Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
u too RH lol... u give out alot of advice too
I just think its nice of u two to help so many ppl =)
May allah shower u both with blessings
Ameen
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^^^ I totally agree. RV rocks with her advice, m'A.. I know who I'm going to go to when I need help :) lol
Aawww, thanks! Its so nice when someone gives you a good dua when you least expect it. Allah bless you too! 
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
Ameen Ameen ;)
Thank you for the encouragement ladies . Funny thing is that my advice is similar to that of other guppies. It’s just that I’m not working these days, so i have more time on my hands to bug the posters over and over again, lol. The duas mean a lot, you can never have too many of those!
**
RupayHalwa**, if I need advice that comes with witty sense of humor…I’ll be headed toward your stall, cart, stand, wagon whatever it is. 
Disturbed_Angel. Do you know that there are many wives who are suffering abuse from their husbands? And they are too weak to leave their husbands. Do you know why? It's because these wives get confused by their husband's behavior. One day he yells at the wife, slaps her, kicks her, beats the hell out of her, treats her like a servants...................and the next day he says sorry, buys her flowers, tells her how pretty she is, and takes her to a restaurant for a romantic dinner. And the wife thinks that her husband has CHANGED and become a better person. And she falls for his romantic behavior. And then a few days later he screams at her, curses at her, slaps her, treats her like a servant again.
And the once again he says sorry and becomes romantic. And then he disrespect her again. And then he says sorry with a kiss. Then he yells at her again. And this cycle continues over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
This is not love. This is abuse. And women who stay in such marriages have low self-esteem and low confidence and zero respect for themselves.
You asked how do I leave him? If somebody comes to hit you with a shoe......what do you do? Do you just stand there and let the shoe hit you? If a crazy dog is about to come bite you.....do you stand there and let it bite you? No you don't. You simply run away from the dangerous situation. You don't need any special tips on how to walk away. You just walk away. You just end something.
Let me tell you something. It is GUNNAH **in Allah's eyes to do **ZULM to another person. And it is also **GUNNAH to sit quietly and tolerate **ZULM. Allah gave you a brain. He gave you AQAL! He is showing you the reality of your fiance and his mother............and you are closing your eyes to this?????? How silly and immature can you get, larki! Why don't you think about those poor women who find out the TRUTH **about their husband and in-laws **AFTER MARRIAGE. It becomes too late and too hard for them to get out of this situation. ** BUT YOU ARE SO LUCKY** that Allah is showing you the truth about this IDIOT BOY and IDIOT MOM.......and you are ignoring HIS BLESSING. It's gunnah for a person to accept** Zulm**. And that's what you're doing.
*I think it's sad that you don't have any respect for yourself as a woman. * I think it's sad that you don't have respect for your parents and the tension you will put them through by marrying this guy. Can you imagine how your parents will **ALWAYS WORRY ABOUT YOU **when you marry this guy? Do you want your parents to go through this tension for the rest of their life?
If you don't have any respect for yourself....at least don't put your parents through a lifetime of tension because *THEY DON"T DESERVE THAT! *
And one last thing: ** The reason why you came to Gupshup and posted your problem for a group of strangers to read is because **DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART AND IN YOUR BRAIN......you are smart enough to know that this guy and his mom are not normal. That is the real reason you posted here. Now open your eyes.........SAVE YOUR LIFE! Tell your FATHER **(not your mother)........TELL YOUR FATHER the way that this guy and his mom treat you. AND ask your **FATHER to end this rishta on YOUR BEHALF. If you're too embarrassed to end this rishta out of the STUPID FEAR that "log kya kahain gay".....................then ASK YOUR FATHER, YOUR WALI, YOUR GUARDIAN, and THE HEAD OF YOUR FAMILY...........to end the rishta for you.
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
D A...ok lets say he loves u and care about u ...but what happend after marriage when he is going to leave u here and going BACK to dubai??where is his LOVE at this situation???is that love???????
I'm getting stressed out just thinking about this.
