I never thought that finding a spouse should be that difficult …
for me it has become a tedious and trumatising task …
I want to share my stories with world and seek people opinion …
I know this is very long ,but these are three stories basically … each starts with bold heading
First time
she is good looking, tall and from a small family.
They are one brother and one sister both are doctors.
They live in Gujjar Khan,
My mother told me …
I agreed and we went to their home in Gujjar Khan.
My brother had bought a car these days so instead of going in our big car ,we decided to go in his new car.
Their home was difficult to find.
His father was not waiting for us in front of his home, he asked what is the number and model of car you are driving. Both me and my father didnt know that,we stopped checked car number and told him.
His father received us,and guided us to drawing room.
Few mins later her mother and brother arrived.
His brother was actually still studying in medical college.
Since these days i was watching medical dramas i asked him whats the diameter of trakia,he laughed and said he doesnt remember it.
Few mis later her mother brought some snacks ,tea and cookies etc.
Now we were waiting for girl to arrive,
she came late ,so i had first glimse.this is first time i am looking at a girl for marriage i was feeling very shy,i looked at her parents to check if they r not looking at me… Anyways she was reasonabaly good looking and a bit healthy or shall i saw curvious.
Anyways we had a good time taking to her parents.
We had a small dialoque
me: which field u want to pursue in future.
she: i and your mother were just taking about it.i am thinking about medicine or Gyne.
Me: i like psychiatry because there you get to listen interesting stories about people everyday.
She: " Psychiatry se to dar lagta hai" i am scared of Psychieatry
this is the only conversation we had…
After sitting few more mins we left.
Mom: how did u find her family
Me:i think they are very decent people
Mom: so are you agreed for this relationship
me: yeah i am agreed ,isn’t it cool,i will set an example here,unlike my friends who have visited dozens of families and they didn’t like anyone.
I dont want to reject anyone because of physical appearance.
Mom to my dad: what do you think about this family?
Dad: its your decision,dont ask me,if u guys are agreed i am fine with it.
Lateron when next day my mom called her mom to invite them to our home ,her mom said his father is doubtful if we are a fraud 
as we dont even know which car we are driving.
My mother clarified her and asked her to visit our home and then decide.She agreed to talk to her husband and get back to us.
Which she never did
Anyways my father lateron expressed his opinion that he didnt find that family to be suitable as girls dad was not curteous enough to come to main road to guide us.and when we were visiting their home he was in a hurry to leave somewhere…
My mother told me that she found her father number through his new paper ad.
I was of opinion if they are unwilling we shouldnt push them.
**Lifechanging encounter **
My khala was searching a bride for her son.
She came in contact with a family and she thought girl was more suitable for me.
She told my mom about this, My mom didn’t agree at first but on my khala request she called that family.
This girl was a doctor doing house job, 3 sisters , all doctors or becoming doctor, 1 brother styding in school.
Both parents were school teacher . They were living in a far place of Pujab ,
Anyways my mom talked to her father , her father few times .
My mom was not fully convinced , but one day her father said that she is in Islamabad to attend a conference, and we should go and visit her.
We went to Islamabad in that conference, actually to our surprise my father was alraedy participating in that conference.
She came and met us for max 5 minutes,
she told us that her father just called her in morning that a family is about to visit her for rishta
and she was yelling at her father that why he gave him surprise and won’t even allow her to live with peace even in a conference.
She talked to my sister and mom and i just saw her,
I found her to be confident and someone in whome company i would want to sit,she was tall, and good looking,
my mom made a decision the moment she saw her .
We were convinced this is a suitable proposal and we informed her father.
Few days later her father arrived along with her uncle and aunt,
then they requested some time to think about it.
Lateron he requested that girl wants to talk to boy on email.
I found it surprising that if i am agreed in few minutes for this proposal why does she need more time …
anyways she took my interview for a week or two !
then i asked asked if we can talk on mobile which she hapily agreed,
then my father and mom went to their home town and there she and her family greeted them .
My parents were impressed by her hospitality…My father asked their decision but they said they still need time to decide …
Now we were surprised that why are they taking so much time ,…
anyways few days later we requested them about their decision and they said to provide more time.
in the mean time i was continuously talking to girl , almost everyday
i asked her why is it taking so long? she said she needs time to mentally prepare herself for this decision…
hmm i thought ok i can wait …
anyways few days later her mom visited our home to meet me and my family…
we asked her opinion at the end and she again requested us to wait .
now everyone in family was getting annoyed ,
But i took the decision that as i have made a promise to girl we will wait further …
Few days later , her father called my father and informed about their concent and agreement and he asked his opinon.
