Re: Family favors
Why r u doing stuff for him? JUST STOP PANDERING TO THEM.
Re: Family favors
ergh..........reading this post made me feel so angry and i totally empathize with you.....people back in pak thinks we get money from some "ghaiby takat" or sumthing.....i dun wana vent out here kuz all of you know whats it like....i just hope that people start feeling some "sharam" and stop bothering other people/rishtedars etc!!!
Why are you guys even offering to pay for everything? If you can't afford it then maybe you should stand up and tell him off. He's using/making you spend money because he knows he can- why? Because you're the ones letting him walk all over you.
There's no way he will stop or change, and honestly I don't blame him because it's your family who has to shut him off. There's a limit to catering to your family's needs but when you yourself don't have the funds or time, tell them to do it on their own.
This.
Re: Family favors
Oh yeah. Latest is that the son is hankering for an iPhone. Sure - if you want to pay over 500 for a phone without a contract. I will be so upset if they manipulate my dad into getting the phone.
They can get a cheaper one from pak but it would be refurbished and we cannot have that.
My mom's side is very involved with my dad's family in Pakistan and it is easy for the
to make my dad's side's life a total hell. I think that's why my family entertains this guy.
Moron.
Re: Family favors
yup typical paki family nonsense. PCG, the difference between you and me is that I don't humor their nonsense. "Zara mall to lay chalo beta", I'll take them ONCE and I'll let them know that we are going ONCE, so plan what you need to do and buy and do it because we are NOT going back. So inevitably, they want to go back and I refuse, sorry, I said we're going to go ONCE and that's it.
You have to stop doing their work for them, tell them this is Amreeka, ppl do their own work, we don't have servants here. When my bro got married (in Canada), one of the wedding guests who drove from Chicago, called us at 6 am the day after the mehendi "Bhai hum aap ke yahaan aa rahaiN haiN naashtay ke liyaay, paraathay etc". My mom woke me up and i had such a headache from a night of partying, she said beta can you help me out? We had other guests who were staying with us, they were visiting from Zurich and the awesome Zurich uncle was grumbling about those people and the awesome Zurich aunty helped out.
I told my mom to tell those people to eff off, this isn't pakistan where you have servants and stuff and during shaadis food is being served to the fakeers. But they came, they ate, and me and Zurich uncle were merciless with our taanayN, that Chicago aunty has never talked to my mom after that day. HAHAHAHAH!
Oh yeah. Latest is that the son is hankering for an iPhone. Sure - if you want to pay over 500 for a phone without a contract. I will be so upset if they manipulate my dad into getting the phone.
They can get a cheaper one from pak but it would be refurbished and we cannot have that. My mom's side is very involved with my dad's family in Pakistan and it is easy for the to make my dad's side's life a total hell. I think that's why my family entertains this guy.
Moron.
How involved are they? What could they do exactly? What do you think would happen if your mom talked to him about it?
Re: Family favors
just give him that iphone…
Re: Family favors
PCG - Your uncle and my uncle could be long lost twins. My uncle pulls the same stunt with us every couple of years. He has many medical problems … which I have sympathy for ..but I do not have any sympathy for the fact that he himself has made his health deteriorate (example: been diabetic his whole life but continues to consume sugar to the point both of his kidneys fail and has reached the point of obesity …which has led to a million other health problems). He is my dad’s youngest brother and ONLY brother. He never got himself educated and married super young and had kids right away. Oh ..he also never got a job. My dad’s parents put the guilt trip on him their whole lives that he has to feel “bad” for his younger bro and it is his responsibility to take care of him. My dad bought that moron a house, a factory (so that he has income coming in), put his five daughters through schools and got them married (keep in mind they are wayyyyyyy older than us kids since my dad had to put his own marriage and life on hold to help out his brother). He also sent him money every month like clockwork because him and his wife (i swear she is worse than him) constantly complain that they are faqeers (yet they have servants, a body gaurd, driver and a SUV ???).
On top of it, my dad foots all of his medical bills obviously as well as his wifes (she has let her health deteriorate as well). Let me also include this: My father has even donated his own kidney to this uncle. Talk about literally doing everything you can to help a relative out. Now, this idiotic uncle threatens to stop taking his anti-rejection medicine anytime he demands money. It is so ridiculous and hurtful to us. My dad’s own kids have now gotten old enough to have reached colleges and get married. … and also the time has come for my dad to retire!!! But he cant!! 
Sorry for venting … I know this is your post PCG. But when I read your thing it just made me think of my own uncle and I got really worked up as well.
Like seriously what can you do about these kind of relatives!!! they shouldn’t even be given the “title” relative because they obviously do not care about you and your family’s well being and are incredibly selfish!!! ugh.
It’s easier said than done for us to just peace this guy out. He is the only family my dad has left and my daadi’s dying wish to my dad was that he looked out for his “poor little brother”. As annoyed and mad as my dad can get with him..when he thinks of that and the fact that the moron is all has he left at this point (4 other bros died and both parents) ..then he always caves. He also obviously caves in due to the ridiculous blackmailing of not taking the anti-rejection medicine. As a physician and person that donated that kidney.. no one wants to see such a sacrifice go to waste.
