Disturb - Sweetheart it is fairly obvious that this thing is not going to work out. Stop worrying about it, gather up your courage and tell him to faak off.
Nice work, Jaanwar! The last sentence might be a bit brusque for our conservative damsel in distress..........but nevertheless very deserving of her faaaked-up fiance, lol ;)
yes dildirani now i want to ignores him as u all ppl are with me !
*VERY GOOD......Disturb_Angel! *
That's the right attitude to have. Shaabash! He needs to be ignored. Next step is to talk to your father and maybe show him the emails.
Always remember, boyfriends and fiances will come and go. But your parents will always love you sincerely. And they will try to make the best decision for you. Ab tak to tum ne apnay parents to ko ignore kiya hai........but **NOW **you should listen to your dad and get your dad involved. Get your dad to talk to this fiance.
Don't talk to your mom or your sister. Again I will tell you the SAME ADVICE: ** Auraton ko mardon ki itni samajh nahin hoti.** A man can understand another man better. That's why get your** FATHER to talk to and settle this LOSER.**
Oh and let me give you another piece of advice. If your father talks to him.......he might trick your father and act all "Masoom". So, before you father talks to him..........you should show your father the emails he sent you. Trust me, that will be the perfect punishment for this loser.
And that way he might learn, k aainda kisi ki beti k saath tameez se paish aana chahiye. And he will learn k larki chahay jitni bhi young, innocent, patient ho...........us k ghar-walay us ka saath hamesha dain gay aur us ko protect karain gay!
He is continuously calling me ..jab mai call recieve kar rahi hun to he is saying me dat tumhari aukaaat (value) hi kia hai jo tum mujhay bharam dikha rahi hu and jao yahan say dafa hujao ..Ye kehnay k baad bhi baar baar he is calling main and agar main recieve nahi kar rahi tou wo meri sister k cell per call kar k keh rahay hain k meri fiancy say baat karwaye... :( and mujhay slangs derahay hain baar baar
larki.............woh itna chalaak aur taiz hai k woh tumhari sister se tameez se baat karta ho ga. Aur jab tum phone par aati ho......to badtameezi aur gaaliyan shuroo.
Tum jaa kar apnay FATHER ko batao.............woh aik minute main iss banday ko sahi kar day gain!
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^ is larke ko koi funny problem toh nai aih
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
redvelvet: Your advice rocks girl!
Disturb_angel, I hope you will ignore him, no more calls, no more emails/texts etc. If he rings your sis, PLEASE hang up! Infact, tell your sis to stop answering his calls, I'm suprised she isn't already! Ignore, ignore & ignore. Also, tell your dad to ring his mom (the one who bribes you with jewellery lol) and CANCEL this rishta FORMALLY. Then, he can talk to loserfacefiance as well and tell him to stay away. And return everything of his back to him, if he's been giving you money or whatever, return it! Good luck with everything, I'll be checking for updates so do let us know how it all turns out for you :)
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^Chipkali.........I just realized something. DA's sister keeps giving her the phone because she has no idea how DA's fiance is treating her. And she can't continue this act without her family becoming suspicious.
Distrub Angel..............if you continue ignoring his phone calls, then your parents will wonder why you are not talking to him. Socho, agar tum baar baar us ki phone calls avoid karo gi....to sab sochay gain k tum dono ki beech koi problem ho rahi hai.
Sooner or later you will have to explain to your family why you are repeatedly ignoring his phone calls. Ab kabhi to tum ne apni family ko batana hoga k tum us ki phone calls kyoon avoid kar rahi ho.
So..............tell your father NOW about the email he sent you. Then your father and sister and mother will understand why you are ignoring him. And then your father will talk to him.
So...........ussay ignore karti jaao.........lekin apnay FATHER ko us ki ghattiya email k baaray main zaroor batao. Varna ghar main confusion ho gi.....k tum ussay avoid kyoon kar rahi ho. Is liye ABHI SE HI......apnay parents ko bataa do k tumhari ignore karnay ki kya vajha hai.
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^^^ Very true.. the family (especially your DAD) has got to know DA. Afterall, they are the ones who will stand by you and support you, whenever you will need them. They are the ones who can help you get through this. Don't think about it anymore, tell them!
^ Agrees with Chip-Kali
D. In life you have downsides as such, and nobody cares for you more in this world than your parents.
Even if you chose the guy yourself, it doesnt matter. They are your parentz..
