Re: Experience!
So, the thread opener was saved from her, and she was saved from him.
Re: Experience!
i think OP has raised a valid point ............
i think we need to understand the difference roles of male and female. if both sexes have the same role as we are seeing in the increasingly westernized world , than the world should had been a uni sex.
female shud realize their role and shud not go blindly for the jobs. dependency is the part and parcel of our life and shud not be considered as stigma, it binds us with the other ppl in society. like a child is very close to his parents in his childhood as he is fully dependent on his parents. gradually as grow up he start looking around and his dependency starts diminishing. like u r living in USA and say hello hi on phone to ur parents............ and thats
likewise job of female entails independence and more financial power. and i think that is not a very gud thing for the family life ............... plus she cant play a desired role in the upbringing of the children
as far as pakistan is concerned where unemployment ratio is so high.............. every female going for the job is not a gud idea.
i think OP has raised a valid point ............
i think we need to understand the difference roles of male and female. if both sexes have the same role as we are seeing in the increasingly westernized world , than the world should had been a uni sex.
female shud realize their role and shud not go blindly for the jobs. dependency is the part and parcel of our life and shud not be considered as stigma, it binds us with the other ppl in society. like a child is very close to his parents in his childhood as he is fully dependent on his parents. gradually as grow up he start looking around and his dependency starts diminishing. like u r living in USA and say hello hi on phone to ur parents............ and thats
likewise job of female entails independence and more financial power. and i think that is not a very gud thing for the family life ............... plus she cant play a desired role in the upbringing of the children
as far as pakistan is concerned where unemployment ratio is so high.............. every female going for the job is not a gud idea.
can't it be the other way round ........every male going out for job than it's not a good idea.
The idea is not female should or should not work . In pakistan it's the household income that matters if a male is earning enough to make both ends meet than it's fine other wise females also has to go out to earn. The current economic scenario and the rapidly increasing inflation in pakistan is making more and more housewives to supplement their house hold income either by doing some small business at home or working outside. There is no shame in feeding your kids with hard earned money.
Re: Experience!
You should've showed up when you saw her selling credit cards.
There is a BIG difference between asking a girl and telling her about being a stay-at home/wife. None of us were there - so we don't know how he put it exactly.
My super-educated gal pals (one is a JD, another a CPA, and the third an MD - I know what's up with the letters) all took loooong sabbaticals from their careers - one is currently in her seventh year with no thought of going back. Their husbands asked them if they wanted to stay home - these women were not offended. They appreciated the ability to stay home and raise their children. Because the husbands gave them the option, the option is open to them to return to work when they feel the kids are old enough.
IMO, asking your wife do you want to stay home is perfectly acceptable - so long as it is a mutual discussion and decision between the couple.
As for the rest of the email - Mc12IT - you seem a tad bit smug and sound as if you're relishing the fact that she's in a bad situation now after having said no to you.
Re: Experience!
I have no idea why girls get offended when guys say 'do you wanna be a stay home wife i'll provide you with everything' .. I wanna be a stay home wife and get everything, Have a luxury life, Keep myself looking all good for my husband that works so hard! Desperate housewifey thingy! :D Oh yes! I love it! When i get married i wanna be a stay home wife and do as i please, and if i wanna get a job it will be a hobby of mine, Why am i gonna stress for when my hubby will be providing for me? It doesnt mean i'm less of a woman and have no amition or dreams, 98% of women that have degrees never get a career after marriage. Its silly. Thumbs up to the men that wanna provide for their women and give them everything, and thumbs up to women that look after their husbands properly after hes provided her with everything. Works amazingly! God bless those men!
Re: Experience!
Let me put my neck on the line and relate my own personal experience.
A few years back, I was talking to a girl (studying to be a doc in Pakistan) as prospective rishta. During the getting-to-know-phase, one of our phone conversations turned to talking about careers. I dared ask her, "So what are you career plans?" and what ensued in response to this was silent crying followed by some incomprehensible emotional gibberish and then Allah Hafiz.
Later in the day, her father called my father and told a story of high drama whereby, in his own words, his daughter came to him crying. He further asked my father, "What did your son say to her?" It was pretty embarrassing for me trying to convince my father that I didn't say anything offensive to his friend's daughter.
