Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

[Reha]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

and how would you konw if he is really honest or just admiting it to impress you? since all guys know gal will like an honest answer.

how will i know anything he wants to hide from me? if he wants to hide his education, pedigree, name, first wife, etc...he can.

eventually these things come out.

there are bigger problems...the past is the past...its dead and should be considered as such.

people who live in the past quickly end up being the past.

[Exodus]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

and how would you konw if he is really honest or just admiting it to impress you? since all guys know gal will like an honest answer.

^What Shak09 said.

Men like honesty as much as any woman wants it.

[Naabigh]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

there are bigger problems...the past is the past...its dead and should be considered as such.

people who live in the past quickly end up being the past.

exactly get the door behind closed or you wont be able to open the new ones in future ..

[Exodus]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

how will i know anything he wants to hide from me? if he wants to hide his education, pedigree, name, first wife, etc...he can.

eventually these things come out.

there are bigger problems...the past is the past...its dead and should be considered as such.

people who live in the past quickly end up being the past.

I don't quiet get it. On one side, you're truly admitting (me too) that one's past does tend to come out eventually. On the other hand you're also suggesting how one's past is supposed to be done and dusted with. According to that thought, I'd be destined to be grilled If God forbid my past was to come out at some point of time down the road, which again it (past) most probably will.

To some. Past is also considered to be the pinnacle force behind making them a better person in the end. You learn from your mistakes, which of course you do while keeping them at the back of your head and not by burying them down like they never happened.

Holding on to your past successes and mentioning them whenever one feels appropriate is supposed to be alright. I think our mistakes also deserve some respect in this very regard. And no, I'm not suggesting we should go about mentioning them irrelevantly or to anyone (except one) for that matter. Just keep them intact within you is where I'd be laying my emphasis on.

Pardon my ignorance/intelligence or lack of. No offense intended in the end.

[FairyTale]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

how will i know anything he wants to hide from me? if he wants to hide his education, pedigree, name, first wife, etc...he can.

eventually these things come out.

there are bigger problems...the past is the past...its dead and should be considered as such.

people who live in the past quickly end up being the past.

What i have seen, in practical life, even if the guy or gal had admitted it all honestly before they tied the knot, it came up again and again during arguments. The relationship never grew stronger. I think it would be good if he/she does not share, and bury it along with the past, that is IFFF he/she really has changed and repented from the depth of heart.

[zero69cool]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

Hell yeah it matters, i even know some people who divorced his wife on the night of marriage cos he found out that she aint a virgin.

[kidz]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

@ Fairy Tale.. a guy can bury it along with the past but what abt a gal ... what she do?

[NomiCA]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

^get surgery done.........

[tipusulatn]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

Religiously speaking it is wrong and sinful for one of confess or tell others about his sins.

Once Allah bless us and hide our sins from other, all we need to a Toubah with bottom of heart and move on.

[FairyTale]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

@ Fairy Tale.. a guy can bury it along with the past but what abt a gal ... what she do?

for gals, I am sorry that may not be possible. There will be less men forgiving her for her sins. But again I believe Allah is musabib ul Asbab.

[EDAL]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

Well I think if you're going to marry someone you shouldn't mislead them and just be honest with them about these things, if it bothers them it bothers them, move on. Don't start out a marriage based on a lie, just be honest.

If they ask you if you've had past relationships, marriages, etc..don't lie about it, as a potential spouse it's their right to ask these things.

I would think it's much better to be upfront and honest rather than something coming up much later and then a person feels mislead, hurt, etc..that could lead to all sorts of problems.

[Hulahoop_Queen]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

If the guy is now loyal to me, I don't think I would care. Past is gone, there is nothing you can do about it now. So might as well, repent and do some good.

[Ghost14]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

It's not wise to speak in absolutes. If they were honest I would try to make it work. The act (premarital sex) is less important than what it represents about a person's character (moral weakness, lying afterwards).

[Reha]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

I don't quiet get it. On one side, you're truly admitting (me too) that one's past does tend to come out eventually. On the other hand you're also suggesting how one's past is supposed to be done and dusted with. According to that thought, I'd be destined to be grilled If God forbid my past was to come out at some point of time down the road, which again it (past) most probably will.