And im teling you its also thier right to know what is really going on between you two.
Because at the end of the day it is them who will be facing the hassle and worry if you are treated like this after marriage.
^ Ofcourse ur father/Mother will be angry seeing the email. But u have to persuade them being thier loving daughter, to before calling it off atleast check why he is acting like that, lately, as im sure he must not have always been like that.
i.e; he got job-stress, money problems, funny problem, sisters INLAW prob, brainwashing by mother or what.....
And i repeat to all the people who are telling D.A to call it off immidietly pls think more maturely.
In islam we are always adviced to try to save a relation/marriage if we can than destroy it.
I know this girl isnt married, but she has been with him for 5 years is deeply and sincerely committed from her side, which shed prefer if possible to be resolved and improved than broken-up.
Im sure she has common sense & is bright, if she wanted to break-up she wud have done it by now.
One other idea...if his mum is sooo that rude...maybe u shud try calling and record her voice one-day...hehe..get a a proper conversation going......record it all..and show it to finance...
Maybe you good slyly ask things that you know 'tick-her' off.
And one other thing to be mind-ful of; maybe the MIL doesnt want u to marry her son, so is acting in a deliberate way to break off the engagement?
-She acts rudely infront of u in a way so u cant stand her
^then rings the fone to her son, and masoomly tells him that he shud tell u that MIL and DIL shud live together after marriage.
WHaT A Politiccal MIL!
....
And i repeat to all the people who are telling D.A to call it off immidietly pls think more maturely. In islam we are always adviced to try to save a relation/marriage if we can than destroy it.
I know this girl isnt married, but she has been with him for 5 years is deeply and sincerely committed from her side, which shed prefer if possible to be resolved and improved than broken-up.
Pindi bhai, if we are going to bring Islam into it, then we should be mindful that Islamic guidance applies to MARRIED relationship.
This girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance relationship that has been going on for the past 5 years is NOT within the context of the Islamic save a marriage principles. Least, I don't think so anyway.
Put it one way, I have never come across a hadith that says, if a boyfriend is treating his girlfriend badly, third party should encourage this relationship to blossom into an abusive marriage.
^ Agrees with Chip-Kali
And i repeat to all the people who are telling D.A to call it off immidietly pls think more maturely. In islam we are always adviced to try to save a relation/marriage if we can than destroy it.
We are thinking maturely. Whereas you are thinking in a love-struck emotional manner. Islam advises to save MARRIAGE**. We are advised to repair the marriage and divorce is used as a last resort. BUT, this girl is NOT MARRIED. She has not had Nikkah. It is only an engagement. Put the pathos to the side and use the logos. Use your logic. If the majority of the people are advising the girl to call it off............then why don't you think about why they are giving this advice............instead of becoming the minority. Also, why don't you look at some of DA's posts........she has said in a post that sometimes she hates him. She has no desire to communicate with him when he hurls profanities at her. She, herself, is beginning to realize that marrying such a guy is not practical.
**Im sure she has common sense & is bright, if she wanted to break-up she wud have done it by now.
Look, many times the things we want in our life are not good for us. If a person has a problem with drinking and has been driking alcohol for 5 years on a daily basis and is destroying his health and family...............EVERYONE will tell him to STAY AWAY FROM THE ALCOHOL. No intelligent person is going to say "If he has common sense and is bright, if he wanted to break-up with the alcohol, he wud have done it by now" (that is senseless reasoning).
One other idea...if his mum is sooo that rude...maybe u shud try calling and record her voice one-day...hehe..get a a proper conversation going......record it all..and show it to finance... Maybe you good slyly ask things that you know 'tick-her' off.
And one other thing to be mind-ful of; maybe the MIL doesnt want u to marry her son, so is acting in a deliberate way to break off the engagement?
-She acts rudely infront of u in a way so u cant stand her
^then rings the fone to her son, and masoomly tells him that he shud tell u that MIL and DIL shud live together after marriage.
WHaT A Politiccal MIL!
**No matter HOW BAD a guy's mom is..................the guy is 27 years gold and has his own AQAL. Just because my mom doesnt' like someone doesn't mean that I am going to treat that person with disrespect and shower them with gaaliyan.
Even if his mom doesn't like her...................he did not have to use such bad language toward her. He did not have to call her the F-word. Even if your parents don't like someone.............YOU as an ADULT should have control over your own words and actions.
