Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

skhan · March 30, 2005, 5:13am

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

PCG please update the Quran for us according to LSAT standards. It would be very beneficial for Muslims today.

edit: I don't know about the LSAT but I am sure I kicked your butt in the SAT :D

PyariCgudia · March 30, 2005, 5:14am

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

:)

You'd be surprised.

mAd_ScIeNtIsT · March 30, 2005, 5:52am

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Second marriage would be a just a shariah law marriage rather than one registered under Canadian law

PyariCgudia · March 30, 2005, 5:53am

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

urgh

Puchi_Kuchi · March 30, 2005, 1:32pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Whats so wrong with taking more than one wife? It's halal, it's allowed and it can be a solution for problems..If a man can handle it , he can afford it, is genuine and it doesn't hurt his children and his current wife then why not?

The Prophet PBUH practised it so how can we disregard and insult this? Even as a woman I know it would be difficult to see my husband with another woman, that's why everyone can't practise it but it is an option for example if I couldn't have kids or something serious like that? We never know about life so we can't just base things on just our opinons. As a muslim how can we say its awful wrong etc because NOTHING ALLAH SWT has allowed can be negative or bad.

minah_pa · March 30, 2005, 1:42pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

PCG - Tell you what, join my house and tell Kaleem your spoken for :) be nice to have a lawyer in the house

I guess what it all comes down to then is:

1) Polygamy is ok'd by the Quran at least up to 4 wives
2) Everyone agrees that it would only work if the husband is able to afford it and can fairly run his household (make everyone satisfied, if not happy)

Since two women and one man make VERY few women happy, then I guess this is an issue that is really not applicable to reality anywhere except where women have no say.

lazy_daisy · March 30, 2005, 2:04pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Since two women and one man make VERY few women happy, then I guess this is an issue that is really not applicable to reality anywhere except where women have no say.
[/QUOTE]

Minah..... I hope you're not trying to teach these kids that women have the right to be happy too...............

Good Lord...... what is to become of us!:p

ch_and-be_ii · March 30, 2005, 2:30pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

haha! I am so tempted to jump in and take it to another 10 pages, but I see some of the psuedo proponents of polygamy in here are just trying to get a rise out of pcg. Skhan is a little more convincing in his act than Kaleem though.

:p

Roman · March 30, 2005, 3:28pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

PCG, I still don't get it. If two women are ok with it and the man is ok with it (oh yeh) then what's your beef, haiN?

minah_pa · March 30, 2005, 3:41pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Since PCG is under the protection of my roof now :D

I think the beef is the air of entitlement that goes along with it.

Roman - if everyone in the household agrees, then no issue.

But how many men consult or listen to their current wife and take her opinion when picking out another woman for the household and how many women are secure enough to allow that? It seems most of the guys are like, well, I can, period, and just acquire another possesion (read - wife). Even if the Quran says you can, doesn't mean you disregard the feelings and desires of others in your house. That is the measure of a man - how he treats others, especially those he swore to protect (which does cover emotionally, not just physically).

Roman · March 30, 2005, 3:55pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Ok, I'll play the devil.

minha, I don't think this is some kinda evil-man schema. You're blaming the whole thing on the man. How about the second woman? Isn't she part of the equation? Isn't she, by accepting the proposal from a married man trampling over the first woman's life?

minah_pa · March 30, 2005, 4:10pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Roman - In any culture that accepts polygamy (especially when it is one-sided, biased), the man is the ultimate Master of the home. Unfortunately, you are attributing way to much power to the women. Let's assume she does know, by the same token, she would also know there will be no peace at all for her because of that.

I am not saying this is an evil man schema - I am just saying there is fantasy and there is reality and somethings are just better left as fantasies.

PyariCgudia · March 30, 2005, 4:18pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

minah pa - you’re married to Kaleem?

How the hell did he manage to get an intelligent lady like you?

That’s okay, I wouldn’t want to trample on your territory. After all, Roman is right. The second wife who agrees to the marriage is just as much an imbecile as the husband himself.

Entering another woman’s territory…that’s like…suicide, man!

minah_pa · March 30, 2005, 4:21pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Oh lord....... read the post before that, geesh, how did you make that mistake?? lol

I said --> Tell Kaleem you're spoken for

You know what, offer withdrawn, you're on your own, lady :D

PyariCgudia · March 30, 2005, 4:23pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Oh ok, so you're not married to Kaleem. Good. I was about to really lower my respect for you there. :D

Roman · March 30, 2005, 4:25pm

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minha, I don't buy that argument. Women have played victim for too long. There are far too many women in this world who still go for security and protection over anything else. They claim emotional care and love and all that other crap but when push comes to shove they still chose the former. Their design and ambitions don't match what they pose for. So as far as reality goes, anyone making a decision out of family pressure or finanancial needs is also part of the blame and it's just not the men.

PyariCgudia · March 30, 2005, 4:27pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

^ I agree. And to solve that problem, women and men need to work together to create more opportunities for women, to ensure that women can walk around outside and not get harassed or raped, etc.

Right...and Pakistan will probably achieve that by the year 3000, and the Arabs by the year 5000.

minah_pa · March 30, 2005, 4:41pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Roman - I agree with you too. But as I said, the only places where polygamy is legal (aside from Utah - get to that in a sec) are in places where women have no power (legally, culturally, and religiously). That takes time to change, until then, blame cannot be placed on a person in a position of little to no power. That is a bit unreasonable.

You also have to consider what options a woman has who breaks with tradition. In an enviroment where it is not uncommon for a woman to be shamed or even killed for going against tradition and family, very few will want to test that boundary. So, they will play things they safe way or the way they are taught is the "correct" way to act. Add religion in the mix and you do what you think will please your God, too.

It is hard to go from the mindset of a woman being a possession to the mindset of a woman being a partner, that takes generations.

It is equally hard to go from the mindset of a possession (a father's or a husband's) to the mindset of a person who can make choices about family and their personal life.

Whoops - Utah..... Ok, you may practice polygamy in Utah, but only if you are Mormon. I am not sure if the religious exception applies to Muslims, that would be a problem if it didn't. However the laws are such here that if all (meaning the man and the first wife) are not in agreement and he does it anyway, the divorce will nail you to the wall. That kind of cuts down on the abuse.

PyariCgudia · March 30, 2005, 4:54pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Exactly. What is the punishment in muslim countries for men who abuse polygamy?

skhan or geekk or someone mentioned the penalty for not reading namaz. There is absolutely no darn comparison that anyone can pull off. If you dont read namaz, you're hurting yourself. And that's between you and God anyway. Its not even realistic to patrol that either.

But if men are , and we all know they ARE, transgressing their bounds by marrying against the wishes of their first wife, and for perverted reasons, then what is the penalty for such a man? The law in Pakistan might say that the man needs permission from his first wife, but is this law actually being enforced?

No, so its not just the law that matters. Its also the people and the practices themselves. It is also their mentality. And I totally agree that the people who are in the best position to change the trends are men. Not really women even, because these guys who are abusing the practice don't listen to us anyway.

skhan · March 30, 2005, 5:53pm

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

^ I think women in Pakistan have far bigger problems than their husbands remarrying. We need to sort those out first rather than focussing on immature impracticalities. What makes you so sure that a first wife can't be "forced" to give permission? God knows worse things have happend. Aren't women also supposed to give their permission before marriage? And we all know how much of a deterrent that turned out to be.

Therefore, exercising any sort of marriage police is futile and foolish. Like you said, the root of the problem lies in changing mentalities.