Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
You know, If somebody has a different opinion, we get mad. Us no likey.
We will turn and twist and mock.
I didnt believe I was turning, twisting and mocking.
Ive heard enough people say this stuff about un-arranged marriage to understand that for some reason romanec would be less, or less exciting after an un-arranged marriage takes place.
I just want to understand where this notion comes from.
I was certainly not arranged (and there are many couples on this board who were not) and I dont see any of us saying that romance was any less exciting than it was for an arranged couple. What do even use to measure such feelings or notions?
Again, no mocking or twisting. Just would like to understand where these "facts" come from
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
If test driving 100 girls before marrying one is yours (and those who like and agree with your post) idea of a perfect marriage then good for you . Mainu kii?! But i don’t think that is what the topic was about :nono:.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
LOL
my god
Do you live under a rock dear? Who do you know whos had a love marriage and also have had 100 relationships in the past?
I certainly don’t and I know many who lost their virginity with their husband/wives.
So where are you getting this information from?
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
actually i'd like to believe that the romance would be even more special in an arranged married cuz unlike love marriage, u have not been there done all that romance b4.
I don't know about others....but the bold part is the "confusing" part for me. Let's say I marry my husband after dating him...and we have romance in our relationship before signing the nikahnama. You have a totally arranged marriage and experience no romance with your husband before signing the nikahnama. According to your statement above, the romance in your marriage is "more special" compared to mine. But WHY? I guess I must be pretty stupid (to put it bluntly) but I completely fail to see the logic behind it on my own. And so far you haven't explained it so I guess I'll just keep on wondering.
They talk about being all "open minded" and how desis back home are so backward and what not but seriously atleast reading the stuff most of the "foreign" desis write, i am just left thinking that they are quite narrow minded. It's just so damn hard for them to take a contrasting opinion and its not like they will be up for a good argument, for them their opinion= the truth and everything else is nonsense. And i must say they are great in assuming things, reading between the lines and eventually taking just negativity out of whatever is being said. I don't think i owe anyone any explaination because my post was pretty explainatory but i guess we have alot of duffers here on this forum so maybe reposting my post will help them understand it better;
I am sure if you are in love/relationship before marriage, there would be romance between the two of you hence my ^ comment based on it. .
So you stating that you believe that romance in an arranged marriage is "more special" than love marriages isn't an "assumption" on your part?
I guess I'm one of the narrow minded duffers here! But to me.....no....your original statement regarding romance in love marriage wasn't that clear. And you stated an ASSUMPTION regarding love marriages that you still have not explained. And yes, I agree that you don't "owe" anyone an explanation for your views. Of course there is romance in love marriages before the actual marraige. But that wasn't the original statement that got all this started.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
I don't know about others....but the bold part is the "confusing" part for me. Let's say I marry my husband after dating him...and we have romance in our relationship before signing the nikahnama. You have a totally arranged marriage and experience no romance with your husband before signing the nikahnama. According to your statement above, the romance in your marriage is "more special" compared to mine. But WHY? I guess I must be pretty stupid (to put it bluntly) but I completely fail to see the logic behind it on my own. And so far you haven't explained it so I guess I'll just keep on wondering.
So you stating that you believe that romance in an arranged marriage is "more special" than love marriages isn't an "assumption" on your part?
I guess I'm one of the narrow minded duffers here! But to me.....no....your original statement regarding romance in love marriage wasn't that clear. And you stated an ASSUMPTION regarding love marriages that you still have not explained. And yes, I agree that you don't "owe" anyone an explanation for your views. Of course there is romance in love marriages before the actual marraige. But that wasn't the original statement that got all this started.
Thank you Paheli!! This whole thread has confused the crap out of me!!!
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
LOL
my god
Do you live under a rock dear? Who do you know whos had a love marriage and also have had 100 relationships in the past?
I certainly don't and I know many who lost their virginity with their husband/wives.
So where are you getting this information from?
That post of mine was a reply to queer for his smart a$$ comment. Now please help me understand WHY are YOU taking it personally?!
I don't know about others....but the bold part is the "confusing" part for me. Let's say I marry my husband after dating him...and we have romance in our relationship before signing the nikahnama. You have a totally arranged marriage and experience no romance with your husband before signing the nikahnama. According to your statement above, the romance in your marriage is "more special" compared to mine. But WHY? I guess I must be pretty stupid (to put it bluntly) but I completely fail to see the logic behind it on my own. And so far you haven't explained it so I guess I'll just keep on wondering.
So you stating that you believe that romance in an arranged marriage is "more special" than love marriages isn't an "assumption" on your part?
I guess I'm one of the narrow minded duffers here! But to me.....no....your original statement regarding romance in love marriage wasn't that clear. And you stated an ASSUMPTION regarding love marriages that you still have not explained. And yes, I agree that you don't "owe" anyone an explanation for your views. Of course there is romance in love marriages before the actual marraige. But that wasn't the original statement that got all this started.
What part of "i had like to believe..." you guys can't understand. I am not saying this is what the truth is or this is what is gonna be the case with all, its just a
feeling i have.
