Re: Dope's prenup....
Fayz is right.
Move on.
Pre-nups are becoming more and more common and though people insist that they build trust and confidence in a relationship, I beg to differ. All they do is suggest that there is nothing sacred about the bond and it can all be reduced to a 14 page document should need be.
Get out now. Whether or not she is worth it, you are worth more.
hugs
Re: Dope's prenup....
Whether or not she is worth it, you are worth more.
You beat me to it!
Re: Dope's prenup....
Dope,
the question you should be asking is this: How do I make this prenup experience a memorable one for my future not-to-be-inlaws? :D
Re: Dope's prenup....
Some of what you have posted is meant to protect her financially. I think what they're scared of is, God forbid, she loses her job. Then she becomes financially dependent on you, and being a desi guy, you are automatically viewed with suspicious eyes.
Maybe you might be jealous of her success, and when she falls, you might try to "put her in her place", by not making things any better - you might just hand her a jharoo and tell her to sweep the house and cut off all her credit cards, and force her to pay off her debts on her own, and take care of her lawsuits on her own.
I think they want to make sure that if anything went wrong with her job, that you'd help her out financially, by taking part of the burden. Also, they don't want you touching an ounce of her inheritance or her mehar. I don't see anything wrong with that personally.
Ask yourself this. Say she got into a malpractice lawsuit, or some other lawsuit at work. Or she lost her job. How would you help her financially? What if she's got a 10,000 dollar fine on her head. Would you pay it for her, when she's lost her job?
These are realities of life. If you can't handle takign care of her financially in her time of need, even though she has her own inheritance and even though she's making money from her job, then you need to review where your priorities are and let her know where you stand. At least let her find a guy that she is comfortable with, regardless of how hot and heavy anything is.
Rahi baath with you feeling overburdened with their obvious expectations that you will provide her with the same lifestyle that she's used to irregardless of what happens with her job...that is a bit out there. Lets say, God forbid, you fall into financial difficulties as well as your wife. How are you in the world going to provide her the diamonds and things she "needs".
In that legal document, you might want to have them specifically delineate what her "living lifestyle" is that you will be required to maintain after marriage. I mean what are we talking about here? Discounted avon make-up, or bling bling diamonds?
I don't blame the girl for wanting to protect herself, with what some desi guys DO happen to do to their wives. But I don't blame you either for feeling suffocated.
Re: Dope's prenup....
Pre-nups are becoming more and more common and though people insist that they build trust and confidence in a relationship, I beg to differ. All they do is suggest that there is nothing sacred about the bond and it can all be reduced to a 14 page document should need be.
Get out now. Whether or not she is worth it, you are worth more.
hugs
Muzna baji, thanks. Whether i agree or not, I think my parents wont allow me to sign it the way it currently stands anyway. I agree with you and Fayz that pre-nup is a self fulfilling prophecy. It's the first step towards divorce, because it stands in the way of building that trust and bond ---cornerstones of a marriage --between two people.
Rukhsarbibi: I dont think it is fair to keep them waiting when i kind of already know that is not going to happen. :(
LI: I dont have to teach them anything. I think the parents need to come down to earth and realize that no respectable pakistani family in the US will agree to this. Funny thing is she told me once that if the parents dont find proper rishtas here, they will go back to pakistan, These people need a dose of reality. I truly feel sorry for the girl. Hopefully by the time the lesson is learnt, it wont be too late for the girl.
EMM: duly noted. But i am losing confidence though regarding finding a bride through my parents. My parents brought another rishta -- a girl that i liked who had a medical condition. What a streak of bad luck. I think i need a paradigm shift in life and start meeting women on my own.
Hinna: I have done it three times. I also did it previously for my other problems. For some reason, i never get any concrete signs from salatul ishtekhara. i guess I am not religious enough.
Re: Dope's prenup....
Seems pretty unfair. If the girl's parents are that much skeptical about any potential rishta's trustworthiness, they should be getting their daughter married to someone at least as rich as her ... someone who is well settled in his career. This prenup is like holding the guy by the throat even before he has a chance to prove himself.
