father having second marriage

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: father having second marriage

isnt a marriage supposed to be announced? i dont think a secret marriage is a marriage at all then ...
not asking permission from the first wife is one thing. but not telling at all ... idk.

42

Re: father having second marriage

your mom has every right to know about this.... if your dad isn't going to tell her... then you should definitely let her know of his plans. Keeping silent about this isn't going to make the situation go away (if you are 101% sure this is going to happen). So its less cruel on your mom if she knows what is about to happen .....her life is going to change dramatically. Its always better to be mentally prepared for something as opposed to a "bomb" being dropped on someone :(

43

Re: father having second marriage

regardless of our opinions on her fathers actions, I don't think calling him a "creep" is required

44

Re: father having second marriage

^ exactly.

45

Re: father having second marriage

Redvelvet answered your question as to why he's waiting for your sister to get married. He doesn't want the news to spread that he's getting a second wife. It's a matter his reputation which also affects your entire family.

As to your situation... Yes, it is Islamically allowed. And your dad doesn't need to ask for permission to get married again. I'm no scholar but if you want to look at things from an Islamic perspective, is polygamy absolutely encouraged? And when polygamy was practiced by the Prophet (SAW), what were the reasons? And in this case, the husband isn't going to tell his wife about the second marriage, how will she know if she's being treated equally (which she has the right to)? Charism, since you know about the second marriage plans, do you know if the second wife is a widow, poor, etc.?

People can easily say the Arabs do it. But Arabs are not always right, neither are Pakistanis. The second wife is not doing anything illegal- but she will bring a lot of grief to charism, her sister, and mother. I'd be furious and sad if I were in charism's position- I wouldn't easily accept it just because I see Arabs doing this. Charism, if I were you, I'd tell your father that you know about his plans. Tell him how upset you are and that it seemed like he and your mother were happy. If he sticks to his decision, then tell your mom yourself and support her emotionally.

46

Re: father having second marriage

I am sorry, I know he's your dad but this is disgusting and creepy. I don't want to make any assumptions about your dad or why he's remarrying but most men get a second wife if they get bored of their sex lives, which I find infuriating and demeaning to your wife.

If my hubbie got a second wife or girl friend or whatever, I would divorce him in a heart beat. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me. Not only is it offensive but it's GROSS and un hygenic. "Oops sorry honey I gave you Hepatitis B coz my OTHER woman has Hepatitis B and now you might be dying". ughh.

47

Re: father having second marriage

so my point is, TELL YOUR MOM. She has every right to know. but only tell her if you are 100% sure

48

depends on where you live. but if you live in the west, go to the police. sue his pants off.

if he has such a problem with your mother, he should divorce her and remarry. but this second marriage drama is nothing but religiously-sanctioned ayaashi for men. don't let him get away with it. your mother deserves better.

49

Re: father having second marriage

[note] OK folks, let's deal with the issue at hand and not get personal about the poster's father. Thanks. [/note]

50

Re: father having second marriage

You need to tell your mother.....waiting or staying silent is only going to make the situation worse....if you don't want to tell your mother confront your dad yourself, if you can't do that either...tell your sister....you can't keep this to yourself if you are going to stay quiet about this

51

After reading first post by OP this is what I thought also. :)

52

Re: father having second marriage

it is best to tell your mom cause in the end shes the one that will get hurt,cause everysingle man that i have known (in todays generation)that has had a second wife ends up treating the first wife like dirt.

53

Finally somebody very smart in midst of jungle of mama ki dua, pcg and hitcki whatever. I agree with gulab jamun here completely!.

54


In the UK ppl get round it by only having the nikah and not having the civil ceremony, meaning they're not tecnically married in the eyes of the law so it's not illegal..

55

That's how they're doing it here too. When a guy just does a "nikkah" with you, red lights should start going off in your head.

56

Silly me: I thought this was the “Life and Relationships” forum, not the “All Muslim, All the Time” forum!

57

Sorry, it's an obvious question, but: if your "mum and dad are really happy together", why is your father "thinking of having a second marriage" (and a 'secret' one, at that)?

Because to "break up their marriage now" would be far worse than to allow it to break up later, when your mother discovers the truth?

58

I'm with Queer on this one: "make him weep for years" to come.

59

Though I also hesitate to use the word, the man is *creeping *around behind his wife's back, arranging to be married in secret: what else would you have them call him?

60

i told my dads mum about it, didnt have the guts to tell my dad. SHe was like, dont say anything to your mum because things will turn worse. SHe told me its better i dont say anything yet and let it happn and be prepared for it. She thinks my dad might not go ahead with it. she said all men are disgusting and what my dad is doing is really really wrong and shes on our side.

apparantly, when my dad marries in the future it will be very badd... but if i tell my mum now it will be even worser, so let it be- according to my grandma and i think shes right. but shes telling me to still keep in contact with my dad after he re marries but i told her i disagree. Because when he did such thing he did not think of his kids so why should he deserve that we keep in touch with him after .

i know hes my dad but he can just go to hell.