Anyways, I'll try to explain the reason why i think it is so...well it's like the more you know a person, the more frank you are with them and you tend to take them
for granted. You have done the flowers, cards, movies, going on long drives and all that bit even before marriage so i would assume that they won't hold that much
importance after marriage. Where as, in an arrange marriage its like a process you get to know each other first and then these small gestures perhaps hold more meaning
and help you to build your bond stronger. I could be wrong and maybe you can get unlucky and don't end up liking the person you have got married to but that is beyond
anyone's control whether in love or arranged marriage.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
That post of mine was a reply to queer for his smart a$$ comment. Now please help me understand WHY are YOU taking it personally?!
What part of "i had like to believe..." you guys can't understand. I am not saying this is what the truth is or this is what is gonna be the case with all, its just a
feeling i have.
Anyways, I'll try to explain the reason why i think it is so...well it's like the more you know a person, the more frank you are with them and you tend to take them
for granted. You have done the flowers, cards, movies, going on long drives and all that bit even before marriage so i would assume that they won't hold that much
importance after marriage. Where as, in an arrange marriage its like a process you get to know each other first and then these small gestures perhaps hold more meaning
and help you to build your bond stronger. I could be wrong and maybe you can get unlucky and don't end up liking the person you have got married to but that is beyond
anyone's control whether in love or arranged marriage.
Not everything is so black and white. You can't just make blanket statements in a one size fits all fashion...Just because someone has "done all that" prior to getting married does not make it any less special or significent afterwards. Also, there are plenty of other "romantic" gestures that take place between married couples who had a "love marriage". When your significent knows instinctively what you like/want/need without you having to say a word..that is romantic. For me, I "dated" my husband over year before we got married (no physical intimacy before you assume that) so on our wedding night, when he helped me unpin the heavy dupatta and take off the jewelry, **that *was romantic....On our honeymoon, when he bought a bag of birdseed for us to feed the pidgeons, without me mentioning it...that* was romantic...it was no different then had our marriage been arranged and we did not know eachother.
14 years later (mashallah) you want to know what is truly romantic? When one of the kids is in the bathroom and needs their tushy washed and yells "maaammaaaa...i'm done, can you waaash me...." he gets up first and says "tum rehanay do, may dhekta hoon"...now that is romantic...
Please don't think I'm picking on you, because I'm not. I'm just trying to show you that it truly makes no difference if you knew your spouse prior to marriage. Once you share your home/life with somebody, it's all the same level playing field.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Do people still live in 14th century?
Even with a perfectly arranged marriage, people get more than enough time and opportunities to at least come out of 'strangers' shell and develope enough feelings and liking to anticipate the intimate aspect of their relationship (whenever and however that happens). I mean we live in the age of mobile phones, internet chat, FB, Skype and whatnot. I don't know which village or which particular 'back home' country is in question here, but as far as Pakistan ( more importantly, its urban cities) are concerned, telecomuincation is growing at an uncontrollable rate. Wasn't Pakistan at the top of the list for countries with highets SMS traffic? Now I'm sure these texts aren't being exchanged between 'aunties' gossiping about their evil bahus...
Really life is not that bad, read something on telecom revoluation in Pakistan to find out that 'communication' is really 'in' these days even if it happens through ...not to mention Pakistan has one of the biggest youth population in the world...so please let go of all the doom and gloom attitude.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Okay....so does it even out for both types of marriages in the end? As in....would the romantic period in a love marriage be about the same length as the romantic period in an arranged marriage.....and then they both eventually reach a point where things "fizzle out." Kind of like saying....."You had your fun before and I had mine later."
I guess what I'm trying to say, and rather inarticulately, is that...........if the argument is that the "novelty" wears off sooner in a love marriage because the romance took place before the wedding.....................what makes one think that the romance will last for a longer time in an arranged marriage? Eventually that "headiness/newness" will diminish for both, right? It's just a matter of time....either before or after.
I don't have any marital experience, so I'm not taking anything personally here. I just don't see the logic behind some of the assumptions. With either type of marriage.....you have to work to keep the spark alive. The relationship evolves (or should) with time.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Romance is a result of mutual interest and mentality of each person…
What is romance?IMO romance is our expression of love we feel for the other person…
So love marriage will not affect chances of romance in future…
may one will miss the thrill one may feel at starting of a love affair…thats different story…
but till the time two person are in love with each other and ready to express their feeling…there is no shortage of romance…
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
I hope people here know the difference between force marraige and arrange marriage and arrange marriage where couples by the time they sign their nikhnama are deeply in love.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
I hope people here know the difference between force marraige and arrange marriage and arrange marriage where couples by the time they sign their nikhnama are deeply in love.
That would depend upon how much they interacted with one another by the time the sign the nikhanama. If they didn't interact much.....then those feelings could be attributed more to fantasy/crush than love...because you geto to know the person better when you start living with them.
This thread reminds me of one of my cousins who had an arranged marriage and maybe they might have interacted with one another prior to the wedding.......but I highly doubt it.....considering the conservative nature of my mamoo's family. Anyhow...so I guess his wife conceived right away. And I wonder......when you barely know each other.....and then you have a baby on the way.....how do some people manage that? It kinda creeps me out though shudders...the thougt of being physically intimate with someone you don't know too well. But meh.....they have a happy marriage, MA, and are still together. And no, Jolie, this paragraph is not directed to you.......it's just an example that came to mind when I was reading this thread.
. Mainu kii?! 
But i don’t think that is what the topic was about :nono:.
What a delightful idea of Romance hattori shared with us.