Re: Do you regret not dating
I regret the time I never dated. Now in this whole rishta process, everyone wants to meet up, go out and crap - it is extremely annoying and hurtful at the same time.
Re: Do you regret not dating
[note]Ok guys I cleaned the thread , now please stick to the topic and no personal attacks . Thanks [/note]
Re: Do you regret not dating
does a long distance relationship count as dating?
Re: Do you regret not dating
Dating means different things to us... i don't think most of us are looking at "dating" in the American way- going out frequently and alone with physical contact involved.
If a guy and a girl know one another for a while, are in a committed relationship/engagement, and go out, but bring friends along... they talk on the phone, email, etc.- one might call that dating.
While I say that I don't date, I would want to know a guy well before I get engaged- not married, but before getting engaged. I would want to talk to him (though within limits), and go out with him (with family and friends)... because it's hard to predict compatibility if you don't talk/interact. I mean, what if two people get married and afterwards the guy finds the girl's habits annoying? Say he cannot stand her voice, laugh, attitude, etc.- well, that could have been avoided if there was interaction prior to the marriage. Sometimes doing a brief background check to see if the guy/girl drinks, smokes, goes clubbing, etc. isn't enough. Just because a guy doesn't do those things, does that equal marriage? Of course not.
Some but not all marriages that are completely arranged with very little or no interaction work out. It goes the same for those in which there was prior dating. But I've seen quite a few examples of marriages that were completely arranged and they broke down over ridiculous things that could have been brought to light before getting married... that has me thinking that at least some ample amount of interaction is necessary- I don't know if that can be defined as dating or not.
Nobody is saying that there is something wrong with parents suggesting a guy/girl. In some cases the parents know their kids better.....and in other cases you might feel that you know yourself better in some aspects better than your parents do (such as sense of humor, outlook, etc). One might have a very close-knit relationship with their parents....and one might have a relationship where there is greater understanding in some areas than others.
Getting to speak or know a person before marriage....I personally don't think there's anything wrong with that. I agree with Soundarya that getting to know the propsect may allow you to see them more clearly........as opposed to not interacting with him/her at all.
^That being said, does this mean that getting to know your partner before marriage is a 100% guarantee that the marriage will last? Of course not!
^Does this mean that avoiding your partner (not talking or even seeing him/her) is a guarantee for marital success? Of course not!
^Is there a guarantee that marriages where the partner is chosen by the parent are always successful? Nope! I can give a few examples where marriages (in which parents have selected the partner) have been very turbulent/incompatible...even failed.
^I know examples of successful and unsuccessful arranged/love marriages. And these examples include couples who got to know each other before hand....and those that didn't get to know each other at all. It's a mixed bag. What worked for one's parents...does not mean that it'll work out for you. It might...but no guarantee.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. There are no guarantees. The success or failure of a marriage depends upon MANY factors. Perhaps the biggest would be mutual efforts/compromise in making the relationship work.
If a guy is going to cheat on you.....he'll cheat on you no matter if it was an arranged or love marriage.....no matter if you interacted with him before hand or not. But it's possible that had one interacted with him before hand.....MAYBE some red flags or warning signs in his demeanor could have been detected. As far as celebrity marriages are concerned.....motives for a marriage in this situation can be based upon **more **superficial reasons such as acquiring fame/status/money, which may blind one in seeing potential red flags during the dating process.
^Marriage is a GAMBLE.........no matter how it takes place (dating....or complete parda....love or arranged......whether you marry within the family or outside of it). And in my opinion......why make it **an even bigger gamble **by not getting to know the person a least a little bit before hand? This does not necessarily mean full-fledged dating, limits can be set. Parents do have more wisdom.....and there is nothing wrong in making the marriage ordeal a JOINT ISSUE.....were one looks at their own individual needs....gets to know the potential person....and also seeks advice/input from parents.
No reason to shoot one another for the method. To each his own. As long as one goes about the matter within limits....and in a sensible matter.....that's it.
Re: Do you regret not dating
Marriage, job, education, dating and even driving on road, all are GAMBLE with this analogy! Being GABMBLE is neutral then. Something more needs to be looked at when differentiating between arranged marriage and marriage after dating.
Re: Do you regret not dating
I think if you have pure niyaat of shaadi and neither of you crossing the limit then dating is pretty halal .
am not married yet but i dont regret not having dated anyone in school or anything…am proud of myself for my achievement of staying single till now:hooray: and not giving in to peer pressure and any temptations bla bla:hooray:(man, there were such cute guys when i started high school:blush:)
i’d have also prefered not to fall in love until marriage, but then love just happens:hinna:couldnt stop it:bummer:
communication with na-mahram woh bi privacy ke saath is haraam:nono1:
Marriage, job, education, dating and even driving on road, all are GAMBLE with this analogy! Being GABMBLE is neutral then. Something more needs to be looked at when differentiating between arranged marriage and marriage after dating.
