So there was this girl I was talking to some time ago and one day while we were talking on the phone, I asked her ( not told her) if she wants to be a stay home wife/mother given the fact her husband will be providing her with everything .. ( literally everything).. Although she was a highly qualified person, but to be honest that was my inner wish to have a home stay wife.. anyways, she got so offended, started calling me backward chauvinist who hates women rights, doesn’t belong to this society bladi bla ( like seriously).. and hung up on me… anyhoo, I said no to this rishta and moved on .. but guess what, I saw her today selling credit-cards at the mall asking people or should I say begging people to please sign in the application forum etc etc.. since I didn’t want to embarrass her further more, I left the sight immediately… but later found out from my friend that after refusing my rishta, she moved down to Chicago to pursue her career but end up losing her job.. end up losing her house.. she got engaged to a guy from UK who was in the process of migrating but got refused due to an arm long criminal history.. thus the engagement ended as well and since she couldn’t find a job in her field, she is temporarily selling credit cards making ends meet…
And here I am thinking.. wow.. you chose that hogwash over marrying someone who was honest and capable of taking care things?.. I’m shaking my head right now and thinking women should educate them selves to the point their heads are still on their shoulders and after that put a break to it… getting higher education is only good when you have the green thumb to make right decisions.. forgetting your own essence for the sake of fitting into this society will always have an opposite effects.. anyone else agrees or has gone through such a weird experience?
I agree with her. It is kind of judgemental of you to expect her to drop her career. If you do secretly want a stay at home wife, then why not chase someone who already doesn't have a career and hangs out at home?
Yeah, she went through a lot of crap, but that is her business, not yours anymore, so no need to feel sorry for her. If you have any level of attraction left for her, then you should call her up again and talk to her. Otherwise, leave her alone.
And no, if I have a job, and I am having fun at it, I'm not going to drop it just because my husband can make enough for both of us. Then all those nights of staying up, of literally hurting my health to do my work, sacrificing beautiful beach days by being at work or studying for some test, nights and nights of anxiety over exams etc will all have been in vain. That's something any guy living in today's world, should truly respect.
Again, if you dont want a working woman, then don't chase women who do work. Plenty of girls sitting at home twiddling their thumbs waiting for prince charming or not-so-charming to knock on their door.
You don't know that. Maybe she would rather have her dignity than be dependent on a guy.
Bottom line is, you offered her your shelter of an income. She refused.
Accept that and move on. Not every girl is going to WANT to be provided for. Maybe it means the world to her that she is on her own two feet even if it is working in a mall. And what is wrong with working in a mall? If a guy was doing that same job, would that be a bad thing? Should that guy then rely on his wife's income, if she is making 600,000 per year? Would you give up your job and settle down at home if a woman offered to make you her house husband in exchange for an income that could cover both of you?
Half of these gender assertions we make are totally culturally indoctrinated. You saw your dad being the leader of the house because he was bringing home the bacon (or halaal goat in our case). You saw your mom humbly accept it, probably, and stay at home in turn and take care of you. You now want the same thing.
But meanwhile all these OTHER families have been raising their girls to get an education, rely on their own work, and not rely on men because you men have obviously been proven to create problems (or your moms create them FOR you), and in which case a woman now has the freedom to leave such a situation and stand on her own two feet.
If that is the case with this woman, why ever would you have asked her to stay home? Or at least, even if she tells you she still wants to work, why not just respect that? What is the big deal, really, if your wife works? Your parathas wont get cooked?
But she didn't say she wanted to work because of such and such reasons.. instead, she yelled at me for being a "male chauvinist" lol.. now that's stupid.. if her degrees didn't teach her how to communicate properly with each other then she wasted all her life and money for nothing.. oo leme tell ya!
Hm. Maybe she figured you should know all the above, and if you clearly don't, you are being a male chauvinist.
shrugs
No one, except desis and other traditional muslims, really, expect their wives to drop their careers and sit at home.
There is a difference between asking someone to drop their job and offering to take care of them financially because you LOVE them, vs. asking a woman to drop a career she's been working hard on.
In the first, you're doing her a favor. In the second, you're taking away her source of passion in life.
You need to have the brains to differentiate what happened in that scenario. I wasn't there, I don't know the girl, so we can only guess at what was really going through her mind. YOU should have been the one to tease out her reasons for why she thought the idea of dropping her career was crazy.
so anyone whose job can be lost in a recession is better off with a suga daddy or sugar momma? i dont get the point the original post is trying to make.
She stood for her rights and good on her. And so what if she's selling credit cards..? what does that have to do with anything? at least it shows she has the dignity and the grace to stand on her two feet and make ends meet.. Inshallah she'll get far in life. I hope so..
