Re: do mothers always know best?
hmmm I don’t know…may be she’s just weird. 
Re: do mothers always know best?
If its UTI thn she must be given some antibiotic n wth antibiotic small babies get stomach upset n thn rashes omg I m getting worried for the baby :(
Re: do mothers always know best?
oh god devilish angel, ab kya hoga.
Re: do mothers always know best?
Chips I didnt go with her - So not sure how it was diagnosed and she was at her own mothers house for a bit so I don't know the history.
DA - I am worried too......but she hasn't actually mentioned antibiotics yet hmmm Ill ask her tomorrow
Re: do mothers always know best?
i am worried too because I havent heard her cry all night ..........usually she cries alot :/
Hope she is ok!
As in I know its good not to cry but I am getting horrible thoughts about a baby maybe no sound at all for hourss now .........
Re: do mothers always know best?
When I wanted to ignore someone's advise and they would insist, I sometimes came up with weired reasons/excuses myself.
If its hot and she says she does not want to wash becuase of thanda, it may be because she cannot come up with any other excuse.
Or
my sister told me that one of her husband's friends baby died because he caught pneumonia (something to do with may be a bath and then put the baby with fan on) so my sister was very scared of the cold thing and made sure that her baby was not cold or near a fan after a bath. May be your cousin's wife is genuinely scared of the baby getting cold.
I know of a case where the boy got a very serious case of UTI and so many complications. For the baby's sake if I were you, I would talk to the cousin and ask him to explain to his wife.
Why would she not listen to the paed !!! If she is scared of thanda while changing diapers, does she never give baby a bath at all ??
Re: do mothers always know best?
yes my cousins wife said to my khala iher mother in law that she will not wash her baby as she is afraid of thanda right infront of me.
She wipes her baby with simple wipes not cotton and water
I dont have kids im not even married I don't know what is right or not but if the doctors have advised her to wash her baby and if her MIL is then I dont see why she is making a face, ok if we were in the UK or if it was december in khi then I would understand.
I dont know about wipes and washing and uti's that much and spiral I am a medical student not a paed I am still learning myself. But i do know her baby will not get thanda when it is sweltering outside.
I also told her not to wrap her sweating baby up so tight because she is obviously too hot but she just makes a face and walks away.
i feel for the mother...
u guys seem to be picking on everything she does.
Maybe, its the way you guys are giving advice... that she's becoming defensive about it.. just maybe?
advice from me: maybe just stay out of it? worrying about the child not making a sound or not crying... what are you trying to imply? that the mother may have done something???
Re: do mothers always know best?
maybe I am wrong but I dont think I am picking on everything she does....I said that just once to her and will not say anything again as she doesn't like it.
It came from a caring place.
Re: do mothers always know best?
^ i can understand... but when you're a new mother, things are all a bit crazy inside..
And a lot of the times, the "caring" stuff, does not come out as caring. As much as want it to be.
Ive seen a lot of cases, where women who have been there done that (and thats not ur case), come across as demeaning and "know it alls". Its a little infuriating and annoying.
Advice being given and taken has got a lot to do with proper communication. If advice is given in a humble and gentle manner, it will be taken on board. When it comes across as "I know cus I have raised this many kids", it just get ignored. Even if its worthwhile.
Re: do mothers always know best?
Inspiron..why not convey the message to her through her husband...?It will look better as compared to coming from you or the MIL,even though you guys say it out of concern.
I hope the baby gets better.And DA is right,if it is a UTI in such a young kid,they wont be sending her home with fever reducers only.
Also,I am not in Karachi.Infact I have never been to Karachi...:D
Re: do mothers always know best?
I think when u can see clearly she is not liking interference thn leave her n her own..... Of course she is the mother she will not harm the baby.n if baby is distrubed she herself vl apply these things, I think she is just feeling tht ppl r forcing her,
my baby had UTI when she was only 2 months I washed her from day 1 but she still got it of course there were other reasons for it.
pneumonia some babies like swaddling bc they r used to this environment in tummy if baby will b too hot she l respond be crying but if baby is fne wth wrapping up thn no issue.
Re: do mothers always know best?
All parents are not created equal. But more importantly, a cleaner bum is no prelude to a cleaner soul, which parents really should be worried about their kids.
Re: do mothers always know best?
My cousins wife was putting eyeliner on her baby with a rimmel pencil :/
At this point her MIL said in a really nice way that it might not be the best thing to do that to which cousins wife made a face and ignored, then her husband FINALLY perched up and said everyone has been giving you such good advice why do you keep making faces and I have not said anything because I know this is all knew for you.
Then my cousins wife said 'whatever my OWN mother tells me to do I will only do that' :/
At this point I left the room because the room got super tense and mother in law started fussing in the kitchen over chai really loudly.
The only thing I heard through the door was ' i can believe you are a pharmacist and you are using a adult eyeliner penicl on your new born and that doesn't happen in our khandan anyway'
Now I have put my ear phones in.......
