do mothers always know best?

[Jolie]

Re: do mothers always know best?

There should be a different thread about feelings and needs of new mothers…

[yourfriend]

Re: do mothers always know best?

@Jolie

I feel sorry for you if your family gave you a really tough time during the early phase of motherhood, looks like you are still quite bitter about that but we need to move on from that and focus on the issues on this thread.

This thread is not about Nano, dado, phuppho, chachi, chacha, neighbours and milkman giving their unsolicited advice on random insignificant things and hurting the feelings and ego of a new mum.

For people who bothered to read more than just a title, this thread is about baby girl suffering from UTI and the*** doctor ***has advised the new mum to wash the baby, a practice also endoresed by the MIL. The new mother makes faces at her MIL in front of the guests over her suggestion, her behaviour has caused an argumentative exchange between her and her husband again in front of the guests. The OP is a medical student who is staying with that family and according to her account (not assumptions based on one’s own experience and gurdges) **the mother does not appear to be suffering from baby blues or PPD, the enviorement at home is pretty individualistic and low key, the MIL is not an interfering type nor the guests . And to say ‘Ill only listen to my own mother) in a joint family in front of your husband and his mother “doesn’t” indicate saas bahu tensions than I guess it just make the new mother just plain immature and disrespectful…hardly worthy of any serious sympathy.
**
As with new mothers becoming psychotic and whatnot, I guess that explains why there are awful lot number of new mothers under Social Services’ watchlist here in UK, I don’t if that lady is unfortunate or lucky that she’s in Pakistan.

I don’t why I’m even commenting on this issue, its probably all resolved for all we know…but the text book replies can so be cringe worthy and hard to ignore.

funny…

[inspiron]

Re: do mothers always know best?

@Jolie

I feel sorry for you if your family gave you a really tough time during the early phase of motherhood, looks like you are still quite bitter about that but we need to move on from that and focus on the issues on this thread.

This thread is not about Nano, dado, phuppho, chachi, chacha, neighbours and milkman giving their unsolicited advice on random insignificant things and hurting the feelings and ego of a new mum.

For people who bothered to read more than just a title, this thread is about baby girl suffering from UTI and the*** doctor ***has advised the new mum to wash the baby, a practice also endoresed by the MIL. The new mother makes faces at her MIL in front of the guests over her suggestion, her behaviour has caused an argumentative exchange between her and her husband again in front of the guests. The OP is a medical student who is staying with that family and according to her account (not assumptions based on one’s own experience and gurdges) the mother does not appear to be suffering from baby blues or PPD, the enviorement at home is pretty individualistic and low key, the MIL is not an interfering type nor the guests . And to say 'Ill only listen to my own mother) in a joint family in front of your husband and his mother doesn’t indicate saas bahu tensions than I guess it just make the new mother just plain immature and disrespectful…hardly worthy of any serious sympathy.

As with new mothers becoming psychotic and whatnot, I guess that explains why there are awful lot number of new mothers under Social Services’ watchlist here in UK, I don’t if that lady is unfortunate or lucky that she’s in Pakistan.

I don’t why I’m even commenting on this issue, its probably all resolved for all we know…but the text book replies can so be cringe worthy and hard to ignore.

I think jolie has understood what I was trying to say.

I stopped replying in this thread because people were exaggerating saying ’ why is EVERYONE saying EVERYTHING to the new mother etc ’ .

[Le_Pakistan]

Re: do mothers always know best?

^ We are sensitive, zulm aur na-insaafi ke khilaaf larhne waalay people, you should have known that!

[S02]

Re: do mothers always know best?

I would just like to add that those people saying go easy on the mom are probably not saying it because they think what she is doing is okay. Rather, it is because they understand what it is like to be a first-time mom and don’t feel that the described approach is going to improve things.

Honestly, if the new dad wanted to ACTUALLY address the situation (rather than encourage all the idiotic drama), he would’ve spoken to his wife calmly in private and tried to understand her perspective while helping her understand why others are concerned and offering good advice.

What the new mom is doing is stupid and immature. That doesn’t make everyone else’s behavior okay.

I do disagree with the “she is mom, she can do whatever she wants” approach.

[sadzzz]

Re: do mothers always know best?

@Jolie

I feel sorry for you if your family gave you a really tough time during the very early phase of motherhood, looks like you are still quite bitter about that but we need to move on from that and focus on the issues on this thread.

This thread is not about Nano, dado, phuppho, chachi, chacha, neighbours and milkman giving their unsolicited advice on random insignificant things and hurting the feelings and the ego of a new mum.

For people who bothered to read more than just a title, this thread is about baby girl suffering from UTI and the*** doctor ***has advised the new mum to wash the baby instead of using the wipes, a practice also endoresed by the MIL. The new mother makes faces at her MIL in front of the guests (clearly this has nothng to do showing respect to your elders?) over her suggestion, her behaviour has caused an argumentative exchange between her and her husband again in front of the guests. The OP is a medical student who is currently staying with that family and according to her account (not assumptions based on one’s own experiences and gurdges) the mother does not appear to be suffering from baby blues or PPD, the enviorement at home is pretty individualistic and low key, the MIL is not an interfering type nor the guests . And to say 'Ill only listen to my own mother) in a joint family in front of your husband and his mother doesn’t indicate saas bahu tensions than I guess it just make the new mother just plain immature and disrespectful…hardly worthy of any serious sympathy.