You ppl are really very very caring and giving me too much advices .I'm really thankful to all of you .Well he called me yesterday night , he said k tum kia chahti hun akhir .mainay kaha k mainay kia kara hai jo app mujh say aisa pooch rahay hain .He said k tum aik na samajh larki hu jo meri koi baat ko value nahi deti hu aur hamesha sirf apnay liye aur apni zaroriyaat k liye soochti hu ..He also said to me k tum bohot selfish hu aur tum mujhay kabhi nahi samajhna chahti.Kafee dair ki arguments k baad unhu nay kaha k abhi bhi tum apni kisi galti k liye sorry nahi karna chahti and tumhari yehi zidd hain jo hamaray relation ko is tarah destroy kar rahi hain..He said k tum mujhay apni demand batado then mainay bhi kehdia k main app k saath Dubai mai hi rahungi and agar karachi aaongi to app k saath hi aaongi and app k bagair agar karachi aayi to apni family k saath rahun gi .Then he said k mujhay pata tha k tum bhi aur larkion ki tarah hi hu .Main bhi apni zidd per qayim rahi aur mainay bhi kehdia k agar mujhay compromise karna houga to mai dubai mai reh kar karungi lekin karachi mai app say dour reh kar main kuch nahi karungi.He said ok fine tum yehi chahti to sahi ha lekin main bhi 100% koshish karta k tumhain apnay saath rakhun but tum nay ye sab keh kar meray dil mai say apni jagah ko kam kia hai..mujhay kuch samajh nahi aaraha ha k meray saath kia huraha hai .itnay years ki mohabbat k baad jab mujhay apna pyaar mila to ab ye sab kiun huraha hai.main unko choor bhi nahi sakhti and saaath rehnay mai bhi ye sab huraha hai ...
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
what a crazy dude, has he got another girl in dubai that he doesnt want u there, which person would not want to have his wife with him!
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
Disturb_Angel, this "love" is NOT WORTH IT. This love is not real, this is a power struggle. If he said to you that you are just like all the other girls, he is trying to make you feel bad about feeling normal because you won't comply with his demands.
Even if he agrees to RELUCTANTLY take you to dubai, you will never be able to TRUST that he will actually carry out his promise to you. His family has far too much control and it sounds like they are demanding this from him in the background.
Him and his family sound backwards, the sort who treat daughter in laws as their property. You will not be able to do as you wish when you are there.
Again, this is not love.
I WILL REPEAT RED VELVETS ADVICE TO YOU - TELL YOUR DAD TO END THIS RISHTA NONSENSE!!!
...and if you must insist on marrying this control freak despite all the advice given to you in these pages, THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES AND SUFFER BECAUSE IT WILL BE BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN STUPIDITY.
One does not of course wish to cause offence by use of above term, however, this is a thoroughly deserving case.
Disturb Angel,
t's good that you told him to take you to Dubai. But keep one possibility in mind. Yeh bhi ho sakta hai k woh sirf tum se shaadi karnay k liye keh raha ha k woh tumhay apnay saath Dubai lay jaye ga. Aur kya pata shadi k baad woh ais bilkul bhi na karay. Kya pata k woh shadi ke baad bahanay banaye k visa k papers main dair lag rahi hai aur lamba process hai waghera waghera.
He said "tum bhi baki sab larkion ki tarha ho?" Dekho.....kya koi apni honay wali biwi se aisa kehta hai? Samjhanay ka bhi aik tareeka hota hai. Kisi ko baghair insult kiye bhi samjhaya jaa sakta hai. Aur agar abhi se yeh us ka tareeka hai, to shaadi k baad kya haal ho ga tumhara??? Kuch socha hai. Theek hai, woh apnay parents ko nahin chor sakta...........lekin chor kar chala gaya na? Aur agar us k parents kahein k woh dubai main settle NAHIN hona chahtay.........to phir woh apnay parents ko KIS K SAATH CHOR KAR JAYE GA????????? Zahir hai tumharya saath chor k jaye ga apnay parents ko.....khaas taur par k agar parents Pakistan main hi rehna chahtay hon.
I told you before that I know a girl in Pakistan whose husband works in Middle East. She has to live with her in-laws in Pakistan because they don't want to leave Pakistan. And he can't leave his parents alone......so SHE has to take care of them.....while he lives in Dubai. It's hard for her.
Aur us ne kaha hai k "tum bhi baki sab larkiyon ki tarha ho"..................there is a possibility that this means k tumharay phelay aur bhi larkiyan thi jo k tumharay FIANCE ki niyat aur us ki AMMI ki niyat ko forun samajh gayin thi. Aur agar aisa hai.........to phir wo larkian.......tum se ziyada samjhdaar hain.
Assal baat to yeh hai tum KHUD apni respect nahin karti. Agar karti......to khud ko aisi dangerous risk se nah guzar ti.
