father having second marriage

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi guyss

i just wanted to ask one thing. My dad is thinking of having a second marriage but he is waiting for my sister to get married as her rishta is done. Then he plans to go and get married secretly. But the problem is that my mum and dad are really happy together. I just wanna know why is he waiting for my sister to get married, if he wants to he could go and get married straight away.

2

Re: father having second marriage

Woah thats not good :( Why does he want to get married again if he's happy with your mum? :S

3

i have no idea!!! i dont want to tell my mum incase i break up their marriage now. But its really shameful because how will he face his to be son in law and family. i just dont know what to do

4

Re: father having second marriage

Try to talk him out of it? :-S

5

Re: father having second marriage

Find out who He is marrying, drive her out of the way...

6

Re: father having second marriage

How do you know this? Are you 100% sure about his intention? May be you got some wrong information and making assumptions?

7

Re: father having second marriage

you should talk to him! i would.

8

Re: father having second marriage

yep i am 101% sure. but i cant talk to him as he does not know that i know. my mums brother did the same thing and his family couldn't stop him. But the thing is that he wont get married until my sister does, as he said to her if he only had a son then he wouldnt care and get married straight away.

9

Re: father having second marriage

If you are 101% sure about his intentions.. and if your parents are happy together then tell your mum what he is about to do. Mothers are very strong, she will find a way to stop him, trust me on this. But dont let your father marry another woman just like that and for your mums sake dont stay quiet. Now dont waste any more time and go spill it out to ur mum.

10

Re: father having second marriage

I would NEVER talk to my father if he did that.

In this situation, you have all the rights to go up to him and ask him whats going on. Tell him you overheard it. I would tell him how much the idea itself makes me hate him. And ASK what's going on. I don't believe you ever have a good reason to do such a thing.

11

Re: father having second marriage

a muslim man cannot marry another woman like this. where is that vdo link someone posted about this subject and what the law has to say about it.
if you have solid proof that this is what your father plans, then go to talk to him. if he doesnt know that you know, then he should know of how it is effecting you.

12

Re: father having second marriage

thanx guys.. i think i will do that

13

Re: father having second marriage

He's having a mid-life crisis here. I bet he wants a sweet-young-thang to make him feel young again. He's waiting till after your sister is married to avoid potential backlash and troubles which could affect your sister's chances for happiness.

Suggest a red convertible sports car instead of a new wife. Thats a more acceptable way to handle a midlife crisis.

Your mom should be made aware of this situation. Really. She has a say in this. And if he goes off secretly before she knows about it, theres not much she can do. At least if she knows before hand, she can make an informed decision - whether to leave him or to give him a choice. Or heck, maybe she wouldnt mind having him out of the house half the time and would agree to it!! But she deserves to know.

14

Re: father having second marriage

IF this is a valid/authentic post let your father know he cant marry unless he gets permission from your mom.

15

Totally agree.. also it’s likely ur mum will resent you when she finds out further down the line that he has married again (isn’t she going to wonder where he is spending half the week) and if she gets to know that u knew about it..

Your dad is waiting for ur sis to get married so she gets a good husband cos if it all comes out a lot of families wouldn’t allow their kids to marry into another where the dad has two wives, leaves a bad taste in their mouths.. On another note, in Islam whilst he doesn’t explicitly need his first wife’s permission she obviously has the choice of whether to stay with him or walk out and he doesn’t have the right to hide what he’s doing from her, therefore taking away that choice. It must be pretty humiliating for those women who find out years down the line that their husband has a ‘double life’ and has fathered kids that they don’t know about. Secret marriages are haram cos they lead to all sorts of problems (eg what if one of his ‘secret’ sons falls for one of his daughters), I’d emphasise this when u speak to ur dad cos I expect he’ll turn around and try and justify what he’s doing by saying it’s allowed..

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=1885&CATE=10

My rights as a (second) wife

16

This isn’t true altho he’s asking for trouble if he doesn’t tell her what he’s planning to do:

**'Is there a hadith that relates to a husband needing the permission of present wife to marry 2nd wife?
**
**Praise be to Allaah.
**

     **There is no hadeeth which states that, and            it is not conditional for the husband to have his wife’s permission            to take another wife. But it is in everyone’s interests for him to try            to get her consent, because this will help to reduce problems in the            marriage.'**

Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd

Source: Islam Question and Answer - There is no hadeeth which says that a wife?s permission is required before taking another wife

So he doesn’t need her permission but have to add he is not allowed to keep it secret..

17

I dont have access to the material right now but I’ll be back with the supporting material. For years people did not even know that girl can get the right of divorce in Islam. ELDERS used to hide it from young generation.

18

Re: father having second marriage

The frequency of trolling has increased lately methinks...

19

He is not doing anything which is against the law or against the religion so he is not worried about shame or guilty feeling. He might not be getting at home what he is looking for outside the home. Your mother has to talk to him and convince him that she can provide him love , affection, comfort , coziness or whatever he is looking for outside the home .

May be he thinks that if he marries a second woman he can have a boy or two which your mother and or he or anybody on this earth has no control over. Someone has to break his spell and make sure that he understands this.

20

It's really simple. In desi culture, a girl's reputation is fragile and can either hinder rishtas or undo them altogether. Your father wants to wait until your sister is married because he's afraid that if he gets married NOW......and if your sister's fiance and his family find out about the marriage..........they may not personally like the idea of your father's second marriage.....they may not want to be associated with that.......... and could reject the rishta with your sister.

Is it only you that knows about your dad's marriage plans? Does your mom ALSO know that he wishes to take on a second wife? How soon after your sister's marriage does your plan to marry this other woman? I think your mom needs to know about this, Charism. Even though he's not going against religion, as pointed out by Mirch, suddenly springing this news on your mom will be upsetting for her especially if she feels that her marriage is a happy one.