Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

"Low IQ" haha, dude, the royal family are all cousins. Most rich families marry within the family, take the Khazar Jews, they are are intermarried.. the same people who say these marriages lead to low iq, say that these Jews have so many innovation..blah blah..

for those who find cousin marriages weird, it's your parents fault that they let you "hang" with your cousins. no pardah= obviously you will find it "weird"

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

No its not awkward i have to call any dude bhai in front of my parents unless were colse friends..has more to do with respect then literally making sumone a bhai

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Westermarck effect
This repulsion is scientifically known as the Westermarck effect. When children are reared closely (related or otherwise) they are repulsed by any sexual attraction later in life. It has been postulated this biological effect developed to suppress inbreeding. The critical period is during your childhood years before puberty.

First-Cousin marriage
I vehemently oppose first-cousin unions because they are often performed for totally the wrong reasons and therefore make a mockery out of marriage. The couples compatibility, happiness or interests are not of primary concern and are often completely disregarded. Therefore many of these marriages are fundamentally flawed and consequently unhappy.

  • To keep the wealth in the family (greed).
  • To keep problems within the family (maintain your standing in the community)
  • To strengthen alliances within the family (for personal position).
  • Bowing to the pressure of others not considering the interests of your son/daughter (coercion).
  • Believe their niece will treat them better in comparison to an outsider (social security).
  • No need to conduct research readymade pairings (sheer idleness, the easy option).

Furthermore I object to first-cousin marriages on the following grounds-:

  • Rivalry amongst families who will feud for the rishtay resulting in animosity.
  • Multiple rishtay (double, triple etc) can have a domino effect where one marriage can wreak havoc in the others.
  • A divorce between the couple can be devastating not only for the couple themselves but for the two families involved.
  • When there are problems in the marriage, the couple rather than making an effort to reconcile their differences may leave it to the parents since they forged the companionship (disempowerment).
  • Health risk (see below).

Health risk
The increase in health risk is more pronounced if there is a long tradition of cousin marriage within the family. Therefore I would strongly advise against it if this is the case.
Recent studies conducted in the UK uncovered that 1 in 10 children of cousin marriages either dies in infancy or develops a serious disability. Furthermore Pakistani Britons, who account for some 3% of all births in the UK, produce 30% of all British children with genetic illnesses. Unfortunately most Pakistanis are still in denial.

Final words
I staunchly oppose first-cousin marriages for all the reasons alluded to above.
There is an exception, if the marriage is performed for the right reasons and if there is no long history of cousin marriage within the family then it’s acceptable. However in reality this case seldom will present itself.

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Chavy, listen - your posts are extremely biased and negative. You'd posted a long list of negatives about marrying a guy from Pakistan - which personally I found extremely disturbing - for there are plenty of guppies here who have had super successful marriage from Pakistan. Your one-sided, horror pic doesn't help those who are confused and looking to make a mature decision.

and now this cousin marriage opposition. I understand you're entitled to your opinion but wow your opinion sucks, and that's my opinion. :)

Oh I know I am going to get in trouble for this post. Sorry guys in advance.

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Don't think you've said anything that warrants big brother's reaction.

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Straight_up I apologise unreservedly and sincerely from the bottom of my heart if I offended you, it was not intended.

Yes I acknowledge my opinions are one sided. Since you’re the eternal optimist and intelligent, temper my views, restore the equilibrium between good and evil, you are free to post a riposte (counter argument).

Opsie awaiting the tirade of abuse, apparantly over 55% of Pakistanies are married to their first cousins (UK).

Chavy braces himself for an onslaught.

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Definitely alot of ulterior motives.

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

I have a cousin where my parents and his parents wanted us to get married but couldn't think about him like that,may b cz we had spent the childhood together.....
Still im gettin married to my first cousin(dad's sister's son)... We had not met each other for a long time and then when the rishta came, i was totally ok with it.... Allah ka shukar hai he's really good..
And i believe we all have good's and bad's in ourselves... Nobody is perfect,so i guess we all have to compromise after the shaadi..

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

if married with couple at same time , than YES !

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

I have no objection against cousin marriages and does not consider it any form of incest. Simply for 2 reasons: the religion I follow allows it and the society I grew up in practices it. People who grow up in the West are bound to have very strong feelings against it as their society looks at it as an evil.

Firstly, if someone is religious person, then morals are mainly defined by religion and this act is not considered immoral.

Secondly, if you are not religious, most likely your dislike is based on incomplete scientific knowledge. Science only advises against paternal cousin marriages.

Thirdly, if you are someone in-between, most likely you are more afraid of society than anything else to go for it.