Now my father said he will discuss and get back to them.
now i called girl and told her that my family is agreed,
But now my father was agreed to this decision and refused to call them back.He said my mom should call instead,
It is a very stupid situation , i am requesting my father that i am agreed ,everyone is agreed so why are you not calling them?
anyways its hard to argue with my father , so i and my mom called them and thanked them.
Sometime i think all dads are the same
Her dad was too much talkative , to the extent one gets annoyed,
And his arguments often make me uncofortable ,
have u ever argued with a person who seem to think he is always right and his arguments actually make a lot of sense
Although sometime thay dont make a sense
i dont mean to be disrespectful to both dads , but i guess this is just a generation gap … and can be dealth with politeness and a little 'Sabar ’
anyways her dad then sent an sms that i deserve a reply !.. to this my dad called at once and greeted tham and told them that he was too busy to talk and he thought my mom confirming the decision is enough…
Dear Readers i know above things sound stupid , but this is the story of society i am living in ,
anyways now girl wanted to talk to me everyday , to the extend that my life started getting disturbed,
i requested her to keep our conversations on weekends but she didn’t this idea
she said she want to meet me without letting my parrents know that i am meeting her ,
I said ok i will plan a visit with my parrents and come meet her in Lahore where she was living in a hostel.
she said , if u want to bring your parents, then don’t come …
I said ,actually i think it would be more suitable if we meet in the presence of our parents or some elders ,
anyways we had a small fight over this but her quality was that she apologizes very quickly
there were few other incidents where i get suprised about her sudden anger , but she would get calm easily …
oh one time she was so furious at me , i thought oh this is end of relationship .
once she was so angry at me , i wouldnt know what to do ,
once i sent her some flowers and sweeet , her happiness was very pleasant to witness…
I just loved that she is so happy …she had small flaws, everyone has them , but these were the kind of flaws i dislike
I mean i wouldnt want to live with a short tempered person , I thought it would get better with time
I actually liked her a lot so i thought its decided to ignore such small things…
I felt sometimes i have to talk to her and convince her like we talk to a child …
few days later i planned a visit to meet her in lahore with my family
i said ok ,first day i will come alone and we can go for dinner
the next day i will bring my family and we can all go some where …
anyways we had a great time , although i was shocked when i came to know that i was still being judged …
I also came to know that she can still refuse anytime…
I conveyed her my unrest , anyways things were normalized lateron
We would talk for hours.
oh one more thing , at the time of deciding this my family wanted to have an early marriage , but she refused on the grounds that she wants time to complete her part 1 exam , i said ok i will wait for her for 9 more months
we once had a fight , during fight i would mostly listen and wait for her to get normal…
but that day i got so tense that i told my mom that she is actually behaving this way and i am worried about it.
My mom was shocked, she asked why i didn’t tell her this earlier, i told her that i like her and i think she will get better with time ,..
Few days later my mom asked her that we want a polite girl and people change after getting involved in relationships,
and she should also try to bring such change, and if she thinks its not possible, she still have a choice.
Now this made her very angry , she called her father and told her that my mom asked her this and told that she still has a choice,
She then called me and said sadening remarks about my mom…
I tried to calm her down and told her that ups and down are part of relationships and this is a result of her anger,
anyways i tried to calm her down and i succeded ..
Few days later her father called me and said this is not a good thing that my mom has wanted to end this relationship, I had to listen to him for an hour and we conculuded that we require to improve communication between two families
Then i took leave from my office to go celebrate her B’Day with her,
to my surprize she said she cannot meet me because she has an interview that day
i said ok lets meet after interview , she made lame excuses … i was shocked
anyways she apologized lateron, and our relation was again normalized
I asked my mom to talk to her and then this incident was forgotten
We again started talking , we were happy
Few weeks pass by
meanwhile my mom asked them about date and her clothes size.
then one day her father called me and said that he actually likes me alot
it was his decision to make this relationship
but her daughter is not agreeing on this relationship and i should call her and talk to her…
i was shocked and furious , i told him its not my responcibility to talk her into relationship .
as I am not doing a love marriage here , he said i should talk to her and tell him what she says …
I agreed on his request,
but anyways on his request i decided to call her but she won’t pick up
I sent a message but she wont reply.
