Re: Dowry for your kids
Why the word b*****ng is censord here?
lool
Re: Dowry for your kids
If parents can afford to give better, then this is totally disrespecting your daughter.
I disagree. Just because I can afford something doesn't mean that I am obligated to provide something for my child. I am only obligated to provide them with a good upbringing and the means to take care of and provide for themselves.
Personally I think that by giving to our children, we create a sense of entitlement and they don't appreciate hard work and accomplishing for themselves. I know of girls who I call "princesses" who hadn't any clue how to cope in the real world because mummy and daddy spoiled them. The first time real life and real life disappointments came calling (and no parent can protect them from that), they fell apart.
I think the old addage of: if you give a man a fish, he eats for a day and if you teach a man to fish he eats for life applies here.
The whole gift versus dowry issue - I think it's actually unfair and disrespectful to a parent to say that no gifts = disrespecting their child. Why should a parent's love be measured by the gifts they give their child, as opposed to the love and values they've instilled?
Re: Dowry for your kids
My opinion is simple, if the parents WANT to, then there is no harm.
They don't NEED to buy their children anything.
There is no confusion about measuring love with amount of gifts. That's ridiculous.
And there is a difference between spoiling your children and giving the best you want to give them. If the kid is throwing a tantrum because the parent didn't buy them the bmw, then the kid is not even worthy enough to get married in the first place. I've seen a bride's dad giving her a new car for her wedding. She isn't spoiled. She's his only child, they are well off, and is in med school. Who else would the father buy gifts for? The neighbour's kid?
Re: Dowry for your kids
I agree with this entitlement part, I was pretty disgusted by couple of 'my barri wasn't so great I mean ya it was good but...' threads I'd read here on this forum some time ago.
Re: Dowry for your kids
^ that's sad and disgusting. I agree.
Re: Dowry for your kids
Jolie whats with the bitter toned replies woman?
U r asking ppl to give their opinions but if the dare give examples, u ridicule them by saying oh thats not how it has to be for eberyone else. I dont think anyone here has been definate like that.
Calm down child.
I tjink patents can get away with a lot less... If they want to
lol...I think there's just something about this place...
Btw, your use of expressions and terminologies takes me back to my school days. Ivery much used to talk like you. Oh those carefree and hip days....sigh
Re: Dowry for your kids
why is this subject so much about my way or the highway?
why can there be no happy medium?
why is it so wrong for me to contribute to a comfortable life for my child?
why does this desire mean that I've either failed in providing a good education or raised a princess?
why is it assumed that if I give my child a gift it is dowry? to me dowry means that the quality of the rishta and/or success of the rishta is dependent upon what I give her......that's just absurd and I can't imagine anyone in this forum partaking in any such activity.
but to suggest that I would be propagating the dowry tradition if I gave her anything at all is also absurd.
Re: Dowry for your kids
You bet. My goal is to gift them at least a small townhouse or maybe 100K or more in cash, so they can start a good and stress free married life. The gift would be for both (my daughter and son in law) to enjoy.
really TLK. I don't know I would be really scared because I would think that money might come in between those two. It all depends on your future damad. Some boys don't want to owe anything to their inlaws. Some graciously say thank you.
Re: Dowry for your kids
Just because I can afford something doesn't mean that I am obligated to provide something for my child.
Sehrysh, we stand so far apart on this one line that I cant even see a middle ground. I am not going to argue on this at all.
Re: Dowry for your kids
really TLK. I don't know I would be really scared because I would think that money might come in between those two. It all depends on your future damad. Some boys don't want to owe anything to their inlaws. Some graciously say thank you.
Ok, let me put it this way. I will ask my daughter to discuss my willingness to her hubby and then let me know. I will do what they want but at least I want them to have that option.
Re: Dowry for your kids
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...that's just absurd and I can't imagine anyone in this forum partaking in any such activity.
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I am going to bear sons just so they can be TLK damads. I get 100K and a pretty bahu. cha ching!
Re: Dowry for your kids
Money is for the kids and their hubbies, not for the evil mils.
j/k :)
Re: Dowry for your kids
^ 
mein to saat hi rahoun gee in the shiny new townhouse.
Re: Dowry for your kids
Sehrysh, we stand so far apart on this one line that I cant even see a middle ground. I am not going to argue on this at all.
I think you two are coming at this from different directions.
If I understand correctly she is saying that she should not be made to feel obligated.......the decision to give or not to give should be hers alone and no other decision about the child's life should be made dependent upon her ability to "give".
Re: Dowry for your kids
NJgal, the kind of MIl you will be, aap oon ke honeymoon pe bhee saath jaa'o gee, kabab main haddi bun ke.
Re: Dowry for your kids
I think you two are coming at this from different directions. If I understand correctly she is saying that she should not be made to feel obligated.......the decision to give or not to give should be hers alone and no other decision about the child's life should be made dependent upon her ability to "give".
I also disagree with this :D
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Personally I think that by giving to our children, we create a sense of entitlement and they don't appreciate hard work and accomplishing for themselves.
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Re: Dowry for your kids
i guess my problem with gifts etc is, this is fine as long as expectations are not that the girls side has to do this, the guys side doesnt. that is dowry, not a gift.
Re: Dowry for your kids
I don't know who agrees or disagree, the jahiz concept is one of the most evilest thing (if that's the word) in our society. Jahiz thing needs to go.. really... and the evil people who demand jahiz need to change. I am not going to listen to someone regarding jahiz because I didn't bring it, I am going to tell them to change their mentality. Materialism doesn't do anyone good. My SIL was given everything from furniture to jewellery to money to support husband initially.. her marriage ended up in divorce because they wanted more and more. Whatever little my parents gave me, my in laws never even looked, they just didn't care. So, my thing is, jahiz and materialistic mentality needs to go from our society and the only way it could happen it when he stop following it no matter how much we can afford or not afford.
Re: Dowry for your kids
I dont know man. If my daughter is leaving me forever, I am not sure if I am worried about expectations or not. I probably would hand her everything short of my life.
I am sorry, maybe I am an emotional dad. Thank god that we all have sane wives to control our emotionality when it comes to daughters.
Agar mera betaa hotaa tou oss ko laat maar ke kehta ke jaa, jaa ke khud kama, bulkay hamain bhee khila.
Re: Dowry for your kids
I think you two are coming at this from different directions. If I understand correctly she is saying that she should not be made to feel obligated.......the decision to give or not to give should be hers alone and no other decision about the child's life should be made dependent upon her ability to "give".
I think what I found objectionable (and maybe it's semantics), was TLK saying that parents who can afford to gift their child with monetary things, yet who choose to not do so, are disrespecting their daughter. A gift is very personal. A gift from a parent is what they value most for their child. It could be financial security and/or it could be untangibles, like values, independence, and education.
You can give the second (good upbringing and independence) without giving the first (financial security) and still be a just and good parent. But in my opinion, you can't give the first and not give the second and still be a just or good parent.