Re: Dowry for your kids
I was not comparing between first and second. Every parent puts an intentional effort to raise their kids in a good way - but I am going to stand by my opinion, that if I can afford and chose not to give financial security to my daughter, I am disrespecting her.
Re: Dowry for your kids
also, i don't think handing over a lump-sum amount or fancy lifestyle choices upon being married is necessarily giving long term financial security.
Re: Dowry for your kids
also, i don't think handing over a lump-sum amount or fancy lifestyle choices upon being married is necessarily giving long term financial security.
Exactly
Re: Dowry for your kids
yeah....I disagree with this too:
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Personally I think that by giving to our children, we create a sense of entitlement and they don't appreciate hard work and accomplishing for themselves.
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I already have to fight with my daughter to buy her stuff.....she wants to earn and spend her own money already.....
but then again I've also seen girls today that say they will extract from their parents whatever they can on every viable opportunity even after they are married.....
Re: Dowry for your kids
I was not comparing between first and second. Every parent puts an intentional effort to raise their kids in a good way - but I am going to stand by my opinion, that if I can afford and chose not to give financial security to my daughter, I am disrespecting her.
^ Then we'll have to agree to disagree.
Re: Dowry for your kids
lets do that then Sehrysh
also, i don't think handing over a lump-sum amount or fancy lifestyle choices upon being married is necessarily giving long term financial security.
it gives them a good and stable start.
Re: Dowry for your kids
it gives them a good and stable start.
yes....definitely a stronger head-start.....
just like having a down-payment ready for a house rather than working a few years to save it up.....
Re: Dowry for your kids
I fail to understand that whatever I am earning or accumulating, if its not for my kids then why the heck am I doing all this effort? What long term benefits am I going to reap if not for the contribution I might make toward their financial stability. I could raise god kids by working at 7-11 also, money has nothing to do with raising good kids. Then what is the advantage of having thousands of dollars in my saving if my kids cannot benefit with that
Re: Dowry for your kids
of course everyone can use money. but if the boys side isn't gonna pitch in, and the girl isn't going to be given any extra privileges in the relationship, this is starting off on an unfair balance between the two parties in the marriage.
as for what to do with your money, TLK.. money is security. for you, for your family. you can choose to give it to your daughter(s) once you see their families are stable, and has growing genuine needs. giving it all on marriage day is weird.
Re: Dowry for your kids
of course everyone can use money. but if the boys side isn't gonna pitch in, and the girl isn't going to be given any extra privileges in the relationship, this is starting off on an unfair balance between the two parties in the marriage.
My decisions about my daughter should be independent of what boy's side is going to do. If he remains the primary bread winner of his family then he has already pitched in. What more would I want but an educated son in law who has a decent job.
Re: Dowry for your kids
I fail to understand that whatever I am earning or accumulating, if its not for my kids then why the heck am I doing all this effort? What long term benefits am I going to reap if not for the contribution I might make toward their financial stability. I could raise god kids by working at 7-11 also, money has nothing to do with raising good kids. Then what is the advantage of having thousands of dollars in my saving if my kids cannot benefit with that
and that's what I've been saying all along.
Re: Dowry for your kids
yeah....I disagree with this too:
I'm going to qualify my comment by saying I don't think this (giving to children makes them feel entitled) applies to everyone. But I have seen parents (some who struggled financially themselves and some who have always been well-off), giving their kids everything. You can give as much as you want to your child, but the child has to have the ability to appreciate the value and privilege of things of monetary things and the value of hard work.
Some of these kids don't know what it is to make tough choices or to try at or for something because they parents have sheltered them - sheltering your child from the realities of life is doing your child a disservice, imo.
Re: Dowry for your kids
. giving it all on marriage day is weird.
That was my way of making my point, by exaggerating a bit
and that's what I've been saying all along.
I told you that we think alike and we should be BFF
Re: Dowry for your kids
I'm going to qualify my comment by saying I don't think this (giving to children makes them feel entitled) applies to everyone. But I have seen parents (some who struggled financially themselves and some who have always been well-off), giving their kids everything. You can give as much as you want to your child, but the child has to have the ability to appreciate the value and privilege of things of monetary things and the value of hard work.
Some of these kids don't know what it is to make tough choices or to try at or for something because they parents have sheltered them - sheltering your child from the realities of life is doing your child a disservice, imo.
agreed.
I have seen such families too.....those that struggled hard for their current "comfortable" life and in an effort to shield their kids didn't teach them the value of a hard-earned dollar because "we don't want our kids to suffer as we did". Definitely a disservice.....
Re: Dowry for your kids
TLK, and I told you, thanks for the offer, but no thanks.
So Niksik is at one end of the spectrum and you're on the other...what are u guys going to do when the time comes?
Re: Dowry for your kids
We will let the situation decide. Who knows, we may not even have the kind of money I am speaking of, at the time of their marriage - or maybe they are financially much much better off than us
Re: Dowry for your kids
what niksik says :P
Re: Dowry for your kids
of course everyone can use money. but if the boys side isn't gonna pitch in, and the girl isn't going to be given any extra privileges in the relationship, this is starting off on an unfair balance between the two parties in the marriage.
as for what to do with your money, TLK.. money is security. for you, for your family. you can choose to give it to your daughter(s) once you see their families are stable, and has growing genuine needs. giving it all on marriage day is weird.
valid point....but I don't think that anyone is suggesting you give everything all at once.....that would be foolish.
on a side note: what do you mean by "extra privileges"?
Re: Dowry for your kids
oh whatever an extra bit of money that she brings along can buy. maybe a foot massage evry night from the lallu hubby?
Re: Dowry for your kids
I fail to understand that whatever I am earning or accumulating, if its not for my kids then why the heck am I doing all this effort? What long term benefits am I going to reap if not for the contribution I might make toward their financial stability.
There is retirement. There is grand kids.
Here's my personal perspective. My parents thought like you. I brought my car when I got married and I got tons of gifts from them. I still do. But they won't be working for ever. I wish some of it they should have invested for their own future. They should have spent on their health instead of buying me dinnerware from Noritake. I wish they had thought about their retirement first.