Disturb, you are going into this with your eyes wide open, you are basically leaving your home to be a free of charge cook and maid. This is the price you are paying for your so called "love".
Classic case of "love is blind". 2 years from now when you are weeping alone whilst scrubbing the dirty floor of your mother-in-laws kitchen, will you still be happy that you are doing this for "love" of your absent husband.
YOUR LOVE IS A NONSENSE. YOU ARE A FOOL TO BELIEVE YOU WILL BE HAPPY.
He is not calling me since 3 days.Well my mama is also disturb .She doesnt know what to do now...Today i called to my fiancee's mom.She treats me very harshly ,like she talks in a very high pitch .Dont know wht to do. Kuch bhi samajh nahi aaraha hai mujhay.Apna 5 years ka pyaar bhi itni easily nahi choor sakhti hun main.un k saath guzra hua aik aik pal yaad aata ha agar mai unko choornay ka sooochti hun to..3 days say mai completely so nahi saki hun aur na hi mujh say studies hurahi hain..kisi cheez per concentrate nahi huraha mera ...
What I conclude from all the situation is that he didn't have job earlier, he trapped u thru internet by all his sweet talk, b/c u ur parents had money and he thought u r a good way to it, he had to talk to you nicely at that time and show that he is all lovey dovey , and now when he has a job at dubai may be he just wants to get rid of you, may be he has find someone else so he is doing that to you, or maybe he know that u are going mad in his love so you would do whatever he will ask you to.
Also MIL having only son are too possessive, i believe even if he wants to keep him with u ur MIL wont let him.
So please be careful abt making a decision, its better to regret before marriage then after.
He is not calling me since 3 days.Well my mama is also disturb .She doesnt know what to do now...Today i called to my fiancee's mom.She treats me very harshly ,like she talks in a very high pitch .Dont know wht to do. Kuch bhi samajh nahi aaraha hai mujhay.Apna 5 years ka pyaar bhi itni easily nahi choor sakhti hun main.un k saath guzra hua aik aik pal yaad aata ha agar mai unko choornay ka sooochti hun to..3 days say mai completely so nahi saki hun aur na hi mujh say studies hurahi hain..kisi cheez per concentrate nahi huraha mera ...
Disturb_Angel,
You are seriously disturbed. And reading the above post of yours.....seems to me you need some tough love from us fellow guppies to try and bring you to your senses.
Please listen to us carefully and consider the advice we're giving you. Compromise is a necessary part of a healthy and loving relationship. And this guy can't compromise for you. When people love each other, they know how to be flexible with each other. But this guy can't even be flexible for you. Also, love is not about control.
So, let's look at the current situation. He can't compromise with you. He can't be flexible. And he wants to control you. And him and his mommy don't respect you. *This is not healthy and it doesn't seem like love.
*
Actions speak **LOUDER **than words. Anyone can say "I love you".....but very few people show their love through understanding and actions.
"I love you" kehna aur baat hai. Or dikhana alag baat hai (and this is more important).
You say you loved him for five years.......but 5 years is **NOTHING **compared to a possible lifetime of misery. Please think about this.
I'm not telling you to leave this guy. But I will urge you to also think with your** brain instead of only thinking with your heart. Use logic** with your emotion as well.
Remember one thing: ** Koi doosra tumhari izzat karay ya na karay*.........tumhay apni or apni family is izzat karni chahiye!*
A woman who has respects herself will not tolerate disrespect from anyone. Think about this before making any final decisions. I wish you the best.
^ And please don't chase a guy. In the future.....if you are having problems, don't call him by yourself. GET YOUR MOM to talk to his MOM!!!!! So that YOUR MOM can get an idea of his mom's character and the whole situation. ** Or get your parents to talk to his parents on the phone.
Thanks for ur supports people ! Well he provides me some happiness also .Like he give me the facility of his own car and the driver picks me from the university and then drop me at my office ( i'm doing internship there) .Although his mother's expression show that she doesnot like this car thing at all but she looks like a revenge women . Like wo hamesha waqt aanay ka intezaar karti hain and whenever she get the chance she said bad things abt me to my fiancyy. He loves me too but dont know why his behavior changes everyday.Sometymes he show great love and the another day he fought with me on very disturbing topics.Now 4 days gone and we didnt talk wid each other :( I m missing him alot.kuch samajh hi nahi aarha k kia karun.Mom is saying dat dont contact to him bcoz wo apni beti ki eyes mai tears nahi dekhna chahti and father is also saying k wo nahi chahtay k unki beti tension wali life guzaray ...Main kia karun?? Main apnay fiancyy say bohot pyaar karti hun lekin main compromise kar kar k bhi tired hu chuki hun.
