Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Well i don’t think i made a sweeping statement, i just expressed my opinion based on what i have seen and felt.
Welcome to the WORLD 
is all that i have to say to you.
I am not saying ALL women are like that but i still think and believe most are like what i mentioned. However, if you want to sit in denial its your choice.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
I love it how everything turns into desi bashing.
I don’t think men now have a lot of problems with wives earning more than them. It does become a problem when the wife becomes so obsessive with her career that she neglects her home, family and husband. This is also true the other way around when marriages break down because the husband is a workaholic. It is, however, a fashion to sympathize with a woman when her husband leaves her because she is obsessed with her career and to demonize a husband who loses his family to his love for his profession.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Zareen, my intention is not to argue with you. I agree that it's the husband's duty to provide for his family and that he's the head of the household....as outlined by Islam. I agree that managing even an odd job....let alone a career....will make it challenging to also juggle the responsibilities of a marriage/family. I've seen examples of working wives/mothers who, with the support of their husbands, are making it work......and those that are failing miserably.....and heck I've even come across housewives who have left me wondering, "Gee, woman...what do you all day? You're so clueless about your own kid...whom I teach, LOL." And then circumstances may require that a wife work to help support her family. It could be argued that it's solely the husband's responsibility and that he can pick up several jobs......but that too can come at a price. For example, kids don't see much of their dad....and I've seen how that can hurts kids. So maybe a couple decides that the wife will work ....perhaps part-time....so that there will be extra income...but the kids get to see more of their parents...and both spouses have more time for each other as well. Things are not always so black and white....and that's what makes it hard to determine a person's intentions.
Sure, there ARE women out there with that overly competitive attitude and it can be problematic. I do agree, to an extent, that overstepping the gender boundaries/roles can mess up relationships. There is wisdom in that. But I don't think that every working woman works to compete with men. When I read your point # 2...I thought to myself that even with my masters degree I make considerably less than most desi guys....so competition kaisa? There is none. Then again, being a teacher, there aren't many guys in my profession, lol. I don't have a negative attitude toward housewives....my mom is one....and I'd be lucky if I can even manage half of what she does. And personally, for me....my marriage/family would take precedence. But it's not necessary that a woman is working to compete with the opposite gender/her husband. She could be doing it because there's a genuine interest/passion...and for the good of society, etc. The source of contention here is that you're lumping every one in the same category and not taking into account the exceptions. Again, I'm not attacking you.
I am strictly against not only the mother but also the father not giving enough time and attention to their kids. I strongly believe that one should rather live n small means but not without love and togetherness that a family should share. And yes infact if the husband is not being able to earn enough to run the house then the wife should step up and help him out. Otherwise i believe nothing at all should take precedence over her taking care of the kids/family.
And i agree with everything else you said and just to clear again i was not lumping, atleast didnt mean to lump everyone in the same category. I just feel most working women tend to have this aggressive streak in them which is not healthy.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
I am strictly against not only the mother but also the father not giving enough time and attention to their kids. I strongly believe that one should rather live n small means but not without love and togetherness that a family should share. And yes infact if the husband is not being able to earn enough to run the house then the wife should step up and help him out. Otherwise i believe nothing at all should take precedence over her taking care of the kids/family.
And i agree with everything else you said and just to clear again i was not lumping, atleast didnt mean to lump everyone in the same category. I just feel most working women tend to have this aggressive streak in them which is not healthy.
That is true. You have to have at least a bit of what you call "aggression" if you want to get ahead in your field and succeed at work--the key to a happy socia/family life is knowing when to keep that "aggression" in check and when to use it with freinds/family. If that's the case then there's nothing bad about having an aggressive streak.
Reminds me of this girl who screamed at a guy, "I make more money than you anyway!" Twice. Now that was pretty ugly. :)
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
so, on the back of a woman's mind, 'competing out there in the market, get a good job, .... ' is still being 'manly'?
I forget who, but one of the men in this thread went on a rampage about this, and according to him, I guess, that's what makes a man a man. I am referring and replying to his post.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
I forget who, but one of the men in this thread went on a rampage about this, and according to him, I guess, that's what makes a man a man. I am referring and replying to his post.
But actually, now that I think about it, yeah, it partially adds to a man's manliness. In the cavemen days, the best providor used to be the one who was the strongest and could take out a buffalo and then feed his tribe the buffalo meat. Today, it's the guy that is creative, innovative, smart, or whatever skill set it takes to do really well at his job, make money and not just MAKE MONEY, cuz even a grocery store owner can do that, but rather, lead society.
Ex. if you made the iphone, or if you were involved in it's marketing, or it's design concept, etc. --> powerful man. Clearly you've influenced the world with your work. = Buffalo killer, alpha male
Ex. You sold a carton of milk at a grocery store --> halaal income, alright fine. You pay your bills. = spinach grower, beta male
Which one is the alpha female gonna wanna marry?