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Exactly. But in reality, it's the female who has to give up everything, the male nothing. I for example, was promised before the wedding, that I could finish education ( I was in a lab school) and that I could live in Holland if I wanted and he would come here, in the end I was forced to quit education without diploma, he refused to move here, so I had to move to France. And even after that, I had to give up even more. Nothing left. Spending the whole day alone in the house, only with his brothers and his visiting sister and his parents, but even though they were loving before marriage, after marriage they weren't pleasant to be around. Cleaning and cooking all day long, etc. nothing else, there was nothing nice to do, no reading books the first few years, no pleasant conversations, nothing. Instead, there were problems. I was often accused of things I didn't even do!

A marriage shouldn't be like that. Both should give up something. And everyone always goes on and on about how females have to do this and obey and not do that.

What about males? They aren't allowed to beat their wifes on any body part just for nothing! They aren't allowed to mistreat their wives in any way! Nobody quotes the verses or hadith about what males should or shouldn't do, mostly every one quotes the verses and hadith about what females should or shouldn't do. Everyone is strict about females. Males can be horrible husbands and still be respected by everyone. While if a female does something to protect herself, everyone is against her!

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I remember once during biology in school, a few years before marriage, my teacher said that when you marry in your own family, not only do you inherit more diseases which everyone has in your family, but also there is more chance to have handicapped children.

At home I asked my Dad about it, and I remember he said that the teacher was wrong, that in Holland we have handicapped children of Dutch people who don't marry their cousins. Then my mother said that the prophet (pbuh) had said that cousin marriages were more preferable, that you should look for a rishta of your children in your own family first, she said I would be a damned gaury if I would believe my teacher.

I've never found that hadith. Probably another culture thing she tried to sell as Islamic?

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

i'm sorry notorious that u had a bad experience but this thing can happen even in non family marriages ,in any arranged or even in a love marriage.well i always wanted to marry outside family not coz my cousins wre my brother but i actually despised them ;)and the problems u mentioned happen to lots of girls living with in laws.
about that handicap thing honestly i havn;t seen any cousin couple with a retarted/abnormal kid so far.even with some of my friends it was a strict family rule to marry in same family or same cast n they all hav fine kids.n then there r many girls who live happy in their khala/phupoos house and some don't.So its all a matter of luck.

P.S r u still in that marriage or u left him?

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I'm sorry for your bad experience Notorious. But i reckon what you went through could have happened even if he was not your cousin. It has more to do with the person he is and how he looks at life rather than him being your cousin. Are you still in that marriage or have you left him?

Parents should realise that when they force you to get married its affecting your whole life. How can someone force their children into a marriage to save their "izzat" ?

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Notorius, I don't think the problems in your marriage had to do with you and him being cousins- seems more of a communication/compromise barrier that could have happened even if you weren't cousins.

I'm a product of a cousin marriage. As one of four children, we all grew up normal and each of us graduated at the top of their class or is in the process of graduating at the top of their class. Albert Einstein married his cousin, Darwin, and many Prophets. Jews married their cousins- and they have contributed a lot to scientific progress. So I don't buy the whole "low IQ" thing.

What I do understand is that cousin marriage do bring out an increased risk in recessive diseases. This is a fact. Tay- Sacchs disease in Jews is a result of that, as are many recessive diseases. Do take note however that this often happens as a result of excessive cousin marriages (i.e. first cousin product marries first cousin, whose children marry first cousin).

That said, cousin marriages should be taken with a precaution, but don't think one should view as though it is disgusting. After all, Ibrahim (as), and Muhammad (s) both married cousins.

Also remember that what works for you, may not work for others, and vice versa. So if you didn't have a good cousin marriage, others have. Doesn't make it right or wrong.

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I left him about four times before finally everyone said, now you're really divorced. Nine wasted years of my life, I could have divorced him in '97 if my parents wouldn't have sent me back.

I've decided something else. Right now, I don't really want to, but if ever I do get married, I'm going to marry someone younger than me. It doesn't matter to me how much younger he will be, as long as he is younger.

My cousin was older than me. I'm going to choose someone myself if ever I would after all, marry. It would definetely have to be someone younger than me, because I've never heard of younger husbands being nasty towards their older wives. A younger husband would treat me as a wife should be treated, he wouldn't do the things my former husband did.

Yeah, I'm going for the younger men now!

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I’m even a little bit in love with a younger guy, but he’s no Muslim, and he’s got a girlfriend. So that can’t be. But we’re becoming friends now.

If anyone knows a younger guy, I might be interested in him. But I’d have to spend much time with him, to find out if he really would fit me and my children or not. And my children have to decide as well.

If anyone knows a younger guy, who wouldn’t mind me, let me know. :blush: In that case, if he fits me, I would marry again after all.

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But why limit yourself? Why restrict guys because of how old they are? I think you should have a better reason to marry someone then simply because they are younger or older then you are.

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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

Notorious you emphasise an important point, its difficult to leave an unhappy cousin marriage because your parents pressure to you stay together prolonging the heartache.

Guess the word
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Re: Don't you find cousin marriages awkward?

notorious, that argument of yours about younger husbands didn't make sense at all! It has no logic whatsoever.