So she didnt accept ur kind offer of giving her a home and endless money... maybe because she didnt want a life if dependancy.. and wanted to be able to do things on her own accord rather than ASK for it...
Strange man...
and a lot of people lost their jobs in the recession and werent able to gather themselves up... were too prooud to accept small jobs... at least she did something about it. Good on her
So there was this girl I was talking to some time ago and one day while we were talking on the phone, I asked her ( not told her) if she wants to be a stay home wife/mother given the fact her husband will be providing her with everything .. ( literally everything).. Although she was a highly qualified person, but to be honest that was my inner wish to have a home stay wife.. anyways, she got so offended, started calling me backward chauvinist who hates women rights, doesn't belong to this society bladi bla ( like seriously).. and hung up on me… anyhoo, I said no to this rishta and moved on ..
Why am I not surprised nobody saw this part?
And I've been accused of having reading comprehension problems. :)
I would honestly get frustrated if a guy gave me that offer to. Doesn't matter if you're asking or telling, at that point. For some women, it can be a downright insult to their intelligence and independent streak.
For some, it would be a WHEW! Thought you'd never ask! - type deal.
It's nice that he asked, but my point is, why even ask a WORKING woman (or an ambitious woman) to drop her goals and make house for you when there are CLEARLY so many women who are already ready to do that sitting in their homes waiting for rishtas? Why not just propose to them?
What she went through has nothing to do with what happened b/w you two. It can happen with anyone, anytime. Thank God more that you are not he one who is suffering and pray for her instead of "almost" mocking her.
So there was this girl I was talking to some time ago and one day while we were talking on the phone, I asked her ( not told her) if she wants to be a stay home wife/mother given the fact her husband will be providing her with everything .. ( literally everything).. Although she was a highly qualified person, but to be honest that was my inner wish to have a home stay wife.. anyways, she got so offended, started calling me backward chauvinist who hates women rights, doesn't belong to this society bladi bla ( like seriously).. and hung up on me… anyhoo, I said no to this rishta and moved on .. but guess what, I saw her today selling credit-cards at the mall asking people or should I say begging people to please sign in the application forum etc etc.. since I didn't want to embarrass her further more, I left the sight immediately… but later found out from my friend that after refusing my rishta, she moved down to Chicago to pursue her career but end up losing her job.. end up losing her house.. she got engaged to a guy from UK who was in the process of migrating but got refused due to an arm long criminal history.. thus the engagement ended as well and since she couldn't find a job in her field, she is temporarily selling credit cards making ends meet.....
And here I am thinking.. wow.. you chose that hogwash over marrying someone who was honest and capable of taking care things?.. I'm shaking my head right now and thinking women should educate them selves to the point their heads are still on their shoulders and after that put a break to it… getting higher education is only good when you have the green thumb to make right decisions.. forgetting your own essence for the sake of fitting into this society will always have an opposite effects.. anyone else agrees or has gone through such a weird experience?
^ exactly... why not approach those girls who are not working?
Its like those people who want their son to marry a doctor but dont want their bahu to work... how is the justified unless the girl herself insists she doesnt want to work. Even that is not justified. The girl should never have gotten into that profession and given her seat to someone who deserved it.. another story
I would honestly get frustrated if a guy gave me that offer to. Doesn't matter if you're asking or telling, at that point. For some women, it can be a downright insult to their intelligence and independent streak.
For some, it would be a WHEW! Thought you'd never ask! - type deal.
It's nice that he asked, but my point is, why even ask a WORKING woman (or an ambitious woman) to drop her goals and make house for you when there are CLEARLY so many women who are already ready to do that sitting in their homes waiting for rishtas? Why not just propose to them?
I dont think he told her or requested her to do that. he asked her what she would do and she replied.
Its really not that big deal of a question, a simple yes/no can suffice...a person can bring their point across in a much more dignified way.
Hm, maybe she could have, but like I said, I wasn't there. I have no idea what kind of tone this guy has, how he actually asked the questions, and what he actually said. Clearly, he is mocking her in this post and has no sense of humanity to approach the girl and talk to her like a normal human being at this point. I wouldn't be surprised if there is more to the story.
Mc12IT, trust me even if the girls had said that she is fine with you bringing in the capital and she will will make you the roti, you still wouldn't had married her. cuz then you would called her nakami-nakhatoo and incompatible with your lifestyle.
its a sad state of mind. education is there to provide yourself comfort and a peaceful life, not the other way around.
and the girls who says that they will continue working after marriage are naive, and the guys who asks girls such questions dont know em and dont know how to handle em.