two days passed , she contacted me on skype ,normally as if nothing has went wrong…
i immediately called her and told her about my conversation with her father,
while i was speaking she said , let me talk to my father and i will get back at you …
but she didn’t …
i told my family and they were very unhappy. They requested me not to contact anyone in their family further …
Alas this was an end of relationship…
Although i like her but if they are not interested… what can be done here …
anyways do u know the total amount of time it took during this whole process … 9 months
yeah so it wasted my and their 9 months…
Now i was very furious at her …
2 weeks later she contacted me and apologized again , she said she made a mistake and would want to mend it…
My mom said , if u still want her , we can forget everything and accept this relationship.
I requested her to apologize to my mom , she said she needs some time to think about what would she say
3 days passed but she didnt,
then Now we talked for 1 week again and she asked me many times if i can come back
Now i was afraid of living with her because of her confused decisions…
I thought if she is serious she should come with her parents to our home or send her parents to our home
talking on internet emails or mobile is not satisfactory , but unfortunately her decision making was too complex…
Alas it didnt work out again..,I felt extremely guilty, now i felt as if i am causing her harm if we continue to talk .
anyways this ended again///
Lattest encounter.
Through news paper ad we got their introduction and we visited them.
Mom: they are a small family just one daughter and son.
Girl is bds and is doing house job and their son recently got admission in medical college.
Me: i dont care if their family is small or large, now all i care about is if the girl is beautiful ,confident has an active personality and are of similar financial status.
Mom: actyally her mother told me that her daughter is very pretty and has white color just like pathans but they belong to lower middle class family and live in a very remote area of pindi.
Me: i agreed as long as she is beautiful.
We went to their home ,me my dad and mom.
They were living in a small home in a remote area,i dont remember name of that area.
Her Father was waiting for us on the main road and guided us to their home in a gali.
Her father was very polite person to talk with.
Her mom and their son arrived.
I started talking to their son,
my mom to her mom and both dads …
I noticed her brother had a very innocent and charming personality…so innocent that i wondered how could he survive in college…
He told me he got admission in Army medical college but he didnt continue that because he doesnt feel comfortable with army discipline and strictness.so he switched to a civilian medical school…
His father was not happy on this decision but i agreed he made a good choice.
His father told us that he doesnt allow his kids to spend time outside home,they should just spend their time in studying.
Her mother was just like my mom
very gentle and truthful.she said she does not like people from Jat cast…she doesnt even like the word jut,we laughed at this,my mom told her that we are rajput and there are many decent and civilized jut families out there, and some jut families insist on finding only jut proposals…
Anyways one thing i noticed about her mother that she picked glass from top ,other that that i liked her a lot. They served us with good refreshment. Then her mom came and told her daughter is not agreeing to come in front of boy and she is very shy,
i was very upset as now i had to make a decision of my life without even seeing the girl . Anyways her mom invited my mon dad inside their home,during this time me and her dad were talking.
Her dad: i tried to convince her but she is too shy.
During conversation with his dad i noticed he is very soft spoken
I liked his personality
I agreed on this relationship,
My parents came they told me she is beautiful , i was already agreed,
Anyways we invited them to our home next weekend ,
they came and they also felt at home,
Her mom asked me to see her picture on mobile
i thought lol ,what difference it would make , i dont think seeing a picture is any better , only meeiting face by face is esential to get to know each other,
anyways i thought it would be harsh to refuse to see pics, so i had a glimpse.
it was time of prayers, me, my dad, her dad and her brother went for prayers in nearest mosque..,
there her father noticed me praying and saw green flags in mosque. (this mosque belong to Barelvi sect)
although i dont like to be categorised in sects but if asked to choose i would choose , sunni ,dewbandi , ahele hadith etc’
they all are almost same
but somehow her father didnt like this sect or my style of praying , he gave a hint about it to my mom in a later telephonic conversation
i wounder why he didnt talk to me directly
anyways they said they require more time to think and we are still waiting for them …
There are few more interesting things ,after life changing encounter i choose beauty to be a requirement ,before that i would have never rejected someone based on physical appearance …
i also now think its not possible to decide in one sitting and i would want to talk to girl at least but most of times , girl wont even come in front of me
and if they do , we don’t have any opportunity to talk .
it considered indecent if guy tries to talk to girl …
anyways i hope to keep updating this post until i get setteled
