Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

yea...y would age make a difference? hmm...i dont undersand...

age isnt the issue..because it is just a number...its about they guys level of maturity and understanding.....

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sorry no offence but age is no guarantee of a successful marriage.I know 2 cases where the guys are younger n proved to b a menace.my friend married a younger guy in spite of family's disapproval n that guy treated her like trash.just go for a nice,honest.open minded guy with simple,loving family.

unse bahut kuch kehna hy mager
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That's the first time I hear something negative involving a younger husband.

Then Allah knows what to do. You know what, I'll just let each day come and whatever it brings, then I'll deal with that. I don't know what to think that about now.

I do try to move on. But sometimes I still get sad over some things which made me more sad. I've been angry with my own brothers, I have two, for a long time, because I was angry with my ex-husband, because he was like a brother so I was angry with my own brothers as well, sometimes they did something that angered me, but at times they didn't pay much attention to what was going on and didn't do anything, didn't sometimes even know everything happening in the family, but still I would be angry for nothing at them, just because they were brothers, that's it.

Nowadays, I do try to solve some problems, like trying not to be angry with my own brothers and stop thinking my marriage was like marrying my brother and it being incest like marriage, I try to think about it only as a cousin marriage and I try not to think of my cousins as brothers any more. I really do try. I still do think it's weird to marry a cousin, but I'm trying to get rid of the idea that it's like a brother and an incest like marriage. I'm trying to solve many issues.

Timepass - November 2012
Timepass - November 2012
44

Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

No I don't find cousin marriages awkward. Angraizon kay dramay.

When you feel some one as your real brother it doesn't matter he can't become your real or blood brother. Very simple to understand.

It might take some time to accept that a person whom you always consider a bhai will become your husband but it's not a big deal. After sometime you can over come that.

45

I've just decided to say to everyone that whatever they think I did, no matter how awful the lies against me are, if it makes everyone happy then I'll just lie that I did do those awful things, even though I didn't... this is the way to avoid fights, right?

Do you think people will leave me alone now? If I just tell them that whatever they want to believe about me, no matter how terrible, they just can. And if I just tell my family and friends that whatever they accused me of or whatever lies they believed about me, of terrible things I didn't do, I can say I did do them, do you think they will finally just treat me normal and leave me alone, will people stop accusing me? This is so ridicilous, I've been completely alone in my home since ending of 2004, only my children and me, only once or twice a year some family members or a friend drops by, that's it. I didn't interfere with anyone, I just studied and took care of my kids, still I wasn't left alone, still everyone just lying about me and harrassing me because of past depressions and accusations. If I just tell them all the false accusations are true, will they finally leave me alone, let me live the rest of my life in peace?

46

Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

^ NO THEY WON'T LEAVE U ALONE and they won't think any better of u. Until u cut off all these ppl from your life n move on, nothings gonna change.

47

Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Back to COUSIN MARRIAGES, i am not comfortable with first cousin marriages personally, but I wouldn't condemn someone for marrying their cousin.

I find it very disturbing to see clans where the first cousins marry eachother, then their offspring marry their own first cousins and so on. The people of these tribes all end up looking the same, the husband looks like his wife.

48

Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Good topic.

First cousin marriage is like the 6th pillar in Islam for my in-laws side of the family. No offence to Islam whatsoever but I am serious that this is their thinking. No one is allowed to dishonor this law laid by them. They marry just their first cousins and rarely do they marry their second cousins, as that for them is like marrying outside the family!

Only my husband broke this tradition, which caused an outrage but we were living abroad away from inlaws which helped! Lol!

There are no birth defects that I know of in their family, but psychologically it does affect them! Lol! My in-laws family is huge e.g. my MIL has 12 siblings and an army of nephews and nieces! She has eight kids and all kids are sprouting babies! So plenty of choices.

They are all so well educated yet so back-ward minded on such topics. This is unfair in particular to those who have no choice but to marry their cousins e.g. my younger sister-in-law. She was sent to London to study. She fell in love with someone there but was made to break it up by her Mother. She was told firmly she had the option of two first cousins and that was it. She felt they were both like her brothers and was very troubled and depressed. She looked up to her elder brother (my husband) and wanted what he had. But she knew she had no other option and picked one of her cousins.

I don’t judge anyone if they marry in or out family – it is just important that they are content with their decision. Except my inlaw’s side! Now they have taken this first-cousin marriage to the extreme. I think they force marriages. Even they gave me a talk about my 3-year old daughter that she will only be allowed to marry her first cousins – which I laughed off. Thank goodness we live in two separate countries.

My parents married out. My siblings and I married out and are so happy, marshallah. We didn’t want to marry our first-cousins or in the family either. That was just our personal choice.

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Oh my gwad, this is so true! My SIL's kid looks ditto copy to her 1st cousin's kid! My MIL's eldest son and MIL's brother are mistaken for twins all the time! Even first time I met them I thought they were twins!

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Mixed raced children are beautiful (expansive gene pool). Incestual spawns are unsightly (restricted dwindling gene pool). If you need convincing go to Bradford (extensive Mirpuri inbreeding colony).

