Re: divorce
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Re: divorce
if there are major problems in the marriage and one spouse just does not want to try to resolve the issues, there is no other way out.
No compromising at all and "my word is law and there is no use trying to change my mind".
If the one spouse wants to get marriage counseling and the other feels it is not necessary even if there are arguments every other day on the same unresolved issues then what other choice is there.
If the one spouse feels like the arguments are taking the life out of him/her and can't handle it anymore. Imagine a whole lifetime of this:(.
Divorce is such a scary word though. It freaks me out. I would be the person who tries to find every possible solution to all the problems rather than end up with a divorce. Why can't both spouses feel this way, that their valuable marriage will end if they both don't put the effort into saving it?
Re: divorce
I don't think you need to be an extremely religious person to know common decencies of how to be good to your spouse.
you just need to be a decent human being who knows how to respect your spouse.
you don't even gotta be muslim.
Re: divorce
Allah knows what is in our hearts and has given us a solution, a last resort solution or solution for extreme cases, but we have the option. That means he wants us to use it when we need to.
But what if there are children involved. The spouse that is suffering quite a lot as a result of the bad marriage and the unresolved problems will still have to see the ogre because the children belong to both of them. she/he can't get rid of the ogre from his/her life completely. There will have to be some sort of relationship even after divorce. As a result, life will seem so much more complicated.
Re: divorce
Exactly! And men have started to realise that they don't have to cope with their insecure, uncompromising, jealous, conniving and selfish wives.
Re: divorce
No compromising at all and "my word is law and there is no use trying to change my mind".
If the one spouse wants to get marriage counseling and the other feels it is not necessary even if there are arguments every other day on the same unresolved issues then what other choice is there.
If the one spouse feels like the arguments are taking the life out of him/her and can't handle it anymore. Imagine a whole lifetime of this:(.
Divorce is such a scary word though. It freaks me out. I would be the person who tries to find every possible solution to all the problems rather than end up with a divorce. Why can't both spouses feel this way, that their valuable marriage will end if they both don't put the effort into saving it?
This is so true....How long can that home be a seed of continual conflict instead of being a safe haven where one enters to wash away all the worries of the outside world...How long can a human being keep his/her defences up...is always in the attack/escape mode...where can we as humans be themselves...if the house never becomes a HOME!!!! How long should it be endeared ...in the name of the kids???? Will the kids grow up NOrmally...living in a what only APPEARS as a normal Home????
Re: divorce
lol i agree…never heard or saw any molvi mistreating his wife though i have seen,met a alot of paki unties whs man r treating them like **** and yes they very openminded westernised folk like most guppies …not religious at all ..coudn,t recite even the kalima properly on their nikkah …but i guess some ghatya ppl like to stereotype ..molvis r backward,woman hater bla bla bla:bukbuk: ..1 thing i have noticed is that most western girls do not like religious ppl ..it could due to the fact taht most mullahs/molvis have beards and they(girls) dun like beards or something and thas what makes them always to disrespect ulemas:hmmm: …
Re: divorce
Mallika...sometimes when children are involved, it makes it more important to be apart....imagine them cowering in fright every time the parents argue...and sometimes the kids even feel guilty....of course this should be a means of last resort....not something to be taken on a whim....but I think its possible that parents realtionship may improve when they are apart...altho it may be complicated, but at least you can retain the sanity.
And every case is different....so its difficult to generalise.
Re: divorce
Divorce is the last stage of broken dreams.
Most people marry the arranged way, thinking
it will be safe play. There are no guarantees.
Others try consider people they think, they know.
We have the classic stories of women from Pakistan,
telling their husband, they love some1 else on wedding
night! Real swell news to begin a relationship on......
Then we have emotionally confused men, wanting to be with
several women. One gori or etc, but since they know each other
for so long, the history makes it hard for them to break up.
My husband has such a bond, always feeling guilty for what he
did against this asian woman. He will rather leave two muslim
wives than disappoint her.
Married couple should not keep friends of opposite gender.
My life is hell because my husband helped a woman, later he
ended up being forced to marry her, because he had destroyed
her for good.
A piece of free advice:
If you dont belong to same community meaning Jamaat,
then dont marry the person regardless how crazy you are
about that person.
I have damaged my life. I married to an Ahmadi whom converted
me, but then converted another woman he is officially married to
now. I cant tell my family he is a rigid Ahmadi, neither can I get
him to divorce me in a decent manner. Im in true living hell.
Na Khuda milah, na visaal-e sanam
Na idhar ke rahay, na udhar ke rahay.
Re: divorce
We have the classic stories of women from Pakistan, telling their husband, they love some1 else on wedding night! Real swell news to begin a relationship on......
Then we have emotionally confused men, wanting to be with several women. One gori or etc, but since they know each other for so long, the history makes it hard for them to break up. My husband has such a bond, always feeling guilty for what he did against this asian woman. He will rather leave two muslim wives than disappoint her.
Married couple should not keep friends of same gender. My life is hell because my husband helped a woman, later he ended up being forced to marry her, because he had destroyed her for good.
A piece of free advice: If you dont belong to same community meaning Jamaat, then dont marry the person regardless how crazy you are about that person.