As with new mothers becoming psychotic and whatnot, I guess that explains why there are awful lot number of new mothers under Social Services’ watchlist here in UK, I don’t if that lady is unfortunate or lucky that she’s in Pakistan.

I don’t why I’m even commenting on this issue, its probably all resolved for all we know…but the text book replies can so be cringe worthy and hard to ignore.

nope, not bitter amused, most definately.

Im not sure if you’ve been through it yourself, so not sure whether you really understand. But that is ok, as well.

Ive never said what the mum is doing ok. What I am saying is, get off her back.

[Puchi_Kuchi]

Re: do mothers always know best?

trust me get off her back…
unless your a mama you have no clue girls..

[S02]

Re: do mothers always know best?

Inspiron,

Where are her parents/family?

[inspiron]

Re: do mothers always know best?

She lived with her mother for the first 4 and half weeks and they live on the next street like 2-3 mins away.

[S02]

Re: do mothers always know best?

But she lives with the inlaws now? Does the baby interact with her side about the same amount?

[inspiron]

Re: do mothers always know best?

well when she was at her mothers I think the interaction with the in laws side was pretty minimal, which is very normal for our family. Until 1 and half months the girl stays with her mother and is not really expected to be with in laws if she doesn’t want to.

Now shes back with in laws I would interaction is hmmmmmmm a couple of hours everyday with no issue as far as I can see, if my khala beats her in secret or whatever then I cant comment on that ( which I doubt she does ) I have 2 khalas which would make horrible evil MIL’s and I have 2 Khalas which would make great MIL’s even better than my own mother can ever be - and this khala is one of the nice ones.

[S02]

Re: do mothers always know best?

I don’t think it’s your khala’s fault. But for whatever reason, the new mom is being kind of paranoid and sensitive. Being a new mom can do that to you. Based on what she said, it seems like she’s afraid that the child will not be as close to her and her family as s/he will to the inlaws. Deep down she probably knows that’s silly, but it’s hard to be logical and rational when you’re exhausted, sleep-deprived, confused, and feeling inadequate…and feeling and thinking ten million things at the same time. I think someone (probably her husband, but maybe her MIL) needs to find ways to reassure her that this child is very close to her family (whether it’s by saying a feature looks like a relative’s or whatever). It should probably be indirect. See if that kind of thing eases the tension.

[inspiron]

Re: do mothers always know best?

Sahar baby is in hosp at the moment and there is tension surrounding this matter…just do dua everything gets ok! x

[Lusi]

Re: do mothers always know best?

Why the baby is in the hospital?

May bless the child with health and long life. ameen

[S02]

Re: do mothers always know best?

OMG inshAllah everything will be well and everyone continues to do what is best for that little one!

[devilish_angel]

Re: do mothers always know best?

@inspiron

Sahar baby is in hosp at the moment and there is tension surrounding this matter…just do dua everything gets ok! x

She must be having high fever bc of UTI once the infection will start finishing fever will go I had a worst experience of UTI wth my baby when she was 2 months only, I know it’s very tough…

But inshahallah everything will be fne.

[SaadiaB]

Re: do mothers always know best?

@inspiron

Now shes back with in laws I would interaction is hmmmmmmm a couple of hours everyday with no issue as far as I can see, if my khala beats her in secret or whatever then I cant comment on that ( which I doubt she does ) I have 2 khalas which would make horrible evil MIL’s and I have 2 Khalas which would make great MIL’s even better than my own mother can ever be - and this khala is one of the nice ones.

My mom is also very nice and makes a great saas, but I dont like it when she is giving me advice its mostly about kids food or why are you only nursing or this or that. Just saying, you have to be a mother first to understand these feelings.

BTW about cleaning with wipes, thats not a big deal, if you do properly. I use wipes, water only if its running and whole poo is covered, then the baby will just get a bad right there.

What I believe that access of too much water and many time a day is not so good, as newborn can do poop 3-4 times a day …as…

1. its exausting for a mom
2. baby can get cold, even if you are in a warm place
3. you need to dry the baby completely, if you forget even one spot, there is fear of rash very quickly
4. I dont know how u can clean the baby under the tap, I was allways afraid of the baby slipping from my hands, it was allways horrible the times I did.

Just my 2 cents.

[Estel]

do mothers always know best?

Just wondering what u guys do if u r living with someone a close relative who ignores dr advise ( not mil or anyone one else but DR) about something the baby is suffering from.
Wouldn’t u ask her or advise her about that or do nothing and let the baby suffer

Most ppl here are just ignoring the fact that baby is suffering from uti
Leave the mum alone and let the baby suffer

[inspiron]

Re: do mothers always know best?

few days ago The baby started crying inconsolably for a couple of hours non stop and had a very high temp, the tensions came when mother wanted to wrap the baby up tightly and turn the fan to low but MIL was really scared about febrile convulsions ( common in my family - me my bro and many many cousins from dads ).

I dont think the mother is a bad mother or a bad person and we all care about our little baby we just need to find a way to work together and get through this phase of tension iA.

I tried to stay well back from the situation but mother shut the door and locked it :/. Dad came home and made the decision to rush baby to hosp I think they are suspecting the UTI is back poor baby. Please Pray.

[devilish_angel]

Re: do mothers always know best?

If its UTI they have to complete the antibiotic course n if they dont UTI will be there n again fever
prayers for the little baby