Re: Divorced People
A wife told her husband that she will not have her mother in-law enter her house.
He divorced her.
Re: Divorced People
and then, the mother in law entered the house and sat on it. 
Re: Divorced People
wtF
Re: Divorced People
I am not going to argue any further but stick to the point that Islam prefers you to marry a virgin unless there is a need to marry a non virgin (divorced, widowed). Here is the full hadees and nothing I said is out of context.
Narrated Jaabir: “Allaah’s Apostle صلى الله عليه وسلم said to me, “Have you got married O Jaabir?” I replied, “Yes.” He asked: “What, a virgin or a matron?” I replied, “Not a virgin but a matron.” He said, “Why did you not marry a young girl who would have fondled with you?” I replied, “O Allaah’s Apostle! My father was martyred on the day of Uhud and left nine (orphan) daughters who are my nine sisters; so I disliked to have another young girl of their age, but (I sought) an (elderly) woman who could comb their hair and look after them.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “You have done the right thing.” [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (3826)]
1-Prophet very beautifully appreciated his choice.
2-This conversation did not follow with any addressing to rest of the muslims, with any instruction.
I could not understand one thing, there is another hadees, where is a women to me (out of silliness) ask
prophet's permission to divorce her husband.
Prophet allowed it.
What..
what
just what if prophet realized women her self was not worthy or that man ?????
Why we think when prophet dealt with one person, his reaction could not be based one that one person mental/social make up. Rather then a messages for all of us ??
I mean when he did not prolong discussion with saying any thing for other muslims.
If you maintain this logic then you have to discard almost half of ahaadees from fiqh. Ilmul hadees has just not formed out of general sermons that prophet gave, it has also formed out of one on one conversations that prophet had with someone.
Red color being prohibited to men, keeping your shalwar above ankle, let the most respected and knowledgeable person lead the prayers, in fact how to sleep, how to eat, how to cut nails, how to pray, how to do wudu - all of this came out of someone observing prophet’s doings or his one on one interaction with someone, and not out of general sermons
Re: Divorced People
TLK is it the same for women/ girls, to give preference to unmarried men ??
or is this for men ??
Re: Divorced People
Like a boss.
Re: Divorced People
Yeah because then men who are divorced would be second in line to a virgin. Thus as I am a virgin I should not be told I need to suck it up and accept attention from divorced men.
Iraj, if it was not the same for s virgin girl to give preference to a virgin guy, then I would not even brought it up in this thread of pcg. We are talking about if Pcg should, being a virgin, entertain rishtas coming from divorced or widowed guys. Answer is that she could, but if a choice is there then she should pick a virgin.
Btw for those who keep saying that prophet mostly married widowed and divorced women; is the proof that I am right. Prophet himself was a widow right after his first wife, so with the exception of aisha, he did not marry another virgin, because he wanted the virgins to marry virgin guys. His act was not the endorsement of marrying widows, but endorsement of his preference of virgins for virgins and previously married for previously married.
Re: Divorced People
Oh bhai, the simple answer to PCG`s question was would you consider a divorcee or not, My answer is NO.
TLK bhai I agree with your points as well and by no means am I challenging the hadees but is it wrong to assume that the response might have been situational. After all Huzoor P.B.U.H did marry Hazrat Khadija who was older then him and a widow (correct me if I am wrong).
Khair I will not taang araao in religion but these are my 2 cents.
PCG lastly I would like to ask you why are you even considering a divorcee?
kaun, faqeeh and muhaddis agree that our beloved prophet's response to one person is applicable for everyone, unless he mentioned otherwise. There is a hadees in which Abu bakr asked if he can wear clothes whose length go beyond the ankle. Prophet granted him the permission and added that this permission is only for you.
Also, prophet's life before nabuwat cannot be taken as sharia. That life is a great example, but we cannot crate rules out of it as he was not approached by jibraeel, hence not directly guided by Allah swt till then. Hence the example of him marrying a widow should not be ruled as mainstream sunnah. Sorry, I know that this will come as unacceptable to many, but I am just stating the usool-e-fiqh.
Re: Divorced People
Marrying a widow is not mainstream sunnah?? The Prophet's life shows that he married many widows, what are you talking about TLK?? It's a HUGE part of Sunnah, only ONE of the many women that the Prophet was with was a virgin, in fact.
Re: Divorced People
Why NOT consider a divorcee? I have two friends now that have been divorced, one re-married, and one is fresh from a divorce.
Ok, just a social experiment. I did this yesterday for fun. I went on shaadi, which is the largest matrimonial desi website, so high "n". Haha. There we go, we have some biostats thrown in.
Use the filters to isolate those that are in their 30's and never married, then isolate those that are in their 30's and divorced.
The quality of men and judging by their pics and job descriptions etc all taken into account, the men in the "I am 30 and still a virgin" who are TOTAL DORKS is substantially higher. People with zero personalities, did not know they should wash their face before a picture, did not understand it's not acceptable to wear a banyaan in your rishta pose, think women want to marry high school degree holders, etc etc.
The divorced category - you'll still find some normal looking guys in this category.
