Re: First Night.
if you know the person then its probably not gonna be that bad..like if you get married to your girl friend....then you would know what to expect from eachother..cause you would have talked about sex with your girl friend before marriage and may be experienced a little bit too.:D
Re: First Night.
oh my god it ended in divorce..just because of what happened on the first night?..wow
Re: First Night.
^ i'm thinking the first night was only the beginning of things to come..
Re: First Night.
Smilestar you're right - we were like chalk and cheese, couldnt have been more different. He wanted a submissive woman to mould, someone who would stay at home and bear children while he went out to work. He couldn't hack the fact that I wanted to have a career and do something with my life.
Within 6 months of the divorce he married a village girl from back home and I hear he is "very happy". I'm at university now and studying to become a journalist...
Re: First Night.
Within 6 months of the divorce he married a village girl from back home and I hear he is "very happy". I'm at university now and studying to become a journalist...
good stuff...glad to hear it. was your marriage an arranged one..? actually, that's a silly question to ask considering you were 'chalk and cheese'..but did you guys get a chance to talk before you got married..?
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Within 6 months of the divorce he married a village girl from back home and I hear he is "very happy". I'm at university now and studying to become a journalist...
well done for having the guts to get out before u really became tied down...how on eart did manage 2 stay awake and listen 2 him for 2 hours...i would have dozed off.
Re: First Night.
No chance whatsoever smilestar! You probably won't believe me but I was 3 when it was arranged! He was my khaala's son and my grandfather (may Allah give him Jannah) and his grandfather (who were brother's) made the arrangement; I was 9 when I found out. I was wondering why this weird 15 year old cousin (he was 6 yrs older than me) was paying so much attention to me and then one of my female cousins let slip that this is what the family had in mind. Obviously at such a young age I didnt think anything of it, but as time passed and I hit my mid-teens, the enormity of the situation began to dawn upon me.
Girls have always married extremely young in my family and I knew I would be no exception so I was around 14-15 when I began to panic about what was going to happen. Marriage, for girls, in my family has always been a taboo, you can't discuss it at all and those who do are branded "shameless" so I never was able to tell anyone that I didn't like him and didn't want to go ahead with the marriage, and they all just assumed I was happy! The only time I was really asked was on the day of the nikaah and at that point EVERYTHING was ready - the guests had arrived, date set, etc so I went ahead with it hoping for the best.
Getting a divorce was like drawing blood from a stone. My family (incase you haven't already clicked on) are very very very very backward and stuck in their ways. As one aunty put it to me as I was getting a divorce - "no one has had a divorce in this family for over a century" and the last one they do remember (some great great great great uncle) was instigated by the man. However, last year, after 3 years of hell I finally got the divorce!
The experience has really made me stronger as a person and I have no regrets :)
Re: First Night.
BD: i'm glad you got out of that situation :)
Re: First Night.
I am not married but my common sense (which might be abnormal for others) says that ask her if she is feeling comfy, needs something to drink, is tired or hungry because we all know how things are in our weddings are especially for the girls. Crack a joke or 2. If she is still crying/sad about leaving her family, do some talking.
One thing leads to other. I don't think you have to get into action the first night if you both think isnt's the right time. There is usually a one day gap between wedding and Walima.
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Gentlemen, whatever you do, you cannot please your ladies. IMHO if you jumped on the first opportunity, you would be not considerate enough and were like an animal. If you did not, you could just destroy her vision of her suhaag raat or even worse, she may assume that you did not want to get married to her in the first place and there is someone else in your life.
So with ladies, it is like damn if you do, and damn if you don't.
Re: First Night.
hey bollywood diva do you really look like a bollywood diva?:D
Re: First Night.
okay i was also reading an article here, “Psychosexual problems, the lady and teh slut” that dealt with the whole virgin/slut complex that supposedly a lot of women (desi n non desi but more so desi for sake of argument) have.. (it was a bridal magazine, they have the most gorgeous designs 
) and they opened with the example of a grl who just got married.. when her friends came over the nxt morning and they asked her how everything went she was very happy and said “it was great” 
and later on her friends were like “see, i always knew she was a slut and she just proved it” 
.. their thinking was, how can a grl like it unless she’s had experience before.. ..oh ive also herd stories of how guys will just force it either that night or the nxt night, whether she likes it or not..
anyway, it doesnt really matter what other ppl do on their wedding night.. do what you feel is best, what ure comfortable with.. but for me, the function will end when my dad n bro help me into the car, i dont want photographers or family (esp my dad, my bro, my chacha, n my mamu) in my freakin hotel room 
n yes its gotta be a hotel room, just the whole idea of all susraal being in the nxt room , kids running around, touching things, and everyone giving u winks n stuff makes me :yukh:
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desidudecool - sorry no Bollywood Diva here...the only reason I chose the nick was because as part of my job I review Bollywood films lol.
Sara, you're right - it's tough being a woman!
Re: First Night.
Sara, you're right - it's tough being a woman!
Now what kind of job is that? :-|
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You certainly are not. Most cry because it is appropriate to.
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Bhai is main meri fault thori hai... I always thought that's why they cry and that's why my sister cried on rukhsati. Now I know she was just faking it.
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Bhai lets not take it personally.
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^ Even though i’ll be happy when i finally get married, ill deff be sad abt leaving behind my mommy.. 
You dont know what a woman is gonna feel on that day, you never will, so dont even try
And as for ure point of “damned if u do damned if you dont’”.. well u dont have to do it on the first night if shes not comfortable wiht it, but he shudn’t just ignore her either.. there is a middle path
Re: First Night.
I agree 