Re: Effects of a broken relationship on children.
As a child I used to see my parents fight every now and again ... I think many of us have ... but not for one moment had I wanted them to divorce or even separate ... I was ready to leave them both if they thought of doing something like that ...
As a child I would have preferred my parents to hack it out than splitting up ... the trauma of making a fairly private affair a public act was daunting to me as a child and it crossed my mind a few times that I said to myself - I hope this time they don't split up ...
This is just your experience, when my parents fought I wished they would split up because I couldn't bare to see their unhappiness- it cut like a knife. No child would prefer their parents to split up, but there are some instances where it can seem like the better solution. There was no abuse or anything, just a lot of personality and compatibility clashes which caused anger, misunderstanding, bitterness, resentment, etc. My parents stayed together, they made the decision that worked for them but for every fight they had, or when I knew they were unhappy, it's literally imprinted in my mind. So for those of you wondering about the effects of splitting up on a child, remember that in a negative environment, not splitting up can have a huge effect too. At 23 I had a nervous breakdown when I couldn't see them fighting. And like I said my parents marriage wasn't even that bad as in there was no cheating or lying or abuse etc, they did love each other.
As an adult I had a really hard time with all relationships, I carried a lot of dysfunction into my own marriage and it 's taken me years to realise and understand my behaviour.
Everyone has a different tolerance level; some women can tolerate abuse, many others have come in here complaining about their husbands completely cutting them off from the financial running of the household i.e. not telling them their salaries, giving an allowance, etc. How much one tolerates is an individual's choice, I don't judge anyone for what they put up with but then I don't expect to be judged because I wouldn't put up with such things.
What I want in my marriage is trust, respect and equality. At the end of the day the decision I have to make is whether I would rather be in a marriage without these or on my own. And I know for me, I would be happier on my own. But like I said this is an INDIVIDUAL'S choice, one they should be free to make without being villified for doing what they thought was best for them.
And NO i am not pro-divorce, I believe it should be avoided, but not at the cost of one's happiness. And happiness to me doesn't mean that you have to be skipping in lala land all day long, but that you get more good out of the relationship than bad, there should be a balance of highs and lows and one person carrying the majority of the burden of making sacrifices in the marriage just doesn't cut it for me, regardless of which spouse or gender is making those sacrifices.
… that is nothing compared to the Hereafter … Look if you are going to use an analogy please make it comparable …