Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

my second marriage? yehi tho masla hai. I'm not allowed to have one, but dammit, you are!

[geekk]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Actually the Quran says to marry two, three, or four then in the same verse it says IF you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with them THEN marry only one.

I don't know where you got that only a few men will be able to deal justly with more than one wife from. However the Quran does say "You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire" (www.quraan.com).

Now ofcourse the man must deal justly with his wives interms of spending money, time and other material things but other things such as love is not in his control. The tafsir by ibn Kathir on this verse reads "You will never be able to be perfectly just between wives in every respect. Even when one divides the nights justly between wives, there will still be various degrees concerning love, desire and sexual intimacy".

And don't use this excuse that four wives were just permissable so that the Arabs would eventually ease onto monogamy. There is absolutely no proof for that. The Quran isn't just for the Arabs, it's for all of mankind. The limit is four wives and all that means is that it is haram to have more than four wives nothing more.

[ammarr]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

@PyariCgudia

my second marriage? yehi tho masla hai. I’m not allowed to have one, but dammit, you are!

I’m saying, islam does not ask anyone to justify their second marriage.

geek, good post :k:

[Mamaof3]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

I went through much soul-searching during my battle with infertility. My hubby was so very supportive and always assured me that we'd go the adoption route should I not be able to conceive. But its human nature to want to reproduce, to see and raise YOUR OWN or, failing that, at least the child that your much-loved spouse produces. I decided that should I not be able to give him a child, I'd still want him to have one of his own and also adopt. I made some inquiries to family over inPak to start looking for a very nice, homemaker type. I thought we could have a nice (although kinda strange) family with lots of kids, both adopted and conceived and an extra Mom.

I am so very happy to say that this situation never came to pass but I would have done my best to do this thing.

[Mem_Sahib]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Mama of 3.. I bet Verizon wouldv looooooved that!

[Mamaof3]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Mem Saab, rotfl!!

but actually, he didnt like the idea at all. It would have beena major battle and i doubt that i'd have gotten him to agree to it. It seemed to me like the best solution to everything but he didnt see things my way. I thank God/Allah each and every day that it never came down to that, we have our beautiful boys and so will never know what "would have been".

[minah_pa]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

@ahmadjee

Before this thread gets highjacked by the religious right & their decrees along with the elitist left & their nonsense sarcasm, let me make the point that polygamy will go away on it’s own as along as women are brought up to be emotionally and financially independent of men in their lives.

To argue that somehow if all the men become righteous saints the women will be better off is wishful thinking no better than the wishful thinking of many Muslims today who argue that if somehow the rest of the world, especially the West, becomes just, tolerant and selfless their problems will go away on their own. Women need to look inside to improve themselves rather than hoping for someone else to hand it to them. If women need to change their situation they need to work on it themselves, men will become gentlemen as a result. And for the religiously inclined feminists reading this; God only help those who help themselves.

And just to make things clear, the above is not a license for men to act like jerks.

I LOVE this, really I do. Finally!! I have always said that the reason men act the way they do towards women is because we allow them to. We have to take some responsibility.

@sara_zzz

why cant women have more than one husband?? < we never learned that in sunday school…
what happens if a girls husband turns out to be gay n she cant get a divorce (sadly, a bunch of guys a see in pakistan look too gay) . she lives like that??
why would a guy wanna have 2 wives (besides if she cant have kids. which is a sucky excuse) … hes gotta pay for both of them.. n listen to them
b itch.. but i guess his house would be extra clean..

I agree we shold have more than one husband but the rest of it, well, I think women also should contribute a bit more in the house, ie get a job, therefore the burden of the house would be split rather than multiplied.

My arguement would be that a man has to be able to take care of ALL the needs of two women, nothing less. If he believes that he has that endurance and that kind of time to listen to the both of them talk about their days and to visit TWO sets of in-laws, PLUS the nocturnal duties of a husband, then by all means, let him.

Mo3 - I cannot have anymore children due to health reasons, also. My husband says it does not matter to him, the two that I had in my earlier marriage were enough. Thank God for men like this. We also considered adoption, but since ours kids are older, figured we would wait for grandkids.

PCG - Seriously, If there ever was a reason for me to approve of a second marriage, it would have been if he wished for children. It would have torn me apart and probably been a death knoll for the marriage (if I am totally honest).

[Mamaof3]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

ps...but he LOVES to tease me abt hiring some swedish college student type to "help around the house"!!!

No prob there, I just tell him that ok, mama will find her, name is Hildegaard...weight 230+, muscle-bound, strict, wart-on-nose (with hair protruding), known to physically punish husbands who dont wipe muddy feet at the door.

He backs off quickly.

[Mamaof3]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Minah_pa,

You are very blessed with a good man. And I wish you many beautiful grandchildren. Your situation is a little different from mine I think but all that aside, you seem to have a very blessed marriage. Good men are hard to find but its always nice to hear about the "good ones"esp when they meet up with "good ones" of the opposite gender.

[Mem_Sahib]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

@Mamaof3

Mem Saab, rotfl!!

but actually, he didnt like the idea at all. It would have beena major battle and i doubt that i’d have gotten him to agree to it. It seemed to me like the best solution to everything but he didnt see things my way. I thank God/Allah each and every day that it never came down to that, we have our beautiful boys and so will never know what “would have been”.

I was jus kidding..

[minah_pa]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Mo3 - Thank you, that was very nice of you to say. I wish the same for you also. We definitely have this in common - we love our "dregs" ;)

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Its interesting that Minah pa and Mamaof3 of non islamic/pak origin can find polygamous an advantage.

Why are those of pak origin (in this forum) so anti...........?

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

@PyariCgudia

Scenario 2: She can’t have children.

Rebuttle: Taking your behind to an adoption agency. The number of orphans in the muslim world that need a good family - wow. Its scary to imagine the number. Also, think of all the muslim orphan children now in SouthEast Asia from the Tsunami who need good muslim families to take care of them.

Doesn’t work that way. I don’t want to raise just some dead guy’s kids, I want children of my own, my own genetic material, my own legacy. Whilst I do like the idea of adopting a kid too, that would be in addition to myown children and not as a replacement.

If my wife was sterile (God forbid) then I seriously would consider polygamy, depending on the circumstances of my life.

Similarly, if I were to (God forbid) find out that I was sterile, my first reaction would be to offer to divorce my wife so that she could try and find a better husband.

I won’t deny it. To me, a fertile human being is a better human being.

[Roman]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

Excusable reasons????? You get to sleep with two women. duh!

[Mamaof3]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

MS, THANK YOU for being so realistic. Its a very painful issue, to not be able to conceive. Takes courage to face it although thank Allah/GOd for all of the treatments and options there are today to resolve. Most infertility problems are addressable today....takes patience and dedication but most well worth the effort. If that fails you, well then you have a challenge to faceand may God/Allah be with you as you travel down that road.

[minah_pa]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

The only thing I would take issue with is the last part of the post. M_S, you are definitely entitled to your opinion and for the most part I understand and agree.

This:

[QUOTE]
I won't deny it. To me, a fertile human being is a better human being.
[/QUOTE]

bothers me a bit. Some of us cannot help the way God created us, it does not mean that we are less of a human being. I am sure you noticed that those of us who do have problems already have enough guilt and pain about it, enough so that we considered options that we normally would never consider.

Hopefully, you and your future wife shall never have to face this.

[Mamaof3]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

As far as the "non-pakistanis" finding advantages in polygamy, I think its more of an age difference rather than cultural....

...Ithink the responders here of pakistani origin are much younger, have not faced this situation yet. Its so very nice to be so young and to have these visions of a beautiful wedding and marriage, beautiful babies etc. And, inshallah it will be so. But alas that does not happen for us all...so we have to deal with things as they come.

[lazy_daisy]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

^agree with you but just didnt have time to expand on my answer!

[TheNewWannaBe]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

less number of men. more number of women. it'd be unavoidable in the future to come.

[system]

Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy

To satisfy a voracious sexual appetite. Especially when your wife has a headache all the time.