His email suggest that he has a controlling psychology and also that he has anger management issues. He has said that he doesn't forgive or forget mistakes. And that is a dangerous mentality to have in a husband. A woman's life becomes miserable if she lives with a man who has to remind and curse at her for every mistake she made.
Amir_Pindi.................this is a young and impressionable girl who is 20 years old. She hasn't even completed her education. She has the next few years ahead of her to find a good rishta. YOU are making one big mistake by urging this girl to try and fix this rishta which is not even a marriage. You are giving this young girl hope. And now she's going to fall 6 step backwards. Pehlay do kadam barhai thay seedi direction main..........ab woh chay kadam peechay gir paray gi.
A guy like this had demonstrated over and over again he's not normal. There is nothing to be fixed in this relationship. Regardless of how bad his mom is, he did not have to call her such dirty words. You can tell a man's character by the way he treats women.
My advice to you would be to consider editing your post and removing the part of "trying to make it work". She has BEEN Trying to fix this relationship since the first day that she opened this thread. She has even tried protecting his reputation from her parents. Now, he doesn't deserve any more chances. Don't encourage the girl to give this guy a second chance. Everybody knows that there are some things and situations in life that don't deserve another chance after many chances have already been given.**
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^ Red! What's up with all that pink?
I thought you might choose red if you ever had to. That pink is tooooooooooo boring. I don't like to read in pink =(
^ U r exactly Rite R.H
But You see i did include that notion in my post.
OK we know she did wrong by getitng into a relation b4 marriage. But we all make mistakes from time to time, so shdunt look down on others.
Some people, especailly us boys, take g.f/b.f relation as messing about/not serious so its easier for such a faker to let go.
But some people take it serilusly and form the start have the right intention to marry.
Imagine how someone who is trapped by another person, is deeply and sincerely, loyally commited from thier side, and fora long time.
It has developed into emotional bond, comparable to marriage. And remmeber the case here is further from gf.bf...they r engaged.
So if a person comes to you for help...what should you do....
Well, im not encoruaging this into marriage.
Im just being some what considerate, and prduent.
Because us people dont know this girl or her real-life nor the real circumstances.
We only have a picture of the guy and the situation which the girl has expressed.
Im not being bad, but sotimes we can get overhwlmend, and forget other factors or own mistakes/wrongs that could have contributed to a problem.
This girls needs contribution of her elders to put things in context and proper perspective before calling it off.
Thats all im saying.
Well, yes in a way ur right. It only engagement if they call it off ofcourse its not like they cant call it on again.
And i think people should understand that Its less easier for girls to leave one guy and get another, as comapred to a guy coming out of a relaion and finding new one.
ESpecially in Pak
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^
Al-rite i have to agree to r.v
I agree i havnt kept up as properlyas u guys form the begginning.
OK the thing the dude said that he does not forget nor forgive.
THAT IS DANGEROUS. I MEAN EVEN IM NOT THAT CRAZY! And evri knws me
Ok.I wanst even giving hope form the start.
I was just trying to pose some sympathy for the girls feelings and tell her to get her elders to check him on her behalf first.
Ok im not advising anything rite now.
Apart from GETTING YOUR DAD TO CHECK him. Your dad shud confront him, with the emial if he tries to be massom infront of him, and ask him beta whats this about?
See what he answers.
Lastly,I wud say form what ive seen of this GUY hE SEEMS INCREDIBLY FAAKED UP AND ALSO VERY SELFISH.
''UFFF MERA DIN ZAYA HO GAYA''....KIA KARUN APNI TENSION KA''
[QUOTE]
And i repeat to all the people who are telling D.A to call it off immidietly pls think more maturely.
In islam we are always adviced to try to save a relation/marriage if we can than destroy it.
I know this girl isnt married, but she has been with him for 5 years is deeply and sincerely committed from her side, which shed prefer if possible to be resolved and improved than broken-up.
Im sure she has common sense & is bright, if she wanted to break-up she wud have done it by now.
**One other idea...if his mum is sooo that rude...maybe u shud try calling and record her voice one-day...hehe..get a a proper conversation going......record it all..and show it to finance...
