Re: don't know what to do...
^ easier said than done TLK.
That I agree. But the other option is to take constant verbal abuse.
Re: don't know what to do...
That I agree. But the other option is to take constant verbal abuse.
Sometimes that's "easier" than taking the steps of leaving and breaking the marriage...because it's stepping otu of one's comfort zone.
Re: don't know what to do...
Sometimes that's "easier" than taking the steps of leaving and breaking the marriage...because it's stepping otu of one's comfort zone.
But choosing the "comfort zone" takes away the right to complain.
Re: don't know what to do...
Tell your husband very clearly that you don't appreciate the foul lanugage he's using for you and your daughter and that this behavior is not condoned by Islam, that it's a gunnah. Remind him of the hadith which states that the best men are those that are the kindest to his wives. And go ahead and tell your MIL the same thing.
Then tell your husband that you are his partner and not his pair ki joothi that he can insult you whenever he wishes and then demand that you prepare 10 dawats like a servant. You teach people how to treat you. If you act like a doormat....you will be treated like one. Every relationship has boundaries and unfortunately our culture takes the respect for elders thing a bit too far....your age is not justification for ill behavior.
So, discuss the issue with him. If he tries to work with you...great. If he continues the badtameezi....pack your bags and tell him that you'll consider coming back ONLY when he's ready to behave like an insaan da puttar. And then leave.
I would like her to leave baby in pakistan, so they(MIL and husband) can understand the takleef of bringing up baby.
Re: don't know what to do...
^ why punish the poor baby?
Re: don't know what to do...
But choosing the "comfort zone" takes away the right to complain.
sad.....but logically true.
Re: don't know what to do...
I would like her to leave baby in pakistan, so they(MIL and husband) can understand the takleef of bringing up baby.
Husband is losing control of his temper these days and is abusive toward his own daughter. His amma seems to think there's nothing wrong with his behavior. That wouldn't be a healthy environment to leave a child in.
There's gotta be a special place in hell for women who perpetuate abuse of women ....for men who treat their wives like crap....for those that force marriages. We can be so messed up as a culture.
Re: don't know what to do...
my MIL went to visit her sis today so I had a chance to talk to him...I told him that I have done everything I can for the past 2 months and that all I want from him is love and respect and that I wont accept how he was talking to our daughter...
his response:"meri beeti ha main jaise marzi baat karun"...
I was about to punch him in the face...anyway I told him that she is my daughter as well and I dont want her to learn the same foul language that he speaks...I also told him that I wont put up with all this just because his mother has taught him that "mard aise hi karte ha"....that shut him up for a while lets c what happens next
Re: don't know what to do...
just make sure that whatever you say.....make good on it.
if you tell him that you won't put up with it then be ready to take action the next time he treats you or the child in any way that you have told him not to......
Re: don't know what to do...
^good for you, rainbow87! Keep us posted..
Re: don't know what to do...
^good for you, rainbow87! Keep up posted..
I hope, her husband will not give her second chance of an issue.
Re: don't know what to do...
I would like her to leave baby in pakistan, so they(MIL and husband) can understand the takleef of bringing up baby.
we live in london..and his fam lives in ireland
Re: don’t know what to do…
and all that time i was under the impression that you were in pakistan. 
Re: don't know what to do...
im scared. sorry im just being selfish and talking about myself.
Rainbow you are worth more than this girl. You deserve love and respect. Im sorry I just cant think of any decent advice to give but I know that I will pray for you.
Re: don't know what to do...
This thread, dumdedees...and then the other one of murder in NJ of a mother of 2.... All cases of domestic abuse. U women need to sit up and start respecting ureselves and ure kids so much that no man treat u as inferior pair ki joothis. Up and walk away! Before its too late. Im sorry but playing smart and clever isnt needed when things go as far as gaaliya and verbal abuse of a 1 yr old! Its time for ultimatums....and some hard decisons.... For the betterment of all.
Re: don’t know what to do…
lol no my hubby moved to London a year ago he was living in lahore before we got married..
Re: don't know what to do...
im shocked how ppl on GS simply say end it/leave him ...
Re: don't know what to do...
This thread, dumdedees...and then the other one of murder in NJ of a mother of 2.... All cases of domestic abuse. U women need to sit up and start respecting ureselves and ure kids so much that no man treat u as inferior pair ki joothis. Up and walk away! Before its too late. Im sorry but playing smart and clever isnt needed when things go as far as gaaliya and verbal abuse of a 1 yr old! Its time for ultimatums....and some hard decisons.... For the betterment of all.
Exactly! It's disgusting that the op's hubby thinks he can talk like this to his wife, and absolutely vile that he does the same with a one year old, a baby.
To the OP, you need to make clear to your husband that you won't accept him treating you so disrespectfully, that he MUST change. If he continues, the long term effects on your baby will be terrible. She will grow up to have no self confidence, no self worth and serious self esteem issues. If your husband doesn't change and you stay with him, not only will he be responsible for damaging your daughter and any other kids, so will you for staying with him and letting your children be treated so poorly.
Best of luck, i really hope things go well for you, you will be in my prayers.
Re: don't know what to do...
I don't agree with your mum's view of not interfering..especially in cases of abuse. A child's well-being and safety should always be a primary concern for parents. You should be able to stay with your mom for some time. If you've tried to reason with him and he's not getting any better....just explain to him why you need to get away....and then take a break from him. The distance might do you good. I know that toxic in-laws exist in every culture....but in ours it's like an epidemic...the most popular subject in dramas....the whole art imitates life comes to mind...it's sick.
I'm not sure if going to your mum's place in this instance. Because of that lady living in the house. You got to take control of your own home - I suggest the same as few others, become financially indepedent. Your 24 right? Do you have any teritary education?
Hi sounds awful!
I am sorry about what you have go through - obviously he is foul and has picked up these foul traits from his family or parents.
And to swear at a small child?
1) if you live near your parents - ask them to help with child care
2) attain a full time job - or part time - these days you can be teaching assistants, work from home, or at a department store, office - somewhere with progression.
3) like others have suggested - get financially dependent
4) I also suggest you confide in a friend - and have a secret word, incase this angry man gets violent.
And wtf is some random women staying with you?
What you need ask yourself is if you love this man? Do you see a future with him? Are you willing tolerate this behaviour?
I personally couldn't. Is he now of visa status? (British passport?) I know this is extreme but if the answers to the above is no - have you considered deporting his a**e? Because I have.
Sorry he sounds down right horrid, I hope your ok. And the quicker your MIL leaves the better, whatever happened to those human catapults?
Also what do your parents think of this random women living in your house?