I have damaged my life. I married to an Ahmadi whom converted me, but then converted another woman he is officially married to now. I cant tell my family he is a rigid Ahmadi, neither can I get him to divorce me in a decent manner. Im in true living hell.
Na Khuda milah, na visaal-e sanam Na idhar ke rahay, na udhar ke rahay.
What do u mean not to keep friends of the same gender...how did he help her?have u converted back from Ahmadi?...
Re: divorce
Im sorry, amber11.
It was almost 3 am, so you know......I meant opposite gender.
Well, she was/is working in some Tim Horton's coffee shop.
He used to be a customer. She had only been in Toronto/Canada
for an year. Got qualification-permit/residency through her masters in
Sociology from Karachi. She could not open a mobile in her name,
so he was a gentleman helping her out. He mentioned it once, after our
engagement and I warned him not to tell me in future...he had started an
affair or such. Later on, she started to cook meals and visit him in his flat.
He never mentioned prior to our marriage, he had promissed to marry her. Her family threw her out because she messed up her own wedding, though I begged her not to ruin my new life and marriage....God, I was afraid to land just as I did.
Well, I signed Bait form at some sardar-e district person. I got officially converted. I had to go back for rent my flat out and sort out some paper work. He married her after less than 2 weeks of my absence. My home is now their home with all my things and miraas.
I know my own high tolerance got me where I am at.
In Farsi:
Khud kardah-ra dard nii-ast.....
Well, I consider myself as Ahmadi. Even if we do divorce, I cant remarry a none Ahmadi. Its a lost game, I cant ever remarry being so damn hurt and neither can I have my rights as wife, because my husband is so close to his second wife, he doesnt talk at home or in front of her with me, though Im so majbuur and far away. She sure did twist his mind. As she once told me:
"It is not the time period of how long you have known him, but rather the intensity that counts.... Six months can be better than years of knowing him."
Re: divorce
that's what i've experienced in case of a couple close to me , the wife has compromised for the sake of kids , even though her life was as miserable as hell , but that's totally her choice , she never ever thought of divorce as an option .................. i believe, just like tackling all the challanges and problems in married life varies person to person , in the same way nature of divorce vary too , for some couples (or just one spouse) there's no such option , and for others it's the only way out..........
Re: divorce
Very complicated issue..as when the kids are invloved...it,s hard hard thing to do..especially when there has been years invested in a marriage and one spouse sees..that he is perfect..even though he is not...and never admits his faults or mistakes..
Re: divorce
i think divorce is becoming common coz (call me old fashioned) ppl dnt trust their parents and they think they can choose and get married themselves without askin their parents whther they agree or not.....and then they say their in love!!!!......so why the hell wuld you get a divorce if u werr in love.....this is why i guess i dnt believa in love
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^ it goes either way sweet i f - arranged or love.
i've heard of arranged marriages ending in divorce where the kids marry whoever the parents think are good for them, but sometimes those don't work out either
Re: divorce
^^
I agree. My mother arranged a marriage for one of my third cousins and it fell apart messily after his kids (twins :-/ ) were born.
Re: divorce
Its all a lotto-ticket.
You can never guarantee the "niath" of someone else.
A confused or weak mind will always end up hurting
genuine people.
I had an arranged marriage, he got his permit and that
was what he had waited for.
Second husband, he is living with a former mistress, now
the new love of his life. I was his "pasand" but degraded
beyond words.
When it is arranged marriage, you have a safety net and
excuse to blame the parents if things go wrong.
When you chose a person without dating, but still get
married with the blessings of own family, its the in
between thingy.
The difference between my husband and I as persons, is
simply...... I play things straight. My family is not the kind who
would had forced me to any sort of guy. I could had introduced
any decent Muslim guy to my family, they are happy for my
happiness.
And I know, after all his doings.... I am still emotionally attached
due to losses at young age. Half of my worries would end the
day, I could hate him. My first husband begged me for 3 years,
to forgive him and remarry. But, it was the same problem. He was
continuously unfaithful and my self esteem was ruined though I have
the looks of a European....he would go crazy for gori gals....lol
And my mum, none of her advice worked.
I would always dress up and look at my best. Care for my in-laws
as my own parents and his siblings, I would love them as my own
siblings, no jealousy. Cook the best from all corners of the world.
I would not cling to him, always have patience though he was very
emotionally confused about his mistress. But obviously. Allahjee had
other plans. I wish, I had died in my mother's womb.
Re: divorce
I didnt go through all posts so dont mind if I sound repetitive.
Actually us few friends were discussing this topic a few days back i.e. why divorce rate is climbing in pakistani society? I was of the view that somehow levels of tolerance, compromise have gone down. People have been impatient and that will to work out a relationship is sadly non existent. Plus the blameshifting in our culture never went out of fashion
Re: divorce
well..the is a limit to tolerance..actually..when one person has had enough abuse that it seems as if living is all about being unhappiness and abuse.
One person can,t alone make it work..men think they have the right to continue abusing the women(not all men) ok..i mean if that is the attitude..how can it work.One person breaks carrying the weight of an unhappy marriage. The other thinks it,s his god given right....never to give..but to receive..!
Re: divorce
it's all about Kismat