okay so ive kind of said this time and again here, bascially my husband wants to go back to pak. and this was spoken about before the marriage, i agreed yada yada. now the time is closer i just dont want to go. he did try to be nice and patient and almost convinced me il be ok. for some reason im trying to delay it by saying lets go april, hes been saying march all along. and he wont understand why im saying april, i guess im just buying time. i really just dont want to go. in top of that im saying i have docs appointment for baby who will be nearly 6months by then inshallah, and hes like so what we can have those appointments in pak, …im actually lieing there are no appointments, its just me, im trying to buy time. he now got angry and told me mein sarr pei chargai houn, and was just being rude. he has no reason to go in march just that he wants to…he said he wanted to go back this august, as we had agrred, but i was due to give brth in sep, so we stayed, he wanted to go in january, but then he extended to march…i dnt understadn the big rush…i hate him right now.my anger levels from before marraige have returned, and my tears…our first fight for a very long time.feels like the bad old days again where we would argue almost weekly.
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is he talking about going back there permanently or just for a visit?
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permanent...this was what was decided. a visit would never cause this much hoo-haa.
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if you didnt want to move back, you shouldnt have agreed before the wedding. That set the standard for your husband. You should talk to him about the reasons you dont want to go, and why it makes you upset. Dont get angry, or loud, but just calmly explain to him why it is that you want to stay where you are. Talk about the pros and cons....and about raising your child where you are right now.
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Not veering too far from the track record, you would have also had a hoo-haa if it were only a temporary visit. But you're right, a permanent situation would have brought about a much bigger hoo-haa.
Actually that's an understatement. Brouhaha is more like it.
Sorry, I guess that's not much of a help. But Saimab, up above, is on the right track about discussing pros and cons. Try going with that.
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permanent...this was what was decided. a visit would never cause this much hoo-haa.
Uh, yeah, knwoing you, it would.
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actually it wouldnt, i would love to go for a holiday.
its not about me giving my reasons.its too late. plus my reasons arent realy reasons. they have a well-off family back home, he has offers of top jobs there, we will be secure and beter of there. he here works as a security officer, which he doesnt like, its not what he qualified for, and we live with my mum and dad. education wise for my child, theres is better.its jsut me, i dnt want to go. maybe if my own parents were there, id be happier. and the fact that he just spoke rudely to me, makes me feel more alone. maybe im over dramatising, i dnt know.
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You want him to ruin his career and education of your kid, just for staying with your mom and dad! ! !
You should not have married if you wanted to be with ur parents all your life.
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You want him to ruin his career and education of your kid, just for staying with your mom and dad! ! !
You should not have married if you wanted to be with ur parents all your life.
im not saying dont go, im not saying ruin ur career, im just delaying it abit, which i think i shoukd be allowed alittle time. plus he didnt have to be rude thats the main thing.,
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I think you are really hurt that he was being rude to you, so you dont want to do anything right now that is what he wants. I know because I do the same thing. When my fiance hurts my feelings, I dont want to do anything, or listen to anything that he wants. Maybe you need a few days to calm down, and think things through with an open and cool mind. Tell your husband you need a few days before you discuss it again, and then you can tell him that you will move (if that is what you decided) but he has to do it on your (Nadz) timeline. So if you need until April, May, June, he should wait, and after that you will willingly go with him. And if his family is well off there, and he is getting good job offers, I dont think there will be any problem with you coming back home to your parents whenever you want. Its kind of a win-win situation.
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I think you are really hurt that he was being rude to you, so you dont want to do anything right now that is what he wants. I know because I do the same thing. When my fiance hurts my feelings, I dont want to do anything, or listen to anything that he wants. Maybe you need a few days to calm down, and think things through with an open and cool mind. Tell your husband you need a few days before you discuss it again, and then you can tell him that you will move (if that is what you decided) but he has to do it on your (Nadz) timeline. So if you need until April, May, June, he should wait, and after that you will willingly go with him. And if his family is well off there, and he is getting good job offers, I dont think there will be any problem with you coming back home to your parents whenever you want. Its kind of a win-win situation.
thing is, i already said lets wait a year, which he has, a year was up in august this year. so.......he is now waiting another 6 months really until march.......i hjave no excuses.:
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nadzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, just relax. pakistan is wonderful. their rerhi ka food is just yummmmmmm. u'll have servants to do everything for u, so u won't even have to lift a finger. u'll love it. as for him speaking rudely, give him a silent treatment with a deadly glare for an hour or so and he'll be fine.
the point is hun, he's probably stressed too. u have to understand his side as well, and realize that he has already waited for u, so now it's time for you to fulfill your commitment to him.
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Divorce him, give him the baby and you stay with your parent, he can go back home... there is not any other solutions...
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im not saying dont go, im not saying ruin ur career, im just delaying it abit, which i think i shoukd be allowed alittle time. plus he didnt have to be rude thats the main thing.,
When he will hear excuses like baby apointment which he knows are not true then he will be angry and rude. I would be if i heard it from my wife.
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.
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Just tell your husband you don't feel like it....(which i guess is what it is)...
If he loves you he will stay at his inlaws, worka as a security guard for rest of his life and all that you want..
and if he is rude.....then let him go alone......if he don't care about you why you wana stay with him? would you want to ruin your and your kids life by going pakistan??
"sarcasm"
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okay so ive kind of said this time and again here, bascially my husband wants to go back to pak. and** this was spoken about before the marriage, i agreed yada yada. **.
you should not have agreed and may be he would not have married you if you had disagreed before marriage. I think you are being unfair to him and by agreeing with him before and now disagreeing you have in my point of view tricked him.
why everything has to be about you ? why his priorities and wishes are not being considered ?
my sincere advise to you is to go with him and fulfill your promise that u made with him and don't spoil the situation any further because aj nahi to kaal u will have to go.
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Just tell your husband you don't feel like it....(which i guess is what it is)...
If he loves you he will stay** at his inlaws**, worka as a security guard for rest of his life and all that you want..
and if he is rude.....then let him go alone......if he don't care about you why you wana stay with him? would you want to ruin your and your kids life by going pakistan??
"sarcasm"
you mean like GHER-DAMAD
Maybe he is rude some cunning guy have told him the pro-verb which says that everyman lives at his sisters house and/or inlaws house is cute little DOG :) with no-self respect and honor...
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you mean like GHER-DAMAD
For your reference...
and we live with my mum and dad.
Maybe he is rude some cunning guy have told him the pro-verb which says that everyman lives at his sisters house and/or inlaws house is c*ute little DOG :) with no-self respect and honor...*
May be the guy feels that way that is why he is keen to go back...
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Jhoot bola ?
Jhooti !
zubaan kali hogai hai. Jakar Sabun se dho kar aoo.
Jakar husband ko sorry bolo.
Our Ainda jhoot nahi bolna. Kawa kaatl leta hai. :nono1:
