re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Almost 10 pages and yet no signs of a mutual consensus. High five!
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Ok - and why doesn't that hold true for a girl? =/ Your ex-wife's past shouldn't be an issue to you. You should have respected her. Right?
Again show me where I stated I disrespected her for her "past", or held it against her personally? Further her "past" was not the reason for breakup, it had nothing to do with it as far as I am concerned.
Before I met her she was married for 4 months, obviously she will sleep with her husband, she did nothing wrong, that's kind of a "duhhh" thing. It would be logically impossible to hold that against her, nor did she hide anything from me.
What I stated was a mere admission of reality. After I started living with her and my feelings for her grew more intense, there were random times when the thought of another man with her would really pain me. It's not as if I argued with her or yelled at her about it (what is there to argue about? It was her husband).** I kept it to myself but in my heart I felt deep agony/pain/jealousy that another man was with her, and I wished I had been the first one to meet her**.
Now after we went our separate ways (again for other reasons), I said to myself that never will I put myself through that kind of agony again. That's all. I can't handle the thought of my wife with another man, it hurts me way too much, too many unwanted mental images.
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Again show me where I stated I disrespected her for her "past", or held it against her personally? Further her "past" was not the reason for breakup, it had nothing to do with it as far as I am concerned.
Before I met her she was married for 4 months, obviously she will sleep with her husband, she did nothing wrong, that's kind of a "duhhh" thing. It would be logically impossible to hold that against her, nor did she hide anything from me.
What I stated was a mere admission of reality. After I started living with her and my feelings for her grew more intense, there were random times when the thought of another man with her would really pain me. It's not as if I argued with her or yelled at her about it (what is there to argue about? It was her husband).** I kept it to myself but in my heart I felt deep agony/pain/jealousy that another man was with her, and I wished I had been the first one to meet her**.
Now after we went our separate ways (again for other reasons), I said to myself that never will I put myself through that kind of agony again. That's all. I can't handle the thought of my wife with another man, it hurts me way too much, too many unwanted mental images.
You pretty much are disrespecting her by letting that thought be an issue, accept it or not. She was honest with you, and rather than respect her honesty and move on....like you stated, at many times it caused you agony and pain. Now, I don't know about you, but when I respect someone for their honesty (especially a spouse)....jealousy/anger etc shouldn't be an issue, right? Cos they were honest with me.
And really dude, do you honestly think your current wife doesn't feel some sort of anguish when she thinks of your past? Like, dead-serious, do you think she's all happy-go-lucky in her head with you cos you were honest? =/
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Also, you harp on about deen a lot. The Prophet's (PBUH) first wife was a widow. He set an example...a married woman's past should never cause you agony. =/
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
You pretty much are disrespecting her by letting that thought be an issue, accept it or not. She was honest with you, and rather than respect her honesty and move on....like you stated, at many times it caused you agony and pain. Now, I don't know about you, but when I respect someone for their honesty (especially a spouse)....jealousy/anger etc shouldn't be an issue, right? Cos they were honest with me.
And really dude, do you honestly think your current wife doesn't feel some sort of anguish when she thinks of your past? Like, dead-serious, do you think she's all happy-go-lucky in her head with you cos you were honest? =/
1.)
LOL you're just arguing for the sake of arguing. We often can't control what we feel in our hearts now can we? Whether it is jealousy, anger , sadness, agony, love etc..human emotions and relationships are very complicated, what we can control is our response to the situation. ***I can't control what I felt, it's what I felt, I don't have to apologize to anyone for it.
***Besides despite what I felt I had still wanted to live with her, we just happened to break up for other reasons. Our relationship lasted less than a year, and there were no kids involved, so it was easy to move on for both of us.
2.)I don't think it doesn't bother her, I know it doesn't. She's the kind of person that will tell you exactly how she feels/thinks. Whether you want to hear it or not, a very honest straight forward girl, no head games. I love that, and honestly she had a good amount of proposals, there was no compulsion or pressure to marry me, or even get married at all. It was her choice.
Anyway, I'm done with this topic, I've said whatever I wanted to say here.
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Also, you harp on about deen a lot. The Prophet's (PBUH) first wife was a widow. He set an example...a married woman's past should never cause you agony. =/
One more thing
Islam allows us to freely marry whom we wish and who we can be compatible and happy with. If you can't be compatible with and don't like a non virgin woman, then there is nothing which says you have to marry them because the prophet (PBUH) did. ***It's all about personal preference when it comes to marriage. Everyone should marry whomever they are comfortable with, both men and women.
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
LOL you're just arguing for the sake of arguing. We often can't control what we feel in our hearts now can we? Whether it is jealousy, anger , sadness, agony, love etc..human emotions and relationships are very complicated, what we can control is our response to the situation. ***I can't control what I felt, it's what I felt, I don't have to apologize to anyone for it.
Ummm.... your feelings are your response.
And at first they may be difficult to control but nonetheless through practice one can control their feelings.
It's all about personal preference when it comes to marriage. Everyone should marry whomever they are comfortable with, both men and women.
If one rejects a potential rishta because of skin color then is that okay? Of course not. It's completely wrong!
Therefore, rejecting someone solely because they are not a virgin - assuming they have been honest and genuinely regret - is also wrong!
Personal preference is not an excuse to hurt someone and do wrong.
If I prefer light skinned over dark skinned, I won't justify it by saying its my personal preference, I admit that I am being racist and that it is wrong of me.
If one really wants a virgin, then fine go ahead and reject non-virgins, find a virgin but *please don't justify it! *
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but does the Quran say that a virgin for a virgin and non-virgin for a non-virgin? If that's the case....then going by THIS....can it be so "easily" said (if you're a non-virgin) that you want someone who is pure? Sure, you have the right to marry whomever you want....if you're unhappy, it will hurt the other person as well....but (deep down within your conscience) can you (Edal) make that demand without even the slightest hesitation ...while knowing that you don't possess that quality yourself?
And please don't tell me that "Oh but no girl has ever questioned me about my virginity.....girls don't seem to mind as much....I want the mother of my future child to be pure....I don't want to be with a woman who can't completely forget the guy she first lost it to, everyone has the "right" to marry whomever they want, yaada yaada yaad bla bla bla bla." I'm not looking for "justifications".....Alls I'm asking is can you really make such a demand without even feeling the slightest twinge of guilt or without even feeling the slightest twinge of hypocrisy (even if you have repented for it)?
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
One more thing
Islam allows us to freely marry whom we wish and who we can be compatible and happy with. If you can't be compatible with and don't like a non virgin woman, then there is nothing which says you have to marry them because the prophet (PBUH) did. ***It's all about personal preference when it comes to marriage. Everyone should marry whomever they are comfortable with, both men and women.
No one's forcing you to marry a non-virgin. The issue is your stance on virgin/non-virgins. Our Prophet never held a woman's past as an issue to be agonized about with any of his wives.
And like mclovin1 said, your feelings are controllable dude. YOU control them. They're not random acts forced into your head.
Anyways, loads of hypocrisy. Oh well.
Re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
virginity + religion = life1pr0n