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Im marrying my cuz but i don't know him at all so im happy with it i don't think i could do it if i had grown up with him you know like played together got on like bro and sis

Timepass - November 2012
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Everyone always said that mine looked like me! We were even almost of the same hight, he was just about 1 cm shorter than me. They said our face shapes and lines were almost similar. Back then, I was very thin, very skinny. If he wouldn't have had muscles and always shaved himself and his hair longer, it would have been like looking in a mirror somtimes!

And most of the children of my cousins, look almost similar. My children, look like the children of my cousins. Only now they're a little older, they look less like each other. But still. A few cousins of mine did marry outside the family eventually. We're having different kinds of faces in the family now.

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What matters is, if you are happy and comfortable with him. How you feel about it. May Allah do for you and everyone else whatever is better for you.

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

may Allah help u notorious.u cannot stop ppl's tongues n they do hav big tongues.just ignore them or tell them"ok lets change the topic plz.its over now"make urself more active,get out,make new friendships.find single moms in ur area.

but with time do tell ur kids wat happened as it is.or else relatives will poison their minds with untrue stories.
i think u should ask ur family to find a nice guy for u.do istikhara before making any decision though.Allah's help is the best help..ur family or friend can introduce u to a good match n then u can hav some meeting with him.but one thing is clear ppl do change after marriage.they show u one face b4 n u see a quite diff one afterwards.

don't ever think ur marrying to ur cousin was incest.when Allah allows something u shouldn't restrict it.n in our country mostly everyone is ur brother ...cousins r bhai, mom's/dads friends sons r bhai.shopkeepers,bus drivers even passer bys r all bhai.n after marriage ur husbands relatives n friends r bhai again.so forget abt it.its more of a respect thing i guess.

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

I don't think of my cousins as brothers to be honest (we haven't grown up so close due to all the bickering and arguing amongst our parents), but I would rather NOT marry one anyhow. It would be too complicated. Some aunties and uncles tend to think it's their God-given right to dictate your life, once you marry into the khandaan. I'd rather not have that drama (not that I'm saying there wouldn't be any if you marry outside your family, hell no, thats not the case) but I just wouldn't want to go into any cousin/aunty/uncle 24/7 drama.

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And if you marry outside the family, suppose there would be any problem in marriage - Allah forbid - then your family wouldn't be one sided, but help you and try to look at the situation more honestly instead of only blaming the female.

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Me neither. Also, I'd find it kinda suffocating the thought of being that close-knit esp when there's a whole world of people out there, little fish big pond and all that...

I've noticed that people who insist that their kids can only marry their cousins tend to be frighteningly rigid in other things as well. It's scary.

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u cannot stop ppl's tongues n they do hav big tongues

Yes, they do!

but with time do tell ur kids wat happened as it is.or else relatives will poison their minds with untrue stories.

they've already been telling them untrue or only half stories of what had happened for a long time now, I tried not to tell my children all the problems yet, because I wanted them to know when they would be a little older, it's just sad for children when their family is like that, but now I had to tell them so they know everything what happened, also they witnessed several arguments between family members, even arguments involving me, and that is sad for children, but they should know the truth

i think u should ask ur family to find a nice guy for u.do istikhara before making any decision though.Allah's help is the best help..ur family or friend can introduce u to a good match n then u can hav some meeting with him.but one thing is clear ppl do change after marriage.they show u one face b4 n u see a quite diff one afterwards.

I won't ever marry a choice of my family again, even if that won't be a cousin, their choice destroyed me, now it has to be either someone I choose, or else no one and yes, people do often change in a negative way after marriage, even break promises, that's one of the frightening things of marriage, that also scares me, I don't want more problems and besides, if I would marry again and maybe that choice would be still be awful, then my children would get hurt too, because now they are older and understand more, I don't want them to be sad, they should have a normal happy childhood

don't ever think ur marrying to ur cousin was incest.when Allah allows something u shouldn't restrict it.n in our country mostly everyone is ur brother ...cousins r bhai, mom's/dads friends sons r bhai.shopkeepers,bus drivers even passer bys r all bhai.n after marriage ur husbands relatives n friends r bhai again.so forget abt it.its more of a respect thing i guess.

in some cases it is a respect thing, but the difference between seeing a cousin as a brother and seeing someone else as a brother is the blood rishta you have with your cousin, because the cousin really is some sort of bhai, since one of his parents is the brother or sister of one of your own parents, so it's more difficult to accept him as a husband

I've heard some positive stories regarding cousin marriages and read some here as well, so I guess it's different for everyone

59

Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

I married my phupos son.

60

Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

I think just because some cousine marriage is working out doesnt mean it is just ok. There are people who are smoking and they have a long and healthy life.. and? Does it mean the smoking is just a good habit?
At least the smoker risk his own health and not other innocent people's what you cannot tell about inbreeding, where people risk innocent infants health.

But I dont want to hurt anybody as I can imagine there are situations when there is no other way. But I dont think this thing is justifyable.