Re: dont want to go.
go with him for a long vacation cuz chances are you guys will move back to UK.
Re: dont want to go.
I think the real reason is that you don't want to go to Pakistan, not just because yourparents are in the UK. I woulndn't want to either, but I would not have agreed to move in the first place prior to marraige anyways. Oh what a tangled web we weave---!
Re: dont want to go.
i peronally think dat though it is difficult to live in pak permanently if u r broughtup in uk but the fact is wen u made made commitment then now u should agree or u should nt had agreed b4 wedding....on the other side this is also a fact dat a wise step is to settle in uk if there is chance for ur hubby although he doest nt hv a nice job but this has to face all men in the very start n gradually after sme years a gud job could b found.if u say dat its ur problem just bcuz u hv to go far from ur parents then this is not a issue..u r married nu hv to leave just like many galz do n come abroad n they visit zheir families after 2 or 3 years....its ur mistake when u did agree to leave ur home n nnow u dont want..often the guys frm well off families feel hurt n uneasy to do such jobs..this is pak's men ego problem especially for the rich guys...wish u all the bst..
Re: dont want to go.
convey my sympathies to hubby dear.
Re: dont want to go.
Don't worry! We are all here to give you tips to deal with your saas and nand once you are there :D
Re: dont want to go.
So what if in the beginning you agreed with him to move back to Pakistan - you're allowed to change your mind! We all change our mind over time!
Who wants to leave their parents?! No one! Its always the wives who are expected to leave their parents but the husbands are meant to be living with theirs! There should be nothing shameful for him in living with your parents, if anything he should be grateful.
Maybe you're so used to of UK you don't want to move to Pakistan - and there is nothing wrong with that.
I wouldn't ever want to move to Pakistan either! Lol. And who says education is better there? Its just as good here if not better. If he is tired of living with your parents and as working as a security guard, then tell him to do some courses or something which lead to a higher qualification, which in time can help him get a better job. Then in time you can find your own place to move into.
Re: dont want to go.
What on earth does he need to divorce his wife for?!
Re: dont want to go.
^because she goes back on her word…and is selfish n don’t care about him at all! 
Re: dont want to go.
That is not reason enough for a husband to divorce his wife.
We’re all allowed to change our minds. Over time feelings and the situation changes. These things have to be taken into consideration.
Re: dont want to go.
Hun i understand your position. it must be hard if you really do not want to go. but i feel like you put the issue off...? as in u were like oh yeah course i will...no yet not yet though...and he has been thinking that he will go but not yet and u promised him...now the time has come hun...good luck...u should go...
Re: dont want to go.
If you do not see him as a baby producing machine , you should care for his sentiments , his future , his like and dislikes. He being a gentleman told you upfront that you would have to move. You have no right to complain at this point that he was rude and mean. He has the right to be mad at you. He did not insult you by saying what he said. It is very mild way of showing someone anger in desi society. If you read many other life1 thread many girls/women had to hear much more than that for no fault of theirs.
Re: dont want to go.
That is not reason enough for a husband to divorce his wife.
We're all allowed to change our minds. Over time feelings and the situation changes. These things have to be taken into consideration.
We're all allowed to change our minds. Someone might not like his wife anymore. Reason enough for a divorce?
Re: dont want to go.
So what if in the beginning you agreed with him to move back to Pakistan - you're allowed to change your mind! We all change our mind over time!
Women always want to have their cake and eat it too!
Re: dont want to go.
We're all allowed to change our minds. Someone might not like his wife anymore. Reason enough for a divorce?
Eh?!!
Put yourself in that position first and answer your own question! What if suddenly your partner didn't 'like' you any more and wanted a divorce?!
You're taking this to the extreme and changing the topic. She never mentioned anything about anyone wanting to divorce.
Its about moving countries which is the issue.
Re: dont want to go.
Women always want to have their cake and eat it too!
No, its not always women.
Re: dont want to go.
Eh?!!
Put yourself in that position first and answer your own question! What if suddenly your partner didn't 'like' you any more and wanted a divorce?!
