Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Sorry I dont want ot be negative 
But were they raised outside of Pak and have citizenship elsewhere? I think that may be the reason they are getting so many rishtas?
I’m sorry, my ammi fills my head wiht these ideas that if someone chooses to marry you and ur not txtbook gorgeous, phir its for some bad reason 
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
sighz Its a big problem for everyone nowadays...and trust me it becomes a pain in the neck when ppl pass stupid comments "like, abhi tak shadi nahee hui, koi masla hoga". Cast is another big issue (well, at least in my family it is and elders dont wanna grow out of it). I just dont have anything to say on it any more (argued with ma mum and dad enough that i dont want to talk on this topic)
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Actually, it did. That’s why I bring up the suggestion.
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
thank you so much PCG for sharing:blush:
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
no problemz.
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Yeah they are not Pakistani citizens hehe - I forgot that one crucial point - oops 
Sara - your mom needs to be whacked in the head sorry to say! She is so hopelessly pessimistic and fills your head w/ crap too! 
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Well, like i said, i dont want to be mean but maybe that's why they're getting tons of rishtas, at least that's what my mom would say.. :( And my ammi... she'd love it if i were to find a guy on my own, she'd totally approve the love marriage thing.. but for all teh wrong reasons (coz i wud get rejected in a second in the arranged thing.)
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
yaar yesterday at about 4:30 p.m i called my mom at home i was in my office and i just called her by the way.and she started crying the reason was that a guy came at my place for the rishta purpose i am 22 and he was 35.i agreed on the rishta just bcoz my mom is so worried about me.but the guy with a fat tummy did not call or come back and it happens alot but i really dont care.i dont apply cosmetics at all.and i am not at all a bad looking girl i know myself.par phir bhi agar aadmi bhangi jaisa ho and i am saying yes just for the sake of my mom.to wo aadmi andha hai ya phir uski qismat hai.ya phir abhi meri shaadi k liye waqt nahi aaya.par wat shud i do abotu my mom.she was and she is still very depress.u know wat its really easy for u guys to give mashwaras.k do this and do that.ya phir aadmi buray hotay hain ya dunya aisee hi hai.but can u do this k umarry a girl without any conditions that she must look gorgeous or she must not be a simple girl she must be an ultra modern type thing.or she must be rich or a green card holder.nahi aap mein se koi bhi aesa nahi karsakta.mere pyaray bhaioo yeh sab kehna aasaan hai.tum logon k lectures bhi both achhay hain.par kabhi socha hai k us maa par kya guzarti hai.jiski beti ki shaadi na horahi ho.mujhe abhi koi tention nahi hai.lekin apni maa k liye to pareshan honay ka haq hai mujhe.meri ammi jab roti hain.to dil chahta hai k tamaam aadmion ko ek jaga jama kar k un pe petrol daal k zinda jala doon ya atom bomb maar doon.i am a working woman and also studying if i have to work after getting married wats the use of getting married.ghar bhi sambhalo mian bhi sambhalo bachchay susraal aur phir job.tum aadmion k saath yahi problem hai.pehle to bv nahi model chahiye hoti hai.ya phir koi lottery jis se shaadi kar sako.phir usay machine ki tarha istemaal bhi karo.rejection boht buri cheez hoti hai.aur jaantay hain aap log meri maa kal kyon roi thee yeh soch kar k us aadmi k reject karne ki waja se mein hurt hui hongi aur mein unko khush karne k liye keh rahi hoon k mein khush hoon.aur yeh sach bhi tha par mera dukh wo aadmi nahi tha.meri maa ki takleef thee aur hai.Mujhe ALLAH pe both bharosa hai par sach bataun to is waqt both helpless feel kar rahi hoon khud ko.no offense guys.mein ne jo bhi likkha uska reason sirf yeh tha aur hai k kabhi kabhi aadmion se nafrat hoti hai.hosakta hai k aaplog aise na hon.bahar haal i am sorry agar meri in tamaam baton se kisi ko koi takleef pohnchi ho.
