying baby etc etc. That's the actual reality of marriage. Plus it would help you both mentally prepare for it too.
2nd thing fiance is not a relation Islamically. So you have already adopted a foreign idea and hence the consequences.
3rd men usually do it to see how far they can go with it. So it's less about he liking dirty talk and more about 'I can make her do it'.
4th ... You already know what to do.
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I am not married so you may call my response as unwise or immature but I feel even if it was only a day before or any day after marriage, if it’s a kind of behavior that is making her feel awkward, he has no right to do it. Just because we are each other’s spouse doesn’t mean we have the right and freedom to make them do things which they may not be comfortable with. Where is the respect in all this?
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
When you guys are gonna get married in the end so why are you worried? It's not like you're doing this with your BF whom you know you wont marry. Girls sometimes make such a big deal out of nothing. Please don't say after your married that "Oh my husband likes to touch me and mujey gud-gudiyan (Tickles) hoti hain".
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
^ so true ...
girls first make fuss out of such things & than 1 week before marriage they start a thread in wedding forum regarding wedding night ...... oohh gaawwddd can someone help me out pleaseeee ( even though fiance tried to make her comfortable before but nooooooo ) I am soooooooo scared .... what will happen .... I am not comfortable at alllll ...... we didn't even talk about such things before marriage ...... ohh nooooo ..... what to wear .....bla bla bla .....
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
^ so true ...
girls first make fuss out of such things & than 1 week before marriage they start a thread in wedding forum regarding wedding night ...... oohh gaawwddd can someone help me out pleaseeee ( even though fiance tried to make her comfortable before but nooooooo ) I am soooooooo scared .... what will happen .... I am not comfortable at alllll ...... we didn't even talk about such things before marriage ...... ohh nooooo ..... what to wear .....bla bla bla .....
Lol Sab patta hota hai, awain dramay baazi :P
Re: Flirtation and Innuendos ...
Paheli: Less than a month now! Which is probably why the talk is getting a bit hot and heavy.
Here's an idea: why not cut off communication until the wedding day? I mean seriously. As there's only a week or two left now so it won't be that difficult. You can say to him you want to spend time with your family, and also that you want your first night together to be special - and what will make it more special is if you cut off communication up until you meet. I did it with my hubby for a whole month before the wedding - and I know quite a few other people who did too - it was nice because when we finally saw each other we were both shy and it was like the first time we met. It puts the romance back into things, plus you won't be talking dirty anymore either lol