I dont think this is a PND problem I think this is an attitude problem. I shall leave her be.
Re: do mothers always know best?
^This attitude is unfortunalty very common IMO. I have seen it several times in Pakistan. Kaam thoda, attitude zyada hota hai in sabka.
Just leave her alone. If there is something with the kid later (God forbid) she is the one going to be suffering most anyway
Re: do mothers always know best?
So she applied a rimmel eyeliner on her baby. So what? It can't be any worse than using that hideous surma and kajal a lot of pakistanis use on their new borns.
New borns are designed to survive first time parents. Period.
Re: do mothers always know best?
She's being treated like a second class citizen, and the advice/taunts arent helping...
having a baby is a huuuuuge change, and it really does change the dynamics of a marriage as well. You never thought about "what/how your family does things" until a baby pops out and you both start bickering about its upbringing.
Chill.
Let the mother adjust.. Most mothers are not trying to harm their kids, but the way people talk (aise na karo... yeh na karo... mujhe bacha dedo...) it certainly feels like we're the worst people on the planet..
Give the poor lady some space....
People and their advices sheesh..as sadz said that the conflict between how things are done in one’s family only begins when kids come into the scene..im going through the same phase..although I dont make a face but I do complain infront of my husband..
Reason why a first time mom prefers listening to her mother(i do too) is because she trusts her mother more than her MIL who she just doesnt know well enough..she remembers how her mother successfully brought up her children..so she prefers consulting someone she has seen around kids and someone she blindly trusts..
My MIL is a very sweet lady but initially I didnt even trust her enough and I used to fight with my husband that this is my child im not gona let u guys do anything to her..but gradually I realised that its their kid too why would they harm her..it takes time for things to settle down..now I completely trust them with my kid cause i learned that I couldnt do this alone..I trust them enough to leave her with them while I go out for a while everyday just to refresh myself:hehe: mostly she is with them while im going her chores..eventually she’ll realise how badly we need help with kids..
Few weeks back I posted a thread here that how my kid has nasal congestion just cause my inlaws wouldnt turn off the airconditioner..later I realised she actually sleeps way better in an airconditioned room..I was embarrassed to the core..so first time moms learn from experience..trial and error method..
But remember nomatter how much everyone loves the child, they cant love her more than her mother so having fears like how she is applying eyeliner and the baby isnt crying..i mean having doubts on the mother is just so wrong..she wont cause harm on purpose..but if ppl keep telling her what to do and what not to do she might cause harm out of ego..
You are right it is boiling in khi right now and it is almost impossible to stay in a low fan esp after childbirth when u sweat alot cause your body releases the extra water it retained during pregnancy..but see how much she loves her child that she is sacrificing for her kid out of fear for her(which isnt true though) maybe she is just afraid for her kid..havin UTI is enough to scare a new mother..she must be afraid hence being overprotective about everything..
When she was keeping the fan at low u should have approached her by saying how good a mother u r for sacrificing for your child cause its so hot how can u stay in such a condition..maybe turning it high wont harm the baby..have u tried it?
Maybe then she would be open to suggestions..if u(not u op)stop forcing your advices(no matter how good they are) on the mother and give her space..eventually she’ll come out of her depression and would be seeking advices on her own..
If the baby isnt crying continuously then its possible she is ok with a low fan..having said that i duno how it might be possible..my baby starts sweating badly once the airconditioner is off:bummer: it is like an oven here:naak:
Oh God first time parenting is so difficult..i seriously feel bad for your cousin’s wife..prayers and hugs for her cause I can imagine what she might be going through..
The week after my child’s birth was so tough on me..my baby was only given to me for feeds..all the time she was downstairs with inlaws, hubby and guests..while I was left alone to rot..crying my eyes out..I couldnt bond with my kid(seriously I didnt love her at all) until i was left alone with her after the first few weeks..later I realised maybe my inlaws were giving me space..so that I could relax while they take care of the baby..
And the advices uff they still make me feel like the worst mother on earth..to the extent that I dont trust myself with my kid anymore..
As for eyeliner..whats the harm in it? If she wants to do something let her do..baby will survive dont worry..
Have u tried cheering her up? listening/talking to her about something other than the baby? helping her with chores? Listening to her probs/fears regarding baby? Do you or her MIL help her around? If not..then this might be the cause of the face she makes..karti sab mai hon sirf advice dene pohanch jate hain..lol i used to think the same:snooty:
Re: do mothers always know best?
nope
Yeah she has a case of the baby blues (which is different from post partum depression) maybe but so do many women,
yes so do many women but its not something to be taken lightly is it? So many women give birth..is it something easy? Can the fact, that every women gives birth, make the process any less difficult? I feel bad for her seriously..
You said uv seen postpartum depression in women..isnt it said that if baby blues dont settle after the first few weeks then its PPD? im not an expert im just asking..maybe it is PPD but less severe to the cases uv seen?