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
please don’t jump on any rishta just for the sake of your mum…you may regret it all your life:(
try to know a little about the guy before!..he is no that old:D and look is not important what counts is his goals in life do share them?
good luck kiara:)
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Marrying someone just because your mom said so is pathetic. Atleast have mercy on the guy if you can't stand up for yourself.
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
put your friend in touch with me. :)
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
**yaar yesterday at about 4:30 p.m i called my mom at home i was in my office and i just called her by the way.and she started crying the reason was that a guy came at my place for the rishta purpose i am 22 and he was 35.i agreed on the rishta just bcoz my mom is so worried about me.but the guy with a fat tummy did not call or come back and it happens alot but i really dont care.i dont apply cosmetics at all.and i am not at all a bad looking girl i know myself.par phir bhi agar aadmi bhangi jaisa ho and i am saying yes just for the sake of my mom.to wo aadmi andha hai ya phir uski qismat hai.ya phir abhi meri shaadi k liye waqt nahi aaya.
par wat shud i do abotu my mom.she was and she is still very depress.
well, you need to convince her that dhe should nto worry and that when the time is right and the person is right you will find a mate.
u know wat its really easy for u guys to give mashwaras.k do this and do that.ya phir aadmi buray hotay hain ya dunya aisee hi hai.
its easy to give advice, and it is hard to implement it in our lives. I dont think that "aadmi burray hotay hain' ... maybe you are running into the wrong type, maybe you are not meeting enough people.
I dont know what your situation is but you have to see that there are girls who are getting married and there are those that are not. they may be in the same city, same level of attractiveness, same level of education etc. why is that. How much is 'smaaj" to blame, how much is it chance and how much is it personal initiative, social circle, and selection criteria.
*but can u do this k umarry a girl without any conditions that she must look gorgeous or she must not be a simple girl she must be an ultra modern type thing.or she must be rich or a green card holder.nahi aap mein se koi bhi aesa nahi karsakta. *
sorry, you end you sentence with a verdict that no guy can do that, which is untrue.
mere pyaray bhaioo yeh sab kehna aasaan hai.
and squarely laying all the blame on guys is asaasn too.
tum logon k lectures bhi both achhay hain.par kabhi socha hai k us maa par kya guzarti hai.jiski beti ki shaadi na horahi ho.
Those maa'in have mu utmost sympathies.
again, if there is no match being found what is the root cause of it. cursing samaaj is not going to solve anything, figuring out the root cause of why the girl is not getting married is what is needed. And then doing something about it.
Speaking of poor maa'in. My mother still has to listen to trash talk by her own siblings and cousins that I, or my brother did not marry in the family. Alhumdulillah I have been married for 8 years now and it shocks, surprises and saddens me that people have to find someone else as the scapegoat for their own miseries.
mujhe abhi koi tention nahi hai.lekin apni maa k liye to pareshan honay ka haq hai mujhe.
you have the haq to be pareshaan, but pareshanni in itslef is not going to change the circumstances that make your mother upset.
meri ammi jab roti hain.to dil chahta hai k tamaam aadmion ko ek jaga jama kar k un pe petrol daal k zinda jala doon ya atom bomb maar doon.
tamaam admi have nothing to do with your mother crying. having suc h a chip on the shoulder and such negativity is not going to solve the problem.
One opne hand you say that you are not concerned about getting married, and on the other hand you say you worry and get upset when you see your mom upset.
I suggest you communicate to her and make her understand that tou are okay and you will be okay and that you are not stressed
i am a working woman and also studying if i have to work after getting married wats the use of getting married.
there are plenty of married women who are working, who are your professors, your nurses, your doctors. Marriage is not a retirement plan for women. some want to work and some do not, but saying whats the use of getting married if you have to work is a little strange.