Thanks for ur supports people ! Well he provides me some happiness also .Like he give me the facility of his own car and the driver picks me from the university and then drop me at my office ( i'm doing internship there) .Although his mother's expression show that she doesnot like this car thing at all but she looks like a revenge women . Like wo hamesha waqt aanay ka intezaar karti hain and whenever she get the chance she said bad things abt me to my fiancyy. He loves me too but dont know why his behavior changes everyday.Sometymes he show great love and the another day he fought with me on very disturbing topics.Now 4 days gone and we didnt talk wid each other :( I m missing him alot.kuch samajh hi nahi aarha k kia karun.Mom is saying dat dont contact to him bcoz wo apni beti ki eyes mai tears nahi dekhna chahti and father is also saying k wo nahi chahtay k unki beti tension wali life guzaray ...Main kia karun?? Main apnay fiancyy say bohot pyaar karti hun lekin main compromise kar kar k bhi tired hu chuki hun.
Are you serious? He "loves youtoo much but his behaviour changes everyday"?!? What kind of "love" is this? If he loved you so much, he would NOT be putting you in this damn position. THINK for yourself!
Woman, you've been given so much advice on this thread.. READ and ACT upon it! Quit being depressed and helpless! It ain't going to get you anywhere.
Oh and listen to your parents, if not anyone else.
Thanks for ur supports people ! Well he provides me some happiness also .Like he give me the facility of his own car and the driver picks me from the university and then drop me at my office ( i'm doing internship there) .Although his mother's expression show that she doesnot like this car thing at all but she looks like a revenge women . Like wo hamesha waqt aanay ka intezaar karti hain and whenever she get the chance she said bad things abt me to my fiancyy. He loves me too but dont know why his behavior changes everyday.Sometymes he show great love and the another day he fought with me on very disturbing topics.Now 4 days gone and we didnt talk wid each other :( I m missing him alot.kuch samajh hi nahi aarha k kia karun.Mom is saying dat dont contact to him bcoz wo apni beti ki eyes mai tears nahi dekhna chahti and father is also saying k wo nahi chahtay k unki beti tension wali life guzaray ...Main kia karun?? Main apnay fiancyy say bohot pyaar karti hun lekin main compromise kar kar k bhi tired hu chuki hun.
Honey, your parents are telling you the right thing to do. Right now you are only engaged. If you have any worries about your fiance and his mom....then YOUR parents should communicate with him and his mother. Not you. This is to safeguard your reputation (izzat) because you're not officially married yet. And you don't want his mother to ruin your reputation by twisting your conversations around. Get the involvement of elders.....your parents. Your parents should be the ones to handle issues with his stupid mother. They have more experience than you and get a better idea of what him and his mother are like if they do the communicating.
Also, your father is right. The feelings of "love" disappear quickly when the reality of marriage sits in. Marriage is tough work.....it's not like the romance portrayed in unrealistic bollywood movies. Your father doesn't want you to spend your life with a horrible mother-in-law and a moody husband. Think about the future. God forbid, what if you get divorced by this guy? Can you imagine how difficult it is to deal with that stigma in our culture?
Even if this guy does love you sometimes....other days he's very moody. Do you really want to tolerate all this? Please think realistically. Don't willingly subject yourself to a lifetime of misery. Have some respect for yourself. Either get a guy who will stand up to his mom when appropriate and who respects you. Or find someone else.
He is 27 years old ..Yeah we met wid each other when he waz in pakistan but now he is in Dubai datzwhy we chat through internet and do voice chats usually.I'm in pakistan and doing my last year of engineering.*He wants to marry in december 2009 after my graduation and after marriage i have to live in pakistan and he will leave me alone with his parents *.
then what is purpose of marriage when u will not live with him???and he will only visit u once a year or may be after 2 year...
u r a young and nice girl..if u r not happy with their house and with or IN-laws then dont get marriage...shadi is not a game or its not for 1/2 years agreement...now u r only looking at him that u love him...
jab maine wo cooking wali thread read ki i thought it was only a cooking problem...but NO...their is much more....agar shadi ke bad bhi apki MIL apse khush nahi howi tab??and apke husband to DUbai mai hoge wo kia kare ge apke liye??he will still say she is her mother and u have to respect her..thats it..
so my advice is Plzz think seriously about ur shadi....ask him to take u with him to Dubai...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE......think seriously about this marriage. I know a girl who is married. She lives in Pakistan with her in-laws. And her husband works in the middle-east. Her in-laws are not always nice. And her husband is not there to support her. It's a very difficult situation to be in because she does not see him in a long time.
