I was married to the son of my mothers elder sister. He wasn’t born in Europe, but in Pakistan. He came here later and as children we both played. I called him and his brothers pra or bhai, only the youngest I called by his name. And they always called me pin or bhin. only the youngest and his sister called me by my name. I was used to thinking about them as my brothers and sister.
Then one day I had to marry him! That was so weird and stupid. Having to marry your cousin, whom you are so used to calling brother! It felt like incest or something, because it was as if I was marrying my own brother, not just because before our marriage we always called each brother and sister, but also because I’ve always regarded all the children of my parents’ brothers and sisters as my own brothers and sisters, because my mother always said that her brothers and sisters are also as my own parents.
I’ve never gotten used to once being married to someone I used to call a brother and regard as a brother. And in case of problems, you can’t get your family to help you, because they are also the family of your husband.
well im getting married to my cuzins son! and we grew up together we r the same age. Eversince we were young he took a liking to me and then his parents ask for my rishta. I thought it was a little bit weird but now i find im ok with it because i know ill never find a man who loves me like he does. But i do know what u mean bcoz i used to think it was well weird someone u considered ur brother/sister and u end up marrying them...
intresting .. in my view .. be it cousin or no cousin .. everyones sittuation is different .. as to why and what lead you or leads you to marry a cousin ..
personal ..i wouldnt be bothered unless its taken as a really bad thing in the family to be marrying a cousin ..but if all family cousins maternal and paternal are ok and u hav no problem then whats the harm .. or if you ve hardly known your cousin and u were to marry em …it would be someone new to u .
Why whats so awkward about it ? I am engaged to my cousin who is like 4 years older than me and when my mum asked me about tht rishta I was like but I call tht idiot ‘‘bhai’’ and my mum said the funniest thing ever along these lines ‘‘shareef larkiaan cousins ko shadi se pehle bhai hi samajhti hain so its not a big deal’’
This is actually a very interesting topic, because i've always grown up to think cousin-marriages are a bit akward. Even though there are some in our family. My cousins here have the same opinion, so they'd freak out if anyone suggested something like this. But apparantly, in pakistan its pretty much the norm.
I guess everyone have their own reasons and opinions, but I cant really see my cousin as anything other than a brother. And thank god my mom understands, so she told my maami in pk (who was interested in doing a rishta but she got the hint)..
But if you cant see your cousin as your husband, why did you agree to the marriage in the first place?
I wasn't allowed to say no, they all said my life wouldn't change much and I'd get used it, etc.
He was supposed to my marry another cousin, she refused him and everyone was angry with her. (until she later married the younger brother) But her mother supported her decision so she could say no. Then later they suggested me and my parents wouldn't allow me to refuse him. I asked my mother if I could at least try to know him better, because when we were a little older, we talked less to each other and I knew him better when we were just children playing together. I wanted to know if he would fit me as a husband and if I could perhaps get used to regarding him as a husband instead of a brother and I just wasn't sure if we'd have some similar interests to talk about after marriage. But my mother was angry with me. My Dad wouldn't listen either. So I just accepted him. But even after the nikkah I couldn't get used to him being a husband now instead of brother.
Perhaps it was more difficult because the marriage was horrible, we've had many problems. He wouldn't allow me many things, he even had weird theories about women and life. In front of other people he was kind and nice, but at home he was awful. Many awful things happened in that marriage and because of that marriage.
Maybe if he would have been a normal person, perhaps I could have gotten used to him as a husband some day. I don't know. Everything was negative and weird in that marriage, even during the engagement.
I think if you marry your child to someone, it's not haram to let your child talk to that someone, so they can get to know each others characters a bit and get used to each other. And not just talk a few minutes once, but spend more time together.That's what I'll do with my children, insha Allah. There is nothing wrong with allowing your children to talk to their fiance(e) and allow them decide for themselves if they think they fit together. If not, the engagement can be broken, and everyone spared much grieve. And if my child would find a marriage uncomfortable, I'd listen to my child.
The onces of you who are/were married to a cousin (or cousins child), did you tell people who aren't Pakistani about it?
I couldn't tell my friends about it, instead I told them my fantasy which was that I would marry someone I have chosen myself and who isn't my cousin. I did that because I wanted this fantasy to be my life and it was difficult to talk about my real marriage.
Nowadays I do tell them. It's less scary than I thought. Not everyone has a weird reaction. Did you know that in past times, there were in fact many cousin marriages in Europe!
The whole concept of cousins marrying is messed up to me.............regardless of what religion permits. And biologically it is kind of inbreeding which is another messed up concept. I would strongly encourage ppl to stop the practise.
My dad's sister's son proposed when I was about 16 or so and I laughed it off. I had only met him once and didnt know anything about him. No one seemed interested in the idea of us getting to know each other before so I said no. My dad got a bit upset about it and asked me to consider it but I refused. I was only 16 years old...didnt even know the difference between a good guy or bad guy. My mom stepped in and told my dad if I dont want it, it aint gonna happen. That was that.
Over the years, he has proposed to each of us, wierd hunh?
Why do people get so passionate over family marriages? I dont understand it.
Call me whatever…what’s wrong is wrong !! If Hamas and the rest of the goons are against inbreeding than I am with them for atleast this issue. Some of the rednecks in US marry their cousins and wonder why they have low IQ.
intresting .. in my view .. be it cousin or no cousin .. everyones sittuation is different .. as to why and what lead you or leads you to marry a cousin ..