Neither has a guarantee. There's risk everywhere.....but you do however much you can to reduce the risk....and put your best effort into the situation. When you consider our conservative culture and with divorce being a stigma....there could be unsuccessful arranged marriages as well....were the couple sticks it out due to some majboori (kids, society, financial reasons, etc). Dating means different things to people. And I don't think that going into something blind will guarantee success....it can increase the risk.
Re: Do you regret not dating
Speaking of risks... Another thing to think about is that if the decision of marriage is entirely left upto the parents, older siblings, phuppos, thiahs, etc. AND they are the ones meeting the prospective guy/girl, don't you think that prospective will be well behaved in front of the elderly and make himself/herself appear so good? That's why I think significant interaction before marriage is crucial. A guy (or girl) would be more likely to admit their flaws to the person they're going to marry than to the parents. If not, there are still greater chances for the red flags (that RV mentioned), to arise when there's more interaction. Perhaps the other positive is that through interaction, the guy and girl are more willing to accept one another's traits (good or bad) because they find out they're compatible in other ways.
McDonald’s ma kon se privacy hoti ha 
Re: Do you regret not dating
so many here have said that they never dated.. right just like me! okay so one thing that I want to know is that many times people who are dating in pakistani culture don't come out and tell anyone that there intention is to get maried and they are getting to know each other.. why is that.. if it's something that understandable in pakistani culture now that why do so many girls hide their relationship before getting engaged or even married?
^because it’s still widely unacceptable(even if they dnt admit it) and there’s badnaami involved when such things come out in the open(it’s a stigma sort of thing)
lekin mcDonalds me hi thori na milte he, car hoti he, drives hoti he, walks hoti he park me…
Neither has a guarantee. There's risk everywhere.....but you do however much you can to reduce the risk....and put your best effort into the situation. When you consider our conservative culture and with divorce being a stigma....there could be unsuccessful arranged marriages as well....were the couple sticks it out due to some majboori (kids, society, financial reasons, etc). Dating means different things to people. And I don't think that going into something blind will guarantee success....it can increase the risk.
Let's just say both extremes are not good. "Dating all the way" or not knowing person and "blindly marrying". No one marries "blindly" these days however, like in some decades ago. And there is not guarantee that dating will make the persons known to each other.
Let's just say both extremes are not good. "Dating all the way" or not knowing person and "blindly marrying". No one marries "blindly" these days however, like in some decades ago. And there is not guarantee that dating will make the persons known to each other.
Alright, so we've already established that there are no guarantees...for many things in life...let alone marriage.
I wouldn't say "no one". There are some (or a few) cases of blind marrying. Or where the guy/girl talk n meet very few times.
Dating doesn't necessarily ensure that you will know your partner well....but going into marriage without getting to interact with your partner (at least barely) is a BIGGER risk. And there are cases....where girl lives on one continent......guy on another continent.......only photographs are seen....and nikkah over phone. And such a marriage COULD turn out to be successful....more so than one where dating was involved. But....it's a bigger risk....a bigger gamble.
Alright, so we've already established that there are no guarantees...for many things in life...let alone marriage.
I wouldn't say "no one". There are some (or a few) cases of blind marrying. Or where the guy/girl talk n meet very few times.
Dating doesn't necessarily ensure that you will know your partner well....but going into marriage without getting to interact with your partner (at least barely) is a BIGGER risk. And there are cases....where girl lives on one continent......guy on another continent.......only photographs are seen....and nikkah over phone. And such a marriage** COULD turn out to be successful**....more so than one where dating was involved. But....it's a bigger risk....a bigger gamble.
I like your optimism velvet :D
Alright, so we've already established that there are no guarantees...for many things in life...let alone marriage.
I wouldn't say "no one". There are some (or a few) cases of blind marrying. Or where the guy/girl talk n meet very few times.
Dating doesn't necessarily ensure that you will know your partner well....but going into marriage without getting to interact with your partner (at least barely) is a BIGGER risk. And there are cases....where girl lives on one continent......guy on another continent.......only photographs are seen....and nikkah over phone. **
And such a marriage COULD turn out to be successful....more so than one where dating was involved.***But....it's* a** bigger risk....a bigger gamble.**
Agree with mid part of your post.
No one means no one gets in to marriage these days blindly, there are more information available of each other.
In the past, girl and boy never had seen each other, never had talked with each other. Still marriages lasted for decades and many happily lived, accepting each other strenghts and weaknesses.
Those marriages do not occur these days, with camera, video, phone, internet being available.
After saying 'more so', there was no need to add contradictory word 'bigger'. :)
I like your optimism velvet :D
Sarcasm, I'm hoping, LOL. Because I'm not too optimistic about the idea of blind marriages...or even almost blind marriages.
Re: Do you regret not dating
No, I personally think as a Muslima I'm not allowed to date.
However, before marriage I would have liked to get to know him better by talking often.