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
most of Men will never like women earning more than them.....
he will like only if he is a drug addict..............
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
:nono: muftkhori addiction is the good reason to bear this.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Honestly, how many women do you know that work, and are desi, in respectable fields that by the way this thread is going, would be considered “power careers” do you know that neglect their home?
I’m doing pretty ok with my job, not to tout horns, but I come home and do my own cooking and cleaning, and no I still haven’t hired that maid although I really should so I can focus on a couple of other projects at work. But I do all my cooking and cleaning. Bathroom cleaned fully once a week, toilet cleaned multiple days, I cook dinner for most of my dinners, rarely go out (did for a while with friends, but that got expensive, although good for the lonliness). I do use the dishwasher now instead of my hands, cuz I finally have a dishwasher - never had one through my training and education, so I always did dishes by hand.
So, not clear…how do we not balance a career and a home?
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Anyone remember episode of The Big Bang Theory where howards gf makes more money than him and buys him expensive watch....:D
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Well i don't think i made a sweeping statement, i just expressed my opinion based on what i have seen and felt.
Welcome to the WORLD :) is all that i have to say to you.
I am not saying ALL women are like that but i still think and believe most are like what i mentioned. However, if you want to sit in denial its your choice.
Not agreeing with your generalizations about MOST/SOME/WHATEVER women is not sitting in denial...its simply being realistic. Your opinions are not the reality or truth for everyone.
YOU can sit in denial thinking they are. But that is only true in whatever small corner of the world you inhabit and even then only true for your experience.
And i agree with everything else you said and just to clear again i was not lumping, atleast didnt mean to lump everyone in the same category. I just feel most working women tend to have this aggressive streak in them which is not healthy.
Okay, this aggressive streak is not limited to WORKING WOMEN...its goes for NON-WORKING WOMEN as well.
Of the stay at home wives I know...only 10% of them are subservient/obedient housewives with no tongue or desire to speak in front of their sartaaj.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
r
Rehnay do Reha…Bollywood movies and HumTv draaamay are powerful teachers…humaray tharha ke bewaqoof insaan kya jaanay 
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Societal concepts arise because of social and biological necessities. Women desire rich and powerful men because 50,000 years ago, that meant that your children survived. Men want attractive women because, again, 50,000 years ago, this provided a greater chance for a successful birth.
Women are perfectly entitled to earn as much as they can, just don't be surprised if they find that the pool of desirable mates (men who earn roughly as much as they do) is much smaller.
Here's a happy thought, humans will probably end up wiping each other out before we adapt to current "norms".
Modern humans do not live in caves anymore and the necessities of hunter gatherer societies are obsolete as well. Societal concepts have been and always will be fluid in nature and mold according to the need of current society. Working women were rarity not so long ago. It was consider not appropriate for respectable women to work but now things are on the other spectrum. In recent years concept of family have began to change as well.
Societies change, people change and those who fail to adapt eventually get wiped out.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Societies change, people change and those who fail to adapt eventually get wiped out.
"Civilization is sterilization", eh? :/
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Modern humans do not live in caves anymore and the necessities of hunter gatherer societies are obsolete as well. Societal concepts have been and always will be fluid in nature and mold according to the need of current society. Working women were rarity not so long ago. It was consider not appropriate for respectable women to work but now things are on the other spectrum. In recent years concept of family have began to change as well. Societies change, people change and those who fail to adapt eventually get wiped out.
Actually, working women have been a staple of human civilization for our entire history. It was only with the industrial revolution that gender roles began to be assigned.
50 years of feminism does not change thousands of years of male-female conditioning. Meaning, women can be as assertive and independent as you want, but at the end of the day the majority of them want a guy who's their equal or better (in some ways at least). Societies do change, but the way humans interact do not really change. The traits that women find ideal in a man will remain the same. It's the reason that men are still expected to approach women. It's the reason that our body language when courting is the same as that of our ancestors, men get "big" and loud to get attention, women start grooming and get "small" to make themselves pretty.
Again, my point is not that these women should settle, my point is that by settling these women are likely setting themselves up for trouble down the line.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
To your first point...not every guy out there is making six figures. Not every wife is driving a benz or organizing shopping trips as the highlight of her day. So are those marriages suffering because the men are not banking? Money makes a difference - FOR SURE. No arguing with that point but is cash the only way a man feels masculine? Is money what makes him a man or is it more than that? I think for me...beyond anything its responsibility. If I made more than him but he felt it was his responsibility to provide for his family...I'd HANDS DOWN respect a man like that. One of my friends (Muslim and Pakistani) is in a position where she makes more than her hubby. I've asked her about how husband handles it and she says he has a strict rule about things...anything that you buy for the house and for you comes from my money. You can do what you please with your own money. She saves her money of course for her family but he feels she is his responsibility...their marriage is far from suffering.
To your second point...that is a can of worms best left closed. There is a growing number of women nowadays who hold professional degrees while their male counterparts don't. Its one of the reasons you will find many many many women in their late twenties and early thirties single...because they are also looking for someone who is on the same level. But there aren't enough men who are at the same level. It has nothing to do with their competence and I am not starting a gender war here...its their situation or life in general.
I'm referring to cases where the guy might be making 30-40k a year, and the woman is earning in excess of 100-200k. You don't think that would cause problems? Unless the guy is a well renowned artist, or breeds horses, or is an adventurer or something, he will feel out classed next to his wife. And a women like that might also become frustrated by his lack of ambition. If you believe that "love conquers all" and all that, that's fine, but I don't and I've read plenty of studies where marriage councilors suggest that scenarios like the one described above are a recipe for trouble.
As for the second paragraph, agreed, it's best left alone but that's a growing problem.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
You are the right and I the know it.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
I'm referring to cases where the guy might be making 30-40k a year, and the woman is earning in excess of 100-200k. You don't think that would cause problems? Unless the guy is a well renowned artist, or breeds horses, or is an adventurer or something, he will feel out classed next to his wife. And a women like that might also become frustrated by his lack of ambition. If you believe that "love conquers all" and all that, that's fine, but I don't and I've read plenty of studies where marriage councilors suggest that scenarios like the one described above are a recipe for trouble.
As for the second paragraph, agreed, it's best left alone but that's a growing problem.
Ghost, I am not saying love conquers all...God knows it doesn't.
A man needs and usually is able to support a family by himself. Most families I know are supported solely by husband and that's fine. But if it happens where your wife makes more...is that grounds for resentment or divorce? Why would it be? If she is stronger, so are you. Or am I being naive here?
I don't know about Pakistan or other countries...but where I am...a woman should be able to stand alone. Not because she is competing with the world or men. But because if she cannot she is handicapping herself. Its not rare for families to go through some trouble at some stage in their marriage...it DOES happen and more than you might think.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Ghost, I am not saying love conquers all...God knows it doesn't.
A man needs and usually is able to support a family by himself. Most families I know are supported solely by husband and that's fine. But if it happens where your wife makes more...is that grounds for resentment or divorce? Why would it be? If she is stronger, so are you. Or am I being naive here?
I don't know about Pakistan or other countries...but where I am...a woman should be able to stand alone. Not because she is competing with the world or men. But because if she cannot she is handicapping herself. Its not rare for families to go through some trouble at some stage in their marriage...it DOES happen and more than you might think.
It can be grounds for resentment if the woman makes *significantly *more than the man. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't be able to earn as much as she likes, on the contrary, I think women should strive for the best. I'm just saying that a very successful woman should not settle for an average guy, because she might be unhappy and he might resent her. Is this always the case? No.
Keep in mind I'm referring to cases which are rare, where women might earn high six figure salaries. If your wife makes 100k and you "only" make 80k and you're angry, then you have a problem. If you read my previous posts, I've mentioned that "comparable" is the key word. We're saying the same thing, I'm just adding a further caveat that a successful woman shouldn't settle, and settling, unfortunately, includes money in some cases. Strangely enough, I'm kind of echoing what PCG rants about except I'm saying that such a mismatch results in divorce because men feel threatened but *also **because women feel resentment. I'm blaming both parties instead of just men*. I hardly thing that's unreasonable.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
It's true. I get really resentful when approached by guys who aren't in the same type of position I am...and I'm not saying that to be a douche, nor am I only looking for guys within my career. But I'm looking for someone educated, who can string a sentence together, and hold his English at least, otherwise I have serious communication issues with that person. They may even be naturally super smart, but if they can't speak English, he's out. If he's not at least a bachelor's educated guy, he's out (and there are a lot of these guys). If he's not in my age range, he's out, and that's also cuz I expect that by the time you're 40, you should have your shyte together and be married and settled, not running around looking for a 20 yr old and buying yourself a sports car. There are many such desi guys who are in their 40's never married, single, and they are still expecting that perfect woman.
So, if he's not remotely ambitious, yeah it's a turn off, but not because I'm a status seeker, but because I can't even relate to someone like that. I've busted my butt my entire life working and studying, and if I meet a guy who makes a small salary, is happy with it, happy with having 10 bosses above him at work, working in a small cubicle, not contributing anything to the world, and coming home and flipping on a sports show on tv...dude, sorry, I have nothing to talk to you about...
So how am I gonna marry a guy like that, yet I can bet you as I age and stay single, everyone is gonna say "oh well she was too picky".