To this day I cant understand what happened there. It was a straigh forward question. It was not a suggestion to stay at home or not stay at home. Prospective rishta people need to ask such questions to find out if their plans match or not. If you are talking to a doc, you need to know if she wants to take her USMLE or FRCS or FCPS or stay at home, because that determines so many things about the future.
Anyways. What can you do? You can't spend your time coalescing perfect sounding questions, sentences, words, ophms, ahams, and ahans just to ensure that girls are not offended. Like seriously ... are you for real?
Re: Experience!
^ lol @ Scratch - given that we're reading your side of the story only, yes her reaction can be seen as a alittle 'extreme'...by me anyway!
Anyway, each to their own, don't think I would be offended or even find it remotely upsetting if someone asked me that!
Some guys will want their wife to continue working after marriage, some won't, some don't mind etc etc you can only determine whether you're on the same wave length by communicating!
Enough said by everyone else about **Mc12IT's **post, so no comment !
You should've showed up when you saw her selling credit cards.
And should have offered her partnership in his business.
That way she can have a career and he can have woman he fell for as his wife and they can live happily ever after.
So there was this girl I was talking to some time ago and one day while we were talking on the phone, I asked her ( not told her) if she wants to be a stay home wife/mother given the fact her husband will be providing her with everything .. ( literally everything).. Although she was a highly qualified person, but to be honest that was my inner wish to have a home stay wife.. anyways, she got so offended, started calling me backward chauvinist who hates women rights, doesn't belong to this society bladi bla ( like seriously).. and hung up on me… anyhoo, I said no to this rishta and moved on .. but guess what, I saw her today selling credit-cards at the mall asking people or should I say begging people to please sign in the application forum etc etc.. since I didn't want to embarrass her further more, I left the sight immediately… but later found out from my friend that after refusing my rishta, she moved down to Chicago to pursue her career but end up losing her job.. end up losing her house.. she got engaged to a guy from UK who was in the process of migrating but got refused due to an arm long criminal history.. thus the engagement ended as well and since she couldn't find a job in her field, she is temporarily selling credit cards making ends meet.....
And here I am thinking.. wow.. you chose that hogwash over marrying someone who was honest and capable of taking care things?.. I'm shaking my head right now and thinking women should educate them selves to the point their heads are still on their shoulders and after that put a break to it… getting higher education is only good when you have the green thumb to make right decisions.. forgetting your own essence for the sake of fitting into this society will always have an opposite effects.. anyone else agrees or has gone through such a weird experience?
From what you're saying, she definitely overreacted. Either way, there's no way we could say that she (or you for that matter) would have been happier/better off if she had gone ahead with your rishta.
Re: Experience!
MC i respect what you are saying and there are enough guys who want stay home wives and thats your choice, but claiming that marrying u would have been a better choice for her is not really somin i agree wid, i mean u dont know what her situation mite be, maybe she is doing that job to make ends meet but did u go and ask her if she was really unhappy tho? :). Sometimes financial security is not the most important thing for certain ppl. And being judgemental about a person is surely not a good thing.
Secondly everyone has an opinion or choice of how they want their partner to be and i dont agree with women saying that it is chauvenistic to think like that, there are enough girls who would like to live at home once married, khair the way i think, My to be wife will have the freedom to choose InshaAllah, I always had this thing that InshaAllah before my marriage i wanna be in a position that my wife doesnot have to work cuz she “has to” but just cuz she “wants to” obviously additional income kisko buree lagtee hai and makes our life as a family better but then again :k:
MY 2 CENTS 
Re: Experience!
Agree scratch.. tell me about it!
From what you're saying, she definitely overreacted. Either way, there's no way we could say that she (or you for that matter) would have been happier/better off if she had gone ahead with your rishta.
Spartan no matter what you do in life, no matter what kinda of situation you are in, always play your cards right.. forget the financial aspect here, she refused my proposal and got involved with someone else who has a criminal history? If these are not stupid decisions then I don't know what y'all folks been smoking here.. the more i read you guys comments the more i think I am right.. sheesh!
