father having second marriage

[retaliator]

*Yes take a deep breath and betray your mother's trust and become her enemy by denying her right to happiness! Marvellous! SubhanAllah this is the reward for raising a child and giving somewhat 15/20 years of your life to a marriage/man, than I think we should all strive to fulfill the 'natural urges' of men! * Why so much hype about male sexual urges? Go involve yourself with helping the vulnerable/elderly/homeless/orphan instead of eyeing women up and wasting your energy on useless thoughts! Islam says to lower your gaze!

Women have sexual needs to, but they don't all jump the bandwagen and start having illegal affairs/remarry on this basis.

well if a women's needs are not being fulfilled then she can ask for divorce and get remarried. And in such a case man shud divorce her.

men wud automatically lower their gazes if women wud start abiding by the laws of islam. N men do lower their gazes...

all bodily needs are alike n sex is one of them...

helping the orphans and homeless. Yea that can b discussed in another thread.

[zarra8]

The problem is no woman wud want to *share her husband with another woman and so probably neither wud his mom. Where ever it happens, it happens as a compromise by the woman. But it is smthing a woman shud do whenever she sees that she cannot fulfil all the reqs. Of her hsband. It is one of the haqooq ul ibad. And so is the man's responsibility to take care of her family. Ofcourse if a man remarries then obviously his time wud b divided b/w his families. But it does not mean that he is fulfilling his responsibilities.

Of course he is not fulfilling his responsibilities if he is unequal and it is also haqoog ul ibad to fulfill the needs of wife rather than going out and buying a new model because he is having a mid life crisis and may not have much to offer himself. What should a man do when he sees that he cannot fulfil all the requirements of the wife? This is also something to ponder about.

[retaliator]

One cannot compare the modern day money grabbers/homewreckers/selfish/betraying/cheating women to the mothers of the believers. Majority of these women are already going against Islam by having secret affairs/private meetings/sexual relations with the man before entering a polygamous marriage. This is usually to entice the man into giving up his existing/wife and kids for them.

The mothers of the believers did not betray/date/have private affairs on the side,they were women of real substance and followed Allah's laws before/after entering a polygamous marriage. The mothers of the believers gave up their lives for Islam and were not attracted by glitz and glamor of this world like the modern day women who marry for money/lust/greed and deprive the first woman/children from that marriage of the rights to a happy/stable environment.

women dont always marry for money, glitz n galmor. Do not generalize.

[retaliator]

Of course he is not fulfilling his responsibilities if he is unequal and it is also haqoog ul ibad to fulfill the needs of wife rather than going out and buying a new model because he is having a mid life crisis and may not have much to offer himself. What should a man do when he sees that he cannot fulfil all the requirements of the wife? This is also something to ponder about.

marrying a model typo women is just a reaction to the way things are in our society.

first understand why the mid life crisis occur.

[zarra8]

women dont always marry for money, glitz n galmor. Do not generalize.

It is not a generalisation its a fact that women entering a polygamous marriage usually do it for money/status in society. They are usually very insecure and feel very powerful by wrecking another woman's life by empowering her husband. Its usually for these reasons and often disguised under the label of fake love.

[retaliator]

It is not a generalisation its a fact that women entering a polygamous marriage usually do it for money/status in society. They are usually very insecure and feel very powerful by wrecking another woman's life by empowering her husband. Its usually for these reasons and often disguised under the label of fake love.

hahaha. Fact maybe on ptv, indus tv n star plus.

get some real facts. The women who bcome second wives are usually not in a position to get married in a decent manner..... All becuz we think multimatrony is an evil. All becuz theres a struggle out there n only the fittest ones get married. Only cuz men and women think marrying sm1 is a one time chance. N 2nd marriages are smthing dishonourable.

[retaliator]

All i am saying this polygamy is not as bad as it is percieved in our society.

those who feel the need and have the resources and can be equal to their wives and fulfil their REAL responsibilities shud get married.

and they shud b allowed to get remarried by their families.

[retaliator]

Re: father having second marriage

Hanging around just one wife, so that she feels shes being treated equally n being loved is definitely not a responsibility.... Its just a unnecessary need of the wife.

[zarra8]

Hanging around just one wife, so that she feels shes being treated equally n being loved is definitely not a responsibility.... Its just a unnecessary need of the wife.

LOL! So, its these type of men who are seen hanging around girls colleges/brothels! If being loyal/loving hanging around ONE spouse is an unnecessary need then she is better off without that type of selfish/sick person. Perhaps this individual would only realise this when the next spouse shows the need to hang around other men as after all loving/being loyal to one's spouse is not a responsibility.

Families should accept that some sick people will do anything to fulfill their sick needs/fantasies and they should leave these sick individuals alone to enjoy themselves to their hearts content and until they find another toy to play around with!

These families should do well to move on and forget about these sick minded people causing grief to innocent children/mothers.

