Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
As long as we have joint account . . . I won’t care 
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Nah, wouldn't be an issue.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Here's what I don't understand by all those who think it is unnatural for a women to earn more than her husband...wasn't Bibi Khadija a wealthy, established business women when the Propehet Muhammad s.a.w.s married her? She had her own thriving business was a very succesful entreprenuer and yet, still cared for the Prophet (pbuh), was extremely generous with the poor and assisted her relatives financially. Has anyone ever heard or read anything about Bibi Khadija being prideful or anything but just and tender? Why was she called "Ameerat Quraysh/Princess of Quraysh" and "al-Tahira/The Pure One" Wasn't she the one who would go to Cave of Hira to make sure Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) had adequate food, drink etc? Whatever financial and material wealth she brought to their marriage she bestowed upon him as THEIRS.....isn't that the example we should all strive to follow? How then, pray tell, does that make it wrong or unnatural for a women to excel in her career and out earn her husband?
Why do desis, and especially here on GS, do people forget that Islam was on the forefront of securing womens' rights, both financially and religiously? It would do all of us alot of good if we would learn to seperate culture from religion and actually try to emulate what Islam teaches us instead of what we think is right by making sweeping generalizations and looking down on others.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
^ It’s not unnatural, but if both are in the rat race, and she’s considerably out earning him, then chances are there will be problems. In cases where the woman is considerably more wealthy, the guy has to have some other qualities and interests such as art, academia, athletics etc. It comes down to what propagates the species: men want attractive women because they can give birth and, while women want attractive men, they also want someone that stands out and has some social standing. In our society, it comes down to money and wealth.
You can read some studies or scientific journals if you don’t believe me, but it’s clearly documented that when a women out earns her husband, there is a much higher chance of divorce. This can be because of his insecurity, or because she actually feels let down and frustrated by him.
As for the case above: she had money, but the Prophet was…well, the Prophet.
My recommendation: try to aim for your social standing and tax bracket
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
I don’t get the notion that if a woman is earning and holds a high position she somehow has a desire stick it to opposite sex. In professional world everyone strive for excellence and works hard to achieve high goal. So why demonize women for achieving success? Societal concepts (read gender roles) are always fluid and they change with time. It is the fault of individuals who fail to recognize the changing times and whine about how things are “suppose" to be.
Societal concepts arise because of social and biological necessities. Women desire rich and powerful men because 50,000 years ago, that meant that your children survived. Men want attractive women because, again, 50,000 years ago, this provided a greater chance for a successful birth.
Women are perfectly entitled to earn as much as they can, just don't be surprised if they find that the pool of desirable mates (men who earn roughly as much as they do) is much smaller.
Here's a happy thought, humans will probably end up wiping each other out before we adapt to current "norms".
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
weird considering earths population is growing every minute
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
There are a ton of people - not all 
- who will never be able to separate culture and religion.
I am sure there are cases of such marriages out there. But in a marriage like that…its not just the out earning that is the issue then is it? Because if that was the ONLY concern, a divorce would never cross the couples’ minds. I don’t know any man who would leave his wife because she was making more money if he truly cares for her. People don’t get divorced for ONE sole reason…its a mountain of things and one of those things could be what you stated.
If I started aiming a certain tax bracket when thinking of marriage…I wouldn’t really consider it a proud moment for me. The thing is…as idealistic as it may sound…its true that money comes and goes. He could lose his job which is becoming all too common nowadays…where would that leave us? If I married someone for money and they lost that money…what would I love him for?
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
I am sure there are cases of such marriages out there. But in a marriage like that...its not just the out earning that is the issue then is it? Because if that was the ONLY concern, a divorce would never cross the couples' minds. I don't know any man who would leave his wife because she was making more money if he truly cares for her. People don't get divorced for ONE sole reason...its a mountain of things and one of those things could be what you stated.
If I started aiming a certain tax bracket when thinking of marriage...I wouldn't really consider it a proud moment for me. The thing is...as idealistic as it may sound...its true that money comes and goes. He could lose his job which is becoming all too common nowadays...where would that leave us? If I married someone for money and they lost that money...what would I love him for?
That's idealistic but naive. Money makes a difference and some men simply cannot handle a woman earning more than them. On the flip side, most women want a guy that they can respect. If he's just like her, only she's much better, then it will be hard for her to respect him. It's cynical and shallow, but that's how humans are.
You misunderstood my comment about tax bracket. It was made in jest but the point was that a woman earning a six figure salary should look for a guy who makes a comparable amount. That comment was regarding high earning women not settling, not about women "marrying up". That said, I mentioned social standing as well as tax bracket. A PhD earning 100k is far more attractive to most women than a criminal earning $1M+ (at least I hope so, any Carmela Sopranos in the house?). So if a high earning man lost his job, chances are he is well educated and has other aspects to his persona that you found attractive, which backs up my point about having other desirable traits (if he earns less).
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Are you trying to say criminals aren’t attractive ? 
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Hi Carmela 
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Why don't Pakistani men quit hiding behind the skirts of their less qualified counterparts, and instead of whining about how less manly today's men are...become more manly, and compete out there in the market - get educated, get a good job, get successful, and if that, in your mind, means becoming a laywer, doctor, or engineer, then so be it.