So there was this girl I was talking to some time ago and one day while we were talking on the phone, I asked her ( not told her) if she wants to be a stay home wife/mother given the fact her husband will be providing her with everything .. ( literally everything).. Although she was a highly qualified person, but to be honest that was my inner wish to have a home stay wife.. anyways, she got so offended, started calling me backward chauvinist who hates women rights, doesn't belong to this society bladi bla ( like seriously).. and hung up on me… anyhoo, I said no to this rishta and moved on .. but guess what, I saw her today selling credit-cards at the mall asking people or should I say begging people to please sign in the application forum etc etc.. since I didn't want to embarrass her further more, I left the sight immediately… but later found out from my friend that after refusing my rishta, she moved down to Chicago to pursue her career but end up losing her job.. end up losing her house.. she got engaged to a guy from UK who was in the process of migrating but got refused due to an arm long criminal history.. thus the engagement ended as well and since she couldn't find a job in her field, she is temporarily selling credit cards making ends meet.....
And here I am thinking.. wow.. you chose that hogwash over marrying someone who was honest and capable of taking care things?.. I'm shaking my head right now and thinking women should educate them selves to the point their heads are still on their shoulders and after that put a break to it… getting higher education is only good when you have the green thumb to make right decisions.. forgetting your own essence for the sake of fitting into this society will always have an opposite effects.. anyone else agrees or has gone through such a weird experience?
It was wrong of her to over react like that. If you asked a simple question, she could have answered it simply also. I think thats actually a fair question because if her plans are different and you want something different, it needs to be clear from the get-go. Less confusion later on.
However, it doesnt mean she is miserable. Has it ever occurred to you that during all these tough times she could have contacted you, become friends, said sorry and started fresh? She didnt. She preferred to live her life the way she wants. Experience love, sorrow, happiness, tragedy, etc.
Maybe she just wasnt that into you.
Spartan no matter what you do in life, no matter what kinda of situation you are in, always play your cards right.. forget the financial aspect here, she refused my proposal and got involved with someone else who has a criminal history? If these are not stupid decisions then I don't know what y'all folks been smoking here.. the more i read you guys comments the more i think I am right.. sheesh!
We are not sure if she chosen the guy with criminal history knowingly,
She might be unlucky.
Spartan no matter what you do in life, no matter what kinda of situation you are in, always play your cards right.. forget the financial aspect here, she refused my proposal and got involved with someone else who has a criminal history? If these are not stupid decisions then I don't know what y'all folks been smoking here.. the more i read you guys comments the more i think I am right.. sheesh!
Right about what? I'm not saying anyone's right or wrong here. You're right, everyone should play their cards right. I did say she was wrong in overreacting. Either way, it seems you wanted a wife who will stay at home, and she just didn't want to be that.If you had a chance to find out more about her or tell her more about you, you might find that you were not compatible anyway. I don't know the circumstances in which she got involved the guy from UK or his history, so I can't really comment on it.
Re: Experience!
Reha.. Ofcourse she was into me therefore approached me first.. I never knew who she was until my friend decided to meet us up.. we were not dating at all, it was our 2nd or 3rd phone conversation when this shiz happened.. If you want an honest partner in life, you have to discuss these issues so later on there will be no surprises for either of us.. she didn't say "no" to the rishta.. it was me who said we are not meant to be together because her demeanor puzzled me.. she never phoned me again, I never phoned her again.. but a man can't even discuss that with his potential wife rattles me..
^ I don't think anyone said that you shouldn't discuss it with a potential wife. More so, the way the question is posed to the potential wife i.e. is there an expectation that she shouldn't work after she is married.
Yes, these things should be discussed before marriage but I agree with other guppies/ guppans in that your posts are making it sound as though its her loss that she isn't with you!
I think sometimes us girls put tpp much emphasis on our career when we are searching for a career and reject guys if we deem them to be mot on the same levle as us but we could very easily lose our jobs and not find one on the same level. i know I'm going off topic a bit here but things can change with your job and career so you shouldn't put too much emphasis on it because its just one aspect of your life. Also, your viewpoint on being a housewife might change after you get married, especially when you have kids.
No one, except desis and other traditional muslims, really, expect their wives to drop their careers and sit at home.
Every single man in this universe does. Just like every single woman's fantasy is having their own house with none of the man's relatives in sights.
It's primal. Man wants his woman in a cave. Woman wants no one else near it.