Re: Dope's prenup....
Personally, I'm not a fan of prenups. I would never engage in one nor would I ask my husband to.
But I find it interesting that on the other prenup thread, it seemed as if the girls who wouldn't sign were considered gold-diggers and prenups were seen as necessary. And on this one, prenups are seen as horrible.
In any case, I wish you well Dope. I hope you find someone who believes marriage to be more than just a business contract. It's a sad fact of our society that in many cases, as PCG stated, prenups are needed to protect women. I can understand the girl's parents' concerns and at the same time, I can see why you don't want to sign.
I don't know you, you may be a real sweet guy who would treat a women really well, not restrict her freedom, etc. But, there are a lot of guys out there who wouldn't and it's because of them that some people feel that the only way to protect their daughter is through the prenup.
In any case, May God help you find the right woman.
Re: Dope's prenup....
Oh and dope I think its the same everywhere. Potential rishtas fall apart for the stupidest of reasons. This has been my experience also.
Re: Dope's prenup....
But I find it interesting that on the other prenup thread, it seemed as if the girls who wouldn't sign were considered gold-diggers and prenups were seen as necessary. And on this one, prenups are seen as horrible.
Haha, ain't that the case.
Re: Dope’s prenup…
Here is a reference to that thread, where a guy asking about a prenup was recommended by most that its necessary if he’s making a lot of money.
Re: Dope's prenup....
Dope, you like the girl.... shes from a good family and they want you to spend the rest of your life wth their daughter
understandably they want to protect her and to a certain degree its necessary
What does SHE have to say about it...
you seem overwhelmed by it all
if thats the case and you feel that you cannot go head with it
please send her in my direction... ill sign it
there are ways to wheedle money out of her and into a swiss bank account
Re: Dope's prenup....
dope other than them hurting ur ego. rest of the stuff looks pretty standard. gauranteed to any gal in U.S. not sure why their lawyer even bothered with stuff like marital assets are divided 50-50. if stuff goes south she gets half of that anyways. same is the case with gifts and stuff. apparently these lawyers got templates for this and change a few lines and slap one on ya. but u should get a lawyer to protect yourself so your money (earned from the days you were single) isnt split as well say after a year of marriage. as for haqmehr well it isnt recognized in U.S so put down a million bux if they ask. as bad as it sounds to u my friend i recently saw one prenup where the desi gal's parents asked the guy for 100k incase anything went wrong with marriage 3 days before the marriage. so the guy decided to show them the right answer by backing out of it since it was slapped last minute. welcome to american nightmare my friend. now we know why most americans would rather live with a gal without bothering with marriage.
Re: Dope's prenup....
haqmehr is something u actually pay over the lifetime of marriage..?? but say if she was to walk out on you after a year she wont be entitled to it islamically anyway. if u decide to divorce then u should pay. i would rather not ask personal questions but seems u dont mind sharing.. is her family money loving-seems they would go the distance to protect it? being a paki male i would consider it an insult to take a penny from the gal let alone her dad. seems like ur a good guy. do they not know u yet? now back to india pak cricket match. this prenup talk is making me MAD.
Re: Dope's prenup....
there are ways to wheedle money out of her and into a swiss bank account
Acha....
Re: Dope's prenup....
Dope, everything seems fair to me unless you have an eye on her money. It's only protecting what she brings from her home and has earned prior to getting married. Don't be hurt only cos any chances of you mooching off have been shot down.
BURN! :D
Re: Dope's prenup....
dope, it has nothing to do with being "religious" enough. Just ask Allah swt for guidance. Inshallah everything will work out. :)
Re: Dope's prenup....
I was under the impression that haq mehar is to be paid at the time of the nikkah or before. And that it belongs only and only to her under all and any circumstances.
Re: Dope’s prenup…
marry a rich daddy’s girl? :nono:
Re: Dope's prenup....
Dopey!
It seems to me that its a prenup between your parents and hers.
I think the two families don't trust each other.
You need to know this girl and her family better, before enetring into marriage.