re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Personally, if my spouse did some mistake in the past but is now truly showing remorse and is in with me on a fresh start, past will not bother me much but I'll not forget to remind her that there always is one chance for everyone on this matter, and she has used hers.
Sometimes, specially in moral 'crimes', its NOT right to punish for speaking truth.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
yeah it does matter.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
I have never known a single Muslim guy here in America around my age group who didn't want a virgin wife, didn't matter if they were Paki, Afghan, Arab, Turkish, Somalian or whatever, all expressed a desire for a "pure" wife. Persians don't seem to care though.
Their not fobs either, most were born here or raised here.
My Lebanese friends are especially adamant about it, even the ones who've done everything themselves. When it comes to marriage "no bro, she's gotta be a virgin bro" lol, they so bro a lot.
For me personally a wife is something really special, she's going to be the most important person for your children, I mean no one comes close to a mother, she should be someone who hasn't slept with another man.
For girls loosing their virginity is a big deal, a huge emotional experience - it's not like that for us. A girl never ever forgets her first , she will always have some sort of connection with that guy even if she doesn't want to. I wouldn't want that for a wife.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Here's a thought, would guys mind so much about the girl not being a virgin before being married if he was the one that she lost her virginity to?
Of course not.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
I have never known a single Muslim guy here in America around my age group who didn't want a virgin wife, didn't matter if they were Paki, Afghan, Arab, Turkish, Somalian or whatever, all expressed a desire for a "pure" wife. Persians don't seem to care though.
Their not fobs either, most were born here or raised here.
My Lebanese friends are especially adamant about it, even the ones who've done everything themselves. When it comes to marriage "no bro, she's gotta be a virgin bro" lol, they so bro a lot.
For me personally a wife is something really special, she's going to be the most important person for your children, I mean no one comes close to a mother, she should be someone who hasn't slept with another man.
For girls loosing their virginity is a big deal, a huge emotional experience - it's not like that for us. A girl never ever forgets her first , she will always have some sort of connection with that guy even if she doesn't want to. I wouldn't want that for a wife.
So does that include women who are divorced or widowed?
I'm not arguing that this particular point of view does not exist, but the hypocrisy of it all is sickening.
As a mother of 3 boys, you sure as heck better believe that I am raising them to the same lofty, high standards that are impressed upon girls. Far too often I see parents worrying about having "the talk" with their daughters, and stressing out over the threat of unplanned pregnancies, god forbid....from the the time of puberty, my mom ingrained in head "larkiyon ki izzat unkay haat may rehti hai"...well, I'm pounding that into my sons as well as soon as the time comes.. **"larkon ki bhi izzat unkay haaton main hai", **they better not EVER role in here thinking that they are somehow excused from the bad stigma of losing their virginity, because as far as I know, it takes two to tango.....the same moral evils that apply to girls apply to guys as well.
I can only do my best to try to instill morals and values in them. After a certain age, their life is in their own hands, however, just having the Y chromosome does not exempt them from cherishing/guarding their sexuality/virginity.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
For girls loosing their virginity is a big deal, a huge emotional experience - it's not like that for us. A girl never ever forgets her first , she will always have some sort of connection with that guy even if she doesn't want to. I wouldn't want that for a wife.
When you said "us" i hope you didn't speak behalf of all men. Because i strongly disagree with you. As KC said, rule of girl not being a virgin apply to women who are widowed or divorced apply as well?. Now when you said, "she would have some sort of connection with a guy"..i think it depends on various situation. For instance, if she was madly in love with a guy and couldn't get marry to him for various reasons then yes..i can perhaps understand why she wouldn't be same with a guy..she is married to. However, for girls who are divorced or widowed.. lets not generalize them. Because very situation is different. Even then..you shouldn't be bias about anything.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
So does that include women who are divorced or widowed?
I'm not arguing that this particular point of view does not exist, but the hypocrisy of it all is sickening.
As a mother of 3 boys, you sure as heck better believe that I am raising them to the same lofty, high standards that are impressed upon girls. Far too often I see parents worrying about having "the talk" with their daughters, and stressing out over the threat of unplanned pregnancies, god forbid....from the the time of puberty, my mom ingrained in head "larkiyon ki izzat unkay haat may rehti hai"...well, I'm pounding that into my sons as well as soon as the time comes.. **"larkon ki bhi izzat unkay haaton main hai", **they better not EVER role in here thinking that they are somehow excused from the bad stigma of losing their virginity, because as far as I know, it takes two to tango.....the same moral evils that apply to girls apply to guys as well.
I can only do my best to try to instill morals and values in them. After a certain age, their life is in their own hands, however, just having the Y chromosome does not exempt them from cherishing/guarding their sexuality/virginity.
While I agree with you, the double standard exists because of issues of paternity. Even in this day and age, there are men who are tricked into raising children that are not their own. Modesty was desired in women because it makes it more likely that the man will not be tricked into raising someone else's children. It sounds shallow and crude but that's evolution. Humans practiced polygyny for thousands of years, and women who were faithful were desired.
Again, I agree with you, but you can't undo hundreds of thousands of years of social conditioning in a few hundred years.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Great point..
Here's a thought, would guys mind so much about the girl not being a virgin before being married if he was the one that she lost her virginity to?
Of course not.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Again, I agree with you, but you can't undo hundreds of thousands of years of social conditioning in a few hundred years.