God knows out community needs more professionals.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Oh no, wait, I have a better idea. Let’s ostrasize women who manage to do what our men failed to do…
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
I'd find it rather cool if the misses earned more. I never place a massive emphasis on the money I make rather the success it brings. As long as she didn't allow the money get to her. Ambition in a person is what interests me. If she goes out of her way to educate herself more than most people and can do the job better then most then naturally she deserves the success and financial reward that comes with it. As I think Im really ambitious too if could be a bit of healthy competition. I'd probably win cuz' I'm cool like that. :p
At the end of the day the two people need to understand each others needs and be on the same level. An ambitious person will in most cases not marry someone who is not ambitious. Unless of course it is arranged then again most ambitious people marry the person of their choice.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Here's what I don't understand by all those who think it is unnatural for a women to earn more than her husband...wasn't Bibi Khadija a wealthy, established business women when the Propehet Muhammad s.a.w.s married her? She had her own thriving business was a very succesful entreprenuer and yet, still cared for the Prophet (pbuh), was extremely generous with the poor and assisted her relatives financially. Has anyone ever heard or read anything about Bibi Khadija being prideful or anything but just and tender? Why was she called "Ameerat Quraysh/Princess of Quraysh" and "al-Tahira/The Pure One" Wasn't she the one who would go to Cave of Hira to make sure Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) had adequate food, drink etc? Whatever financial and material wealth she brought to their marriage she bestowed upon him as THEIRS.....isn't that the example we should all strive to follow? How then, pray tell, does that make it wrong or unnatural for a women to excel in her career and out earn her husband?
Why do desis, and especially here on GS, do people forget that Islam was on the forefront of securing womens' rights, both financially and religiously? It would do all of us alot of good if we would learn to seperate culture from religion and actually try to emulate what Islam teaches us instead of what we think is right by making sweeping generalizations and looking down on others.
Khatti, 90% of Islam is not followed by desis. If it was, then our desis would find themselves to be in a much envied position in the world right now, much admired, and much replicated.
We're not. We lie, steal, cheat each other, abuse each other, commit crimes of monstrous evil and then yet, we as a community can't even pull together to punish these criminals - ex. our leaders have been re-elected repeatedly over the last few decades and they're all chors, and we know it, yet we haven't lynched them out yet.
How do you expect the human experience at the level of man-woman relationship is to be any different? Men can't do justice to each other, they will certainly not be doing any justice to their women. Countless pakistani professional girls, educated women, and women of good understanding are looked over, and the girls who do get the rishtas are girls who wont intimidate anyone. We lower our standards just to satisfy our ego, instead of using our ego, to advance ourselves.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
^:naak:
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
That's idealistic but naive. Money makes a difference and some men simply cannot handle a woman earning more than them. On the flip side, most women want a guy that they can respect. If he's just like her, only she's much better, then it will be hard for her to respect him. It's cynical and shallow, but that's how humans are.
You misunderstood my comment about tax bracket. It was made in jest but the point was that a woman earning a six figure salary should look for a guy who makes a comparable amount. That comment was regarding high earning women not settling, not about women "marrying up". That said, I mentioned social standing as well as tax bracket. A PhD earning 100k is far more attractive to most women than a criminal earning $1M+ (at least I hope so, any Carmela Sopranos in the house?). So if a high earning man lost his job, chances are he is well educated and has other aspects to his persona that you found attractive, which backs up my point about having other desirable traits (if he earns less).
To your first point...not every guy out there is making six figures. Not every wife is driving a benz or organizing shopping trips as the highlight of her day. So are those marriages suffering because the men are not banking? Money makes a difference - FOR SURE. No arguing with that point but is cash the only way a man feels masculine? Is money what makes him a man or is it more than that? I think for me...beyond anything its responsibility. If I made more than him but he felt it was his responsibility to provide for his family...I'd HANDS DOWN respect a man like that. One of my friends (Muslim and Pakistani) is in a position where she makes more than her hubby. I've asked her about how husband handles it and she says he has a strict rule about things...anything that you buy for the house and for you comes from my money. You can do what you please with your own money. She saves her money of course for her family but he feels she is his responsibility...their marriage is far from suffering.
To your second point...that is a can of worms best left closed. There is a growing number of women nowadays who hold professional degrees while their male counterparts don't. Its one of the reasons you will find many many many women in their late twenties and early thirties single...because they are also looking for someone who is on the same level. But there aren't enough men who are at the same level. It has nothing to do with their competence and I am not starting a gender war here...its their situation or life in general.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
In Pakistan nowadays, i dont think men have issues with their wives working or earning more. This is primarily because of Dilapidating economic climate and lacklustre job market due to which a family can not be raised in one salary alone.
Speaking from personal experience, my mom used to earn much more than my dad initially but i dont think anyone had any issues.
I agree
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
If my wife made more food then that is not a reason to be threatened.
Re: Do men feel threatened if their wives make more?
Why don't Pakistani men quit hiding behind the skirts of their less qualified counterparts, and instead of whining about how less manly today's men are...become more manly, and compete out there in the market - get educated, get a good job, get successful, and if that, in your mind, means becoming a laywer, doctor, or engineer, then so be it.
God knows out community needs more professionals.
so, on the back of a woman's mind, 'competing out there in the market, get a good job, .... ' is still being 'manly'?