You're taking this to the extreme and changing the topic. She never mentioned anything about anyone wanting to divorce.
Its about moving countries which is the issue.
The issue was discussed beforehand and the poor guy thought it had already been resolved.
Yes, you can change your mind but not if you have committed to something else before. It is only trust and commitment that build relationships and 'changing mind' betrays both.
Frankly, if the guy doesn't want to be a security guard during working hours and 'your obedient servant' at home, he should be able to do that specially when the couple agreed to the arrangement before marriage.
Re: dont want to go.
okay seriously speaking, he probably wants to go back for a couple of reasons,
education, career and future
family commitments & responsibilities
for the first issue, could he potentially start education in UK, and build a career there, sure. What is then causing him to move back for education and career reasons, does he realize he can transfer to a uni in UK and not lose much of his work so far? on the other hand it may be easier for him to just finish it in pakistan.
Now if it is family commitments then there is less room to find workarounds.
It may be tough for him living in the current situation, whether it is the non career job, living with inlaws which has major societal taboos as well.
it may just be easier for him to be at his parents and finish his education there and focus without having either the stress of a job, or expenses like rental bills if you guys do get your own place in UK to rent, and he has university fees etc. it may be unsustainable on a part time job for one person.
I suggest an open and honest dialogue with him as to what his challenges are, how can you help, what is best for the both of you in the short term and the long term, what is ideal, what is optimal/practical, but work as a team.
Last, I dont recall what degree he is pursuing, but even if we assume that the eventual goal is to settle down in Pakistan. He would be better served by having a UK degree and a few years of UK experience, because that will definitely put him above local candidates for choice roles in multinational in Pak.
Re: dont want to go.
Just think about how it would be if you were in his shoes. If you were stuck in Pakistan, all alone, your husband had promised to take you back home and kept extending with no real reason (I know giving birth is obviously a legitimate reason but you didn't give a reason for extending to March/April) wouldn't you be distraught?
As a third person I can pretty much say you're both being stubborn, both of you haven't really provided real reasons to go to either country such as there are better jobs in a certain country or the childs' education would be better in one etc, and since you promised him before getting married I think you should compromise. Maybe you can tell him that you don't want to sell everything and move, you can go for 6-10 months give it a proper chance but still have the option of coming back if something goes wrong or even on holiday. One of you needs to back down, or find middle ground.
Good luck :) I hope it all works out for the best for you!
Re: dont want to go.
The issue was discussed beforehand and the poor guy thought it had already been resolved.
Yes, you can change your mind but not if you have committed to something else before. It is only trust and commitment that build relationships and 'changing mind' betrays both.
Frankly, if the guy doesn't want to be a security guard during working hours and 'your obedient servant' at home, he should be able to do that specially when the couple agreed to the arrangement before marriage.
I didn't want to be a sales assistant for the rest of my life working on minimum wage, so I did something about it! He too can do something about it e.g. do some courses leading to a degree etc and looking for a better job. Unfortunately outside of dreamland, these opportunities don't come served on a silver platter! He just sounds a bit indolent by wanting to run away back to Pakistan thinking life will be easier for him there. Life can be just as good in the UK if not better if he makes the effort.
If he wants a better job and life - then he needs to wake up and work hard to get it.
Re: dont want to go.
^ Seriously who would want to live in Pakistan given the precarious situation there? No matter how rich or well off you are, no one has peace of mind there due to security reasons! I also can't imagine education being better there as opposed to the U.K. And I am sure with hard work, you can advance in your career in the U.K as long as you're dedicated and motivated. If you've lived in the U.K. all your life, it will be very hard to adjust to life in Pakistan!
But I think the only reason everyone is telling her to listen to her husband is because she promised him that she would go once they're married. Who knows if she hadn't promised him that, he might not have married her! That's why it's very important to discuss such vital issues and confront them before getting married instead of shoving them under the carpet like she did. She should have never agreed to move to Pakistan and that would have been perfectly understandable given she was raised in the UK and her family is here. It was very immature of her to half heartedly say yes to an issue that was so important to her husband. You reap what you sow.