To some. Past is also considered to be the pinnacle force behind making them a better person in the end. You learn from your mistakes, which of course you do while keeping them at the back of your head and not by burying them down like they never happened.

Holding on to your past successes and mentioning them whenever one feels appropriate is supposed to be alright. I think our mistakes also deserve some respect in this very regard. And no, I'm not suggesting we should go about mentioning them irrelevantly or to anyone (except one) for that matter. Just keep them intact within you is where I'd be laying my emphasis on.

Pardon my ignorance/intelligence or lack of. No offense intended in the end.

What I meant is simply that deceiving someone or lying to them does no good because eventually things come to light. Its best to be honest with each other, discuss it if need be and bury it for good.

I am against the unnecessary arguments based on someone's history.

What i have seen, in practical life, even if the guy or gal had admitted it all honestly before they tied the knot, it came up again and again during arguments. The relationship never grew stronger. I think it would be good if he/she does not share, and bury it along with the past, that is IFFF he/she really has changed and repented from the depth of heart.

If he/she chooses not to share...there's nothing anyone can do. Can they? Its their call. I do believe that being open about everything brings a certain relief to the relationship. This person will now love you knowing everything about you. That's what I'd want. I wouldn't want them to love an image of me...its got to be the real me.

Oh and I've also known couples who were honest about everything and nothing bad came out of it. They forgot it even happened.

[Reha]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

It's not wise to speak in absolutes. If they were honest I would try to make it work. The act (premarital sex) is less important than what it represents about a person's character (moral weakness, lying afterwards).

yup

[canadiandesigirl]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

@kidz

@ Fairy Tale.. a guy can bury it along with the past but what abt a gal … what she do?

@FairyTale

for gals, I am sorry that may not be possible. There will be less men forgiving her for her sins. But again I believe Allah is musabib ul Asbab.

Do you guys still live in stone age? No offence but you do realize some women don’t even have a hymen or it breaks due to many other reasons.

oh and EDAL, I wonder how your current wife feels about the fact that you were with another woman before?

[diwana]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

@EDAL

Well I can only speak for myself,** regardless of her status it would bother me. **Even though I knew that she (my ex wife) not being a virgin was totally normal (she was married and lived with a guy for 4 months, so obviously she won't be a virgin), I still have to admit to the fact that **imagining her with another man **was absolute mental torture. I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that.

I tried so hard to avoid thinking about it, but sometimes thoughts just pop into your head that you would rather not see. It did get better over time, but it was always there lurking in the back of my mind.

Disagree. Not a good thing to think AFTER marriage.

It seems you might not have accepted her wholeheartedly. But thanks for being honest.

[FairyTale]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

@canadiandesigirl

Do you guys still live in stone age? No offence but you do realize some women don’t even have a hymen or it breaks due to many other reasons.

oh and EDAL, I wonder how your current wife feels about the fact that you were with another woman before?

Its a very rare that she wont have it.

2ndly, you may marry someone from stone age. then? What we are talking about is what GENERALLY happens. Not what happens to a gal or two out of thousands.

[Deeba1234]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

^It's rare she won't have it at all but it's not rare to bleed only the tiniest amount so it's not even noticeable or for the hymen to break thru sports or other 'innocent' reasons... esp here in the west..

[FairyTale]

re: Does it matter if someone you want to marry is a virgin or not?

What I meant is simply that deceiving someone or **lying to them **does no good because eventually things come to light. Its best to be honest with each other, discuss it if need be and bury it for good.

I am against the unnecessary arguments based on someone's history.

If he/she chooses not to share...there's nothing anyone can do. Can they? Its their call. I do believe that being open about everything brings a certain relief to the relationship. This person will now love you knowing everything about you. That's what I'd want. I wouldn't want them to love an image of me...its got to be the real me.

Oh and I've also known couples who were honest about everything and nothing bad came out of it. They forgot it even happened.

I would say share utna karo jitni ki zaroorat hai. Have you been in relationship before ? Yes . Who was she? Where is she? how did it happen? do you still talk to her? How long did it go? Do you still think about her? Do you have her pics? Was she pretty? etc etc....... do not go into all these details. The more you dig, the more info you want to have, the more they will bother you in future. He was in relationship, he accepted. that should be enough. your decision should base on this one reality.

One correction in your post. Not sharing is not same as lying. they are two diff. things.