Single mothers with sons... its harder for them to keep their sons on the right path, when their 12-18. Its not everyone, but alot of mom's have difficulty with sons, it helps when there is a male figure like a uncle or cousin to help them out.
Also kids can be cruel, I had a new a little girl who's dad wasnt around. Her cousins used to like thow it in her face, "our dad takes us to the park, our dad this/that". At 3 or 5 its hard, that girl used to wonder about her dad, and would try to get close to other male figures, i remember she came to my house, I called my dad for something and she was like DAD! and ran towards him. But it was more because her cousins like mentally abused her about her not having a dad.
That's sad, but I wouldn't use it as an example to not be divorced at no cost. Maybe those kids dont' know any better, maybe their parents are cruel and taught this to them......majority of people I know aren't so horrible. yes, you will always get a few crappy people but that's life...you deal with it.
mine happened when my daughter was only a few days old , he never had love for her then and hasn't even once tried to make a contact with her. so for her right now she cannot miss someone whom she never knew.
she is 4.5 years now Masha Allah , doing good in school , very social & confident and over all a very happy kid ....thousand times Masha Allah and Alhamdulillah for that . One reason for this is that she has my dad and to her he is her father and she gets all the love , time and attention she wants from him.
But she is very young now I know things will change as she will grow older and will start understanding life and relationship. I hope she accepts it and live a normal life but this only time will tell.
I see a major major need of her having siblings , she was imaginary brothers and sisters and she loves telling stories about them.
My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. It was a terrible marriage and I still to this day have emotional scars from it. My father was physically abusive towards my mother. I have always held a grudge against him for that. But the divorce itself was a big relief for me. I was happier being raised by a single mother than having to witness my father beating my mother and insulting her verbally over the most petty things.
I am a very sensitive person and I get upset easily. I do not attribute this to the divorce, but rather the trauma I went through for the first 9 years of my life where I had to witness my father beating my mother and all the yelling and never any peace in the house. It has really affected me and I have never really gotten over what happened and am very angry and resentful at my father which is why I pretty much treat him like garbage.
Divorce is NECESSARY in situations where the marriage is so unhealthy that is can have life long negative effects on the children!
My bro divorced her wife now taking care of his two kids as single parent although he has extended family support, on other side since children also spending some time with mom, I realized the mom always tries to poison their mind about everything in our family.
It is going effect them (duel personality).
On other side one of my Son In Law also belong to broken family, they are two brothers the elder one who gone through trauma of seeing parents divorce is badly effected till today has has problem with depression, couldn't finish is education now totally has no interest in work and living of family, Another reason is he was always mama's boy, the poisoned mom has mind regarding the dad also added to his mental condition.
My Son In Law who was too young to understand and traumatize that time thus has no effect at all. Moreover he accepted his stepmom as his mom without any reservation (to be honest with her she did her best to take care of them) he is leading normal life.
Also kids can be cruel, I had a new a little girl who's dad wasn't around. Her cousins used to like thow it in her face, "our dad takes us to the park, our dad this/that."
Personally, I wouldn't use that as an example of why one should stay married at all costs. Children will always have something to say about something. If it isn't having divorced parents, it will be something else. When I've picked up my niece and nephew from school, I've observed the following:
-- There is a little girl in the same class as my niece, whose parents are recent immigrants, and her mum would sometimes pick her up wearing salwar kameez. The other children tease her that her parents are "freshies/fobs."
-- Another little boy in her class is biracial. He sometimes gets picked on because his parents are "different" (his mum is caribbean black and his father is white).
One could have both parents and the perfect life and people will still find something to pick on. Part of life is learning how to deal with sh*tty comments from people.
My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. It was a terrible marriage and I still to this day have emotional scars from it. My father was physically abusive towards my mother. I have always held a grudge against him for that. But the divorce itself was a big relief for me. I was happier being raised by a single mother than having to witness my father beating my mother and insulting her verbally over the most petty things.
I am a very sensitive person and I get upset easily. I do not attribute this to the divorce, but rather the trauma I went through for the first 9 years of my life where I had to witness my father beating my mother and all the yelling and never any peace in the house. It has really affected me and I have never really gotten over what happened and am very angry and resentful at my father which is why I pretty much treat him like garbage.
Divorce is NECESSARY in situations where the marriage is so unhealthy that is can have life long negative effects on the children!
I can understand why your mom was always scared of your dad. Someone must have convinced her that she can have a better life and that all men aren't like this. I see it as you were her soulmate and you and she looked out for each other. As years went by, she must have forgotten what she went through. What was her life like after the divorce and now? Did she remarry and what was the reaction of people if she did decide to tell them that she was divorced?
^I don't think people forget.. they just try and put it to the back of their mind..
Yes, a divorcee from one of these types of marriages where there was abuse, pain, fear, loneliness within the marriage, can be emotionally traumatized. Just like anybody with PTSD and if the person doesn't seek help, being emotionally drained, there are a lot of vultures that try to take advantage of an emotionally traumatized divorcee. It's empowering to get out of such a situation safely. It's hard to imagine a normal, panic-free life with your child. Because of the child you're still connected to that marriage. I just wanted to know what her life was like afterwards.
There is no cookie cutter answer here...the effects of a broken relationship on kids will be exactly what we work towards and want them to be. The question is though at the end...are you strong enough to put what other people think to the side and work on your priorities?
Could you imagine a better life after what you went through at that time in the previous marriage? Did anybody try to take advantage of you? People that you thought were good at heart but ended up being scummy. Now that life is calm and you're happy again, do you still remember those bad times or have they become just an illusion?
:halo: