Dowry for your kids

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I know most of your children are little munchkins, but do you all plan on giving your children dowries when they get married?

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Re: Dowry for your kids

No. I didn't get a dowry so they're not getting any either.

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Re: Dowry for your kids

what do you classify as dowry?

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Re: Dowry for your kids

Ironically, husband and I were talkinga bout it this Friday.. we will definitely not be getting any for our dil but it will require a lot of courage to stand up and say no to giving dowry to our daughter. When and if we are blessed with a daughter, we will have to instill this in her that materialism isnt going to hold her relationship together.. and she shall never feel the need to get dowry. Hopefully we will succeed!

and yes I think dowry includes everything such as jewelry, clothes etc that people call as “gifts” to their children.. I got the “gift” from my parents on their insistence but nothing more than that..but now i hope my mom had given me that china set that she had for me :cb: (j/k)

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Re: Dowry for your kids

I don't think of jewellery and clothing as dowry......I think those are part and parcel of her trousseau so yes I hope to be able to provide that for her.

As far as furniture et al is concerned then no.....I'm not planning on that simply because I think that shopping for those sorts of items is a great bonding experience and allows the couple to learn to make decisions together. They can set up house and home on their own.

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funny this thread pop up right now... i just asked mom to sell my bangles (got too tight) and buy a lil something for genie for the future... she gave me better advice. .... we dont know what will be in and what will be out by then... so its better to buy a gold bar instead. so thats been done ...

genie's shaadi ki tayaraiya have started :D

i dont think i will do the house stuff etc... like muzna said.. clothes and jewellary etc... ofcourse naturally unless 20 yrs from now... we wont be wearing clothes?

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and why cant they buy their own jewelry and clothes? i mean it's still a dowry.. isnt it? I am thinking of all those girls who stay un married in Pakistan because their parents cant afford the gold and clothes (jahaiz it is) if we, the new generation, start the tradition of not giving anything at all even if we can.. shouldnt that be better someday?

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I hope and wish I can be able to give her nice clothes and jewellery at her wedding time.Rest,anything else like furniture or household items and whatever else constitutes dowry,no...!
I have been married for a while and I got stuff.It was not that I wanted it,it was more my parents had made that all for us sisters and they had to give it.I moved abroad within days after marriage and all that stuff is at my IL's place gathering dust.My FIL wants to downsize and sell the house and wishes we can take that stuff away,I have nowhere to take it.It is a 'museebat'',if I put it politely.

I want my daughter to learn this lesson early in life that no material things matter and never to 'expect' anything from anyone.But now being a parent myslef,I have realized one thing.I feel bad accepting couple of hundred dollars from my parents now as Eidee or special occasion gift,but I want to give everything to my own child.Parents give out of love and it is ok to accept what they can give you,and that is why I hope I will be able to provide some really good 'gifts' for my daughter when she gets married.

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Neither me nor my sister got any dowry. We were both working when we got married so we paid for a few of the marriage costs as well as our own jewellery. Each sister spent on things she deemed important.
Thing is my parents spent all of their life earnings in educating us and made sure we were educated world and Deen wise.
My mom spent a good part of her life worrying Abt our jahaiz and I don't want to see any parent going through that. She gave us a few of her jewellery pieces when we got married.

I would rather have a samajhdar girl enter my sons life rather one who is fully loaded. Material things, jewellery, clothes become a hassle if the couple can't get.by in tough times. If I have a daughter I will offer her my jewellery or if I have cash give her some decent pieces but I will focus on her tarbeeyat and pray that she marries into a family that values her more than material things InshAllah

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no dowry for my daughter...........offcourse jewellery and clothes & accessories she will get insha allah but I won't give any furniture etc.

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My mom will be giving me jahaiz as clothes, jewellery and furniture. I personally would rather have money in bank.

My mom did the rishta's of my two uncles and my brother. My mom told all 3 families they should do according to their own wishes, as none of my family live in pak nor visit often enough. My eldest aunt and bhabhis family gave jahaiz to their daughters and the other aunt got money instead of furniture. I think somehow the second aunt was better of as she now got to buy updated furniture for her new house in pakistan, while the eldest still had her jahaiz, which is still brandnew, but a bit outdated (it is more than 15 years old)

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InshAllah when the time comes my hubby and I both agree we will not take dowry from dils family. Some poeple do say that if the girls parents want to give a gift to their daughter and are not going out of their way to do it thats no problem but I still think it's a big no no for us.
As for my daughter, i know material things can't give happiness but I might want to give her some gifts, I don't see myself not givng her anything.

Whatever the outcome, inshAllah my children should be happy, that's my priority

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ok I dont understand one thing.. all of us dont want jahaiz for our daughters in law but we want to give gifts to our daughters. I strongly believe that the dowry system will stop only if we stop giving too.. it's like just because I can afford and just because Iw ant to.. I will give gift to my daughter! I mean the dil is also someone's daughter so of course they will give gifts too and the circle continues!!! except that one day it will be called gift rather than dowry!!! game of words, I tell you!

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no.....it is not a game of words......at least not what I am suggesting.......

when the rishta and marriage process becomes dependent upon the "gifts" then we have a problem.
when the "gifts" are extravagant and over the top (i.e. motorcycles, cars, plots for houses, fully furnished houses, major appliances, thousands and thousands in cash) then we have problem.

if someone wants to give gifts to their daughter then that is their business........if she is about to become my dil then she will be equally welcomed with gifts that we can afford......however her acceptance in the family will never be determined by what gifts her parents wish to give her.

the problem you are trying to address is very real but I don't think that there is any need to sacrifice your own khushi in giving to your child to accomplish what you want to.

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the same way i would give my daughter gifts for her wedding, the same way I would give my son for his wedding.

as for a daughter in law and son in law, I would see them as being my own too, and would give them gifts too.

The Prophet SAW had given his daugther Fatima a wedding gift, no reason why we can't too.

we can't take our money to our grave, might as well spend it on our children - which would make us both happy. :)

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We want to give gifts to our sons and daughters....DILs and SILs kahan se aa gaye beech main?

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Agree with what Muzna and Afshi said.

Just like now when I like to buy nice clothes and stuff for my kids, why would I not want to buy them nice clothes (if and whatever I can afford) when they are getting married.
I know of a rishta where the girl's family broke off the engagement because when the wedding talk started, the guy's family started telling the girls family what needs to be done, what gifts need to be given and to whom and stuff like the joras (given to relatives) should look expensive !!! There was more stuff like this that made the girls family take that decision.

I think this needs to stop .... giving suits to relatives , why ??

My sister's friend is getting married and her elder bhabhi who recently got married brought the entire bedroom furniture and kitchen stuff. Now that friend thinks she has to do the same !!!!

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I never use to think like that, but the more attention I pay the patterns in modern wedding traditions and rules, I'm beginning think that 'gift' nowadays is just a polite/nice term for jahaiz.

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Who said anything about sil? And for dil I said, her parents will give her gifts too aka dowry.

To each their own..I don't have a daughter yet but when n if I do, my gift to her will be education, manners, and the upbringing. I don't think I will have extra money to buy her jewels because I won't be saving for it..I would rather take her on a world tour n umrah/hajj with that money than keep it in bank for gold n clothes as a gift.

She can save herself if she likes n buy whatever she wants!

And desis will never get rid of dowry no matter what we say or do :)

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I don't do dowry. This concept is one of the root causes of ill and greed in our society.

Yeah I'll give presents and all. That's sunnah anyway. But if the groom to be expects me to load her with furniture and such, he doesn't deserve to be married until he can buy his own. I'm giving him a well brought up partner for his life [inshaAllah] that can add value in his life. WHy does he need dowry?