*ghar bhi sambhalo mian bhi sambhalo bachchay susraal aur phir job. *
it depends if you have a king of the castle type husband. most couples I know are of those where the husband and wife are both professional, and they manage the household chores and raiing kids together. I have seen women pause their career for a few years when they have young kids and then get back in it when kids are school age. Not everyone has to deal with susraal either, many people stay in joint family systems where susraal is a factor but many do not.
tum aadmion k saath yahi problem hai.pehle to bv nahi model chahiye hoti hai.ya phir koi lottery jis se shaadi kar sako.phir usay machine ki tarha istemaal bhi karo.
same for women, husband naheen, bollywood actor chahiye hota hai, doctor, engineer, MBA, na ho toh ghaas jhi naheen daali jaati. ganja na ho, mota na ho, moonch na ho, mullah na ho, bohot paisay kamata ho..
read threads on this forum itself to get a reality check
*rejection boht buri cheez hoti hai. *
true, but yet again I pose the question, why do some girls get rejected and some do not. I have examples from my own family where cousisn who live in the same mohalla, with similar socio-economic status and similar educational background and similar level of attractiveness, or heck within the same household even..why is that.
yes SOME of it is with how society is and how people are looking for looks and financial strength and what nots but that is not the only thing.
rejection is tough indeed, but what is tougher is to sit back and assess the underlying reasons for the rejection and try to change things.
*aur jaantay hain aap log meri maa kal kyon roi thee yeh soch kar k us aadmi k reject karne ki waja se mein hurt hui hongi aur mein unko khush karne k liye keh rahi hoon k mein khush hoon.aur yeh sach bhi tha par mera dukh wo aadmi nahi tha.meri maa ki takleef thee aur hai. *
well then what you are telling us is whatyou need to communicate to your mother. seems like you are upset because she is upset and she is upset because she thinks you are upset...well...the responsibility is yours to convince her that you are okay and you are just concerned about her.
*Mujhe ALLAH pe both bharosa hai par sach bataun to is waqt both helpless feel kar rahi hoon khud ko. *
Allah says, do not lose hope...
also, god helps those who help themselves. One can not be on the passenger seat in one's own life and let events and socirty and all drive your life, you have some control, while you can nto change everything, you can try to control as much of your life as you can, and do it.
no offense guys.mein ne jo bhi likkha uska reason sirf yeh tha aur hai k kabhi kabhi aadmion se nafrat hoti hai.hosakta hai k aaplog aise na hon.bahar haal i am sorry agar meri in tamaam baton se kisi ko koi takleef pohnchi ho.
No need to apologise. Itis eveident that you are upset and frustrated with the situation.
I can join in and curse out the society and all, but aside from helping you realise that others may share some of your views how will it change anything.
Again, please assess what is going on.
1) is there something you need to change, how you dress, how you groom, how you talk..and heck dont do it for shaadi, do it for yourself, perceptions and impressions are not only factors in terms of shaadi, but in terms of career, social circles, etc etc.
2) secondly, see if you are going for the right type of guys, or whoever is bringing the rishtas is bringing the right types, and if theyare not bringing right risjtas, stop entertaining those rishtas, reject them and do not move forward.
3) what are your expectations and how realistic are they, be hinest with yourself. I have guy friends who are in their 30's and not married because they want a model and I had to tell one that a model looking girl would probably want a model lookign husband and as dear of a friend as he is, he is not quite brad pitt you know.
4) how are you meeting potential rishtas, rishtay waali aunties bringing them, your mother and auints etc meeting families of eligible bachelors at shaadis or other events? people who know you at school, work.. whereever.
In the end you have to see all factors, recognize what is working well and what is not working well, and what needs to change or be discarded. This is hard to do, not just for girls but also for guys. It is hard to do, but it is worth it.
being bitter, upset and angry only allows you to vent your emotions and frustrations. Venting is healthy, it is needed. We all need to blow off some steam...but its what comes after that that matters.
good luck.
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Barnes n noble…and campus libraries
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Why are things so tough? I don't understand.
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
^ why
1)some societal crap where looks, careers, money, etc become major parts of criteria
2) expectations mismatch
3) capability and opportunity for people to find their own mates
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
She is not totally wrong!
Many people on both sides marry for different motives than just love!
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
Any reason other htan love makes it a wrong reason to marry 
Re: Finding a spouse/rishta
well said 