Re: do mothers always know best?
The amount of hypocrisy is pretty astonishing, the mother is applying eye liner and carrying on with all sorts of bizarre ways and you get this cheering about where’s the harm, the baby will survive, (yes the babies can and do end up* surviving *a lot of other dodgy and idiotic tricks… how about we all go home and try and continue with them? But thats not the point I'm concerned with, the point is that if you turn the tables, imagine if that wretched creature that goes by the name of MIL was doing this to this her grandchild, I bet this thread would’ve turned into a fish market with so called enlightened and modern posters tearing apart the actions of MIL and equating applying of an eyeliner with some dangerous heavy duty safety hazards … and of course with the good old token bigoted bashing of the entire “desi” race. I find that quite hilarious and sad at the same time.
I don't know how 'desi' minds over here roll, but where I live...they do say that try to grow up before you take on the responsiblity of raising another human being, perhaps thats something what the mother in question should consider, judging her behaviour through the OP's account.
As with baby blues/PPD, you know in the West, one of the many reasons why this type of depression occurs and sustains is due the fact that often new mothers find no adequate help and support from friends and family, they feel incredibly alone in the process of rasing a child. So instead of throwing hissy fits and appearing bitterly unthankful, I guess some desi women somewhere along the line should appreciate the attention, genuine concerns and care they recieve by their family members. You only need to experience or just witness the despair, loneliness , helplessness, and the sad little state of some of the first time mums to realise how fortunate you are that there is someone to tell you with utmost respect and affection that "beta hold the baby like this...or aisse nahi aisse." Show some respect to your elders at least...
I hav ebeen pondreing over this post the entire weekend, and have tried several times to respond, but it wasnt working so well through an iphone. So first thing at work, while its still fresh, as it can be, in my head... I am going to respond.
I dont see how this thread is about MIL vs DIL or anything of the sort. Its simply about whether a mother knows best. And most certainly, not at all times. Yes, we have the best intentions, but sometimes our intentions are a bit obsecured, no doubt about that.
What I was going on about, leaving the mother alone, and giving her space, has nothing to do with MIL bashing or not respecing the elders.
I remember being a first time Mum, and having to deal with my mum, MIL, sister in laws and all other ladies who had been mothers previously, and even those that hadnt been.
Everyone had advice from how to feed the baby, to dressig, to bathing and what not... and clearly, people thought I was goign to harm my bubba... it may not be the case, but this is how it comes across when you havent slept for more than half a dozen hours in days, when you are trying to understand the bubba and trying for the bubba to get you... everything seems quite psychotic..
khair, the point i was going to make was that, most mothers (and yes thi sincludes MILs as well) have been through the same situation. Infact, if you have good enough relationship with your MIL, she will outrightly tell you how bad it was for her too... as did my MIL and Mum... so, taking that into considersation, you would think, both mothers would understand what you may be going through as a new mum.. and just leave you alone... or at least give some sort of space and benefit of the doubt.
Where does respect for new mothers come into play?? We're not all out there to harm our babies. Yes, we look pyscotic, but it doesnt mean we're totally screwed ... seriously.
So, lets just keep the MIL vs DIL argument out of this... lets leave the respect for elders bit out of this too. Cus it has nothing to do with that. And I wish people understood this.
I Hate... and i repeat... i HATE how when a new bubba comes into the world... the world forgets what the mother is going through, and its all about nano, dado., dada, nana... phuppo, khala... everyone else's feelings.. Uff.