I have divorced friends and IT guy was divorced, and I'm telling you, divorced people are not bad. They're very good. And they get re-married to good people, so there is no sense in a rule that we should pick virgins over non-virgins. And I don't think there really is such a rule in Islam to begin with, except that maybe when God so chooses, He sets up virgins with one another.
But if we take the meaning of "virgin" - what does that mean?
No, I have not had sex. But I've seen plenty of naked bodies. Does that mean I'm not a virgin anymore? :-/ So maybe I will get a divorcee, and that's what I really deserve, someone with more sexual experience.
I dunno, we place way too much emphasis in Islam on sexual experiences, when really, we should be putting emphasis on character.
I am ok that IT guy and I did not work out and it has zero to do with his divorce. It has to do with his family, and their interference, his inability to make them butt out, and his inability to manage a relationship without them holding his hand every step of the way and directing his every move, and then this weird need to control my $, of which I don't even know why that was an issue in the first place, because I have no $.
Re: Divorced People
Summary: Sex, money and virginity.
Re: Divorced People
and you think this doesn’t hold true for 30+ virgin women? 
oh dear…
Re: Divorced People
It is true though that in Western society 30+ virgin women are seen in more positive light than 30+ virgin men.
Re: Divorced People
Summary: Sex, money and virginity.
It sells Life 1, otherwise, no one would come to GS
Re: Divorced People
It sells Life 1, otherwise, no one would come to GS
naaahhi PCG naaahi Life1 threads only need your participation and they are an instant hit as one can see with comments and views.
Re: Divorced People
If she's close to my age and there's chemistry, why not. I wouldn't marry someone who has kids though, at least not right now.
Re: Divorced People
So the discussion about divorced people continues.
On one hand it is argued that virgins are preferred and on the other hand they are not really preferred.
Some points to ponder from TLK post(s) above.
1- The hadith as I said earlier does appear an incidence where it is merely a question, but not admonition to marry a divorced/widow.
2- Other fiqah rules based on hadiths have something to back up such as the Prophet SAW himself also doing Wudoo, lifting his clothes above ankle etc.
3- The Prophet SAW, after Khadija RA again married to second wife who was NOT virgin. And this was AFTER Jibraeel AS was revealed and Islam had begun. (~610H)
[They are 13 wives as follow with period of marriage shown between brackets.
[ol]
[li]Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (595–619) [/li][li]Sawda bint Zamʿa (619–632) [/li][li]Aisha bint Abi Bakr (619–632) [/li][li]Hafsa bint Umar (624–632) [/li][li]Zaynab bint Khuzayma (625–627) [/li][li]Hind bint Abi Umayya (629–632) [/li][li]Zaynab bint Jahsh (627–632) [/li][li]Juwayriya bint al-Harith (628–632) [/li][li]Ramlah bint Abi Sufyan (628–632) [/li][li]Rayhana bint Zayd (629–631) [/li][li]Safiyya bint Huyayy (629–632) [/li][li]Maymuna bint al-Harith (630–632) [/li][li]Maria al-Qibtiyya (630–632) [/li][/ol]
He SAW, married Sawda RA after Islam. (~610)
4- But then again, the Prophet SAW married to a virgin Aisha RA as his third wife, around the same time.
5- Now, if the Prophet SAW was really a proponent of divorced/widowed people marrying divorced/widowed/matron people then why did He SAW marry to Aisha RA when HE SAW was himself widowed??
6- There is a big risk of making the Prophet SAW as someone Nauzubillah not following his own advice if he indeed wanted virgins to be preferred.
7- And then the statement “Why did you not marry a young girl who would have fondled with you?” does not appear to be a generalized statement applicable to all, only applicable to the particular Sahabi who was actually a young person born probably around 607AD, about 15 years before Hijrat.
8- Does this mean, divorced or widowed don’t know how to fondle or sport? Absolutely not, and hence another proof that this Hadith should nt be taken as a universal advice to men to prefer virgins to marry.
9- There is Quranic and Hadith based proof that pious/religious women are to be preferred over them being wealthy or good looking. (If the choices are otherwise equal)
10- Nowhere in Quran it says marry virgins as much as possible or prefer them as your wives. (If I am wrong, then please provide proof)
11- Bigger risk of making it a rule is that men, if given equal choices will prefer virgins and will not marry divorced or widowed women thinking they are following what the Prophet SAW wanted them to to.
12- Somewhere in Ibn e Maja it is allegedly said to marry virgins since they are sweeter etc. ? But This needs to be checked in detail.
Well, the fiqahi people and Aalims are very respected and it just does not seem right or justified to prefer virgins over matrons just because latter were married before especially the evidence is overwhelmingly against it from the life of the Prophet SAW himself.
13- The prophet SAW had Usman RA Marry his own divorced daughter Ruqayyah the first time and then second divorced daughter Umm Kulsoom again to Usman RA after Ruqayyah RA probably died in 624AD. Both of His SAW daughters RAA, were divorced and remarried is the point here.
Perhaps more reasons for saying virgins are preferred in Islam needed.
Mufti diwana! 