**Maybe you good slyly ask things that you know 'tick-her' off.
[/QUOTE]
Brother Amir,
If it was just the mother's behaviour that was a problem to this girl, I may agree with your suggestion. But the mother's rudeness isn't even HALF the problem. It's the fact that the fiance himself treats her like absolute bakwaas. Even if we look at this Islamically, I'm no aalimah, but where does it say to carry on tolerating abuse/swears from a man who is not even your husband? Let us keep in mind that a mangni is not even an Islamic concept, so how can Islamic principles even apply to this rishta? I may be wrong, but I've heard what you say apply to marriages only, where divorce is the last resort.. nothing about engagements.
It's soo unhealthy for her to stay in this relationship, and she herself did say her father would like her to end this rishta as it is stressing her out. Personally, I think D_A will be doing a LOT of good to herself and her parents, by not going ahead with this.. she already has a clear picture of what kind of a life lies ahead with such a man. She should know what to do by now and as for it being hard for girls to get out of one rishta and into another.. she's young yet, and that would be the worst reason for one to stay in a relationship. Nowadays, it is not unheard of, for a girl to break an engagement and get married elsewhere.. it happens and if it does, it definitely happens for the best :)
^
Al-rite i have to agree to r.v
I agree i havnt kept up as properlyas u guys form the begginning.
OK the thing the dude said that he does not forget nor forgive.
THAT IS DANGEROUS. I MEAN EVEN IM NOT THAT CRAZY! And evri knws me
Ok.I wanst even giving hope form the start.
I was just trying to pose some sympathy for the girls feelings and tell her to get her elders to check him on her behalf first.
Ok im not advising anything rite now.
Apart from GETTING YOUR DAD TO CHECK him. Your dad shud confront him, with the emial if he tries to be massom infront of him, and ask him beta whats this about?
See what he answers.
Lastly,I wud say form what ive seen of this GUY hE SEEMS INCREDIBLY FAAKED UP AND ALSO VERY SELFISH.
''UFFF MERA DIN ZAYA HO GAYA''....KIA KARUN APNI TENSION KA''
Oh, sorry lol. I replied already and read this post afterwards. Ok, now I'm going to shush and wait for disturb_angel to come back and update us on how she is. :)
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^ ANY FATHER..........after he finds out that a guy has been repeatedly calling his daughter the F-word................is not going to give a CHIT about what** "reasons"** the guy has for abusing his daughter. ANY FATHER....who loves his daughter........who is in his right mind.......desi or non-desi.........Muslim or Non-Muslim.........will NEVER accept a single lame excuse that some guy will give for abusing his daughter.
There is no explanation in the world that justifies such behavior. And it's impractical to advise a girl to "save the relationship" especially when her own father will not want to save the relationship after he finds out what the guy is doing.
And if the guy was that interested in establishing a marriage and saving/strengthening the relationship with this girl............then he shouldn't have resorted to such cheap behavior.
^ Red! What's up with all that pink?
I thought you might choose red if you ever had to. That pink is tooooooooooo boring. I don't like to read in pink =(
Masti, I'm not going to discriminate against all the other colors just because my name is "red" velvet. Besides........pink happens to be from the red family.
And.....you're not obligated to read the pink post. However, I think that the content of the post is more important than the color :p
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
Amir..........there are some situations that are tooooo STRONG and DISTURBING........that one can ignore being** "considerate and prudent."**
One has to pick and choose their battles and think about when to be "considerate and prudent"..............and when to end the relationship. If people continued to be considerate and prudent no matter how severe the circumstances are...........then they are willingly allowing themselves to become doormats and victims for psychological/emotional/physically abusive behavior.
And such "consideration and prudence" will encourage the ABUSER to continue with his abuse.......since the other person has considerately decided to become a door-mat and has accepted their fate as a victim.
Bottom-line: After a person has given someone many chances.......and things are getting worse...........then consideration can be thrown out the window.....on to the road.......to be run over by a car.
Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!
^ Yes i agree to that R.V. This guy does seem too much.
I only asserted she shud let her dad to take the matter in his hands.
I honestly didnt mean to crat any hope for d.a, but what i did intend wud make her feel at peace, is if she got sombod to find out what the f...m his problme is.
As i know some girls who have been brokeup/divorced without much clarification and r now wndeirng why he did it??
^ Ne-way I think i shud be out of this thread for a while
Khawatino ko toh dusman banana mera least objective hai
lolzzzz
no disrespect...maaf karne pyraari guppiyon..
