Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
i don't care what other say. thats the rule of my house.
yes....but what is your reasoning behind the rule?
I'm not suggesting that you should follow what others say, I just want to understand why you like this rule. What does it accomplish for you?
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
its like u asking me why call mom and dad not by their name.
ab mat pochna kyon
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
its like u asking me why call mom and dad not by their name. ab mat pochna kyon
acha chalo nahin poochtee......khush raho.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
*pait main mundi daalkay milna *is a very revered tradition in my family. There are also some in my extended family that do the paon choohna/touching of the elders feet.
i was also taught the water glass thing....if you don't have a saucer, you place your hand underneath the water glass when brining it to someone...to this day I still do it
I went to a meelad once years ago hosted by a Hyderabadi family. I believe there was a buzurg lady in their khandaan also attending...there was a long line of people waiting to touch her feet. It was their tradition...sign of respect.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
I don’t know about others, but I have this weird thing where I call cousins my age ‘tum’ while the younger ones I address as aap 
There is something else, I don’t know who taught me this and I don’t know who else does this but say I am given a glass of coke from someone else I will always leave a tiny amount left. Bizarre but my head tells me at some point someone told me its a sign of respect? o_O
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Have to call older sister baji in front of guests or other relatives. If we're alone then first name only is fine. Serve everything with right hand. No outstretched legs towards anyone or Kaaba. Always stand when elder comes in. Always offer seat to elders first. Always say salam to elders first and lower head for blessings (hand on head thing). Always have head covered when guests come. Always wear dupatta in front of dad and brother, it is considered rude not to. Interestingly no one ever told us, we just sort of learnt it through watching and copying older siblings or mum.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
So I remember the following growing up:
Are dils expected to touch their mil's feet when going to their inlaws house for the first time? I saw it when I was really really young..
This is a very common tradition in Bangladesh. Not only with DIL's with their MILs, during Eid and other times when you visit elders, people touch the elders feet and ask for dua. Its done as a sign of respect.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
^I haven't seen feet touching since I was a little kid, not since I was maybe 4/5 years-old.. back in the days when brides had dots on their foreheads :D
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
In my family, elder cousin or brother is called Bhai Jaan, and elder sister Baaji.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
^I haven't seen feet touching since I was a little kid, not since I was maybe 4/5 years-old.. back in the days when brides had dots on their foreheads :D
Are you referring to UK or Bangladesh? I know several Bangladeshi families where the feet touching still happens (whether they're with elders in the U.S. or Bangladesh). I also know several Bangladeshi brides that got married within the last few years and wore a bindi.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
^Wearing a bindi isn’t that common amongst UK Bangladeshis (who are mostly from Sylhet) and not bk in the capital in Bangladesh as well, though it could be different in other parts.. I only have family in Dhaka..
Touching elders’ feet is frowned upon in our family now and I haven’t seen it happen amongst any families I know in the UK either, but again they’re not so into culture even if they’re very practising Muslims..
My Mum is religious (wears hijab etc) but not into culture and quite strongly disapproves of the touching of elders’ feet because of the association with prostration..
By dots on the forehead I meant a long line of dots over the eyes like this..
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Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
This is such a nice thread.
I was taught the same manners for giving the glass of water to others, like putting the hand underneath. Also, guests to be served water without asking them if they need some.
Outstretched legs toward any one be it elders or youngsters was not allowed.
Calling all elders cousins by names+bhai/baji, but it is funny that i call my elder brothers by their first name but call my elder sister baji.
the kids were always served first if they are on table, but when my grandparents used to visit and were on table then they were served first.
Kids are taught to take bosa of hands of elders of the family while greeting them. this is a tradition in my family(get too much at weddings when the bride and groom have to get up and do "Haath Chomna" of every elder coming to the stage) :D
Also, i was taught that during lunch breaks at school, you must wait for all friends until they get their stuff from canteen and were back to the cafeteria table. We all used to begin eating together.
we were also taught to shut the main gate of the house very very slowly so that the neighbors don't get disturb by it.
And yes, one thing we were taught that i never liked was when the guests were over and snacks and goodies were served to them, we were not allowed to help ourselves:( we had to wait till the guests leave.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
Kids are taught to take bosa of hands of elders of the family while greeting them. this is a tradition in my family(get too much at weddings when the bride and groom have to get up and do "Haath Chomna" of every elder coming to the stage) :D
aww that is such a lovely tradition. I saw this in a wedding video and really liked it.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
So this whole putting your hand under the glass when serving water reminded me of the time when my mom’s chachi was staying with us for a week. She asked me to bring her a glass of water. (In my family, we always use a pirch or plate when serving a single glass. The other thing we were taught is, never serve guests in a steel glass. Use a crystal glass or something.) I must have been 16 back then so I was still learning. I brought her water in a crystal glass but without a plate. She bistifyed me kharay kharay in front of the rest of my family then she turned to my mom and started with her…it is really important to teach your girls some manners. you have brought them to Canada but you will be marrying them into pakistani families. so don’t forget your roots. etc.
My mom was really upset with me afterwards...mainly because the whole khandaan always has nice things to say about us but I made my mom look bad in front of someone who has a big mouth and definitely went around spreading the word in the larger community.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
ugh…I hate it when aunties take this sort of approach.
it takes a village to raise a child and honestly, she could have just taught you the correct way pyaar say instead of creating a scene and making your mom and you feel so bad.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
thanks Muzna. That’s exactly it. Her intention wasn’t to teach. She was looking for reasons to pick on us.
Speaking of etiquette, the next time she stayed with us, I had to share my room with her. The next day, she told me she was trying on my lipsticks and really liked this mocha colour so she took the liberty of keeping it in exchange for her pinkish red. 
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
how kind of her to leave a lipstick in exchange…
I’ve had guests who just helped themselves and even forgot to tell me about their reverse-generosity until they had left…I got an “oh btw…” text once they were on their way. nice.
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
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Re: Etiquette - The less known rules....
speaking of how to serve water, does anyone else call a saucer "tashtaree" (idk how to spell it lol)
Re: Etiquette - The less known rules…
Or just left the girl alone and accept that people have different ways of doing things 
If there’s a large emphasis on cultural etiquette what happens when a foreigner or ‘outsider’ marries into the family, are they expected to submit and conform to one culture over another?