What is the point in becoming the servant of a mother-in-law who doesn't respect you? Your husband will be too far away and can't help you. And your parents will be be in so much tension worrying about your life with his mother.
As Kinzz suggested, tell him to take you with him to Dubai. And if he says he can't do it, then maybe it's best if you don't marry him.
look like hes a total mamas boy n mom is brainwashing him so that affects his attitude towards u.
Disturb plz u'll get over him.i know its not easy but believe me u can do it but u can't get out of this mess once u r his wife.n living with his parents mean not living with him plus ur MIL will constantly backbite ur every move to him n everytime he'll b on vacation all u 2 will do is fighting n MIL will just enjoy.just open ur eyes n forget the nightmare.
How should i leave him? Sometimes he show extreme love also :( .We have our engagement done and i show my pics and everything abt him to everyone .Now what my freinds will think abt us :( I said too gud words abt him to my freinds .Now wht will happen :( ...Yesterday night he again fought to me.I came back from marriage late night ,he waz calling me in the caremony many time,i picked his calls and replied also .When i came back to home he said that did u chk the email which i sent u ( he sent me an email of a wedding album and bride pix) but i forgot to chk it .I said no bcoz i waz busy in da function preparation.Then he said ok bye i cant talk to u then ryt now. I said why r u fighting then he said to me SELFISH i m nt fighting u r a jerk :( ....He said that dont call me bcoz i dont wanna talk to you..Jus bcoz of this thing he said dat much to me and in da night he msged me two times that you are really selfish :( ....I dont know wht i did.He never try to understand my problems n start shouting quickly.Now i m nt able to concentrate on my work ryt now ...feeling tooo much depress and lonely ..my mind is also bursting jus bcoz of this fighting.I sent him a funny msg but no reply from his side :(
How should i leave him? Sometimes he show extreme love also :( .We have our engagement done and i show my pics and everything abt him to everyone .Now what my freinds will think abt us :( I said too gud words abt him to my freinds .Now wht will happen :( ...Yesterday night he again fought to me.I came back from marriage late night ,he waz calling me in the caremony many time,i picked his calls and replied also .When i came back to home he said that did u chk the email which i sent u ( he sent me an email of a wedding album and bride pix) but i forgot to chk it .I said no bcoz i waz busy in da function preparation.Then he said ok bye i cant talk to u then ryt now. I said why r u fighting then he said to me SELFISH i m nt fighting u r a jerk :( ....He said that dont call me bcoz i dont wanna talk to you..Jus bcoz of this thing he said dat much to me and in da night he msged me two times that you are really selfish :( ....I dont know wht i did.He never try to understand my problems n start shouting quickly.Now i m nt able to concentrate on my work ryt now ...feeling tooo much depress and lonely ..my mind is also bursting jus bcoz of this fighting.I sent him a funny msg but no reply from his side :(
Whoa, you sure are disturbed. Can't you see how badly he makes you feel? That should be enough for you to want to leave him, but nooo. And what about your friends? Is it them who are going to move to Pakistan after your marriage, whilst he's in Dubai? No. Are you the first person in the world whose going to break an engagement? No. Then, why is it a big deal to them? I don't know about you but if I had a friend in your position, I'd WANT her to break this engagment and I'd want her to be with a guy who will treat her right and keep her happy.
UFF! This desi fear of "log kya kahein gay" drives me up the wall. What is more important......getting out of a potentially dangerous and dsyfunctional marriage.....or.....thinking about "log kya kahein gay" ?
Keep one thing in mind........It is easier to break an engagement but it's HARD to break a marriage.
Breaking an engagement has fewer consequences but breaking a marriage has greater consequences.
Listen to what** Mabrook** is saying. Just tell your friends that "Things didn't work out well. Our families were not compatible." That's it.
RV ur like the most helpful agony aunt ive ever seen (its a compliment) coz ive seen how u reply to other posts always helpin out with ppls problems.. Hope allah rewards u immensley for being that shoulder for many others... a bit off topic but just thought its about iome i mentioned it