re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Edal - why so worried about one virgin ... come with me and I will show you the way to get 72 virgins ..
/Takes him to a corner and handover a suicide bomber jacket :)
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
It's not trolling. And I'm not justifying such views....but Edal is not the only one who holds them....so do many other men.......so do some women. There are mothers out there who will sternly warn their daugthers to keep their legs locked for fear of badnami and spinsterhood.....but if their sons fall from grace, it's brushed off with "Haan ab kya karain? Larkay to larkay hotay hain." And you will even find some mothers who will place greater blame on the girl their son impregnates "Oh she must have lured/trapped him. She's probably a tramp. Who knows whose bacha she's carrying." Yes, I know that not all women/mothers think this way....but the point I'm making is that society's double standards are perpetuated by both genders. You don't have to be a troll to uphold such dangerous views. Again, Edal is not a troll. Which makes it worse right?
It wasn't directed at you, RV! :) Of course I know you weren't trolling but it's just a trend on these boards to preach one thing yet totally justify certain things when it fits their needs. I dont need to point out who I'm talking about here.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
^Uffo…I know that your post wasn’t directed toward me. 
I just responded to your post in a general way that people don’t have to be trolls to uphold hypocritical/absurd/disturbing views.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
These are bitter truths:
Considering the culture we are talking about;
Most girls don’t care, most guys do.
Most men are hypocrites when come to choosing a girl to marry.
Girls after marriage compromise more often, than men, if find out about past sinful act.
Only a minority women will seek divorce if find out their husband past. Especially if they are otherwise very well treated by the husband.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
needless to say, i put the brakes on the whole rishta, flat out refused, and instructed my mom to tell the rishta aunty and his mom EXACTLY why i was turning him down.
Respect.
I'm really with the "past is the past" crowd. I personally think (and obviously what i may think may not be what others agree with) that everyone who does find their ideal person won't care after a while whether he/she is a virgin, as long as they show loyalty and love. If you have not known someone too long and they are showing interest in you, maybe saying "I'VE HAD SEX BEFORE" isn't the best idea. If they ask its a different story but bringing it up out of the blue is not the best way to go about it in my opinion. They may not care about it in the future, but they would certainly care about it when they are weighing you up.
Ofcourse there are those who would say "but by not telling them you're lying to them", which is fair enough.
Also there are those who may get seriously deeply hurt even after like 30 years of a wonderful, loyal and happy marriage, which is also fair enough. Each to his/her own.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
I always fly Virgin Airlines
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
[quote="EDAL, post:3, topic:253224"]
If a potential girl has no problem with a guy not being a virgin then why not? Why would I go for a girl who has already been ravaged by another man, when I can get one that hasn't, why? It's not hard to find good educated Muslim girls who are virgins.
Girls today are pretty smart, they know if they started to demand men to be virgins they may never even get married.
I'll tell you in my search, I never had a problem with any of this virgin stuff, no girl seemed to care and I talked to 3 or 4 when I was looking for a good wife, they just don't care about that kinda thing.
The girls and their families were concerned about, if you are a practicing Muslim, what kind of degree you have, your job, is the family educated, where the girl will live, your looks , personality etc.. height, weight etc../QUOTE]
^^^ i'm sorry, but i really disagree with this. your comments are wrong on soo many levels!!
before i married my husband, i had a rishta/proposal come from a very well-to-do guy who was doing his residency in anesthiology, he came from a very educated and prestegious family, etc. he seemed very proper, and was in all essence "a very good catch". we talked on the phone on and off for a few months, (during which something about** him seemed off to me, he was a little too flirty, and made some wierd comment about my photos, a little too risque for my taste) when he had a break from work, he came to our city, after the obligatory chai/nashta and family small talk, he asked my parents if he and i could spend some time together/talk alone. so of course my mom said yes and i took him around our city, showing him the sites. he seemed to have other things on his mind, and immediately tried to start a make out session**. it was very obvious that he knew what he was doing/expecting. needless to say, i put the brakes on the whole rishta, flat out refused, and instructed my mom to tell the rishta aunty and his mom EXACTLY why i was turning him down.
so you see, i don't think it's fair to generalize and say that it's acceptable to girls and thier families if a guy has a premiscuous past as long as he's educated and seems religious. i should think that parents would be more scruitinizing when deciding whose hands to place their daughter in.
But that's not what I'm talking about at all, now is it, what you mentioned is another subject. Where did I say a guy can be rude, flirtatious, and disrespectful to a Muslim girl he wants to marry and expect her to ignore that??
You rejected him because he acted rude, not because of the past, most respectable Muslim girls would do what you did. If you were my sister/cousin, that man would be getting a heavy dose of anesthesia the next day.
My point was that from my experience as long as you speak to a Muslim girl respectfully and honestly, girls won't really care about your "past", nor ask about it. All that matters is what your practices and beliefs are now, again this is my specific experience. Girls don't put too much emphasis on the whole "virgin" thing, not as much as men do.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
^^
So your saying a man can have a wild past and girls would not mind at all, or didnt mind in your case.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
^^^^^^^^^^
From my experience, as long as a guy isn't acting like that anymore, and is making efforts to return to the deen, girls are willing to overlook that kind of stuff, they may not even ask you. What matters is how you are now, and that you behave like a gentleman.
However if you are still promiscuous, and become rude and/or sexually aggressive with a girl, then for sure most likely any respectable Muslim girl will reject you. IF you act like the guy khattichic mentioned, then you can expect an ass whooping.
So to summarize, if you are having marriage discussions with a girl
*1.Act like a gentlemen
2.Be honest about your past, don't lie
3.Don't lie about anything, ie your job, education, future goals etc..
*
Now obviously there are other things to discuss besides what I mentioned above, and both parties may decide that pursuing a marriage is not appropriate. However, if you follow my 3 steps neither you nor the girl will be humiliated and both can walk away with their heads held high.
No one will ever be angry with your for being honest, they will respect you for it.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
why can’t adults here handle difference of opinions maturely?? must you start namecalling all the time?? so what if other person’s views are ‘offensive’ to your views…unless someone attacks you personally…why do you guys feel the need to go overboard?? wehre did ‘‘to each their own’’ philosophy go now?? 
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
[quote]
Does it matter if someone you wanting marry is virgin or not?
[/quote]
Yes it does, it matters greatly
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
^^^^^^^^^^
From my experience, as long as a guy isn't acting like that anymore, and is making efforts to return to the deen, girls are willing to overlook that kind of stuff, they may not even ask you. What matters is how you are now, and that you behave like a gentleman.
you're wrong.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Obviously if he hid it, it would have been a lot worse.
Lot worse than getting dumped? How comes!
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
you're wrong.
No, as per MY EXPERIENCE I am right. This is what happened with me personally and what I've seen with friends.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
There was a post earlier that criticized the Mods for deleting posts instead of editing certain words phrases. I disagree - first it would take too long to do so, second as someone earlier had stated - it may change the meaning.
The mods have been very polite in explaining why certain posts were moved. Good job!
(Now I will collect my brownie points please)
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
So basically what you're saying is that if a girl marries a guy who isn't a virgin she has self esteem issues, isn't that a really big assumption? Would you say the same for a guy who does that? I bet you wouldn't. What if your past behavior simply isn't that important to her? ** No, its not a really big assumption. It is what it is. I says it like I sees it. :) The formula some men use is simply to find a girl young enough you can fool into thinking you're the best thing since sliced bread. **
Like I said in my discussions with girls over marriage, (most from America, one from Pakistan) ***not once did a girl ask me "So have you slept with anyone before", that question never came up. Ever.
I actually just brought it up myself and told them straight up, every single girl appreciated my honesty.
You'ALL (yes I'm a Texan) are just mad that us fellows can still marry good honest Muslim girls, but that when a gal sleeps around, her pickings become quite slim.
Like I said, we all have different ways in which we see and interpret the world, so I'm just sharing my opinions and preferences.
So chill out.
Waittttttttttttt...you think we're all jealous because you can sleep around? Possibly catch STD's? Impregnate other women? Pay child support (yeah, you gotta pay even in Texas)? Really?
You know what is actually so ridiculous about your views? The fact that you are proud of your behavior. The fact that your posts come off as almost smug in nature...that you can do this and still end up with a virgin wife.
The fact also stands that you will have to pay a very heavy price for your sins...whether you like it or not.
Sleeping around and then marrying a child who doesn't know any better is NOT an accomplishment. It simply proves your equals wouldn't accept you.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Can't believe that it matters to people if someone is a virgin or not. I know everyone has their own opinion but this is ridiculous.
Just because someone is a virgin, that doesn't give them the right to demand a virgin.
If someone genuinely wants to come clean, is honest about his/her past and genuinely regrets his/her mistake, then rejecting him/her because he/she isn't a virgin is very cold-hearted.
The greatest act of kindness is forgiveness.
Unfortunately from this thread it seems that virginity matters to a lot of people, and if a potential rishta committed a mistake, he/she will not be forgiven and thus be rejected because of that.
No wonder this world is full of sht because no one is ready to forgive.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
^^^^^^^^^^
From my experience, as long as a guy isn't acting like that anymore, and is making efforts to return to the deen, girls are willing to overlook that kind of stuff, they may not even ask you. What matters is how you are now, and that you behave like a gentleman.
However if you are still promiscuous, and become rude and/or sexually aggressive with a girl, then for sure most likely any respectable Muslim girl will reject you. IF you act like the guy khattichic mentioned, then you can expect an ass whooping.
So to summarize, if you are having marriage discussions with a girl
1.Act like a gentlemen 2.Be honest about your past, don't lie 3.Don't lie about anything, ie your job, education, future goals etc..
Now obviously there are other things to discuss besides what I mentioned above, and both parties may decide that pursuing a marriage is not appropriate. However, if you follow my 3 steps neither you nor the girl will be humiliated and both can walk away with their heads held high.
No one will ever be angry with your for being honest, they will respect you for it.
Ok - and why doesn't that hold true for a girl? =/ Your ex-wife's past shouldn't be an issue to you. You should have respected her. Right?
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Can't believe that it matters to people if someone is a virgin or not. I know everyone has their own opinion but this is ridiculous.
Just because someone is a virgin, that doesn't give them the right to demand a virgin.
If someone genuinely wants to come clean, is honest about his/her past and genuinely regrets his/her mistake, then rejecting him/her because he/she isn't a virgin is very cold-hearted.
The greatest act of kindness is forgiveness.
Unfortunately from this thread it seems that virginity matters to a lot of people, and if a potential rishta committed a mistake, he/she will not be forgiven and thus be rejected because of that.
No wonder this world is full of sht because no one is ready to forgive.
Totally second this post!.