Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Anyone has seen the culture where sisters are to serve the meal to their father and brothers first, and only eat after the males are done?
Yup, me neither
I've seen the one where the wife serves the husband first and then only eats in the plate used by the husband.....
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Ooh that's right. Also, feet should never be in the direction of a photo of parents or elders.
and the same principle applies to outstretched legs.....
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Anyone has seen the culture where sisters are too serve their the meal to their father and brothers first, and only eat after the males are done?
Yep, me neither
So I've heard of that - but we were a lot more equal opportunity in our family. In fact, the parents ensured the kids were served first and ate first and then they served themselves. The only time we ate second, was if we had guests over - then obviously family was served after guests.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
yup! we did the greet abbu at the door also!
n goodbyes at the door every single morning … lol … maybe we are just a cheesy mushy family lol
my mom always always always walked abbu to the door and stood there till his car went out of view … funnily enough i do the same (on days that im home in the morning) with my husband … didnt really realize it till this thread.
oh n it is considered rude in my family to go hang out in your room when parents are up and sitting in the family/common area. only exception … exam studying. we were expected to and did our usual daily studying, reading books, writing papers all in one room … there was no off by yourself till we were halfway done with university and really studying hard for med school admissions testing etc…
on my moms side of the family … everyone gets “aap” and she says “hum” when referring to self. my dad used to and still teases her about the hum bit … he would say .. kia aap shahhanna khaandan ki hein … kahan hai sultanat aapki! 
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
When passing a glass of water you, of course hold it with your right hand, but in the absence of a tray or saucer, you place your left hand underneath as if to support it. You remain standing until the person has consumed the water and then tak ethe empty glass back (unless of course everyone is seated at a table or the person expresses a desire to keep the glass).
Doing everything with your right hand in Sunnah and it is generally encouraged in all Muslim households.
It was not a rule in my family to place a hand underneath the glass, but I remember being told to hold everything with both hands as I had a major tendency to drop things (like most kids). Whether it was a plate or a glass, I was just required to use both hands.
In my family, kids are usually served first and mostly it is the elders who insist that kids must be served first, and I've heard that it is also Sunnah to serve the kids first if they are present on the table, but don't quote me on this.
There are rules about not stretching your legs or sitting with your legs open. Since we often used to wear frocks and dresses and were allowed to join our fathers and uncles in formal/casual male gatherings and dine with them, our mothers had to cover these basic things.
I have memories of eating with Army officers as a child and since they are notorious for their strict table manners, we were almost trained on how to eat rice without your spoon making clicking noise. Then there was whole thing about taking small morsels, not chewing with your mouth open etc etc.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
We used to say “hum” as well. There was no concept of “main” Took a long time to break that habit. To this day, I still have to consciously make an effort not say “hum” 
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
yup! we did the greet abbu at the door also! n goodbyes at the door every single morning ... lol ... maybe we are just a cheesy mushy family lol my mom always always always walked abbu to the door and stood there till his car went out of view ... funnily enough i do the same (on days that im home in the morning) with my husband ... didnt really realize it till this thread. oh n it is considered rude in my family to go hang out in your room when parents are up and sitting in the family/common area. only exception ... exam studying. we were expected to and did our usual daily studying, reading books, writing papers all in one room .... there was no off by yourself till we were halfway done with university and really studying hard for med school admissions testing etc... on my moms side of the family ... everyone gets "aap" and they and she says "hum" when referring to self. my dad used to and still teases her about the hum bit ... he would say .. kia aap shahhanna khaandan ki hein ... kahan hai sultanat aapki! :D
aww how cute is that! :)
We don't let dad clean the toilet or mop the floor. (My mom doesn't do it either but that's more due to back pain).
Also, when you are in a heated argument with a parent or another elder, you don't stare them back. And you shouldn't raise your voice. There is a way to get your point across but it's not through battameezi.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
yeah…the hum thing was never appreciated in our family…was considered “arrogant” and you would get asked if you were “nawab ki aulaad”…
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
by now Deeba is wondering if we all drink our tea with our pinkies stuck out too…
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Also, when you are in a heated argument with a parent or another elder, you don't stare them back. And you shouldn't raise your voice. There is a way to get your point across but it's not through battameezi.
Forget about heated discussions, we were taught never to look at someone directly in the eyes - we were always supposed to have our gazes lowered. Aankhon mein aankhein daal ke baat karna was considered very forward, rude and disrespectful. This of course meant having to unlearn this Pakistani cultural habit when in the western educational and professional settings.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Forget about heated discussions, we were taught never to look at someone directly in the eyes - we were always supposed to have our gazes lowered. Aankhon mein aankhein daal ke baat karna was considered very forward, rude and disrespectful. This of course meant having to unlearn this Pakistani cultural habit when in the western educational and professional settings.
that! x 10000%
it was/is (even now as a grown married woman with children) to look at an elder while having a prolonged conversation. you glance to acknowledge and then lower gaze to answer! ........ and talking back during arguments?! ha! that just didnt happen ..... as the younger person .... that was no answering back to a miffed elder. like none. even if you are right with proof! no counter arguments UNLESS asked to speak or answer ... as is aab kiyon khamoosh ho, jawab dau humein! ... thats the only time you talk man! LOL and even then you are supposed to respond in the most neutral tone, normal volume and WITHOUT expression of distress/anger! .......... for all those who havnt been through this type of "training" ......... it is V HARD to manintain such complete control of oneself.
As sehyrsh says here ... this is absolutely opposite of the western expectations/standards. Here it hurts professionally if you are not able to "hold your own" and demonstrate some aggressiveness .... at least i have felt so being in a field dominated by males and frequently interacting with other sub-specialities and professions that are known to be aggressive/tough. I went through all of my schooling/training with teachers/attending calling me shy or quiet and anticipating that i will not be able to handle difficult patients/situations ... lol. I was advised to go into pediatrics during med school ... the gentle sweet dept of the medicine world and pretty much was everyone was shocked when i went to EM.
Much as I admire and respect my culture and think that this sort of upbringing has taught me the art of restraint .... im not sure that i'd teach my girls the same.
personally as a mother I want to be respected but not at the level of a diety where i become unapproachable and unreproachable.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
hindu ana rasm.
Do you prefer sambar - to go?
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
Hum tou pirch main chai undail ke peetay thay, phoonk phoonk ke
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
We observed cupping the glass underneath from left hand also while passing it (in case of finding no ‘pirch’)
No feet towards the elders or on the pillow or even towards the Kabbah.
Giving up your seat and offering it to an elder/kid - instead of khud jump maar kay baithna (my parents really frowned up this)
Also a little off topic but more domestic
For myself I am relaxed about my kids calling me by my first name; because I found it so adorable; (when my back then 2 year old spilled juice and said ‘beela clean’) So yah first names are ok in my house, my sister only wants to be called ‘Khala’ the girls couldn’t get away with calling her by first name LOL
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
Ufff Dr. Ahmar kabhi aisay chai naa piya :nono:
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
Dr Ahmar tou apnay se aadhi umar ki larki se ishq baazi bhi karte thay. Hum ne bhi waisa kabhi nahi kiya
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Jee nahi not in my house...i have 3 daughters and 3 yrs apart. i make sure younger daughters call older sisters baji.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Jee nahi not in my house...i have 3 daughters and 3 yrs apart. i make sure younger daughters call older sisters baji.
why?
some say that inserting a title that signifies rank creates distance between siblings.....
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
i don't care what other say. thats the rule of my house.