[zarra8]

hahaha. Fact maybe on ptv, indus tv n star plus.

get some real facts. The women who bcome second wives are usually not in a position to get married in a decent manner..... All becuz we think multimatrony is an evil. All becuz theres a struggle out there n only the fittest ones get married. Only cuz men and women think marrying sm1 is a one time chance. N 2nd marriages are smthing dishonourable.

What PTV/Indus TV/Star Plus? This is the Psychology of these women. What struggle are you talking about? The kind of struggle that involves having affairs with married men wen there are plenty of single guys out there? Maybe the single guys are not rich enough for these girls eh?

[retaliator]

LOL! So, its these type of men who are seen hanging around girls colleges/brothels! If being loyal/loving hanging around ONE spouse is an unnecessary need then she is better off without that type of selfish/sick person. Perhaps this individual would only realise this when the next spouse shows the need to hang around other men as after all loving/being loyal to one's spouse is not a responsibility.

Families should accept that some sick people will do anything to fulfill their sick needs/fantasies and they should leave these sick individuals alone to enjoy themselves to their hearts content and until they find another toy to play around with!

These families should do well to move on and forget about these sick minded people causing grief to innocent children/mothers.

by hanging around "ONE spouse" i mean what women generally want and ask for when men raise the topic of having a second marriage.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: father having second marriage

No one SHOULD allow their husband to remarry just because he CAN.

Polygamy becomes more widespread that way and with that thinking you are undermining a woman's RIGHT to choose not to be in such situations. When it
made Fatima (R) unhappy that her husband will remarry he was asked my Muhammed (SAW) to refrain. Why follow sunnah only when it suits you? Keep the entire religion in mind when you make such statements.

[system]

marrying a model typo women is just a reaction to the way things are in our society.

first understand why the mid life crisis occur.

You know, retaliotor, you bring up some good points. But there is a problem here. He is not being honest with his wife. That is it.

Her reaction is who she is. If she does something stupid, well then, she'd be aware of what she's doing and what consequences would follow, which she would have to pay for. Her reaction is in her control. It is not upto the father to rationalize his responsibility to his wife to be honest by trying to control her behavior to such an atrocity.

It is not about women allowing their husbands to remarry or their sexual needs. It is about being honest to the friggin person you promised to take care of forever. Even if you married them out of pressure from family/whoever, YOU are the one who took that decision. If you can't deal with it, end the relationship respectfully, give her what she deserves, give the kids what they deserve and then go marry the other woman.

For God's sake, if anyone brings up the "fact" that in Islam men are allowed to marry more than one woman, well, you need to shut your hole and go READ the Quran. And well, when you read, use your brain. It CLEARLY states the part about marrying more women after it talks about orphan kids and women with no husbands, for support. It clearly says that you marry more than one woman if your first wife allows it AND IF the other woman is in need for protection, and not because you are unable to deal with your marital issues. Go read some more about the rights of wives. A man is SUPPOSED to take care of her and NOT hurt her. In which world would a religion that preaches taking care of the wife also preach that you can hurt her in the worst way possible by marrying another woman?

*All the assumptions made in this post do not necessarily portray the situation with OP's father. This is a reply to past couple of posts.

[ria1328]

Re: father having second marriage

Where is OP anyway?

[retaliator]

You know, retaliotor, you bring up some good points. But there is a problem here. He is not being honest with his wife. That is it. Her reaction is who she is. If she does something stupid, well then, she'd be aware of what she's doing and what consequences would follow, which she would have to pay for. Her reaction is in her control. It is not upto the father to rationalize his responsibility to his wife to be honest by trying to control her behavior to such an atrocity. It is not about women allowing their husbands to remarry or their sexual needs. It is about being honest to the friggin person you promised to take care of forever. Even if you married them out of pressure from family/whoever, YOU are the one who took that decision. If you can't deal with it, end the relationship respectfully, give her what she deserves, give the kids what they deserve and then go marry the other woman. For God's sake, if anyone brings up the "fact" that in Islam men are allowed to marry more than one woman, well, you need to shut your hole and go READ the Quran. And well, when you read, use your brain. It CLEARLY states the part about marrying more women after it talks about orphan kids and women with no husbands, for support. It clearly says that you marry more than one woman if your first wife allows it AND IF the other woman is in need for protection, and not because you are unable to deal with your marital issues. Go read some more about the rights of wives. A man is SUPPOSED to take care of her and NOT hurt her. In which world would a religion that preaches taking care of the wife also preach that you can hurt her in the worst way possible by marrying another woman? *All the assumptions made in this post do not necessarily portray the situation with OP's father. This is a reply to past couple of posts.

i agree with everything u said and i appreciate that atleast someone here is having a positive attitude towards the matter..

but there are some things either i really cannot understand or m failing to explain and i have been repeating again...

i want to know what PROTECTION is. what TAKING CARE is. what HURTING is.