!!! 
PCG - there should be an deserted sland for these kind of relatives that we can just drop them off to and then never have to see/deal with them ever again.
If your father didn’t give him money when he demanded, do you really think he would follow through with it?
Re: Family favors
definitely. without a doubt... we have experience with this unfortunately. Him and his wife are very spiteful people... my cousins are not much better. The experience was that one of my cousin's husbands called us in panic one time to tell us that my uncle was not taking his medicines (including but not limited to the anti-rejection drugs) and also refusing to eat. My dad wired them money right away and then booked a flight to Pakistan because he was so worried :(
UGH.
I think they would change their ways if he made it clear that enough is enough. It seems to me that they're just doing what they know will work.
Re: Family favors
I respect your opinion Spartan ...
But obviously in a situation like this that has gone on for years, "enough is enough" has been said many times. And we have seen for ourselves that people in this world exist like my aunt and uncle who are willing to gamble with their own well being and healths for the sake of getting more money. Its hard to believe that there is people out there like this. But it is a sad reality that I have grown up with and know exists.
Shadiness to another level.
I'm sorry you've been around such people. What I'm saying is that if you (or rather your family) were to say it and be firm on it, then it would deal with the problem one way or the other. I've seen my share of people trying to get money out of their family members using these types of tactics. I've also seen the difference between those who refuse to give money/favors all the time for free and those who always give in. The ones who keep giving in are not likely to see an end to it. But when they do take a stand, then many times the inconsiderate people learn their lesson.
Re: Family favors
Thanks Spartan. But it really has never worked in our situation. My father is the "elder" in the khandaan at this point and if my uncle wont listen to him and blackmails him by not taking medication...we are just kinda stuck. This situation is different due to the stupid medical issues. We are distraught over this and have been forever but at the same time we would be more distraught if god forbid if his health deterioated further or he died (which he has come close to a few times). My dad would have to take on more responsibilities and be put under even MORE stress if that happens.
I think if my dad had stood up to his parents from the get go and not given in, things might have been different. But now everything is too escalated.
It's a lesson well learned!!!! I am never going to give into inconsiderate relatives in my future.... even if they happen to be my own siblings. You dont have to tell me twice. Family politics and respecting your elder's wishes plays way too much of a role in our cultures when it comes to the whole "helping out relatives" (more like never ending giving and constant taking). Pakistanis need to learn how to be more reasonable with this rather than emotional with it.
Re: Family favors
its not just people over there.... people here think the same... they reckon ur just made of money. If not that, ur born to serve them... pfft
Re: Family favors
I think taking to mall or other interesting places is fine if it is every three to five years or even once in year. Some arrangement can be made even before people are coming to visit.
Some dinners, lunches, entertaiment etc. are Ok too. Families are forever.
Now demanding other stuff, making someone pay for expensive items is only possible when there are people willing to pay for it.
So the main problem lies in people who pay for it. It is difficult sometimes to say no but can be done in diplomatic, nice way.
Re: Family favors
in this case its your mother who has to put her foot down and be firm with her brother, its not ok to baby her fully grown brother to this extent. your father might just be trying to please your mother and trying to keep the peace in the family by not saying anything but i am sure he is not at all happy with the situation either.
Re: Family favors
Even if it's the case of 'baby brother' being spoiled, I'm sure the money being spent belongs to both of your parents, not just the mom. So it is completely unfair to your dad and there's no reason why he should put up with this.. this is wastage of money that can be put to better use. If it was the other way around, I don't think your mom would have put up with her hubby spoiling his own baby sister or brother.
Thanks Spartan. But it really has never worked in our situation. My father is the "elder" in the khandaan at this point and if my uncle wont listen to him and blackmails him by not taking medication...we are just kinda stuck. This situation is different due to the stupid medical issues. We are distraught over this and have been forever but at the same time we would be more distraught if god forbid if his health deterioated further or he died (which he has come close to a few times). My dad would have to take on more responsibilities and be put under even MORE stress if that happens.
I think if my dad had stood up to his parents from the get go and not given in, things might have been different. But now everything is too escalated.
It's a lesson well learned!!!! I am never going to give into inconsiderate relatives in my future.... even if they happen to be my own siblings. You dont have to tell me twice. Family politics and respecting your elder's wishes plays way too much of a role in our cultures when it comes to the whole "helping out relatives" (more like never ending giving and constant taking). Pakistanis need to learn how to be more reasonable with this rather than emotional with it.
LOL
If your uncle has to live like a parasite, its better for him to die.
Re: Family favors
aisay logon ko apney ghar sey dhakkay maar key nikaalna chahiye cuz quiet frankly i dont think they are worth having relations with either, i would probably snap and give them a peice of my mind, i have no idea how ppl bare these nakhray from relatives, i have a very bad reputation in my khandan due to this attitude but that keeps our khaandaan waley at a distance :D