PLease aur koi alternate nahi hai ki is sab baaton ka ? Like bagair unko choor kar mai kuch aur nahi karsakhti kia? Like any other method ? Please
PLease aur koi alternate nahi hai ki is sab baaton ka ? Like bagair unko choor kar mai kuch aur nahi karsakhti kia? Like any other method ? Please
You could kill him, that way he will leave you, so you won't have to leave him.
OK, thats mean, but I couldn't resist, sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh when you are in the depths of despair.
PLease aur koi alternate nahi hai ki is sab baaton ka ? Like bagair unko choor kar mai kuch aur nahi karsakhti kia? Like any other method ? Please
But he won't change, so stick with him, and stick with the problems.
ok kuch time to mai aur dekh sakhti hun na . May be he will not do dis again :( jitna gussa kartay hain utna hi pyaar bhi to kartay haina ..:(
U know what engagement say pehlay he waz sooo good ,pehlay bhi he usually fought to me but abhi mujhay aisa lagta hai jaisay k wo apni mama ki baatoon mai aarahay hain :( may be shadi k baad jab mai un k saath mai hungi to sab sahi hujaiga ..
what a crazy dude, has he got another girl in dubai that he doesnt want u there, which person would not want to have his wife with him!
That is exactly what i was thinking!!!!! There is a reason he doesnt want to take you. I know it can be hard to get citenship in Dubai, but if he loves you and wants to marry you he can find a way to live with you. Whether its in dubai or pak or anywhere else. You know what they say, a man and woman truly in love dont care where they live, what the eat, etc as long as they have eachother and, where husband goes wife goes!!!!
I think you are being very naive and blinded by his love. Please leave this guy. You can do so much better!
U know what engagement say pehlay he waz sooo good ,pehlay bhi he usually fought to me but abhi mujhay aisa lagta hai jaisay k wo apni mama ki baatoon mai aarahay hain :( may be shadi k baad jab mai un k saath mai hungi to sab sahi hujaiga ..
Ziyadatar Susral waalay shadi se pehlay achi impression daitay hain aur respect dikhatay hain......aur shadi k baad apna sahi rang dikhatay hain. Lekin tumhary case main to yeh log abhi say hi (shadi se pehlay) tumhay apni jooti ki tarha treat kar rahain hai. Tum kab jago gi. ** Tum apni respect kyoon nahin karti?** Tum apnay parents k baaray main kyoon nahin sochti? Woh becharay kitni tension main har waqt rahain gay yeh soch kar k yeh log un ki beti k saath kya salook kar rahain hain?
I know a girl in Pakistan. She married her cousin and he lived in Europe. He never took her there. She lived with his mother. And his mother treated her like a servant. Baad main pata chala k us ki pehlay se aik Europe main biwi hai. And she finally got divorce from him. And after MANY years of waiting...........she finally got married to another man. Her life was so difficult.
Log apnay cousins/khala par bhi poora bharosa nahin kar saktay. Aur aik tum ho......jis ko sab kuch samnay nazar aa raha hai........aur tum par koi asar nahin ho raha.
I already told you about this girl who is married to a guy that lives in Dubai. Girl lives in Pakistan with In-laws. She has 2 children. Her oldest son is almost a teenager......and her husband still hasn't called her to live in Dubai with him. You know why? Because his parents don't want to move away from Pakistan. Aur woh apnay parents ko akela nahin chor sakta. And I've heard her in-laws are not easy people.
So many people have told you the right thing to do. But it seems like you have made up your mind. Ab aur kya kaha jaa sakta hai? Jo log shadi se pehlay apna sahi rang dikha rahain hain.....Allah Jaanay shadi k baad kya karain gay.
**
Aik baat batao mujhay**.......Tumhari behan, cousin, ya best friend aisi problem main ho.......to tum ussay kya mashwara deti? Yeh k woh badtameezi chup chaap sehti rahay.......ya apnay aap ko azaad kar k apnay future ko save karay?
In logon ka tumhari baizzati karna.....tumhary ki parents ki baizzati karnay k barabar hai.
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
DB and Saadia,
I'm thinking the same as you ladies. I know of someone who went through a similar situation. The guy never took his wife to the foreign country he lived in. He never wanted to live with his mom in Pakistan because he already had a wife with him in another country. But he didn't want his mom to live alone by herself in Pakistan so he agreed to marry his cousin so mom could have a servant.
I feel he's got something to hide. And it just might be another girl.