if protection is, i repeat "hanging around a woman so that she feels secure" or "or that she doesnt feel scared of sleeping in the darkness at night" then i see a lot of selfishness on the part of any women who thinks so. my definition of PROTECTION is "being with the woman whenever she needs u there to get those things done which she cannot do alone".

again if TAKING CARE is "hanging around a woman all the time so that she feels pampered and loved" then again i see our women overly needy n selfish on their part. in my opinion TAKING CARE is "to attend to all the right needs of woman and the children, so that they grow up to be fine Muslim men and women".

if HURTING is "leaving a woman when u think u cannot cope with her cuz of her attitude or anything or u r too needy n want more affection and (not just fulfillment of sexual desires, as zarra08 may think)" then again i see a lot of selfishness in our women. my definition of NOT HURTING IS "if u have two wives or children from two wives u must show ur affection towards them in such a way that neither would think they are inferior to the other. and that u dont tell a woman that u r remarrying cuz shes a hopeless case n u respect her and love her for what she is and let her know in a good way what she lacks n what u want to have"

i want to reiterate that polygamy is not as bad as we, the hindu minded people think it is. and instead of as rightly felt by zarra08 "heading for brothels and girl colleges" one shud go for the 100% pure n clean option of remarrying. n not just for s. desires but even if u wish for more children. more affection. want to support another woman. etc etc.

now the thing is 99.99 percent of women around the world wud not recognize this right of men to remarry. m just telling ppl here that its not a bad thing at all to opt for remarrying even if it is just for LUST, instead of getting involved in those activities that are not allowed by our religion.

i by no means am saying that every guy out there shud remarry whenever he gets the slightest feeling that his life is not heading the way it shud b. i am saying if one cannot compromise on diff things or control his desires then he shud remarry. n women and the children and relatives and neighbours and friends of that person shud not consider it all that bad whenever such a thing happens.

and not all ppl remarry for lust. and not all women for money or glamor. everyone needs here love n affection. everyone shud get it.

n not all the guys wud take this option if this disease is "widespread". not everyone likes to have more than one wife and dozen of children :s not alteast me ;)

[retaliator]

Re: father having second marriage

now coming back to the topic charism is really in a bad situation. ofcourse his father is not telling his wife what he wants, a.k.a. cheating. but i really cannot say whether he can get smthing positive out of it if he tells. so i cant say anything.
my only advice to charism is have a positive approach towards life n this matter... May God be with u.

[retaliator]

Re: father having second marriage

and lastly i wud say that the women who find their husbands CHEATING a.k.a. remarrying, and the over persuasive types that talk their husbands out of it fail to realize their own weaknesses. they think that they are the best spouses, best moms who can do anything to take care of their family and their husbands are nothing short of ummmm *awaragard *playboys *ghatiya ppl.
the dilemma is our whole society is too narrow minded n ppl are so judgmental that they fail to see the real picture of the situations. shadi is smthing pure.

[Desi_BeauTii]

So charism take a deep breadth n let go of the whole situation. Let ur father decide whats right. B thankful that u ve got ur parents. Try convincing ur mom its not toing to affect u in any way and that its not as bad as it seems. Do not care at all about the *humiliation. Most of us do not know whats right n whats wrong. Have u ever thot why in islam multiple marriages are allowed for men and not for women?????

because marriage is the ONLY right way of fullfilling the *needs. Bcuz men hav been created with more needs. Bcuz they wither slower than women. Becuz women get pregnant n become inactive. Bcuz women to to hav *those days. Bcuz women world wide are greater in population than men.

Second marrige in Islam is for protection not for satisfying needs. No where in Islam has it been stated that men are allowed to remarry because their wife got old or fat.... It's permisble so that a women can be provided with everything she needs in a respectable and Islamic way!

[retaliator]

Second marrige in Islam is for protection not for satisfying needs. No where in Islam has it been stated that men are allowed to remarry because their wife got old or fat.... It's permisble so that a women can be provided with everything she needs in a respectable and Islamic way!

Desi Beautii we all muslims make one common mistake that we talk about Islam as if we own it and make all the rules and regs ourselves. i just talked about one fact that i am sure of and that is upto four marriages are permissible in islam. m sure of it. n can find an exact reference if anyone needs it.

okay now u tell me where it is stated in islam that "second marriage in islam is for protection not for satisfying needs....." ONLY tell me the refer me to that exact hadis n ayat or leave islam out of it. i can gather up enuf stuff to make u believe that it can be done to satisfy the *needs. my advice: leave ur perceptions about Islam out of it and state what is definite. if its not stated that marriages can be done if ur wife is fat and stuff then it has not been stated otherwise.

what i wanted to say is not fully stated in the reply u r quoting. plz go thru the other ones as well. u dont get the idea. too narrow minded.

n i didnt say that remarrying is for satisfying needs only. leave the need part out of it. polygamy is meant to satisfy any of the needs that a marriage is intended to satisfy....

[FairyTale]

Re: father having second marriage

Men are be-wafa :hinna: