re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
I have never known a single Muslim guy here in America around my age group who didn't want a virgin wife, didn't matter if they were Paki, Afghan, Arab, Turkish, Somalian or whatever, all expressed a desire for a "pure" wife. Persians don't seem to care though.
Their not fobs either, most were born here or raised here.
My Lebanese friends are especially adamant about it, even the ones who've done everything themselves. When it comes to marriage "no bro, she's gotta be a virgin bro" lol, they so bro a lot.
For me personally a wife is something really special, she's going to be the most important person for your children, I mean no one comes close to a mother, she should be someone who hasn't slept with another man.
For girls loosing their virginity is a big deal, a huge emotional experience - it's not like that for us. A girl never ever forgets her first , she will always have some sort of connection with that guy even if she doesn't want to. I wouldn't want that for a wife.
Yes, women do tend to have more of an emotional connection with sex than men do....and for a guy it's easier to just hit it and then forget about it......and yes.....society's double standards are such that it's a bigger deal for a woman to not be a virgin than it is for a man. While I understand the points that you've made (and I know that there are many others out there that feel the same)....there's a danger in such views. Danger in that having such views can even make it easier for men to engage in zina....it's like a sort of mental justification that "Eh...it's not as important for us to keep a lock on it, so why not indulge for a while, God is merciful, he understands the weaknesses of us men." Allah has kept the rules the same for both genders in this regard.....it is so black and white with no wiggle room....that I find it disturbing when people come up with such "reasonings" and "excuses."
Yes, Edal, a mother has greater darjah or a more elevated status in Islam. But when you say that the mother of man's children should be pure and yada yada.........once again that puts A LOT of responsibility on the woman. That's the problem with society.....that it places greater responsibility/accountability/blame/consequences (whatever you wanna call it) on the woman to control her emotions and be more mindful of her actions and not the man. While one gets away with it....the other can't. And saying that a mother SHOULD be a thing of purity is just a prettily worded way of putting more accountabilty (for actions) prior to marriage on a woman and NOT on a guy. That's all it is....a prettily worded, but dangerous statement. A **FATHER **does not only have the role of being the breadwinner in raising a family. Daugthers learn about men and how to interacat with men through their fathers]. A son learns hows to view and treat women through his father as well. No, I'm not saying that a mother has absolutely NO responsibility in teaching her children. She does. But so does a father......and that's why it's also important for HIM to ALSO (along with mommy) be someone who PRACTICES what he preaches.....not to be someone who only preaches or only preaches that it's more acceptable for one gender (in terms of soceity) to break the rules.
or you just like assuming stuff. I said men who think THAT way.
