If you are approached by one for possible rishta, do you give it a chance? If so, what red flags do you look for?
Re: Divorced People
If you are approached by one for possible rishta, do you give it a chance? If so, what red flags do you look for?
I think first you need to ask yourself what you are looking for in a rishta.
Re: Divorced People
yes, i would definitely do that because as a Muslim i must NOT discriminate...Islam teaches me to marry a divorced or a widowed woman because it's a matter of pleasing Allah. it's a gesture of kindness.
Although if you have a choice, and there is no specific reason to pick the divorced person, you should give preference to the person who was never married. That is what we learnt from the hadees.
Re: Divorced People
really? what hadees is this? So if you have a divorced woman interested in you vs. single woman, then go for the single woman?
But then didn't the Prophet (SAW) himself marry a divorced woman when her marriage did not work out, even though legend says that he had many women who wanted to marry him?
Re: Divorced People
Although if you have a choice, and there is no specific reason to pick the divorced person, you should give preference to the person who was never married. That is what we learnt from the hadees.
As I keep saying, I'm not a scholar but the hadees you are (probably) referring to is generally half quoted and that's why mis-interpreted. I will find the complete details and post with the source later.
Re: Divorced People
Although if you have a choice, and there is no specific reason to pick the divorced person, you should give preference to the person who was never married. That is what we learnt from the hadees.
what you are saying is against the spirit of Islam which teaches Muslims to be kind and do things for the sake of Allah that you wouldn't do otherwise.
Re: Divorced People
Although if you have a choice, and there is no specific reason to pick the divorced person, you should give preference to the person who was never married. That is what we learnt from the hadees.
ummmmm..... you sure?
I am not going to argue any further but stick to the point that Islam prefers you to marry a virgin unless there is a need to marry a non virgin (divorced, widowed). Here is the full hadees and nothing I said is out of context.
Narrated Jaabir: “Allaah’s Apostle صلى الله عليه وسلم said to me, “Have you got married O Jaabir?” I replied, “Yes.” He asked: “What, a virgin or a matron?” I replied, “Not a virgin but a matron.” He said, “Why did you not marry a young girl who would have fondled with you?” I replied, “O Allaah’s Apostle! My father was martyred on the day of Uhud and left nine (orphan) daughters who are my nine sisters; so I disliked to have another young girl of their age, but (I sought) an (elderly) woman who could comb their hair and look after them.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “You have done the right thing.” [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (3826)]
Re: Divorced People
I don't see how that hadith dictates a principle that you should first marry a virgin over a non-virgin, but rather that the custom of marrying non-virgins was probably not popular which was why the Prophet (SAW) was surprised about someone marrying a non-virgin and thus, showed his approval for the gentleman's reasoning. And as it has become a quoted hadith, the indication is probably more along the lines of approving of going against the cultural grain of marrying virgins.
I don't see how this hadith gets extrapolated to a rule that you should marry a virgin over a non-virgin if you have a choice. Because clearly, this gentleman had a choice, and he chose to marry the non-virgin, and the Prophet (SAW) saw nothing wrong with it.
Re: Divorced People
And does the hadith specify the older lady who combs the hair of his sisters is divorced, or maybe she was just widowed?
:-/
Re: Divorced People
I don't see how that hadith dictates a principle that you should first marry a virgin over a non-virgin, but rather that the custom of marrying non-virgins was probably not popular which was why the Prophet (SAW) was surprised about someone marrying a non-virgin and thus, showed his approval for the gentleman's reasoning. And as it has become a quoted hadith, the indication is probably more along the lines of approving of going against the cultural grain of marrying virgins.
I don't see how this hadith gets extrapolated to a rule that you should marry a virgin over a non-virgin if you have a choice. Because clearly, this gentleman had a choice, and he chose to marry the non-virgin, and the Prophet (SAW) saw nothing wrong with it.
exactly! and this is more in line with Islamic teaching to be kind and understanding towards people who need help.
Re: Divorced People
i just don't get this thing of unmarried people marrying divorced/widowed. uuffff
why dont divorced people just find someone like them ?
The older lady was a non virgin as clear from Hadees. And where is it confusing that prophet was preferring a virgin for jabir, but when he told the need of marrying a non virgin, prophet said ok.
This is exactly what I said, that you should prefer to marry a virgin, unless there is reason to pick a non virgin
Re: Divorced People
The older lady was a non virgin as clear from Hadees. And where is it confusing that prophet was preferring a virgin for jabir, but when he told the need of marrying a non virgin, prophet said ok.
This is exactly what I said, that you should prefer to marry a virgin, unless there is reason to pick a non virgin
that's how you prefer to interpret the Hadees but i believe what PCG said regarding the Hadees is more in line with the islamic teachings. Prophets [saws] was curious to know why the saHaabii chose a widow against the natural inclination to marry a virgin...the saHaabii gave a reason which Prophet [saws] approved of...this is just ONE reason...there many be infinite reasons to chose a non virgin and what could be better a reason than to please Allah?
I gave you guys a hadees where prophet asked to marry a virgin. Now you present a hadees where he specifically asked someone to marry a widow or divorced and I will take my point back.
Dont bring prophet's nikah as examples. His nikah were special, Only specific to him. He had 9 wives at one time that we are not allowed. His wives were not allowed to marry anyone else after his death. Our wives are not restricted that way.
And that interpretation is not mine. That is ulemas interpretation.
Re: Divorced People
I gave you guys a hadees where prophet asked to marry a virgin. Now you present a hadees where he specifically asked someone to marry a widow or divorced and I will take my point back.
Dont bring prophet's nikah as examples. His nikah were special, Only specific to him. He had 9 wives at one time that we are not allowed. His wives were not allowed to marry anyone else after his death. Our wives are not restricted that way.
well, i think we made our points clearly and there ain't any point in continuing with further discussion...let's decide ourselves what we wanna believe and let Allah be the judge. :)
Re: Divorced People
And that interpretation is not mine. That is ulemas interpretation.
ulemas with one point of view perhaps?
Re: Divorced People
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/491658-marrying-a-divorced-or-a-widow-widower.html
Islam does not discourage from marrying a divorced/widow person.
The hadith in question cannot be taken as admonition to do so. There might have been a reason for telling this particular sahabi to marry a virgin but not because somehow a divorced/widowed woman is inferior to a virgin in general.
Also, when a correct reason for marrying was given in the end, The prophet SAW approved it.