Yes, you can by not demanding a "pure" virgin wife if you yourself aren't just as "pure." If you are worried you will end up raising another mans child than just wait a few months before you marry someone. If another man impregnated her it would be clear or how about do a pregnancy test? Just throwing out some ideas.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Yes, you can by not demanding a "pure" virgin wife if you yourself aren't just as "pure." If you are worried you will end up raising another mans child than just wait a few months before you marry someone. If another man impregnated her it would be clear or how about do a pregnancy test? Just throwing out some ideas.
Um, the point was that a woman who sleeps around may cheat on you during your marriage, and trick you into raising a child that's not yours. I'm speaking in hyperbole here, where some men assume that because she's not a virgin, she sleeps around.
And I suppose you would be perfectly fine with your husband asking for a paternity test right? My point was that there is a reason women are judged more harshly. It's a fact. Accept it and move on.
Second, I never said that it's justified to judge a woman based on whether or not she's a virgin, which I stated in my comment above, as well as in my comment earlier in this thread. I don't associate virginity with character, which (again) I stated earlier.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Um, the point was that a woman who sleeps around may cheat on you during your marriage, and trick you into raising a child that's not yours. I'm speaking in hyperbole here, where some men assume that because she's not a virgin, she sleeps around.
And I suppose you would be perfectly fine with your husband asking for a paternity test right? My point was that there is a reason women are judged more harshly. It's a fact. Accept it and move on.
Second, I never said that it's justified to judge a woman based on whether or not she's a virgin, which I stated in my comment above, as well as in my comment earlier in this thread. I don't associate virginity with character, which (again) I stated earlier.
I did not mean you as in Ghost14. Now, in regards to women who aren't virgin are more likely to cheat that's kinda absurd and even you agree. My point is we should not encourage such stereotypes. Also, I sure hope one trusts their wife enough to not need a paternity test or else they shouldn't even be together.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
If more girls started expecting guys to be virgins upon marriage....I don't see a lot of guys getting married...
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
hi troll.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Yes, you can by not demanding a "pure" virgin wife if you yourself aren't just as "pure." If you are worried you will end up raising another mans child than just wait a few months before you marry someone. If another man impregnated her it would be clear or how about do a pregnancy test? Just throwing out some ideas.
If a potential girl has no problem with a guy not being a virgin then why not? Why would I go for a girl who has already been ravaged by another man, when I can get one that hasn't, why? It's not hard to find good educated Muslim girls who are virgins.
Girls today are pretty smart, they know if they started to demand men to be virgins they may never even get married.
I'll tell you in my search, I never had a problem with any of this virgin stuff, no girl seemed to care and I talked to 3 or 4 when I was looking for a good wife, they just don't care about that kinda thing.
The girls and their families were concerned about, if you are a practicing Muslim, what kind of degree you have, your job, is the family educated, where the girl will live, your looks , personality etc.. height, weight etc..
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
What a TERRIBLE double standard, but tbh I kind of agree with you, girls are held upto a higher standard in this regard for whatever reasons...none of them I think are justified though.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
hi troll.
How amusing.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
What a TERRIBLE double standard, but tbh I kind of agree with you, girls are held upto higher standard in this regard for whatever reasons...none of them I think are justified though.
Men and women are different and their held up to different values.
Men are held to higher standards when it comes to education, income and earning potential. Men also must be able to stand up for their wives and protect her from harm, and be ready to fight and die protecting her if need be. This is true even in Western culture.
Remember the Titanic, "women and children only", men get to stay back and die. So women have some advantages to.
:P
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
[quote="EDAL, post:3, topic:253224"]
If a potential girl has no problem with a guy not being a virgin then why not? Why would I go for a girl who has already been ravaged by another man, when I can get one that hasn't, why? It's not hard to find good educated Muslim girls who are virgins.
Girls today are pretty smart, they know if they started to demand men to be virgins they may never even get married.
I'll tell you in my search, I never had a problem with any of this virgin stuff, no girl seemed to care and I talked to 3 or 4 when I was looking for a good wife, they just don't care about that kinda thing.
The girls and their families were concerned about, if you are a practicing Muslim, what kind of degree you have, your job, is the family educated, where the girl will live, your looks , personality etc.. height, weight etc../QUOTE]
^^^ i'm sorry, but i really disagree with this. your comments are wrong on soo many levels!!
before i married my husband, i had a rishta/proposal come from a very well-to-do guy who was doing his residency in anesthiology, he came from a very educated and prestegious family, etc. he seemed very proper, and was in all essence "a very good catch". we talked on the phone on and off for a few months, (during which something about him seemed off to me, he was a little too flirty, and made some wierd comment about my photos, a little too risque for my taste) when he had a break from work, he came to our city, after the obligatory chai/nashta and family small talk, he asked my parents if he and i could spend some time together/talk alone. so of course my mom said yes and i took him around our city, showing him the sites. he seemed to have other things on his mind, and immediately tried to start a make out session. it was very obvious that he knew what he was doing/expecting. needless to say, i put the brakes on the whole rishta, flat out refused, and instructed my mom to tell the rishta aunty and his mom EXACTLY why i was turning him down.
so you see, i don't think it's fair to generalize and say that it's acceptable to girls and thier families if a guy has a premiscuous past as long as he's educated and seems religious. i should think that parents would be more scruitinizing when deciding whose hands to place their daughter in.
re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?
Why would I go for a girl who has already been ravaged by another man, when I can get one that hasn't, why?
lol real life n00b much?